


Sophomore Slump

by attfna



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Andreil, Angst, Blow Jobs, Canon Gay Relationship, Canon-Typical Violence, Coming Untouched, Drinking, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, First Time, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hand Jobs, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Post-Canon, Self-Harm, Smoking, Smut, Swearing, Underage Drinking, andriel - Freeform, explicit for the sex, mental health, not a song fic that's just the title okay, some dumbass freshman oc's
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:14:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 110,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23048368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/attfna/pseuds/attfna
Summary: Post-canon - picks up immediately after The King's Men, will probably include a lot of Nora's extra content. Rated E for eventual smut but I will post chapter ratings as well.This fic is now being translated into Russian byLuciel_Schwarz.~*~Neil watched his teammates antics and smiled before going to find his goalkeeper. As he fell to the couch next to Andrew, he couldn’t help but think how things would be changing soon. They would part as a family and come back together in June with new teammates and a new season ahead of them. It was equally exciting and terrifying to Neil, especially with the knowledge that he would be expected to step up as vice-captain and help Dan. He still felt a wave of anxiety wash over him any time the thought danced across his mind. But there was nowhere to go but forward, towards something Neil never thought he’d live to see: the future.
Relationships: Katelyn/Aaron Minyard, Kevin Day/Thea Muldani, Matt Boyd/Danielle "Dan" Wilds, Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard, Nicky Hemmick/Erik Klose
Comments: 205
Kudos: 738





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a post-canon LONG ASS FIC I've been working on for a WHILE. Usually I don't post unfinished things but I've got enough written to get through August if I post every two weeks since I'm at around 100k (at halfway done). Hopefully posting will give me some motivation to keep working. 
> 
> Setting is post-canon - picks up immediately after The King's Men, will probably include a lot of Nora's extra content. Rated E for eventual smut but I will post chapter ratings as well.
> 
> Yes I used a Fall Out Boy song as the title, fuck off. 
> 
> All credit to Nora, I own nothing.

Chapter Rating: T  
  


** Sunday, April 21 ** ** st **

The room was quiet and pitch black but Neils body was humming with energy, his mind running a mile a minute. Light was already peeking around the edges of the hotel  curtains but he hadn’t slept at all. The Foxes spent the majority of the evening at Evermore stadium and didn’t arrive back to the hotel until after two am. After a few hours of  sleep they were due to be on the road by noon, back to South Carolina. Andrew lay on the bed next to Neil, a couple feet away, quiet and peaceful looking in his slumber. He had been the only one to notice Neils curious mood the night before, the others mistaking his good humor for exhaustion and the remnants of their victory against the Ravens. But after the surprise visit from Agents Browning and Towns, Neil grew paranoid that he was being watched and had only muttered  _ ‘Later’ _ in German when Andrew prodded him about it. 

  
The surly FBI agents had shown up almost immediately after the game ended, leading Neil to think they expected something to happen at the championship game and had been lurking. They subsequently poked their noses in as Neil and Andrew were questioned about the assault on Riko but otherwise didn’t interfere. After the police reviewed the footage of the game, they could clearly see that Andrew’s blow, while a little excessive, had been solely to keep Riko from taking off Neil’s head. In a continued streak of luck, they decided it wasn’t worth pursuing. Browning gave Neil and Andrew a stern lecture about staying out of trouble, which they tuned out, until he eventually left. But the fact that they had shown up at all had Neil on edge and he was half convinced the locker rooms and their hotel had been wired. So, he kept the news about Riko’s death to himself for the time being. 

Neil managed to keep still a while longer but at eight o’clock he climbed out of bed. Even in the low-light, he didn’t miss Andrew’s glare before the blond buried his face back in the pillow. Neil threw back the curtains and Nicky groaned from the next bed over, huddling farther into Erik’s side.

“Get up,” prodded Neil, and left the room in his pajamas to go knock on the adjacent door. 

The Foxes had booked two adjoining suites, each with two beds and a pullout. Andrews lot, along with Erik, had taken one room while the rest of the upperclassman were in the other with Abby and  Wymack on a cot. They could have easily afforded more but as far as the Foxes were concerned, they were still in enemy territory and collectively decided to bunk up. On the floor above them the Vixens still slumbered, along with several of the Foxes family members and friends.

Renee answered the door, still in the clothes she had worn to bed but looking  wide awake. 

“Neil? Is everything okay?” she asked. 

“Get the others and come  over , it’s important,” and with that he retreated back  into the  room. 

Kevin stirred when Neil sat on the end of the pull out,  rolling until he hit  Aaron .  Aaron shoved him back to the other side and muttered something obscene.  By the time Neil located the remote Aaron sat up and glared at the striker. 

“The fuck, Josten?”

Neil ignored him and sifted through the guide channel to find a national news station. He knew he would find what he was looking for. 

One by one the Foxes crowded into the second room of their suite, followed by  Wymack and Abby. 

“You better have a  fantastic reason for destroying a perfectly good half hour of sleep , Josten,” said  Wymack , leaning against the wall with a heavy yawn. 

Neil shushed him and turned up the tv. The anchors were just getting through their  morning  pleasantries when the headline flashed at the bottom of the screen in red.  ** ‘King of  ** ** Exy ** ** commits suicide after championship loss’.  **

It took a few seconds before any of them registered the headline, most still scrubbing sleep from their eyes. It wasn’t until Allison ' s loud “The fuck?!” that most of them started paying attention. Neil turned the volume up to drown them out. They fell silent again when the newswoman started recounting the story. A picture of Riko flashed in the corner and Neil felt Kevin startle behind him but didn’t turn to look. According to the story Coach Moriyama had gone to check on Riko after he returned from the hospital and found him with a gun in his hand but was unable to stop him. He claimed losing the championship game and the injury he had sustained that might never have allowed him full use of his hand again had hit Riko too hard. The King wasn’t able to take the shame of the loss. It was a good cover, Neil thought. Had he not been there to see Ichirou blow his brothers brains out he might have believed it. 

The reaction of his teammates was mixed. As the story concluded, the anchors giving their condolences to the Ravens and their fans, the room erupted. Most of them cheered, too elated at the outcome to bother putting together that Neil had known before he even brought them in the room.  Wymacks expression was blank but Kevin looked torn between relief and utter despair.  When  Wymack clapped a hand on his shoulder and squeezed he barely reacted, still staring at the screen. 

Neil surveyed the  room but his eyes found Andrews, who was watching him from the doorway.  _ ‘You knew.’ _ He didn’t say it out  loud but Neil understood the question and nodded. Aaron seemed to notice their exchange and narrowed his eyes towards Neil. 

“You...” Aaron started, but Neil cut him off. 

“Not here.”

Aaron looked like he might argue but let it go. Neil turned back to  Wymack . 

“We should go get breakfast before we have to go to the stadium,” he suggested. 

Wymack seemed suspicious but thankfully didn’t question it. He nodded. “I’ll give the ERC a call...maybe we’ll get lucky and they’ll cancel the ceremony. Alright assholes, get moving. Meet in the lobby in ten with all your gear, we’ll go ahead and load the bus.”

Fifteen minutes later  mos t of t heir luggage was stowed and Neil gestured for his team to follow him.  Erik offered to stay behind and finish loading the gear, likely reading the shift in tension, and left the Foxes to discuss team business alone.  Neil led them to a small, empty park across the street.

“Well this isn’t ominous at all,” snorted Allison, who had somehow managed to put on flawless makeup in the time it had taken them to get packed and downstairs. 

“You knew,” said Aaron, unable to hold it in any longer. “You knew he was dead before you turned on the TV.”

Neil nodded. Most of his teammates didn't seem surprised but a few let the shock bleed through on their expressions. Kevin had gone white. 

“Your handiwork?” said Allison, only half joking, and Renee elbowed her lightly in the ribs. 

Neil shook his head. “Ichirou sent for me last night. That’s why I was late coming out of the showers. He shot Riko in the head. Coach Moriyama was there too . S o was my uncle.”

He explained the conversation he’d had with the new Moriyama boss  and also explained his paranoia for bringing them here, telling them from now on they needed to be careful about what they said because he was being watched by both the FBI and the  Moriyamas . Any normal group might have been terrified at this new  information but the Foxes took it in stride, only offering words of encouragement and telling Neil they had his back. He felt another surge of unfamiliar warmth in his center that seemed to occur with increased frequency the more time he spent with them.

As the group quietly talked about what backlash this might have against them, Wymacks phone rang and he stepped away. 

“Ceremonies cancelled,” he said, stepping back into the fold. “Let’s get food and get the fuck out of here.”

Had it been any other team they had beaten, in any other stadium, the Foxes might have felt gypped being denied the pomp and circumstance of watching the losing team present them with the championship trophy. But as it stood now, they were happy to have it arrive in the mail. It would look just as good in their new trophy case a week later. 

Wymack took Kevin straight to the bus with orders for Abby to bring them food since Kevin looked on the verge of a nervous breakdown. The others headed back to the  hotel but Andrew lingered and waited until they were out of sight to examine Neil. He reached out and took Neil’s chin in his hand, examining his face. He let go a few seconds later and raked hazel eyes down Neil’s body, as if trying to uncover any new wounds Neil conveniently forgot to mention from last night's encounter with the mafia boss. 

“I’m fine,” said Neil. 

Andrew lifted his eyes and leveled him with an unreadable expression , “Famous last words.” 

“He’s gone.”

Andrew nodded once,  “He’s gone . ” 


	2. A Future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Foxes blow off some steam and celebrate the end of the school year.

Chapter Rating: T **  
  
Friday April 26** **th**

The backlash started even before they arrived back to campus Sunday afternoon. Fox Tower had been egged and someone had spray painted the word ‘Murderers’ on the sidewalk leading up to the building. Thankfully their cars, which had been parked in the lot near the Foxhole Court, remained unharmed. Some of the other athletes hadn’t been as lucky but at least the damage was child’s play compared to the last time the Raven’s fans had vandalized  the school .

The team decided to park in the campus garage three blocks away until things died down. 

And things did die down over the next week. Other than a few death threats and minor acts of vandalism, Palmetto students remained relatively safe and unharmed. Which left the Foxes tense if anything, like they were waiting for the other shoe to drop. Luckily exams and the upcoming summer break was enough to keep their minds occupied. 

Erik had ridden back to Palmetto State with the Foxes and spent a few days camped in their dorm before leaving again. Nicky had taken it hard at first but quickly recovered, knowing he would be going to Germany in just a few short weeks. 

The German man had effectively taken Kevin’s place on the ride back to Palmetto. After a nervous breakdown during breakfast,  Wymack rented a car and hotel room and agreed to stay with Kevin through the funeral. He knew they wouldn’t be welcome at the funeral  itself but he took Kevin by the gravesite afterwards, hoping it would offer some sort of closure.  _ “I need to see it...I won’t believe it unless I do...” _ . Neil had overheard Kevin’s desperate plea but walked away from his eavesdropping unmoved. He knew Kevin would have a hard time dealing with  Riko’s death but couldn’t find it in himself to care. 

While Neil had held his tongue, and his indifference, the team reacted harshly. They couldn’t understand Kevin’s grief over losing his deranged adoptive brother who hurt so many of them. Neil tried to half-heartedly sway them to drop the subject but had no real sympathy for Kevin's plight. He just hoped if they left Kevin alone, he would snap out of it sooner. As far as Neil and most of the team were concerned, Riko’s death was a joyous occasion. When the two returned to South Carolina three days later, Kevin remained holed up at  Abbys and only Matt had seen him since they shared a history class.

On Friday, the week after the championship game, most of the team had finished with their exams. They only met once that week for an optional practice and most were buzzing with pent up energy. The girls suggested celebrating their victory over the Ravens just after they returned but it was hard for anyone to be in a celebratory mood with the sporadic vandalism and dip in everyone's mood over Kevin’s grief.

“We should do something,” Allison suggest, for the second time that week. “This is the last year it will just be us. Riko’s dead, Neil and Kevin are safe...and we’re fucking champions....that’s cause for celebration.”

“I’ll drink to that,” said Matt, tipping back an energy drink as he joined the rest of them. 

Kevin was due back to practice that afternoon so they waited in the lounge, whether to gauge his me n tal state before going on the court with him , or harass him more for his misplaced sympathy Neil wasn’t sure. 

“I think that’s a great idea,” added Renee. “We can’t be together this summer so we should have some fun together before we all part ways.”

“What about tonight?” asked Dan, turning to look at Neil. “You guys have plans?”

It was Nicky who answered. “Well we were going to Eden’s.......Oh! You guys should tag along! It’ll be fun, just like Halloween!”

Aaron made a terse sort of noise from his  chair but it was Andrew who everyone looked to. Nicky tensed for a moment, as if he’d forgotten about Andrew’s aversion to socializing with the others. But Andrew remained silent, his stare fixed at across the room to a blank spot on the wall. They seemed to take his lack of a reaction as an okay, so Dan nodded. 

“Yea...alright. That sounds good. We can leave around eight?” she said. 

The others hummed their agreement and Nicky perked up even more, running with the idea since Andrew had given an inch. “You can crash at our place...Dan and Matt can take my bed and I can bunk with  Aaron.. . ”

“No way in hell,” said Aaron. “And if they’re coming, I’m bringing Katelyn.”

“Ugh, fine,” Nicky sighed dramatically. “I’ll use the airbed. If I can find it....”

The group began to chatter about the evenings plans and Neil slumped onto the couch next to Andrew. He nudged the  goalkeeper's knee with his own to draw his attention and Andrew slid a bored look in his direction. 

Neil was mildly distressed about the evening to come. They’d been out with their teammates  before but they’d never come back to the house. Last Halloween Renee had driven the rest of them back that same night. And in any case, the most pressing matter was that Aaron planned to bring Katelyn. Neil hadn’t expected the twins to instantly get along after their fragile truce, but he’d at least hoped they were trying. With the trial growing closer, Aaron’s nerves seemed to be fraying and he’d skipped their most recent Wednesday session with Betsy. Somehow this evening seemed like a recipe for disaster, but Andrew seemed calm and  unconcerned so Neil kept his mouth shut. 

Kevin showed up half an hour later and seemed to have returned to normal, or at least was doing a very good job of acting like his usual pompous self. He barked orders and complaints at his teammates and nearly came to blows with Allison. No one brought up Riko or the Ravens. All in all, it had been a normal practice. When they dressed in the locker room Kevin complained loudly about the fact that practices were optional now that they were finished with the semester and told them all not to lose their conditioning over the summer. 

On the way to the cars, Neil listened to Matt and Dan talk about their upcoming summer plans and for the first time wondered what he would do when the dorms closed. He hadn’t expected to survive the year and therefore had given precisely zero thought about what he would do over the summer break. They would return the first week in June but that left almost an entire month where he’d have to figure something out. Nicky would be headed to Germany, Aaron had plans to go to Maine with Katelyn's friends, and the other upperclassman were all going to visit their own families. That left only Kevin and Andrew. Kevin hadn’t mentioned it, but Neil was sure he would stick close to the school to be near the court. There was no way he’d go an entire month without practice. Last summer Andrew had stayed with him in order to keep his promise, but now that Kevin was safe and his leash longer, he doubted the goalkeeper would want to stay with  Wymack or Abby for an entire month, especially without his twin or cousin to keep him distracted. Neil wanted to talk to Andrew...maybe work out plans. But part of him still felt like he didn’t have the right. Andrew had come back for him in  Baltimore but Neil had released him of his promise. He  had no reason to keep Neil by his side at all times . Neil remembered Andrew telling him that he would get bored of him eventually. Neil couldn’t help but wonder if it was true.

“ _ Neil _ . ” 

Andrew’s voice pulled him back to the present. His hand hovered over the door handle. He hadn’t realized he stopped moving. Neil climbed inside, ignoring Andrews irritated look, and they rode back to Fox Tower while Nicky chattered to no one in particular about the evening's plans. 

* * *

That evening, Neil went to the dining hall with Kevin and when they returned Nicky and Andrew were gone. It was only six thirty so Neil perched at his desk to study for his final exam that would be on Monday. It was Spanish, and he wasn’t particularly worried about failing but hadn’t bothered to study yet. He was still curled over his  text book when the missing pair marched into the room at half past seven. 

Nicky tossed a plastic bag on the floor next to him and  Neil  prodded it with his foot. He heaved a sigh and looked  to Andrew. “You know, if you keep trying to dress me up it’s going to make me feel like a cheap trophy wife.”

Nicky laughed and moved out of reach  instinctively  so Andrew couldn’t hit him. 

“If I wanted to hang out with a  hobo I would have invited one-eyed Joe,” said Andrew  cool l y , moving to the kitchen and taking out a bottle of whisky. 

One-eyed Joe was the resident campus crazy person who security chased away several times a week when he started s houting conspiracy theories at passing students. Neil turned in his chair and scowled. 

“My  clothes are fine now....and I’m prettier than one-eyed Joe,” he deadpanned. 

Andrew snorted derisively and poured himself a shot. “Maybe the clothes can  start to  make up for that defective personality of yours.”

Kevin wandered out from the bedroom and noticed the booze, making a beeline. He picked up the bottle and took a swig, not bothering with  a glass.

Neil thought about pointing out the fact that Andrew didn’t deny he found Neil pretty but managed to hold his tongue with the others in the room. Nicky was already looking far too delighted by their sarcastic pseudo-flirting so he didn’t want to push it.

“Just get dressed, pretty boy,” said Nicky, swiping the bag and pushing it into Neil’s lap. “We’ve got places to be and shots to take.”

Neil dressed slowly. The shirt was normal enough, black, long-sleeved with some sort of gray logo he didn’t recognize in the center. It was looser than most of the stuff they usually gave him but figured they were making up for it with the tight pants that took him several minutes to wiggle into. The pants were a grayish white at the top with an ombre fade to black past the knees. Neil cinched the black belt around his waist even though it was a pointless accessory given the fit of the jeans. He couldn’t fit his wallet or phone in the pockets without looking  ridiculous so he took out a few twenties instead and tossed the other items on the bed. He wouldn’t need his phone since he’d be with the others and his wallet was nearly empty since the FBI had confiscated all but his student ID card. He still hadn’t received his new state issued ID.

When Neil emerged from the bathroom the rest of the group were waiting by the door, already changed. Kevin wore more reasonably fitting gray jeans and a plain, black tee-shirt. Nicky was dressed similarly except his shirt buttoned down the front – he'd left the top four undone and the line leading to his  tanned, toned chest was just visible. 

Andrew was so covered Neil thought they might lose him in the dark as soon as they got outside. The shorter man wore heavy boots, pants with an excessive number of zippers, a plain shirt, and a thin, long-sleeved over layer that didn’t close in the middle with the hood draped over his blond hair. The entire ensemble was completely black except for the dull silver zippers. Neil took a few moments to rake his eyes over Andrew, thinking more about the pale skin underneath than what covered it and idly wondered how many knives he carried in those pockets. Nicky reached out and grabbed his wrist to drag him out the door. 

Keys jingle d as Andrew locked up behind them. When Neil looked over his shoulder, he was sure he’d caught Andrew staring at his ass, even though it was mostly covered by the length of his shirt. He grinned back at Andrew and received a scowl in return. 

* * *

After a surprisingly pleasant detour for ice cream at Sweeties, given that Andrew still wouldn’t let his group get any dust, the three cars pulled up to the curb in quick  succession; Andrew’s Maserati, Allison's Porsche, and Katelyn's humbler Honda. Nicky hopped out to greet the bouncers and retrieved the parking tags. Only Neil, Kevin, Dan and Matt climbed out at the curb with Nicky, the rest pulled away to park. Aaron stayed with Katelyn so he could escort her inside. Though Neil also assumed he wasn’t going to leave her alone anywhere near Andrew. 

The club was crowded and they only managed to procure one table with a few chairs by the time the others made it in. Neil followed Andrew to the bar to get Roland started on their drinks. Other than a curious glance between the two, likely trying to gauge how their relationship was progressing, the bartender kept his comments to himself . F or the most part , at least . 

“Is that  Aaron’s  girlfriend?” asked the taller man, tipping his chin towards their table. 

Andrew ignored him so Neil nodded. 

Roland affected a look halfway between wary and impressed and loaded up two trays. Luckily it was busy that night so he didn’t keep them waiting and soon they were sliding drinks onto the table. 

Among the many colorful specialty drinks, beers, and lowballs of straight liquor, stood two sodas and ten shots. They each picked up a shot and Nicky held his aloft in a toast. 

“Okay  okay , everybody shut up. To an amazing...and also fucking  _ terrible _ year...to teammates, and surviving, and shit...I don’t know. We made it guys.  To Foxes! ” cried Nicky. 

“ Foxes !” they tipped back their shots as one. 

After they gulped down as much as they could in three minutes, most of the Foxes were off to the dance floor. Only Neil, Kevin and Andrew remained behind . 

“Nicky’s right ...”muttered Neil, sipping from a soda can. “We made it.”

Andrew turned his gaze towards Neil. “For now.”

Neil hummed agreement and set down the soda can, instead picking up one of the lowballs , nearly full to the brim with vodka. He turned it around in his hand several times, swirling the liquid inside. Kevin reached for it, since he had likely planned to work on that one next but Andrew slapped his hand away. 

Kevin rolled his eyes and turned to face the dance floor, watching their teammates. 

Neil sipped the drink, trying not to grimace at the taste. How Kevin put this stuff away like water he would never understand. After the third sip he tipped back the rest of the glass  with a few gulps  and Andrew quirked a brow, turning in his seat to face Neil. 

“You realize  that was about five shots ,” said Andrew. 

Neil leaned on the table, dropping his cheek in his palm. He smiled. “We’re  celebrating , aren’t we?”

“Are we?” countered Andrew. 

They stared each other down for a few minutes and Andrew pushed his own glass to the side. “Have you ever been drunk?”

Neil shrugged one shoulder. “ A few times when  mom and I were on the run, just to dull the pain from injuries. Could be interesting to be drunk for fun, for a change.”

Andrew’s eyes slid to Kevin for a brief moment before coming back to Neil. “That look fun to you?”

Neil pursed his lips and lowered his voice . “I said for fun, not drowning your feelings .”

“And you think now is the best time for this little experiment?” Andrew ran a finger along the empty rim of  Neil’s glass. 

“Why not?  You’re here ....you won’t let anything happen to me,” heat welled in  Neil’s chest that had nothing to do with the vodka. 

Andrew leaned in slightly. “Maybe I’ll leave you on the curb. Let some  trashed  Marilyn Manson reject knock you into traffic.”

Neil grinned at him, feeling his cheeks flush. His eyes flicked down to Andrews lips for a long moment before meeting his eyes again . “I’d just pull you with me... besides  I don’t mind being in the gutter as long as you’re there too.”

Andrews lip twitched, eyes narrowing  as he spoke so low Neil had to strain to hear him.  “If you don’t get your  _ mind _ out of the gutter those pants are going to be pretty uncomfortable.”

“Or you could take me somewhere and help me out of them...” Neil said, without missing a beat, unsure what had gotten into him but unable to stop himself.

He hadn’t thought Kevin was paying them any attention but the striker made a strangled sort of sound and pushed himself from the table to head to the bar. 

Neil laughed and plucked Andrew’s drink from his fingers, taking a swig. 

“You  are  going to be a fucking nightmare,” said Andrew, but didn’t stop him from taking the glass. 

“I thought I already was.”

* * *

Fifty minutes and eight shots later, Neil was sloshed. Kevin eventually found his way to the dance floor, either not wanting to be alone at the bar or not wanting to be alone with Andrew and Neil. Or maybe just to work off his anger and grief by  drunkenly  grinding against willing strangers. Either way, he didn’t return to the table.

Andrew brought back a second round, ready to go when everyone returned but smacked Neils hand away every time he reached for a glass, shoving a water bottle into his open palm. When Neil tired of the silence and Andrew refused to humor him with conversation, the pair occupied themselves by playing a round of quarters, which Neil deemed stupid and pointless after not getting single coin in the empty shot glass after fifteen minutes. 

Allison and Renee were the first to return with Nicky and didn’t notice anything off immediately. 

“One day I’m going I'm going to take you guys to a real club ,” came Allison’s lofty complaint. “ I mean...the guys here wear more makeup than I do. And if I have to hear one more shitty Rob Zombie remix... ”

“Oh my god. It was like, one song. Get over it,” said Nicky loudly , reaching for a tumbler.

Allison waved him off and surveyed the table to find a suitable drink. “One is still too many...” 

A few seconds later Dan and Matt returned with Aaron and Katelyn in tow, probably to make sure they got their second round before everything was gone. 

“Fuck!” said Neil, a little too loudly, as he tried for the umpteenth time to get the silly quarter in the small glass. 

They all froze to look at him. He had his forearm on the table with his cheek pressed into his sleeve, one eye closed as he scrutinized the quarter between the fingers of his other hand like it was the worlds biggest mystery. 

“Why is this...so hard...” slurred Neil. “I mean... there's not even a goalkeeper blocking , right...it shouldn’t...oh hey.” He lifted his head, staring at the group with glossy eyes, his cheeks flushed beneath scar tissue. 

“Oh my god ...is Neil... ” Nicky reached out and grabbed his face between his hands. “.....are you  _ drunk _ ?”

Andrew s ent Nicky  a withering look and he let go. 

Neil scoffed at first, “No.”

They stared at him. 

“Yes.”

“Holy shit,” said Allison, pulling out her phone immediately. 

Matt came around to ruffle his hair, and Dan planted a red kiss on his temple like they were doting parents watching their kid go off to kindergarten for the first time. 

Aaron rolled his eyes and snagged another drink before leaving again with Katelyn , pulling her by the hand towards the crowded floor . 

Neil tried to push his friends away from him, to no avail, and suffered through several of Allison's selfies, before they downed more booze and left for the dance floor again. Only Renee stayed behind. 

“You feel okay, Neil?” she asked, sidling up to him. 

Neil smiled lazily and nodded , turning his attention back to Andrew, content with openly ogling him with glassy eyes .  Renee moved to join the others but Andrew caught her wrist. Renee stopped and tilted her head in question. 

“ Wait, t ake him with you . I’m tired of looking at him, ” said Andrew , his expression blank . 

Neil grinned toothily at him and stood on unsteady legs. Their chairs had already been close together so when Neil stood his chest was pressed against Andrews shoulder. “Trying to get rid of me?”

“ Obviously ,” Andrew answered, though amusement edged into his voice instead of irritation. 

“You can come with me....” offered Neil. “I don’t know how to dance but I’ll try .... I could use something to hold onto. ”

Andrew turned slightly and grabbed his chin, holding his face steady for a moment. Andrews fingers felt like fire on Neils skin and he tried to lean  in, but Andrew only let him get a couple inches away from his lips before he held him in place. 

“I hope you break something,” he sneered, pushing him away. 

Even drunk Neil didn’t miss the heat in his voice, or the way his shoulders went rigid at Neil’s closeness. 

He was about to say something else when Renee took his hand gently, pulling him from the table. Andrew didn’t follow but even in his drunken state he knew Andrew was watching.  He k new that he was safe.

* * *

When they left that evening, Neil had a hard time finding his footing. He leaned against Andrew, who had an iron grip  around his waist . And when they pulled up to the house Andrew peeled him out of the passenger seat. The buzz was starting to wear off and now Neil just felt exhausted. 

Once they were inside Andrew told Nicky they were trading rooms, effective immediately. Nicky, who was far too drunk to argue,  guided Dan and Matt up the stairs towards Andrew’s bedroom.

Andrew got ready for bed and changed the sheets, depositing Neil in the bathroom, neither bothering to wonder where their other teammates had landed around the house. 

Neil changed and brushed his teeth. When he returned to the room, Andrew was sitting on the edge of the bed waiting for him with a glass of water. He drank slowly and placed the empty glass on the side table before staring down at the bed for a long moment. 

“This bed’s bigger....” Neil mumbled. 

“ N othing gets past you.”

Neil was about to make another suggestive  remark but the alcohol was wearing off and the dose of reality hit hard. Andrew had barely touched him in the last couple weeks, only a few stray kisses here and there. He didn’t know the reason, which may have just been their hectic schedules with finals approaching, but Andrew had always run hot and  cold so he tried not to worry about it. Even so, Neil suddenly felt very awake, and very tense at the realization that they were alone. He fiddled with the edge of the comforter. They had shared a bed a few times but never in Andrew’s home. 

“I can sleep on the floor if you want,” he said abruptly , not really sure why he said it . 

Andrew shifted and Neil didn’t immediately look up. “Come here.”

Slowly raising his head, Neil took the few steps back around the bed to stand in front of Andrew. Hazel eyes gave him a once over before settling on his hands at his sides. Neil understood and clasped them behind his back. Andrew pushed himself to his feet. At first Neil moved to take a step back, to give him more room, but Andrews hands caught his waist and the back of his neck, holding him in place. Neil closed his eyes.

Andrews lips were hot and firm, but gentle and slow moving. Neil opened at the first prod of Andrew’s tongue and sucked it into his mouth, pushing back against it. He could taste a lingering hint of the whisky Andrew had nursed for the last few hours. 

H e pulled back a little to nip at Andrew’s bottom  lip , tr ying to take control of the kiss but Andrew wouldn’t yield. He kept it torturously slow and soon Neil’s sighs became soft whines for  _ more. _ The kiss stayed languid at Andrew’s insisted pace but before long Neil could feel the heat building in his core. Neil’s fingers tightened behind his back and when Andrew’s hand carded through his hair he shivered at the touch. He tried to roll his hips but Andrew’s hand tightened on his waist, the other fisting in his hair and tugging. 

“No,” he said, against Neil’s lips. 

Neil stilled immediately, panic setting in , exacerbated by his still tipsy exhaustion . “I’m sorry...I shouldn’t have ....I didn’t mean...”

“Shut up,” said Andrew, kissing him once more, harder this time before pulling away a few inches. “....I won’t. Not when you’re drunk.”

Oh.  _ Oh. _ Of course. One of the most important things to Andrew had always been consent. It was the reason he put up with Neil when he couldn’t stand anyone else touching him. Because Neil always stopped when Andrew wanted him to. He wanted to tell Andrew it was okay, that he wanted him and that it was  ‘ _ yes _ ’ . That he wasn’t the men who had hurt him, and that Neil was okay with this, wanted it desperately. But as much as he thought his mind had started to clear the only thing that came out was a quiet “I’m fine.”

Andrew kissed him again, keeping his eyes open and locked on Neil’s and Neil held himself perfectly still.  One of Andrew hand slid upwards to curl around Neil’s throat, his thumb tapping gently against the pulse he found there.

“I could slit your throat and you  would  say you were  _ ‘ _ _ fine _ ’ ...” muttered Andrew. 

Neil smiled in spite of himself, humming against Andrews lips as the tension eased from his spine . “Hm... you slit my throat I'd mostly just gurgle a lot...”

Andrew gave his throat a gentl e squeeze. “I hate you.”

“I know.”

They kissed lazily, until the embers burned out and they were both swaying with exhaustion. When they climbed into bed Neil made himself comfortable on the far side of the  mattress . He waited until his eyes adjusted and he could make out  Andrew’s profile in the dark before speaking. 

“Andrew?”

“Hm.”

“I don’t know what to do about summer break...” he said slowly, words slurred with sleep now rather than the waning effects of the booze. “I could ask  Wymack or Abby if ...”

“...You’re coming here,” Andrew said immediately. “Or we’ll go somewhere. We’ll figure it out.”

Neil considered his words for a few moments and relief flooded his heavy mind. He nodded, though he wasn’t sure  Andrew could see him. “Thanks.”

“Go to sleep.”

Neil smiled against his pillow and let blissful unconsciousness take him. 

* * *

** Saturday, April 27 ** ** th ** ****

Laughter jerked Neil awake and his hand shot beneath his pillow out of reflex, searching for a gun. Instead of finding anything he rolled off the side of the bed in a heap, smacking the back of his head on the edge of the  nightstand . 

The door opened just as he managed to pull himself to a sitting position and Andrew appeared, hair wet and dressed for the day. 

Andrew said nothing, only observed him with a cool stare. After watching Neil rub the back of his head a few times he crossed the room, leaning down slightly to hand him a cup of coffee. Neil reached out, starting to take the steaming mug, but a whiff of the rich grounds immediately set his stomach curdling. He pushed himself from the floor and hurtled towards the jack and  jill bathroom which was blessedly unoccupied. Neil fell to his knees and heaved into the toilet, expelling the contents of last nights failed experiment. 

He lay there for a few minutes, knees pressed to the cold tile and arm curled around the toilet bowl. Andrew  followed and leaned against the doorway, thankfully without the coffee. 

“Ugh...how do you guys do this all the time...”

“Practice,” offered Andrew. 

Neil shook his head weakly. “Not worth it...”

Andrew huffed annoyance behind him and moved to throw back the shower curtain. The  blond reached in and turned the water to a lukewarm temperature. “Get in, I’ll find you some clothes.”

“You  gonna join me?” He asked,  swiping his hand over the back of his mouth as he looked up weakly. Jesus. Why did he say that? Was he still  _ drunk _ ?

Andrew  held his stare  and stepped back into the doorway. “Are you really flirting with me after you puked thirty seconds ago? Disgusting.”

Neil gave a weak laugh and reached over to flush the toilet. “So that’s a ‘no’, then?”

“ I’m never touching you again .”

Neil chuckled  again  and winced as a sharp pain flared in his skull. “Ow.”

Andrew left him to his own devices and as Neil peeled off his clothes and crawled into the shower, he vowed to never drink again. 

* * *

Nicky, Aaron, Katelyn and Andrew were missing from the huddle around the kitchen counter when Neil finally dragged himself from the shower, but he could hear Nicky standing on the back deck speaking animated German, likely on the phone with Erik.

“Where are Aaron and Katelyn?” he asked. 

“Well good morning sunshine,” Allison purred, sliding around the marble to pull Neil into her chest, ruffling his wet hair. 

He only groaned in response to the jostling and tried halfheartedly to push her off. 

“They left  about half an hour ago . Katelyn wanted to take him shopping for vacation clothes. Something about his wardrobe being too depressing for Maine,” smiled Dan. 

“But she’s alive, if that’s what you’re asking,” added Matt.

Neil twitched. He knew the others still saw Andrew as a borderline sociopath. Even with the progress he’d been making and the shift in his personality since going off the medication. They were still wary of him , partly for good reason .  But for some reason i t bothered Neil, who wished the rest of them could see Andrew as he did – as a fierce protector, someone who would do anything for those he considered his family .  Not some soulless husk that couldn’t understand normal human emotion.

“Speaking of, where is the monster?” asked  Allison . 

Maybe it was the throbbing in his temple or the roiling in his gut his hangover caused, but his temper  shorted out after the second remark . 

This time Neil gave Allison a light shove, his face drawing a frown as he turned away from the group. 

“Don’t call him that ,” he said quietly.

Dan gave a start but recovered quickly. Allison opened her mouth to say something  else  but Renee grabbed her elbow gently. Matt only stared at him. 

Neil shrugged uncomfortably and moved towards the coffee pot, muttering. “He’s not a monster...”

He couldn’t see Renee but knew from the cadence of her voice that she was smiling. “You’re right Neil, he’s not.”

Neil poured himself a cup of the warm brew and tried not to breathe too deeply, still a little queasy. 

“Anyways....” said Allison, clearing her throat. “Should we give him the good news or the bad news?”

Neil stilled, turning at a  snails pace with the mug in his hand, trying to ignore the alarm bells in his head. Bad new s ...what had happened? 

They must have noticed the look on his face because Matt reached out to grip his shoulder. “Don’t look so tense...it’s not bad...well, not really.”

Allison grinned and pulled out her fancy iPhone just as Andrew filtered into the room, probably from smoking on the front porch since a faint smell of cigarettes clung to his  shirt . 

“The good news,” she said, “is that you were infinitely entertaining last night, so thanks for that. The bad news is...well .... it’s a good thin g you ’ r e decent at  Exy because son, you can’t dance.”

Allison hit play and held up the screen at eye level for Neil. Andrew moved to stand behind him, affecting vague interest as he watched. 

In the video Nicky was dancing and Neil stood a foot away, wobbly on his feet, clearly intoxicated, and tried to mimic the older man's moves while Nicky shouted drunken instructions at him. “ _ Just move your hips...like this...no. _ _..oh _ _ my god Neil do your feet even work? How are so fast on the court? Just...” _

The video went on for another minute before the screen went black. Allison prodded the small picture at the bottom and brought up a second video. In this one Neil was dancing, in a not entirely wholesome way, sandwiched between Allison and Renee. There were a few  comfortable  inches between he and Renee, who stood behind him with her hand on one of his shoulders while she smiled and swayed in time with the music. But Allison was flush against his front, his leg slotted between her thighs, their pelvises almost flush had it not been for the several inches Allison had on him in her heels. He had one hand on her waist while both of her bare forearms lay across his shoulders, their chests pressed together. Neil ’s head was tilted back, laughing at something she said. 

The video ended and Neil felt a slight flush of embarrassment. He only remembered blurred flashes of last night's events. He could feel Andrew’s eyes boring into his skull and turned to face him. They stared each other down for a long moment while the others laughed at his expense. 

Allison slipped her phone back into her pocket and waved her hand  air i ly . “If  anything that settles it...if you can’t get it up when someone as hot as me is grinding against you then you’re definitely...”

Renee elbowed her. 

“Oi! Knock it off  W alker!”

Neil kept his eyes locked on Andrew, who eventually  gave the smallest shrug and  turned away, but Neil didn’t miss the amused twitch of the other man's mouth before he slogged out of the kitchen towards the living room. 

Nicky breezed back into the kitchen as Andrew left. “Oh! Did you show him the video? Neil...friend....we have  got  to get you some dance lessons.”

Neil leaned against the counter and sipped his coffee. “I think that was a one off for me, but thanks.”

“Spoil sport. Just when I thought you were getting fun,” whined Nicky, leaning heavily on the fridge.

“I 'm fun...” he muttered into his drink. 

“Oh, speaking of, let me show you this video of Kevin....” Nicky pulled out his phone. 

Kevin, who had been ignoring everyone and silently sipping a cup of water against the cabinets, lunged for the device. Nicky was clearly less hungover  and  easily side stepped him. 

“Nicky, I swear to  fuck ...”

Neil watched his teammates antics and smiled before going to find his goalkeeper. Even if he did feel terrible, the night had been enjoyable  overall , and he wouldn’t trade this time with his team for anything. As he fell to the couch next to Andrew, he couldn’t help but think how things would be changing soon. They would part as a family and come back together in June with new teammates and a new season ahead of them. Neil would begin his sophomore year. It was equally exciting and terrifying to Neil, especially with the knowledge that he would be expected to step up as vice-captain and help Dan. He still felt a wave of anxiety wash over him any time the thought danced across his mind. But there was nowhere to go but forward, towards something Neil never thought he’d live to see: the future. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I joked about Rob Zombie but my headcanon is that Eden's will literally just put on the American Made Music to Strip To album on and call it a night.
> 
> See you in two weeks!


	3. Real Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All credit to Nora, I own nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lateness. Despite everything going on I am still a graduate student (online) and I still work in the healthcare system (so I still gotta work - even more now than I was before). 
> 
> Hopefully this gives you something to do while you're stuck inside. Stay safe!
> 
> ~*~
> 
> CHAPTER RATING: M (Sexual Content but it could be worse.)

**_ Thursday May 9 _ ** **_ th _ **

Neil’s first year at Palmetto State University had officially come to a close. He managed to  barely  skate by in chemistry but the rest of his exams had gone surprisingly well given his mediocre performance over the year. The day prior had been their last practice as a team. Though their attendance to the optional practices had been sporadic over the last couple weeks, everyone made it out to their last day on the court. They practiced longer and harder than they had in weeks and left the court pleasantly sore and satisfied. Even Kevin couldn’t find a negative thing to say. At least not until they hit the parking lot and he began pestering them for their summer schedules to try and push unasked for training advice on them. 

Today was their last full day on campus. The dorms would be closing the following day at five pm and they were expected to be cleared out before then. Because four of them would be headed to Columbia initially, they would have to make more than one trip. Kevin had argued until he was red in the face to try and get them to stay with him at Abby’s, to stay near the court but eventually he lost the battle. So today, Andrew planned on taking most of his and  Nickys belongings to the house, and the following day they would collect Aaron’s and Neil’s meager belongings. Neil had walked to the campus bookstore that morning while they loaded the car. After exchanging his  textbooks for a small amount of cash he found himself standing on the large, orange paw print at the center of the Foxhole court. 

Neil fiddled with the keys in his pocket.  Wymack hadn’t bothered taking them back, trusting him to return with them in June and the thought brought a smile to Neil’s face. It felt odd, to be done running. To have people he considered family, people he  _ wanted  _ to be his family. To have a life to call his own. His chest filled with warmth, that unfamiliar emotion curling around his heart and squeezing, just to let him know it was there. He hadn’t labeled the feeling yet, but it bubbled up more frequently now. He felt it when he looked at the smiling faces of his friends when they wasted time in the lounge before a game or practice. He felt it when he sifted through his coursework and was able to write the name ‘Neil Josten’ at the top of his papers and have it  be the truth. And mostly he felt it whenever he stole moments with Andrew on the roof or in their dorm when the others were gone. He thought about the feeling a moment longer but the court doors slamming open pulled him from his  reverie . 

He turned to see Andrew stalking across the court, hands in his pockets and an irritated look on his face, undoubtedly annoyed at having to come looking for him. Neils heart  gave  another squeeze at the sight of him. His eyes tracked Andrew until he stopped a few feet away. 

Andrew didn’t speak so Neil turned his smile towards the goal, letting out a long sigh. “I still remember what it was like the first time I stepped foot on this court.”

Andrew took another step. “So do I.”

Neil tilted his head to the side, eyebrow raised in  qu estion. 

Andrew glanced towards the goal. “You were a sentimental Exy obsessed moron with no life.”

Neil chuckled and turned to face Andrew, stuffing his hand in his other pocket. “And now?”

Hazel eyes raked over him slowly, dragging upwards from his toes to his eyes. Andrew took another step. “You’re still a sentimental Exy obsessed moron with no life. But at least you don’t look homeless anymore.”

Neil smiled and closed the distance, his hand  pulling  free of his new, dark jeans to tug the hem of his shirt. “You seem petty intent on dressing me up in fancy clothes, but I’m really more interested in you taking them off.”

The words brought a tinge to Neil’s ears but the remarks were always worth the heated look Andrew was never fully able to hide.

Eyes flicked down between them to track Neil's hands before moving upwards. They settled on Neil’s lips for a brief moment  and then met icy blue eyes. “What I should have invested in was a gag for that smartass mouth of yours.”

“You like it.”   


“Shut up.”

“ Make me .”

Andrew reached, hand curling around Neil’s neck as he pulled him down. Neil groaned into the kiss as their lips crushed together over and over. His hands left his pockets to twist in Andrew’s hair, pulling him closer. Andrew’s other hand snaked up his shirt and settled on the small of his back, tugging their hips nearly together. Neil hummed his approval before sliding his hands down to Andrew’s neck, nails scraping into the shorter hairs at the base. Andrew kissed him one last time, biting down as he pulled away. Andrew withdrew completely and Neil eyed his swollen lips with a huff of annoyance. He knew they couldn’t do anything out in the  open but he missed the contact nonetheless. 

“We should go, Nicky’s waiting.” Andrew turned to leave and Neil reached down to adjust himself in his pants, willing his body to calm down. 

As they approached the lounge  Wymack was leaving his office with a file in hand. The older man shifted it to his other hand as he spotted the pair of them. “Packed yet?”

Andrew stopped but didn’t respond. 

Neil nodded. “We’re making one trip today and the rest tomorrow. Is Kevin going to be okay  here ?”

Wymack shrugged. “Kevin being ‘okay’ is relative. But between me and Abby and a rol l of duct tape we’ll hold him together until you get back.”

“We agreed to come up on Thursdays to practice with him, so we’ll see you then,” said Neil. 

Andrew started to walk again and Neil took a step before saying, “And coach, thanks.”

Wymack waved the file in his hand dismissively, shooing them away. Before they made it to the  door he called out again. “Oh...and by the way, you might not wanna  neck  on my court unless you want to get caught on the security footage.”

The coach gestured towards the cameras in the corner of room and Neils eyes blew wide, having completely forgotten they installed them around the court as well. Wymack rolled his eyes at Neil’s horrified expression but turned to go, leaving him frozen to the spot. A few seconds later Andrews hand clamped around his wrist and dragged him from the room. 

Nicky eyed them suspiciously through the rolled down window as they approached the car and Neil smoothed down his  own  hair even though Andrew’s looked considerably more tousled . Luckily the older  F ox kept his mouth shut, other than complaining about how long he’d been waiting.  _ “It’s like, two hundred degrees in here Andrew. It’s even illegal to leave dogs in the car!” “I left the windows cracked, you’re fine.” _ When the engine roared to life, Andrew cranked up the radio and drowned out Nicky’s complaints and they sailed down the interstate towards Columbia without incident.

They returned to Fox Tower at four in the afternoon and when they opened the door to the third floo r, it was chaos. Doors were open, luggage was in the hallways, people flitted back and forth between rooms. The girl's door was open and Matt stood in the frame, guarding a few suitcases in the hall that likely belonged to Allison. 

Nicky greeted them cheerily, slipping into the girl's room to investigate their progress. Neil gave the upperclassman a brief greeting as he passed. Before he and Andrew reached their own door, the elevator dinged and someone called Neils name at the end of the hall. Andrew froze and Neil stopped to turn. He didn’t recognize the man but he looked about their age and wore a PSU polo tucked into dark khaki pants. He had a worn, army green messenger bag around his shoulder and several pieces of paper in his hands. 

“Neil Josten?” he said again, walking down the hall. One of the  soccer players at the end of the hall pointed towards the opposite end where Neil stood, frozen and wary. 

The man started down the hall but Andrew stepped in front of him.

“What do you want?” asked Andrew.

The man held up his hand where he had several large pieces of mail. “I’m from student services. The mailbox was full and we don’t have a forwarding address so they asked me to drop this off.”

Andrew reached out and snatched the mail, looking down at it. 

“Uh...are you Neil Josten?” he asked, looking confused. 

Neil took a step beside Andrew. “I am, thanks.”

The man didn’t look convinced but turned to leave with one last look over his shoulder. 

Neil turned to Andrew. “What is it?”

Andrew handed him the  stack, his  face unreadable . “See for yourself.”

Neil took the handful of envelopes and turned them to read the return address. The first was from the Social Security Administration. Neil wasted no time tearing it open, letting the empty envelope fall to the floor. Inside was a brand-new social security card baring the name ‘Neil Abram Josten.’ He stared down at the papers for a few moments before shoving them under his arm and moving to the next envelope. He let that one fall to the ground as well after digging out the contents and his hands began shaking as he held the paper up. Attached to it was a state issued ID. The photo was the one he’d seen at the FBI office but it was black and white so his hair and eye color weren't noticeable anyways. But it was his face, on an official ID. This was the first bit of proof that Neil Josten existed to the world outside of his small family of Foxes. 

He hadn’t realized he’d stopped breathing until Andrew thumped him on the back and a ragged breath seeped from his lungs. His body relaxed again and the papers under his arm floated to the floor in a scattered pile. He could tell from the corner of his eye Andrew was watching  him but couldn’t tear his gaze away from the tangible proof of existence in his hand. Neil opened his mouth to speak twice but closed it, his lip quivering. He wasn’t sure if he felt excitement, relief, or anxiousness at the fact that he was now expected to be a productive member of society. Expected to follow the rules and be held accountable for his actions. Maybe a combination of the three. Or maybe it was terror, a lingering fear that things like this would leave a trail behind to the people who were still after him. It was pointless to worry about such a thing. He’d been all over the news and the world knew exactly who he was and where to find him. Somehow that didn’t stop the residual sense of dread from gnawing at the back of his mind. After a solid two minutes, when his shaking didn’t subside, Neil became distantly aware of Andrews voice beside him. 

“Boyd .”

Matt looked behind him, halting his conversation with Renee to survey his  younger  teammates. He noticed Neils frozen countenance and marched over wearing a look of concern. He looked to Andrew who  only  tipped his head towards Neil. Matt’s gaze darted between the two, brows furrowing in confusion. Andrew rolled his eyes and gave Neil a little shove towards Matt. This seemed to pull Neil from his state of shock and he turned the paper around to show Matt, whose bewildered expression suddenly shifted. The taller man grinned and wrapped his arms around Neil so tight he lifted him off the ground. 

Nicky, who had come out of the girl ' s room and watched the whole encounter , walked over and snatched the paper from Neil with Renee, Allison and Dan hot on his heels. 

“Neil! Oh my god! Congratulations! Wait....” he looked around Matt to Andrew, who seemed to grow more bored by the second. “Andrew...did you just call Matt over here to hug Neil  _ for you _ ?”

Andrew spared him an impassive glance before heading into his own room, leaving Neil to be fawned over by his teammates. 

Ten minutes later Neil entered the dorm looking rumpled and still shell-shocked. Andrew was perched on the desk with the window open, a cigarette hanging from his hand. 

“How does  it feel to be a real boy?” Andrew asked dryly, blowing smoke through the open window. 

Neil leaned against the  wall , squeezing the papers in his hand. “Unfamiliar. Amazing. A little terrifying.”

Andrew hummed at his honesty and took another drag. Neil slumped into one of the beanbag chairs  and  Andrew dropp ed his head to the side to watch him. 

“I hope I’m ready for this,” admitted Neil. 

Andrew tossed the cigarette and leaned back against the window frame, the warm summer breeze ruffling his blond hair. “ I g uess we’ll find out.”

“Guess we will.”

* * *

** Saturday May 18 ** ** th ** ****

Saying goodbye to his teammates  was bittersweet but Neil tried not to let the sight of them fading in the rear-view set the tone for the summer. After all, they only had a month apart before they’d be moving back into the dorms with a new set of freshman recruits. 

The first two days of their vacation Neil spent his days getting worked up about every little thing and his nights letting Andrew press him into the sheets of their shared bed to relieve the accumulated tension. Whatever rut they had stumbled into over the last few weeks of school seemed to have disintegrated away from the prying eyes of their teammates. Neil thought it had much to do with Andrew being equally frustrated with his twin and cousin in the days leading up to their departure, needing the twilight hours to relieve himself of stress just as Neil did. Neil was still instructed to keep his hands to himself and keep quiet but couldn’t find it in him to care when Andrew’s body was a solid grounding force on top of him. 

On the third day Andrew’s annoyance at his relatives finally ebbed off enough to allow Nicky into his old room so they could effectively move his belongings upstairs and Andrews down. Neil was still internally stressing about whether or not he should bother unpacking, torn between the familiarity of living out of a duffle bag (of which he had three, now), and asking Andrew if he could unpack some of his things. That afternoon Andrew caught him staring down at his bags and either realized his plight or just got annoyed enough watching him that he barked at Neil to take the bottom two dresser drawers. When he suggested Neil leave some of his clothes and a set of toiletries at the house for when they visited after returning to school, Neil hid his smile, his heart flopping in his chest at the thought. 

Neil, Andrew and Aaron returned to the Foxhole Court the first Thursday of summer break, having already taken Nicky to the airport the day prior. Katelyn would be picking Aaron up from the school later that  evening but they managed a decent two on two scrimmage that afternoon. Andrew and Aaron had played  backliners with Kevin as Aaron’s striker mark and Neil as Andrews. Andrew was  actually a decent  backliner , his body solid and remarkable skill with a racquet for someone who spent most of his time batting balls away. After showering Neil complimented the blond but was only brushed off with a comment of  _ ‘Too much effort. Running is stupid.’ _

The four of them ate dinner with Abby and  Wymack that evening before Katelyn arrived to retrieve Aaron. Neil and Andrew  had  returned home together to a blissfully quiet house. 

_ Home.  _

Neil drew the letters in bubbly characters across the top of his course handbook. It technically belonged to Andrew, appearing in the mail the day after their arrival, but Andrew showed no interest in the booklet and signed up for all his classes online anyways. Neil was supposed to be reading through course descriptions, getting an idea of what he’d sign up for the next year, but had been lost in thought for the last half hour. It was only nine am but he’d been up for hours, having woken early to run. Andrew jolted awake when he  rolled out of the bed, as he always did when Neil got up first, but promptly  went back to sleep. 

At nine thirty Andrew emerged, hair damp from the shower and yawning , but awake. He gulped down a cup of coffee before even sparing a glance to Neil. 

“ R eady?” asked Andrew.

Neil nodded and closed the book. 

They had agreed to run errands that morning. The pair were in desperate need of food that wasn’t leftover pizza or Chinese and they were completely out of cigarettes. So, they locked up the house and were on their way. Andrew drove them to the strip mall on the edge of town. It was an extra twenty minutes in the car but that’s where the shady liquor store was located and Andrew knew they wouldn’t card him. After picking up groceries and booze they climbed back in the car. A thought emerged and Neil looked sidelong at Andrew from the passengers seat. 

“I don’t have a license anymore,” he said randomly. 

Andrew pulled out of the parking space without looking at him. “You  have  _ never _ had a license.”

Neil hummed his agreement and looked out the window. Agent Browning had given him an application for a license but all he’d gotten in return was a notice that he would have to  visit the DMV in person and complete a  drivers test. He’d put it off but now the need for yet another piece of proof that he was  _ real _ nagged him like an itch he couldn’t scratch. He didn’t say another word about it but as always Andrew somehow  _ knew _ what he wanted and a few minutes later they were hurtling down an unfamiliar road. Neil was about to ask where they were headed when he saw the blue interstate sign – Columbia DMV, Next Exit, 1 mile.

Andrew pulled up to the curb and Neil darted inside. He collected a  sample  test pamphlet and information booklet to schedule a test and returned to the car. 

That evening Neil lay on the couch, his feet propped in Andrews lap on the other end where the blond was halfway through a pint of chocolate fudge ice cream. He’d shoved Neils feet off twice but finally gave up and balanced the cold tub of sugar on Neil’s shins while he ate. Neil held the drivers ed brochure above his head at the other end and read the test questions aloud. He had first asked Andrew to quiz him but Andrew only paused eating long enough to arch an eyebrow in his direction before turning back to the TV. 

“Number five, true/false - You always yield to a blind pedestrian crossing the road ,” he read aloud, not really expecting a response.

“Not that they can see my license plate if I don’t....” Andrew muttered around his spoon, eyes still fixed on the television.

Neil dropped the pamphlet enough to see over it and glare at the goalkeeper but wouldn’t be deterred.  Especially not if Andrew was going to humor him enough to bother engaging in the conversation.  After reading out the correct answer he moved on to the next. 

“How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?  A)Follow the instructions of road signs, B)Be aware of road conditions, C)Make sure your vehicle is inspected for safety, D) all of the above.”

Andrew licked the spoon. “E, be too  drunk  to find your keys in the first place.”

Neil prodded Andrews thigh with his toes; Andrew pinched his ankle in retaliation. 

Next Neil turned the paper around, pointing to a ‘no u-turns' sign on question seven. “What is this sign?” he asked. 

Hazel eyes slid to the side for half a second. “A suggestion.”

Neil rolled his eyes and move d to the next question. “What is the difference between a flashing red light and a flashing yellow light?” 

“The color,” Andrew snapped the top back on the ice cream and Neil dropped the pamphlet to his lap dramatically .

“How are you even alive?” Neil glared at him with an exasperated sigh.

“Spite.”

Neil thought for a moment before giving a shrug and tilting his head to the side, looking a little impressed. “That’s fair.”

Andrew set the ice cream on the end table and plucked the brochure from Neil's stomach, tossing it to the floor. He turned, bending one of Neil's legs up alongside the cushion and pushing the other to drop off the edge of the couch. He crawled between his legs, one hand going to the plush surface beside Neil's shoulder and the other leaning against the headrest on the end. Neil’s pupils dilated a moment before his eyes closed, head tilting to meet Andrew’s cold lips. Neil brought his hands up shakily, fingertips ghosting over Andrew’s neck. Andrew tensed for a moment, but didn’t say ‘no’, so Neil pressed his palms to pale skin and dug his fingers gently into blond hair. Andrew responded by pushing his tongue deeper and a shiver wracked his body. Neil gave a low groan of approval when Andrew’s body sank further, a comfortable weight pressing him into the couch. Andrew rolled his hips experimentally and Neil’s breath caught in his throat, his skin burning. Dragging his mouth from kiss swollen lips to bite into Neil’s jaw, Andrew’s hand caught hold of his head to tilt it backwards into the cushion. Neil complied and Andrew licked a line up his neck until he reached his earlobe and bit down. Neil whimpered, fingers gripping tighter. 

“Bedroom, now,” said Andrew, his voice husky as he sucked the lobe into his mouth. “Lose the clothes.”

Andrew pushed himself up and Neil tore away from the couch as fast as his legs would carry him. His shirt hit the floor in the hall, his pants by the door frame. He toed out of his socks awkwardly while Andrew shut the door behind them. Neil climbed on the bed and flipped onto his back, propping himself up on his elbows. Neither had bothered turning the light on but the room was faintly illuminated by the soft glow of the back-porch light streaming in through thin curtains. 

Andrew  removed the baggy t-shirt in one smooth motion , left only in  sweatpants  and  a  tank top. His arm bands had been discarded before his shower and another  eighty-five degree day left the house warm enough that he hadn’t bothered with a long sleeved shirt. Neil was glad that Andrew was becoming comfortable enough around him to shed some of his armor.

Climbing on the mattress with one knee, Andrew reached, fingers hooking into the band of Neil's underwear. Neil lifted his hips and let Andrew pull them down, his erection springing free with an obscene little slap against his belly. Andrew tossed the garment to the side and climbed on the bed fully, his knees going to either side of Neil's thighs. Even in the dark Neil could see his blank expression, except for his eyes. Andrew had a hungry look in his eyes that made Neils hair stand on end, like a spark that would fuel the fire growing in his gut. The goalkeeper had been reluctant to do much with his relatives in earshot and his desire seemed to have returned full force in their absence. Andrew raked his eyes up and down Neils naked form several times before moving again. He lowered himself across Neil's legs and Neil groaned at the contact. 

Course knuckles ran up and down the smooth skin of Neil’s thighs before moving upwards. Andrew flicked his fingers outwards to run his palms along Neil’s hips and sides until they eventually reached his h airless underarms. Andrew leaned forward and pushed Neil's arms above his head. His hands slid up and down Neil’s arms several times and Neil’s whole body shuddered at the touch. 

A couple of years after hitting puberty his mother  insisted he shave the visible hair on his body. He could dye his head and eyebrows but not the thin auburn hairs on his arms or legs. Normally they weren’t too noticeable on his tanned skin, but so much time outdoors or in a car meant the sun bleached them even lighter and they clearly didn’t match his dark hair. Her paranoia had even made him do his underarms. He thought it seemed excessive at first but had gotten used to it and even once he’d been able to keep his natural appearance, the habit stuck with him. He considered giving up his grooming habits a few times but he didn’t have a lot of body  hair so it didn’t take much work to maintain. But once he discovered Andrew seemed to  _ like  _ how smooth everything was, how his fingers lingered just a little longer on freshly shaved skin, he’d thrown the idea entirely out the window. The only other hair on his body that gave away his natural color was the sparse patch trailing below his belly button and the trimmed, wiry curls nestled around his cock. 

Andrew dipped down to kiss him again, fingers continuing their exploration. Neil brought his own hands to the back of Andrews neck, one carding through his hair and tugging lightly. He started to let them venture downwards but stopped himself before they reached Andrew’s shoulders .    


Andrew seemed to notice and pulled away  far enough to murmur, “Above the waist...and not under my shirt.”

Neil tried to nod but Andrews lips had already returned to him, tongue licking into his mouth. Neil’s hands shook as they ventured south, over hard pecs, muscled  lats and up to Andrew’s shoulders. Andrew didn’t flinch but Neil was still hesitant. It was the first time Andrew let him touch him like this, in the heat of the moment , and  he knew one wrong move would bring all of this to a screeching halt.

He pulled gently on Andrews shoulders without grabbing and Andrew seemed to understand, allowing more of his weight to sink onto the man below him without letting their chests touch. Neil gasped when his own erection pressed into Andrew’s, still trapped in the confines of his thin, cotton pants . Andrew rolled his hips and Neil made an embarrassingly needy sound that set fire to his cheeks. 

Propping himself on an elbow, Andrew reached between them. Neil thought he would finally take pity on him and turn his attention where Neil desperately needed it, but instead Andrew pushed down his own garments. Not a lot, but enough that his own cock sprung free and tapped against Neils. He shifted, moving his legs between Neils and dropped back down. Neil's mouth stilled for half a second and his eyes flew open before he remembered to move again. Andrew’s hand gripped Neil's right thigh and pulled it up and over, so Neil maneuvered beneath him and brought both legs up to lock around Andrew’s thighs, heels digging into the back of his knees. 

Neil took the initiative this time and bucked up gently, earning a hiss from Andrew. Neil smiled against his lips and Andrew bit down in retaliation. He waited for a ‘no’ but it never came. Instead Andrew buried his face in Neil’s neck, licking, sucking, and finding a rhythm with their hips. Neil's hands ghosted over skin as sweat beaded on Andrew’s shoulders and arms. They moved together, push and pull, cocks grinding against each other in delicious friction. And for a moment Neil imagined they were doing something else – he imagined Andrew pushing inside of him, taking him apart piece by piece until Neil screamed his name. The thought was enough to send him to the edge and he squeezed his eyes shut to keep from  finishing too soon. Neil’s hands dropped to Andrew’s waist, pulling him down gently with each thrust, encouraging his movements without being forceful. 

“Andrew....” Neil whispered, the words muffled against Andrew’s ear. 

Andrew grunted something and his movements quickened, rutting against him at a frenz ied rate. Neil latched onto Andrew’s ear and sucked the lobe into his mouth before biting down. “Andrew...Mm...I need...”

The body above Neils lifted slightly, the movement stalling while Andrew got a limb between them. Neil loosened the grip of his legs when a strong hand wrapped around their sweat slicked cocks. Andrew pulled roughly and Neil bucked into his hand, fingers twisting into Andrews shirt at his waist just before he came. He spilled into  Andrew’s hand and across his own belly, biting his own lip to keep from crying out too loud - a feat at which he was mostly unsuccessful. 

The hand continued to move until Neil stopped trembling and his grip on Andrews  waist went slack. His breathing slowed and then Andrew sat back, forcing Neil’s legs down. Andrew let go of Neil but kept himself in hand, pumping furiously with a strained look on his face. He pushed Neil down with his free hand, pressing him into the mattress and Neil's hands fisted into his own hair as he tried to watch, gaze heavy lidded and eyes darting between Andrews face and his rapidly moving hand. The angle made it hard to see and Andrew only allowed him a few glances before he  said _ ‘Look at me, _ ’ drawing Neils attention back to his face. Their eyes locked before Andrew sucked in a breath and held it, strands of cum shooting across Neil’s abdomen as his body went rigid. Neil gripped his hands tighter in his own hair to keep from reaching out.

Andrew rode out his orgasm, releasing a heavy, shattered breath into the dark room. They stay there panting  roughly  for several moments until Andrews hand slid across Neil's chest to his throat, squeezing gently, thumb pressing into his jugular to feel his slowing pulse. Andrew’s lips followed as he bent forward, careful not to press their bodies together and make more of a mess. As Andrew kissed him in the dark Neil’s chest swelled with the warm feeling he had yet to identify and he thought that just maybe, Andrew wouldn’t grow bored of him after all. Maybe Andrew would always come back for him, just like he had in Baltimore. He  selfishly  hoped that was true. As bad as the last year had been, he knew that their hardships weren’t over. They were Foxes and they might have to struggle and fight until the day the died. But in that moment, with Andrew laying on top of him, his  skin humming with pleasure from touch and the body heat of his volatile goalkeeper, everything was right with the world. 

After they caught their breaths Neil retreated to the shower first, Andrew taking a turn afterwards. When Andrew returned to bed Neil was laying under the sheets, the top blanket having been tossed to the side to wash later. He had the  DMV pamphlet in his hands again, reading amidst the low light of the small lamp next to the bed. Andrew rolled his eyes and climbed in, dousing the lamp on his own bedside table. He curled up on his side and scrutinized Neil, who only sent a single glance his way. 

“If you have to study for something you already know how to do, you are  more of an idiot that I originally gave you credit for, ” said Andrew, shoving an arm under his pillow to get comfortable. 

Neil dropped the paper to his chest and turned his head to look at Andrew fully, to stare at him  _ like that _ , the glow of their coupling  leaving him thoroughly unruffled . 

His mind was still hazy with  _ that _ feeling. “ Maybe. B ut I’m your idiot.”

Andrew narrowed his eyes and propped himself up enough to lean over and kiss the smirk right off Neil’s face. “ _ Definitely _ o ne hundred and two .”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some soft shit for a few chapters before the DRAMA.


	4. Calm before the Summer Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All credit to Nora, I own nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone is healthy and safe! Have some domestic Andreil to lift your spirits. Or some wine. You know, whichever. 
> 
> ~*~
> 
> CHAPTER RATING: M (I guess...mild-ish smut)

** Friday May 24 ** ** th ** ****

The following Tuesday Andrew dropped Neil off the at the Columbia DMV to take his  drivers test. After asking once if Andrew would be coming in with him, he’d replied, ‘The fuck would I do that?’  and  Neil scowled as he watched Andrew peel out of the parking lot to the honks of irate customers.

Two hours into waiting, Neil was starting to rethink this whole ‘productive member of society’ thing. But four hours later he’d passed the written and behind the wheel tests and walked out with a new license. He showed the small piece of plastic to Andrew as soon as he climbed back in the Maserati. Andrew’s only comment had been a dry ‘ _ Nice mug shot. _ ’ But even as his unsmiling, scarred face stared up at him from the colorful placard, Neil couldn’t help but be proud of the accomplishment. 

By the second week of summer vacation they’d fallen into a routine. Neil would climb out of bed in the morning for an early run, leaving Andrew to sleep a few more hours. The occasions which Andrew joined him for his runs were rare. 

Then they would move nimbly around each other in the kitchen, making coffee and simple breakfast foods. Neil discovered he liked to watch Andrew cook. It was never a skill he showed off willingly, but Andrew had learned to cook at Edens Twilight and his photographic memory helped him retain recipes and techniques he’d seen used. At first Neil had enthusiastically offered his help but after several mishaps and a paper towel catching on fire, Andrew declared him a kitchen hazard and shooed him away. 

So, Neil would sit at the counter to watch. He bit back the comments he wanted to make, knowing it would likely irritate Andrew into ceasing whatever he was doing in lieu of chucking a box of cereal at Neil and telling him to fend for himself. After taking generous bites of bacon and fried eggs, Neil hummed impressively around a mouth full of grits. Andrew paused with his fork halfway between the plate and his mouth to eye Neil  suspiciously, but Neil only shrugged. 

When they were finished with breakfast, they would clean up the kitchen and find ways to occupy themselves. Sometimes Neil would toil over the Palmetto State academic catalog while Andrew channel surfed until Neil would get annoyed and take the booklet to the kitchen. Other times they would go for a walk (and the occasional run) or pay the $5 fee to use the local gym. When Andrew grew particularly  restless he would call Bee while he paced across the front porch or go on a cleaning frenzy. On rare days when nothing else appealed, Andrew would play video games while Neil watched. He’d attempted to join in once but Andrew had gotten so frustrated trying to teach him basic button mashing to maneuver around the game that he ultimately unplugged it mid-game and dragged Neil upstairs for something he wasn’t quite as terrible at. 

And Neil was slowly learning Andrew's quirks and when he was alright with attention and when he wanted to be left alone. The domesticity of it all had thrown Neil off the first few days, but now it wrapped around him like a warm blanket and he wanted to smother himself in the feeling. That feeling of security and  _ home.  _

Thursday, they had returned to Palmetto and subjected themselves to grueling practice and even more grueling  lectures from Kevin about their excessive slacking off. At night they’d fall into bed together, sometimes exhausted, but most of the time still buzzing with the pent-up energy of lazy days that they would work out together between the sheets. 

On Friday, at the end of their second week of vacation, Neil rose just after dawn to go on his run. He took the usual route around the neighborhood but after three miles he felt he could still use more of a  workout so he darted into the adjoining neighborhood. The houses here were nicer, all two to three stories and a Stepford level of identical. He looped around until something caught his eye. Neil turned down a road with a ‘dead end’ sign and jogged towards the cul-de-sac. At the end of the road was a community park, complete with a children's playground, a skate park and a fenced off section for dogs. But it was the dusty, under construction portion to the far right that piqued his interest. The ground had been leveled and the large sign that stood amidst the dirt bore a rendering of an  Exy court. Behind the sign a tall fence was in the process of being constructed.  Exy courts were expensive to build and maintain so, often, community and recreation courts were constructed from a tight looped metal fencing for the walls and a concrete and acrylic floor like you would see on a tennis court. It wasn’t as large as a real  court but it was something. Neil jogged to a stop in front of the sign, scanning the smaller print that indicated the court would be open for the public come August. As he ran back towards the house, he briefly wished Kevin was there to share in his excitement. He knew Andrew’s response would be decidedly lackluster but that didn’t stop him from sprinting the last mile in his haste to tell someone. 

When Neil arrived back at the house, he took the four steps on the porch two at a time even though his legs burned from the strain of his run. Before he opened the door, he could hear the loud reverberation of music making the walls vibrate. After a cursory glance at the living room Neil kicked off his shoes and padded down the hall towards the kitchen at the back of the house. He lifted his t-shirt to wipe the sweat from his brow as he approached. Neil leaned against the bar, hearing sounds that  definitely weren’t from the music but at first glance the kitchen appeared to be empty. And then Andrew popped up from his place on the other side of the island. He was wearing a tank top and a pair of Neils track shorts, a thin, black headband pushing his hair back from his forehead. He was nearly as sweaty as Neil and had a large, long-handled brush in his hand, apparently having been interrupted from cleaning the double ovens. Neil had his mouth open to speak but shut it suddenly, his eyes widening as he watched a bead of sweat roll from Andrew’s throat and disappear into the neckline of his shirt. Neil wondered how seeing a disheveled Andrew, balls deep in housework could have his cock twitching to life.

“Hi....” said Neil, stupidly, still staring.

Andrew discarded the brush in the sink and reached over to press a button on the remote that would mute the stereo system in the living room. 

“What?” Andrew asked tersely. 

“I....uh....” Neil watched Andrew’s biceps twitch as he wiped his hands off on a dish cloth. “Uh...what are you doing?”

“Tap dancing.”

Neil swallowed hard and didn’t miss the way Andrew watched his  adams apple move with the effort of it. “I...do you need any help?”

“I’m finished.” Andrew tossed the dish towel aside and stepped around the side of the bar, his fingers drumming soundlessly on the countertop as he eyed Neil with curious suspicion . 

“Oh,” said Neil, trying to get his mind to work properly again. 

He knew that their friends didn’t understand all the complexities of their relationship, and so far, Neil had successfully avoided answering any of their prying questions. But the confusing thing was that Neil didn’t think he had the answers anyways. He didn’t know why just looking at Andrew made his pulse quicken or his mouth grow dry. Didn’t know why being without him for too long made Neil anxious and unsteady. He just knew it was the truth. And those truths slammed into him  now  with all the force of a freight train and left his  skin humming .

Andrew tolerated his staring for just another minute before taking pity on him. He crossed the final few feet between them and grabbed Neils chin to pull him into a hard kiss that was clearly an overture to something more . 

“Get in the fucking shower, Josten ,” he all but snarled into Neil’s mouth.

Andrew pushed him away by his face and Neil forgot all about what he had run home to tell Andrew. Forgot everything except the sound of Andrew closing the door behind him, stripping down to his underwear and shirt and following Neil into the shower. Neil tried not to stare at the pale expanse of Andrew’s muscular thighs and instead focused on getting the water going at a reasonable temperature. After a quick rinse just to rid themselves of sweat, Andrew pressed Neil against the wall and sank to his knees. It took no time at all for Neil to come undone, hands fisted in Andrew’s hair while Andrew held his hips steady to keep him from bucking against his mouth. 

Neil could feel his knees still shaking when Andrew released them, hands pushing back up his body followed by lips and tongue. Eventually his legs gave out and he slid down to sit on the lip of the tub to catch his breath. His left leg had gone numb and his right was tingling, likely due to the combination of his hard sprinting and the intensity of the orgasm that wracked his body. Neil closed his eyes for a second but could feel Andrew shift closer. When he opened them, Andrew was palming himself through his briefs at eye level, his gaze heavy lidded and lips parted slightly. 

The water beat against Andrew’s back and the mist rained down on Neil’s knees where he still sat, his back against the chilly tile and hands gripping the edge to keep himself up. Andrew flicked a meaningful look to his lips and stepped closer so his pelvis was in line with Neil’s face. 

“Yes or no?” asked Andrew, his hand dipping inside the fabric of his underwear . 

Neil’s eyes flared for a second before he managed to school his reaction. “Yes, always.”

Andrew held his stare for a few more seconds and then tilted his head back slightly. Neil eyed the little streams of water as they rolled down his neck and chest. 

“Close your eyes. And keep your hands to yourself ,” muttered Andrew.

Neil’s eyes fluttered shut and he wished Andrew would let him watch whatever it was he was about to do, but knew he was already stepping outside of his comfort zone. They’d showered together a few times but Andrew always kept his clothes on .

He could feel Andrew moving and imagined what he looked like, underwear pulled down just enough to stroke his pale cock, tip swollen and red and glistening with pre-cum. He’d gotten a few glimpses in bed but wanted to  _ know _ instead of imagine. Neils breath hitched when Andrews hand tightened in his hair to tilt his head back , and Neil  dug his fingers into t he  porcelain harder t o keep them in place. He knew this was just another exercise in control, another test to see if Neil could practice restraint when Andrew needed it. Neil didn’t mind so long as Andrew felt safe. Made him feel a fraction of what Neil felt when they were together.

Andrew stepped closer, his toes slotting on either side of Neils knees and Neil squeezed his eyes shut tighter. When Andrew’s breath grew labored Neil tensed with anticipation. And when the tip of Andrews  cock lightly bumped his bottom lip, it took everything Neil had to stay still, to not reach out with his tongue or shaky fingers. The fist in his hair pulled once last time, tilting his head farther  back and Neil opened his mouth on instinct, tongue pressed just on top of his bottom lip as warm fluid shot to the back of his throat, the tip of his tongue and his cheeks. Neil flinched a little in surprise but kept his mouth open and his body still as Andrew emptied over his face with a loud gasp. 

A few moments later the hand in his hair loosened and there was a break in the water hitting his knees while Andrew stepped backwards into the spray to rinse off his hand. Neil swallowed what was on his tongue. It tasted different than he thought...slightly bitter but clean in a way that made his mouth tingle. He stood when Andrew’s hands pulled at his shoulders, keeping his eyes shut all the while. Andrew pressed a hand to Neil’s chest to change their positions and tilted his head back to clean his face. 

“ Open your eyes,” said Andrew, his voice low but calm. 

Neil opened his eyes and looked down. Andrew was staring at him. Eyes searching again as if looking for regret or disappointment. Neil smiled and leaned forward and Andrew opened his mouth without hesitation. They kissed under the spray, lazily, gently. Neil reached for the body wash. 

“Yes or no?” he asked. 

Andrew nodded once and Neil took the wash cloth and lathered them both up, including Andrew’s torso, shirt  and all – though he steered clear of Andrews underwear.  Neil only spoke once to make a joke about Andrew using their showers to avoid doing laundry when he watched suds slide down Andrews neck to the dark cloth below. Andrew’s only reaction had been to brush by him to step beneath the spray of warm water. By the time they were both clean the water was starting to run cold, though Neil was grateful for the drop-in temperature since it helped keep his body in check when it threatened arousal again. 

Neil got out first, leaving Andrew to finish. He had just wrapped a towel around his waist and opened the door when sodden black b oxer-b riefs hit the floor with a wet slap. 

* * *

It wasn’t until hours later, when the two of them were sitting side by side on the porch steps sharing cigarettes that Neil finally remembered what had him running home in such haste. 

“They’re building an  Exy court in the next neighborhood over,” Neil blurted, with no preface or segue into the topic. 

Andrew’s cigarette drooped a little between his lips . He plucked it away with his left hand. “You’re telling me because....?”

“Come on...it’s a little exciting. We’ll be able to practice when we’re on  break without having to drive all the way back to school. It’s a good thing,” Neil nudged Andrew a little with his shoulder, doing his best to contain his excitement. 

Andrew only huffed what might be considered a laugh. “Junkie.”

Neil lifted his own cigarette to chest height, inhaling the smoke that reminded him less of his mother now and more of Andrew. He inspected the half-gone stick and smirked. “You say that now, but you’ll practice with me.”

Andrew stubbed out his cigarette on the porch and tossed the butt to the ashtray near the door, leaning back on his hands. “Oh? Will I?” 

“I’m sure I can find some sort of incentive. I can be pretty persuasive,” Neil grinned sidelong at Andrew, stubbing out his own cigarette and tossing it to join  the other discarded butts . 

They stared each other down for a few moments before Andrew reached out and pushed his face away. “Why don’t you persuade me not to push your ass off the porch.”

Neil laughed lightly and stood, stretching his arms above his head. He was just about to go back inside when the mail  couri e r pulled up to the house. Neil exchanged a glance with Andrew, who only shrugged and Neil jogged down the short sidewalk to meet the truck. 

“Delivery for ....Neil Josten?” asked the mailman, reading from the large envelope in his hand. 

“Uh...that’s me....” said Neil, hoping his response didn’t sound like a question. 

He’d gone down to the student services office at the university after his last delivery and given them the Columbia house as a forwarding address ( at Andrew’s  suggestion ) but couldn't think of anything he should be expecting. He took the envelope and didn’t bother with a ‘thank you’ as the man climbed back onto the truck. 

His brow creased as he read the return address. When he reached the porch, Andrew tilted his head at the confused expression on Neil’s face. 

“Neil . ”

Neil looked up for a split second and then back down, ripping open the envelope. “I don’t know...”

Inside the envelope was a second envelope, this one made of brown parchment and official looking from the Office of Vital Records. Neil frowned, slowly putting the pieces together. He stopped at the top of the porch and dug into the brown envelope with a shaky hand. Nimble fingers pulled out a thin sheet of paper with blue borders and black ink. The certificate documented the birth of Neil Abram Josten to Nathan Elam  Wesninski and Mary Imogen  Hatford . He’d  forgotten but knew this was coming. Knew when the feds shoved a stack of papers in his direction in Baltimore more than two months ago that he would be issued a new birth certificate. It felt like a tremendous victory and a punch in the gut at the same time. Because no matter how far behind he left Nathaniel, he would always be Nathan’s son. Neil didn’t realize how hard his hands were shaking until Andrews fingers closed around his wrists, a firm touch anchoring him to the present.

‘ _ It’s just a sheet of paper.’ _ He didn’t have to say it. Sometimes Neil could read everything in those hazel eyes without needing to hear a word.  So, Neil nodded and shoved the certificate back into the envelope. 

“Go get your stuff, we can go before they close,” said Andrew, breaking the heavy silence as they walked back inside. 

Neil paused just inside the door. “Go?”

“The bank? You said you wanted to open an account on your quest to join the other sheeple....”

Neil’s expression contorted into one of blank understanding and he nodded. They hadn’t discussed when they would do  it, but Neil surmised Andrew was giving him something that would be a good distraction from his thoughts. “Right....I’ll be right back.”

A few minutes later he returned with a pile of cash, social security card and new birth certificate tucked under his arm and they climbed into the  Maserati . 

* * *

Andrew didn’t drop him off this time. He sat across from Neil in the plain looking waiting room while some home improvement show played quietly on the television affixed to the wall. Neil had paced the first several minutes until Andrew shot him a fervent  warning  glare. Now he leaned forward in the chair, his hands tight around the documents he carried and his foot tapping against the tile. 

They’d talked about this weeks  ago but he was still nervous. So far, he’d gotten away with having  all of his student stipends sent as checks and had them cashed at less than reputable payday loan establishments. His room, board, and student fees were all covered by the school with his  scholarship but each Fox was given a stipend of two hundred and three hundred dollars a month for additional living expenses and school supplies. Most of it had been used on books, groceries and trips to Columbia over the year, so he hadn’t accumulated much extra. But even after shelling out thousands for Andrew’s new car and his initial expenses moving to the dorm, he still had over a hundred and fifty grand in cash and his  mothers instructions that would lead him to another half a million should he ever go looking. Andrew suggested he split the cash. A hundred thousand was hidden under a discreet loose floorboard in Andrew’s old bedroom at the house in Columbia in a  fire proof box.  Wymack had agreed to hang on to another thirty, leaving Neil and Andrew to shoulder the remaining twenty-five grand between them. Andrew had deposited fifteen thousand into the savings account he shared with Nicky and Aaron, sending them both threatening messages not to touch it. That left Neil with an envelope of nine thousand dollars to deposit into his very own account. 

“What if the FBI or  Moriyamas realize I know where some of the money is?” Neil whispered in German.

“Well they will if you keep talking,” sniped Andrew. “Just shut up about it and try to act normal. A feat for you, I know.”

Neil glared at him but didn’t have time to protest since a young blonde woman in a suit approached with an outstretched hand. 

“I’m Rebecca. I hear you want to open a new checking account with us today?”

Neil nodded and stood, taking her hand. “Yes ma’m.”

“Excellent,” smiled the bank manager. “Right this way and we can get you all set up.”

It was less pain ful than he thought, though he still felt as though he’d signed his life away. But the woman didn’t bat an eye when he handed over a stack of rubber banded bills and Neil left feeling much lighter, as if carrying so much cash for so long had been a physical weight. 

They detoured for dinner and ice cream at Sweeties and just before they pulled into the neighborhood on the return trip Andrew glanced his way, his face unreadable in the dark. “We should get out of town for the last couple weeks.”

Neil shifted in his seat, blue eyes flicking to his side. “Okay. Where?”

“Doesn’t matter. Savannah, maybe?” he said, turning onto their street.

“Alright. Leave tomorrow?” Neil asked. 

Andrew nodded. 

After a beat Neil smiled. “Kevin’s going to be furious if we ditch him for two  weeks .”

Andrew turned off the car and pushed the door open. “Ask me if I care.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you soon!


	5. Bursting the Bubble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All credit to Nora, I own nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope things are going well for you guys! Have some soft vacation!Andreil in these trying times.
> 
> ~*~
> 
> CHAPTER RATING: T

** Saturday, June 1 ** ** st **

Neil lay on the plush mattress of their obscenely large king-sized bed holding a small digital camera aloft. He and Andrew had been in Savannah, Georgia for a full week already. Neil thought staying at a hotel for such an extended period would peak his  anxiety but it had been, admittedly, the most relaxing week of his life. While Andrew wasn't often the most patient or pleasant person to be around, something about being away from anything familiar, from everything that reminded him of past trauma, made him exude a sort of calm Neil had never encountered from the goalkeeper. And it was contagious. Neil had fallen into a serene sort of comfort he couldn’t ever remember feeling before. Well, after the first few days, at least. 

When they arrived, he used his new check card for the first time and was almost sure the FBI or Moriyama family would show up at the door of their hotel to arrest or kill Neil for lying about the money he’d kept. But a week  passed and no one came. He allowed the hotel to charge them nearly two hundred a night and didn't bat an eye. Usually he was more conservative with his money but being able to spend this time with Andrew, being on a real vacation, was worth its weight in gold - or stolen blood money, as it were. 

They spent most of their days wandering the city in silence. Neil could have done without the extreme humidity or the crowds. He still watched the hands of everyone they passed, half expecting to be attacked by his father's remaining henchmen. But overall, the pair didn’t have any major hiccups in their impromptu vacation. They’d tried more than a dozen restaurants, wandered into every type of store imaginable from quirky antique bookstores to tacky tourist shops. Andrew had spent nearly two hours in an old-fashioned candy store but given Neil shit for ordering a wine  slushie at the open-air bar across the street that didn’t bother asking for an ID. 

Sometimes they sat for hours with drinks and cigarettes in hand, listening to bands or street performers in Ellis Square and traded truths that were nothing more than distant memories. They attracted more than a few stares over their street-side wandering, either for Neil’s scars or the pair of identical black bands that were more than out of place in the Savannah heat. Neil never assumed that they had been recognized for their status as  Exy players until their fifth day. A boy, maybe twelve years old, had tapped Neil on the shoulder to ask for their autographs. He’d stared at the kid in stunned silence for a solid minute before taking the pen and small slip of paper the boy offered. This happened a few times when he had gone into town in Columbia or at the airport with Kevin, but never in a million years did he think people would know, or care, who he was outside of watching a game on ESPN. He signed his name but before he could hand the paper to Andrew the blond had purposefully wandered off and Neil had given the boy a tight smile and apologized for his teammates behavior, “Sorry, he’s uh...shy.”

He teased Andrew about the encounter for the rest of the day, asking what he would do when he was a pro- Exy player in a few years and had fangirls following him around. His response had been to scowl and quicken his steps to a remarkable walking pace for someone with such short legs. Neil still  wasn’t able to get Andrew to give an inch about preparing for the future, about what he would do after the Foxes, but he wasn’t ready to give up just yet. 

On the last day of May, Neil suggested they visit the beach but Andrew had vetoed it, citing a hate-hate relationship with sand. Though Neil suspected part of Andrew’s reluctance was for his own sake – knowing the beach would likely trigger things he wasn’t yet ready to face. One night on the roof before the year finished, Neil had given Andrew a detailed account of his mother's death, right down to describing the stench of her burning flesh and the sound her skin made ripping away from the black vinyl car seat. Andrew’s suspicions had all but been confirmed when Neil dropped the idea  without further argument  and suggested they go on a riverboat cruise instead. The events surrounding his mother’s death were still a weight on his heart and he knew he would have to face it someday. But perhaps for now, he could just enjoy the calm. 

Neil flipped to the next photo. A picture of passing boats from their quiet place among the deck of the Georgia Queen, an old timey paddle boat. Neil smiled at the image. 

_ “You do  _ _ not  _ _ get to fall off, Josten. If you go overboard it’s going to be because I pushed you.” _

Neil had been leaning over the rail to get the picture and Andrew had yanked him back by the shirt when he leaned too far.

The shower cut off in the other room and Neil felt his phone buzz beside his head. He set the camera aside and flipped open the device, reading through the messages he’d been ignoring all day. 

According to his updates Renee and Allison were helping Stephanie Walker renovate her kitchen. Nicky had just gotten back from an exhausting hike with Eric and swore he would never step foot into ‘nature’ again. Dan and Matt sent him a ‘hello’ from New York and expressed their annoyance that they couldn’t send him pictures. Allison had sent her daily complaint about the same topic. And Kevin had sent six more messages asking when they would be back,  all of which Neil continued to ignore. He knew Andrew checked in with Kevin, grudgingly, at least once a day to make sure he was still alive.

After responding to his other teammates, Neil rolled onto his stomach to tap out a longer text to  Wymack , asking for details about the new recruits. In five days, he and Andrew would return to Columbia, and two days after that they would return to the dorms at Palmetto State, which were apparently in the process of being renovated. 

** [Coach]  ** All but one will be arriving Sunday afternoon. Van is rented. Guess who I heard just got a new license and gets to go pick them up?

** [Josten]  ** You?

** [Coach]  ** Don’t be an idiot

** [Josten]  ** Dan??

** [Coach]  ** Don’t get smart with me asshole

** [Josten]  ** Fine. But you can’t blame me if I end up tying them to the roof if they annoy me.

** [Coach]  ** Fair enough

Neil sighed heavily and tossed his phone down, rolling onto his back with a scowl. Andrew opened the bathroom door, stepping out with a cloud of steam behind him. He was wearing a pair of loose pajama pants slung low on his hips and a t-shirt, scrubbing his hair with a hand towel. 

“What’s that look?” he asked. 

Blue eyes flicked back and Neil slid his hands under his head, looking at Andrew from his upside-down view on the bed. “Coach wants me to pick up the freshman from the airport next S unday .”

Andrew  gave a huff  and tossed the towel onto the bedside chair. “Sounds like a good job for the new  _ vice-captain _ .”

He rolled to his stomach first and pushed up to a sitting position, making an effort to glare at Andrew, which was more than a little difficult with Andrew standing there ,  damp , with his shirt riding up over his hip. “You could come with me you know.”

Andrew only lifted his brows in feigned amusement.  Neil rolled his eyes.

“Fine...abandon me to the wolves,” he said, pursing his lips.

“Maybe they'll eat you alive and I won’t have to deal with your dumb ass anymore,” said Andrew, dousing the lights and climbing into bed. 

Neil grinned in the dark and shifted to  crawl under the covers next to him. “ You like my dumb ass. Don’t think I haven’t seen you staring at it.”

“You have two seconds to shut up before I sew your fucking mouth shut....” said Andrew, unconvincingly, as he slid a hand around Neil’s neck. 

“Yea? I’ve heard that one bef....” but Neil didn’t finish his retort because lips found his and hands pressed him back into the pillows. 

He’d think about the start of school, Kevin berating them for being gone so long, and the potentially problematic freshman tomorrow. Because tonight all that mattered was Andrew’s  strong chest pressed against his and the plush mattress that cocooned them in their own private world, for just a little longer. 

* * *

** Monday, June 3 ** ** rd **

Neil could barely contain his excitement as the pair strolled down St. Julian Square on Monday afternoon. For most of their little vacation the pair had lazed around hotel or wandered  aimlessly around  the city, the few purposeful outings having been suggested by Neil. When Andrew had returned Monday morning with breakfast in hand and tossed a pamphlet on the bed, Neil had to cover his shock. 

“You want to go here?” Neil had asked. 

“You have plans or something?” Andrew countered. 

Neil shook his head quickly. “No, I want to go.”

They approached a nondescript brick structure with a small sign hanging over the front that read ‘American Prohibition Museum’. Neil paid their way and the two wandered inside the dimly lit building. History was never Neil’s thing, and he wasn’t sure why this tourist spot had caught Andrew’s interest, but he wasn’t going to complain. Everything about this trip felt like a  _ real _ vacation. Or at least what Neil had always assumed a real vacation was like. They ate out, took in the sites, and visited silly tourist attractions just like any other person might. It was exciting and disturbing all at once. Even though it was something he wanted, Neil couldn’t help but think how much his life had changed since last May. Never in a million years did he think the year would end with him visiting a  _ museum _ with someone he was, for all intents and purposes,  _ dating -  _ even if neither of them would admit as much. The concept itself was almost too absurd to consider. But it was happening, right here, right now.  _ Life _ was happening, when at the beginning of the year he only expected death.

His giddy enthusiasm took a turn when he considered what came next. He would continue playing  Exy but there was always the possibility that something would go wrong. An injury or illness that took him out of the game, or the perhaps the  Moriyamas would just decide to renege on their deal and take him out for the hell of it. Then all of this,  _ life _ , would stop. And now that he’d gotten a taste of it, it terrified him to think that this could all come to a violent, abrupt end. 

Neil shook his head, trying to rid himself of the unwanted thoughts. He’d been running and fighting and  _ avoiding _ for so long it had kept him on edge, kept his survival instincts buzzing to the forefront of his mind. But now that all of that was over. Now that he was at a standstill it was hard to keep the what-if’s at bay. It was even harder to accept a potential fate when a potential future stretched ahead of him.

“ _ Neil _ .”

From the urgent tone of his voice, it wasn’t the first time Andrew called his name. Neil was still standing just inside the entrance and a group of four that came in after them tried to maneuver around him. Andrew reached out and grabbed his wrist, pulling him out of the way before he had a chance to move. Andrew’s look was searching but Neil only shrugged and muttered something that might have been an apology for zoning out. 

Shoving his inner turmoil to the darker corner of his mind, Neil led the way through the museum. As they weaved through displays, Neil snapped an unnecessary number of pictures. It was something else he’d compensated for in his new  _ normal _ life. He’d never been allowed to keep  photos or be in photos in the past. His mother hadn’t even taken a single photo from their home when they fled all those years ago. Now that he was allowed, Neil took pictures of everything. He wanted to document these moments of normalcy. Moments that seemed to begin with that first photograph of he and Andrew in their matching coats at the airport. A photo that still hung in the lounge of the Foxhole Court. He wanted to  _ remember. _

They took in the sights and he even teased Andrew whenever they passed a satirical poster or wax figure of someone that looked like they were using alcohol  excessively  citing  _ ‘This is you. _ ’ Andrew only shoved him along to the next display and Neil didn’t bother to hide his amusement. 

The camera clicked as Neil snapped another picture, this time of a wax figure making moonshine. “It’s a good thing we didn’t bring Nicky and Matt. ..this would probably give them bad ideas  about how  to turn their dorm into a distillery.”

Andrew’s eyes slid across the information placard in front of the display before giving the wax man a once over. “It wouldn’t work out.  Nicky is more of a nightmare in the kitchen than you are.  They’d probably set the building on fire.”

Neil tried to look affronted but snorted a laugh, continuing on. 

Towards the end of their self-guided tour Andrew pointed at one of the displays. Against one wall were wax figures of Al Capone and a few other well-known gangsters. In the middle of the floor was a car from the 1920’s with three bodies inside, all baring gunshots and bloodstains. ‘ _ This is you, _ ’ said Andrew, returning the jab from earlier. Neil leveled him with and glare but couldn’t manage to put any heat behind it. Normally it wouldn’t be the type of thing you’d joke  about but Neil had long given up trying to encompass any iteration of what was actually considered ‘normal’ when it came to his and Andrew’s violent backgrounds. 

When they reached the end of the museum, Neil figured out why Andrew suggested they come. A speakeasy awaited the end of their journey. Neil slid onto seat at the glossy bar next to Andrew who struggled a little to climb onto the high stool. He had some consternation about trying to drink at a public bar they were unfamiliar with since they were both still underage, but he needn’t have worried. When the woman behind the counter leaned across and asked for ID, Andrew slid her two hundred dollars, while flashing a roll of more bills, and ordered. She hesitated for a moment but then slipped the bills into her apron and went to work. Neil sent him an impressed glance but Andrew kept looking ahead. 

They drank for more than an hour, mostly in silence, trying several of the cocktails. They weren’t overly pigmented or sweet like the monstrosities Nicky ordered from Roland and Neil found he liked the taste of them. Even though they didn’t taste it, they were also quite strong, whether because they were supposed to be or because of Andrew’s generous tips, he wasn’t sure. By the time they left the sun was setting and Neil was feeling pleasantly fuzzy around the edges. 

“How did you know she would serve us?” Neil asked, stumbling a little over a curb as he tried to keep up with Andrew’s quick pace. 

Hazel eyes flicked down to the ground as if to make sure Neil had found his footing before he answered. “She needed the money.”

Neil’s brows slowly crept into his forehead. He grabbed Andrew’s shoulder to slow him down. 

“ How do you know that ?”

Andrew did slow but kept his eyes ahead. He shoved his hands into his pockets and allowed the light pressure of Neil’s hand on his shoulder, a casual touch, something they were both slowly easing into. When the blond  spoke, his voice came out exasperated, like explaining was the most tedious thing he’d done all day. 

“She’s a college student. Behind the counter there was a messenger bag with the SCAD logo on it and a graphic design book. She looked like she hadn’t slept much and her roots were growing out like she hasn’t seen a salon in months.”

Neil stayed silent for a few moments, brows knitting further. “You figured all that out from a bag and her face?”

“People are easy to read if you pay attention,” breathed Andrew.

Neil’s squeezed his hand on Andrew’s shoulder and stopped walking. Andrew stopped as well, turning to face him. 

“Am I easy to read?” Neil asked, genuinely curious. 

Andrew’s eyes narrowed and his lip curled in a  cold,  mocking  smile . “You’re an open fucking book, Neil. With pictures. A three-year-old could read you.”

He thought he should be offended but the pleasant heaviness in his limbs and jagged edges that were smoothed over by the alcohol only made him grin. He took a step closer, leaning into Andrew’s space. 

“Yea? What am I saying right now?” Neil challenged. 

Andrew tilted his head upwards and the press of his mouth, the tension in his shoulders told Neil he would either kiss him or hit him. At length Andrew reached up and pressed two fingers to the burn scars on Neil’s right cheek and pushed his face away. “You’re saying you want me to murder you and dump your body in the Savannah River.”

Neil chuckled and turned to keep walking. 

“Guess I'm not as readable as you thought,” he teased. 

But Andrew knew  _ exactly _ what was on his mind. 

* * *

** Wednesday ** ** , June  ** ** 5 ** ** th **

Neil sorted through the photos in his hands, pausing mid-step to gaze down at  one in particular . On their third day in Savannah, the day Andrew had caught Neil eyeing the camera in a store and purchased it for him so they could  _ ‘get the hell out sometime this century’ _ , he and Andrew spent an hour sitting on a bench outside their hotel watching the boats float down the river. Neil had snapped a few photos to try and figure out how to make the contraption work. Once he’d figured it out, he leaned towards Andrew, pressing their shoulders together while he held the camera aloft. He called Andrew’s name, who had been distracted by loud children playing nearby. When Andrew turned and leaned into him slightly, he’d snapped the photo. Andrew wore a calm, passive expression but scowled immediately after the photo had been taken. But it was too late. Neil wore a small smile in the picture, much like the one he wore now looking down at the printed copy. He’d quickly filled up the small memory card and been forced to print the photos so he could use it again. Most were of local scenery; several were of a blurry Andrew when he wasn’t looking. A few were even of Neil, when Andrew had snatched the device away and mimed throwing it in the garbage but instead snapped unflattering photos of Neil. Several photos were of Neil’s denim clad ass, which he had deleted before taking to the print shop. But this one, in this one photo, they were together. It wasn’t overt...they didn’t look like a couple, or whatever. But the way he wore a soft smile, and the way Andrew was leaning in towards him, their shoulders pressed tightly together, it was enough for Neil. Proof that whatever _ ‘this’ _ was, was important to  both of them .

With careful fingers, Neil dropped the photos back into their envelope and shoved it in the pocket of his shorts. He’d stopped by the print shop on his way back from his morning run but Andrew would probably be up soon and want food. 

They only had one full day left before they would return to Columbia and Neil wanted to spend as much time together as they could before facing their teammates \-  new and old. 

When he entered the hotel room the shower was going. Neil tucked the photos away in his bag and sat on the bedside chair to wait. A phone buzzed on the table to his left only moments after he sat down. Both phones lay side by side so he picked them both up to figure out which one was vibrating. It was his. He flipped the phone open and stared at the caller ID for a moment before answering. He thought it might have been Kevin, who surprisingly hadn’t called or texted in the last three days , telling them to come home. 

“Aaron?” Neil didn’t bother masking his confusion. Aaron had only sent him a single text in the t ime that they’d known each other and Neil couldn’t think why he’d be calling now. 

“Where’s my brother?” asked Aaron, an edge to his voice that had Neil sitting up a little straighter. 

“In the shower. Why’d you call me if you wanted him?”

Aaron nearly cut him off in an effort to get to the point  quickly . “Because I’ve called him six fucking times and he won’t answer. Have you guys checked your email?” 

“We’re out of town and haven’t been near a computer,” explained Neil.  “Are you back in Columbia already?”

“Well find one. It’s important.” Aaron hung up the phone. 

Neil heaved a sigh and stared down at the phone for a few seconds. He tapped it against the metal surface of the table before standing up. A few minutes later Neil found himself in the hotels business center. After several failed attempts, he remembered his (stupidly easy) password and logged in to his student email account. Most of it seemed to be junk or reminders from the school, but one subject line caught his eye. It was a message Aaron had forwarded to him as well as Andrew, Nicky, and Kevin, sent by his lawyer. The message gave details about the upcoming trial date, which had been moved up by a week and a half, and the witness list for the defense was attached. Neil scanned the names. Most he didn’t recognize, but by their titles he could surmise they were cops, doctors or other professionals. Luther and Maria  Hemmick were both listed along with the Foxes that had been there that day. And towards the bottom, a name that made Neils veins run cold. Kenneth Proust MD. 

Neil had a sudden urge to put his fist through the screen. His uncle mentioned that Ichirou was cleaning house coast to coast and had hoped Proust had made the cut; had been a loose end the  Moriyamas didn’t want to risk. But the fact that his name was listed on a document sent only two days prior meant he was alive. Neil swore under his breath. He printed out the pages and carried them back up to the room, wrinkling them between tense fingers. He wanted to shield Andrew from this, even if just for a couple more days. But he knew what would happen if Andrew found out he’d kept him in the dark. 

When Neil pushed the door open Andrew was mostly dressed; only his shoes and arm bands were absent. He sat on the edge of the bed to pull on socks. Neil let go of the door and it closed with a soft click. He stood in front of it, trying to come up with words to explain this. He didn’t know how Andrew would react but knew it wouldn’t be good. 

“Where have you been?” asked Andrew asked with mild interest. 

Neil gripped the papers in his hand tighter. “Downstairs. Aaron called.”

Andrews gaze flicked to the side where their phones sat on the table, and then back to Neil. 

“You weren’t answering so he called me,” explained Neil.

Andrew leaned back on his hands, chin tilting down to the crumpled paper in Neils hand in question. Finally, Neil took a deep breath and stepped forward, extending his hand outwards. Andrew took the paper and did his best to smooth it out against his thigh before holding it up to read. 

Neil crossed his arms over his chest nervously and watched. He could see hazel eyes scanning the document rapidly but Andrews expression never changed. A minute later he tossed the paper to the side and reached down to pull on his shoes. His armbands followed and Neil watched as he slid two slim knives into the hidden sheathes beneath them. Andrew snatched the pack of cigarettes from the table and maneuvered around Neil towards the door. Neil turned to track his movement. 

“Where are you going?” asked Neil, trying to keep the edge from his voice.

“Out.”

Neil dropped his hands to his sides. He knew the answer but he asked anyways. “Can I come with you?”

“No,” said Andrew, slamming the door behind him. 

Neil  paused with his hand inches from the door knob.  He wanted to go after  Andrew but knew better. Nothing he could say would prepare Andrew for having to see Proust again. The last time they’d spoken about Proust Neil had implied that Andrew was planning to kill him and Andrew hadn’t denied it. With everything else that had happened , Neil had nearly forgotten about i t. N ow worry pitted in his stomach. He wanted Proust dead just as much as Andrew but Aaron was already due to be on trial  for murdering a degenerate piece of shit; he didn’t want Andrew being caught and brought up on similar charges. 

With a shake of his head, trying to dislodge some of his thoughts, Neil retreated to the shower. He wanted to talk to someone about this. Anyone. But no one knew about Proust. At least, not what he’d done. Neil decided the first thing he would do when they made it back to Columbia would be to dig his  uncles number from his binder and make a call he hoped he wouldn’t regret. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Full disclosure, I stole 99% of the Savannah outing from a trip I took with some friends a few years. XD


	6. Fresh Meat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The freshman have arrived. 
> 
> ~*~
> 
> All credit to Nora, I own nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update - life things. Thank you for keeping up with the story though!
> 
> ~*~
> 
> CHAPTER RATING: T

** Thursday June 6 ** ** th **

Neil was already in bed when Andrew returned Wednesday night.  He’d gone out a few times to make sure the Maserati was still parked in the nearby garage. To make sure Andrew hadn’t left to murder  the good doctor . But the car stayed put and Neil tried to keep calm. Telling himself over and over that Andrew would be okay, that he just needed space and that they would deal with this together, when he was ready. He was tempted several times to call Betsy but every time he managed to dial he would end up tossing the phone aside in frustration.

It was after midnight when Andrew returned, smelling faintly of smoke, and slipped into bed without a word. Neil kept silent but spent several hours watching Andrew until the blond fell into a restless sleep. 

The next  morning they were both sluggish to get moving. They packed their few belongings and showered separately. Neil ordered room service and they ate in silence before checking out around eleven. Neil drank several cups of coffee and buzzed uncomfortably with too much caffeine and the need to talk to Andrew, who was eerily silent. When they got in the car he immediately turned the radio up, a clear indication that he wasn’t going to participate in any sort of conversation. 

Once they arrived back in Columbia, Andrew immediately retreated to the bedroom, leaving Neil to greet Aaron, who had arrived back a few days ago. Neil dropped his and Andrew’s duffle bags on the kitchen table and eyed the dishes in the sink Aaron was working on.

Aaron stared at the closed door to Andrews bedroom for a solid minute before rounding on Neil with a look of suspicion. “What’s wrong with him?’

Neil shrugged, moving into the kitchen to dig a glass from the cabinet. “Nothing. He’s fine.”

The  backliner rolled his eyes and continued his work on the glassware, glancing at Neil every few minutes. When the last dish was on the drying rack Aaron dried his hands and leaned against the counter, his back to Neil and eyes still on the bedroom door. 

“I don’t want anyone there that doesn’t need to be ,” he said, finally. “Make sure the rest of them don’t come.”

Neil took a long drink of water before nodding his understanding. It was a vague statement but Neil knew what Aaron was talking about. “Okay.”

Aaron finally turned to face him, features blank and void of emotion. It was an expression so familiar to Neil and yet completely alien. He was used to seeing this same look on Andrew but he’d gotten good at reading through Andrew impassive features to at least be able to gauge his mood. The same look on Aaron just left him confused, though he had no desire to figure it out. They stared each other down for several moments before Aaron moved again, turning to leave. 

“Waterhouse and Bee want to meet with the two of us on the 21 st . Make sure he’s there.” Aaron left and Neil listened until the footsteps ended at the top of the stairs and a door slammed. 

Neil heaved a sigh and dropped his empty glass into the sink. His eyes traveled from the closed bedroom door to their bags several times. He wanted to go for a run to keep his body from crashing with  exhaustion but didn’t want to disturb Andrew just yet. The clothes in his duffle were dirty. He tapped a finger on the counter for a few measures before snatching his phone from his pocket and retreating to the front porch. 

The first number he dialed went to voicemail, which wasn’t unexpected. Stuttgart was six hours ahead of them and Nicky would be spending his last night with Eri k before traveling home the next day. Neil sat on the porch and lit a cigarette before trying another number. This time Matt answered. He and Dan had parted the week prior so she could go visit her aunt and stage sisters while Matt spent the remainder of the holiday with his mother in Vegas since she had a fight that week. 

He let the cheerful cadence of Matts voice drown out his concern and soaked in every word. 

“It’s kind of lame though, being in Vegas without you guys. Though I’m sure being here alone is the only thing that’s kept me out of trouble,” Matt laughed through the receiver. 

Neil held the cigarette up and inspected the cherry. “We're not that bad.”

“Please. At least three of us would have been arrested by now if we were all together. Probably me. Definitely you,” said Matt. 

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” Neil chuckled. 

“So, what about you?” asked Matt. “Do anything interesting over break? Besides your boyfriend, I mean.”

Neil could practically  _ hear _ Matt’s grin but ignored the last comment. He stubbed out the cigarette on the porch and leaned back on one hand. “We went to Savannah. I took pictures.”

“Nice. Surprised you know how to use a camera,” quipped Matt. 

Neil smiled at the jab but decided not to tell Matt how long he’d spent reading the instructions before he got the damn thing to work. “Fuck you.”

Matt laughed again and Neil heard someone knocking on a door through the receiver. “No but really...I’m glad you didn’t just sit around Abby’s all summer. It’s good you got to do something normal for once. I want to hear all about it Saturday. But  listen.. . I have to go. See you in a couple days?”

Neil nodded with the phone to his ear. “Yea, Matt. See you soon. Wish  Randy l uck for me.”

“Will do . N ot that she needs it!”

Neil was shoving the phone back in his pocket just as Andrew wandered onto the porch. Neil watched him and the concern that had dissipated some throughout his conversation with Matt returned full force, making him feel like he’d swallowed a stone. But Andrew never made eye contact. He had a bottle of whisky in one hand and used his other to lower himself on to the porch step a few feet away. Andrew reached for the discarded pack of cigarettes that lay between them and shook one out, lighting it without a word. Neil watched him for a few minutes before turning his attention forward. 

“Betsy and Waterhouse want to meet with you and Aaron on the 21 st to go over your testimony,” said Neil, trying to keep his voice as even as possible. 

Andrew didn’t look at him  but hummed his understanding. 

It would be hours later before Andrew finally spoke. The twins sat on opposite sides of the living room, both nursing bottles of booze when Neil asked what kind of pizza they wanted. Both had replied with opposite, one-word (Veggie – Meat) answers without looking away from the tv and Neil rolled his eyes before going to the kitchen to order take out – cheese and pineapple out of spite. 

He knew things would be tense as the semester approached. Between the new recruits and Aaron’s trial, Neil expected things to get frosty between the twins, but this was almost on the same level as their cold war he thought had ended months ago. And it set Neil on edge because he didn’t think there was a goddamn  thing he could do about it other than let the events unfold and try to pick up the pieces as best he could. Neil just hoped whatever the fall out might be that  he would be able to help put them back together.

* * *

** Saturday, June 8 ** ** th **

Andrew seemed to have gone back to normal by that Friday, ignoring his brother and talking to Neil when necessary. Though Neil could already tell the contentment they felt in their vacation bubble had violently popped. Andrew’s mood was calm but quiet and he spoke only when Neil asked him a question and offered nothing more to the conversation.  Neil didn’t bother mentioning Proust, knowing Andrew wouldn’t respond. Along with his clipped words, everything about his posture screamed that he didn’t want to be touched . Neil put more vigor into packing than was truly necessary since it helped him keep his hands to himself.

By nine o’clock Friday the trio was packed and ready for their trip to the dorm the following day. Nicky should have returned that night but his flight had been delayed and he wouldn’t arrive until Saturday morning. 

Neil retrieved the  backliner from the airport and  despite the fact that he’d been traveling overnight for the last thirteen hours, he was wired with energy. He’d chattered about his time with Erik the entire ride back to the house and less than three minutes after stepping into the Columbia home, Andrew had already slammed a door in his face. 

“Nice to see you too you little asshole!” said Nicky, unfazed and grinning at the bedroom door. 

Luckily , Nicky still had to pack so he retreated upstairs shortly after, allowing Andrew to reemerge with a scowl.

Ultimately Andrew, Neil and Aaron made the first trip to the dorms and then Andrew sent Neil back for Nicky, not wanting to deal with  his enthusiastic cousin . 

The first thing Neil noticed when he approached the door to Fox Tower was the security guard posted at a desk just inside the glass doors. Earlier that morning he’d helped Aaron and Andrew unload their belongings on the curb but had left to get Nicky without going inside. 

Neil pulled at the handle, making note of the small black box on the wall next to the door. He exchanged  a n apprehensive  look with Nicky as they entered and before they made their way to the elevator the guard stopped them. 

“Names?” he asked, standing behind the desk with a clipboard in hand. 

“Nicky ...Nicholas Hemmick and Neil Josten.” said Nicky, though it sounded more like a question. 

The guard flipped  through a few pages and made check marks before setting the clipboard down and opening a file box on top of the desk. The man thumbed through tabs without looking up and eventually dug his fingers between the folders to pull out two small, identical envelopes. They were only distinguishable by the different room numbers written on the front in black sharpie. He handed them over and the athletes shifted the bags on their shoulders to take them. Nicky got his open first, pulling out a folded-up sheet of paper and a small, hard, piece of plastic with a hole in the top. A barcode adorned the small card. Nicky gave the man a questioning  look just as Neil tipped the contents into his own palm. 

“The keycard gets you into the building and your rooms. It also gets you into the basement facilities. If they don’t work or you need a replacement you can find the number to call on the  paper there. There will also be a guard posted here for the remainder of the year. The hours and number to the security desk here are also listed. You should also know there are cameras posted here,”, the guard pointed to the corner behind him, ”at the end of each hall and around the outside of the building.”

Nicky nodded a thanks and they set off towards the elevators. “Did you know about this?” he asked. 

Neil shook his head. “Makes sense though, with all the shit that’s happened the last two years. Most of which is our fault. ”

_ My fault, _ he thought. 

Nicky hummed his agreement and the elevator dinged on the third floor. The two Foxes readjusted their bags and set down the hall to their rooms. At first glance everything seemed the same, but Neil quickly picked up on the changes. The walls had a fresh coat of white paint and each room had the same small, black box affixed to the wall just beside the doorknob. 

According to the envelope Neil would be in the room at the far end of the hall on the third floor , and from what  Wymack had told him Nicky would be sharing with Matt and Aaron. That left the female upper classman with their own room and a room each for the freshman male and female recruits. His room was at the end of the hall on the right; Nicky’s across the hall on their left. 

Nicky disappeared into his room first and just as Neil raised the keycard to the electronic box, the door opened. Andrew stepped aside to let him  in and Neil immediately crossed the room towards the bedroom, taking note that Andrew had already popped the glass screen from the window. The bedroom door was  open so Neil turned sideways to squeeze through with his bags and dropped them on the floor just beside the threshold. The layout was  similar to the first time he’d stepped foot in the Fox Tower dorms, when Seth had roomed with them. Against the left side of the wall was a single bed on a platform with storage drawers underneath. On the right was a bunk bed, the bottom with a full-size mattress, the top with a twin. The bed was a different model, with black metal for the frame and ladder. One look at the single bed and Neil could already tell had Kevin had claimed it. He turned to ask Andrew which bunk he wanted but Andrew breezed past him, snatching Neil’s bags out of the  doorway and tossing them onto the bottom bunk. 

Neil turned to head back downstairs and could hear Andrew on his heels. 

“You need help?” he asked. 

Neils first instinct was to say ‘No’ but he paused long enough force some semblance of cheer into his voice and said “Sure.”

Nicky was already in the hall heading for the stairs and turned when he heard footsteps. “Oh, good timing. Andrew, you  helping? That’s good. Your useless brother won’t stop texting his  _ lover _ long enough to even listen to me.”

Nicky chatted idly about the new dorm set ups, complaining  loudly  that Aaron had already claimed the bottom bunk. “It’s not fair. He’s basically a hobbit, I shouldn’t have to climb up that ladder every night. I’m too old for that shit.”

“You’re twenty-four,” was the only comment Neil offered as they pushed through the doors to the parking lot. 

“Yea, exactly , I'm ancient !”

Neil r esisted r oll ing his eyes and clicked the remote to unlock the doors on the Maserati. 

Andrew leaned against the car and smoked half a cigarette before he helped unload the rest of the car. Even with his small stature he was surprisingly useful as a pack mule. Nicky piled several bags over his own shoulders and pulled one beanbag out of the backseat. Andrew grabbed Neil’s remaining duffle, tucked the small safe under his arm, and snatched the other beanbag, leaving Neil to grab Nicky’s remaining two suitcases. The three managed to squeeze into the elevator and Aaron did show up long enough to help Nicky lug his bags into their suite. 

The remaining upperclassman showed up staggered throughout the day. Matt arrived next and hugged Neil so tight it took several minutes for his lungs to re-inflate. Neil helped him unpack quickly so he could retrieve Dan and Renee from the airport since their flights were arriving half an hour apart. Allison showed up around three with her car packed to the brim with designer luggage. Neil and Nicky helped her haul everything to her dorm. He thought about sneaking off to avoid having to carry anything else since his arms burned like he’d been on the court all day, but luckily Kevin showed up when Matt returned with the girls and they made short work of their belongings. 

After quick greetings they all retreated to their rooms to unpack, agreeing to head to dinner downtown at seven. Kevin had been the first to arrive and had already finished unpacking which meant Neil was only half-way through re-folding his clothes and shoving them into the top two drawers of the dresser before the older striker laid into him about their practice schedule. Neil thought he should be excited to start the new season, but between Andrew’s frigid demeanor and the dread of having to pick up the freshman the following day, Neil only had it in him to nod and agree with whatever Kevin was saying, half tuning him out. 

“Are you even listening to me?” Kevin asked.

“Yes, jesus, Kevin. Can I at least finish unpacking?” said Neil, annoyed. 

“Learn to multi-task. You  are  going to have to when you’re in charge next year,” said Kevin, continuing his spiel. 

Neil was exhausted but glad when it was time for dinner if it meant a small reprieve from Kevin’s obsessive rambling. 

Andrew followed the two strikers from the room and Neil was a little surprised Andrew was joining  them , given his mood. But he suspected hunger won out over his need to be anti-social since they hadn’t yet been to shop for groceries. Apparently, Aaron had to be badgered into coming but he trailed Nicky down the hall ahead of them. 

Dinner was a pleasant, if not exhausting, affair due to the upperclassman carrying the conversation along with Nicky. They talked about the ir respective vacations and eventually their plans for the upcoming school semester. Neil occasionally interjected between bites of chicken and Andrew spared a few words to Renee about their school schedules. Aaron remained silent. Kevin only spoke when the conversation steered towards  Exy and scowled when no one seemed to want to engage him on the subject more than a few passing remarks. 

“What time do you have to leave tomorrow, Neil?” asked Dan. 

“The first one comes in around eleven but the last won’t arrive until two, so that’s when I plan on getting there,” he said. 

Wymack had emailed him the flight numbers and times for the freshman. He could get there as soon as the first plane landed but Neil already didn’t want to deal with the newcomers, so hanging out with them for three hours while the others arrived was out of the question. He’d gotten used to his small Fox family. They’d been through a lot together and they knew each other's secrets. They came for him in Baltimore when they should have washed their hands of him. They were more than teammates, they were family. Neil wasn’t sure he was ready to let anyone else in or if he even had room for it. 

“Fifty bucks says Neil hits one of them before he gets them home...” said Nicky. 

“Neil isn’t going to hit any of the freshman,” said Dan, lips curling into a smirk. “Not tomorrow at least.”

By the time they left there were already four bets on the table, two of which were how long Neil and Andrew held out before assaulting one of the newbies. They detoured into the small campus grocery store a few  min ut es before it closed and made the mile walk back to Fox Tower with plastic bags in hand. Just before they reached the stairs to the building Allison nudged Neil’s shoulder. 

“I can come with you tomorrow, if you want,” she offered. 

Skeptical brows retreated under Neil’s wavy , auburn bangs. “You want to come with me?”

“Why not?” she asked, smiling wickedly. “I can’t think of a better way to start the year than striking fear into the hearts of freshman.”

Neil laughed and nodded. “Thanks, that will be great. Kevin offered to go but I think that was just so he could trap me in a van for an hour and shove Exy strategies down my throat.”

“Surprised you didn’t take him up on the offer,” she laughed. 

Neil shrugged. “I’ll get plenty of that over the next three years. I’m fine living in my Kevin free bubble for another day.”

Allison moved in front of him as the group filed into the building. “Just come find me when you’re ready to go.”

* * *

After unpacking the groceries Kevin retreated to his desk to bury himself in his laptop and Andrew went to shower. Neil moved to the bedroom to store away his empty bags. He would take two of them back to Columbia the next time they went so they could save space but for now he shoved them under the bed. Just as he pushed the last bit of fabric under the low frame an envelope fell out of the mesh side of the bag. Neil swiped it from the floor and pulled out the contents – the photos from Savannah. There were still a few he had to print but this was the bulk of them. He thumbed through the pictures to find the one he was looking for – the slightly out of focus photo of he and Andrew together on the bench. Neil smiled down at the image for several minutes, losing himself in the memory of their lazy summer days. 

Neil crossed the room to the dresser he shared with Andrew and dropped the envelope on top before making his way back into the living room. From there he made a beeline for the kitchen. There were several magnets on the refrigerator and Kevin had already posted their summer practice schedule and his own workout routine . Neil hesitated for a moment but snatched one of the small, round magnets and stuck the photo to the black surface. He knew Andrew probably wouldn’t like it. But a small part of him hoped it might even annoy Andrew into talking to him. 

He swiped a water bottle from the case on the counter and went back into the bedroom. It was only nine but he was exhausted. Neil sucked down half of the bottle and lay back on top of his sheets with his feet on the floor, waiting for his turn in the shower. 

_ I can do this. I wanted this. No. _ _..I _ __ need  _ this. I’m going to play  _ _ Exy _ _ professionally _ _. _ _ I need to be able to deal with new teammates. This is nothing, it’s going to be  _ _ fine _ _.  _

Neil repeated the mantra until the shower cut off and Andrew climbed the ladder beside him. 

_ It’s going to be fine.  _

* * *

** Sunday June 9 ** ** th **

Neil was not fine. 

He wasn’t fine when he’d run four miles earlier that morning. He wasn’t fine through his silent breakfast with Andrew or the terse words he’d shared with Kevin. He wasn’t fine through the hour drive to the Columbia airport even with Allison attempting to distract him with tales of her last week at home with her socialite mother. And he certainly wasn’t fine standing in front of five strangers who stared him down with open apprehension. Neil knew the moment he approached the group that they weren’t seeing Neil Josten, Vice-Captain and starting striker of the Palmetto State Foxes. They were seeing the scarred son of the Butcher, the man whose face had been plastered across national news stations for weeks last March. They were seeing Nathaniel Wesninski. 

He scanned their faces, finding a range of emotions rolling off them. From sick curiosity and fear to d isgust . Neil knew their names and faces, their stats and positions, the schools they played for and even their playing style, but he didn’t know  _ them. _ And looking at them now he was sure he didn’t want to. 

Neil didn’t know how to begin but luckily Allison stepped forward and greeted them with a haughty flick of her ponytail. “Welcome to Hell, freshman. Get your shit and let's go.”

Neil flashed Allison a tight but grateful smile and turned on his heel, not bothering to see if the freshman followed. 

Eventually the group made it back to the rented, fifteen passenger van in the short-term parking lot and Neil opened the back doors to store the bulk of their luggage. Unsurprisingly a few of them only carried two bags each. Allison barked at them like a drill sergeant and flashed a grin at Neil when they scurried towards the doors at a hurried pace. They hit the road in silence. Neil turned up the radio and Allison sung along whenever something upbeat came on and Neil was eternally grateful for her presence. He’d have to do something nice for her later. 

During the last ten minutes of the drive in , Neil had given Allison a quick rundown of their recruits. 

Ava Wells, a goalkeeper, had been Neils pick after he noticed Andrew watching her tape more intently than the others – a choice he fought over with Kevin until  Wymack had to step in and make the call – siding with Neil, much to Kevin’s irritation. Ava reminded Neil of Andrew, maybe that’s why he’d taken a vague interest – even though he would deny it with his dying breath. She was small, but quick and anticipated shots before the ball even left the strikers nets. She was also the only one whose past Neil was clued in on. Ava’s father had been a pro- Exy player but had been taken out of the game four years into his contract with the Seattle Nighthawks due to an injury. Later that same year Ava’s mother had died of cancer, and two years after that her father had developed a drug problem because of his injury and overdosed. Ava had been five at the time. Neil wasn’t sure what happened to her between now and then but he knew she’d picked up a racket at some point and they’d scouted her from her high school team. 

The dealer recruits were Andre Lane and Josephine Tran. Neil didn’t know much about them but had been impressed with their versatility on the court. Dealers had the option to act as  backliners or strikers depending on how the game played out and the two were skilled at every position they played. 

Their  backliner was Oscar Flores. He was six foot three of  pure muscle and intimidating to look at, though he’d seemed the  most docile when Neil had finally met them all in person. 

Sheena Foster, a striker from Ohio, needed work but she was fearless on the court. Both Neil and Kevin had been impressed by her bold playing style, though Kevin had also criticized the risks she took, citing that she reminded him of Neil.

Jack, the striker Kevin had chosen, wasn’t present.  Wymack would be picking him up Monday morning and delivering him to the dorms since he only lived an hour and a half away in North Carolina. Neil and Kevin had argued endlessly about Jack. Neil acknowledged his skill but could tell by the videos they’d watched that his teamwork was nearly non-existent. He played like he was the only person on the court that mattered and that irked Neil deep in his bones. Or maybe he just reminded Neil too much of Kevin. But ultimately Neil had lost that fight because when Kevin saw potential, he was usually right . 

About half an hour into the return trip the freshman started talking amongst themselves quietly. They talked about idle topics like the weather or when they might get their gear. Eventually they settled into a conversation about their respective majors and classes and Neil knew that were actively avoiding talking about their pasts and their lives beyond  Exy – because Wymack wouldn’t have chosen them if they weren’t fit to be Foxes. Neil listened, taking it all in and he noticed Allison had stopped singing, soaking in every word. Neither were interested in what the freshman had to say but knew knowledge was power and the more they knew the better they might be able to handle the usurpers. 

When they finally arrived back at the dorms several of the Foxes were talking on the curb. Nicky halted the conversation to throw his arms out in their direction once Neil rounded the curb and the freshman started unloading. 

“Aw, Neil. They’re all in one piece,” said Nicky, sounding almost disappointed as he inspected them for bruises or bloodstains. 

“Guess you’re lucky no one took your bet,” said Allison, slapping him lightly on the arm. 

Matt and Dan moved to help unload and shook hands, exchanging pleasantries  with the newcomers. Nicky moved to do the same and they all took his hand except Sheena, who curled her lip up in poorly-veiled disgust and brushed past him. Neil made a note of the interaction but didn’t say anything. 

“Anyways...” said Nicky, used to brushing rudeness aside in favor of optimistic cheer. “Let’s get you guys settled. Hope the trip wasn’t too bad...Neil’s not a social butterfly but he’s really not so bad.”

Nicky flashed a smile at Neil who  gave him an unimpressed, Andrew- esque look in return. At length Neil went to park the van and let Nicky guide the freshman to the third floor. 

He took his time going inside, climbing the stairs and ultimately bypassed his floor entirely, heading for the  roof .  He jiggled the handle until it opened. 

Neil wasn’t entirely surprised to find Andrew sitting on the edge, leaning back on his hands with a cigarette burning idly in his mouth. He turned his head slightly at Neils approach but otherwise didn’t move. Neil snatched up the pack  laying next to him and sat in one motion, lighting a stick and taking a  quick drag to keep it burning. 

They stared out over the empty parking lot for more than an hour in silence while Neil decompressed .  He could hear birds chirping nearby, the gentle sound of wind picking up around the planes of the building, but it was otherwise silent. Finally, Andrew plucked his second cigarette from his mouth. 

“You survived,” he said quietly, dislodging ash from the stick with a flick of his finger. 

“For now,” Neil agreed, and he knew he’d done a piss-poor job at hiding the consternation in his voice. 

Andrew turned his head and hazel eyes locked on blue. He didn’t ask but he didn’t have to. 

“They all looked at me like.....” Neil gestured helplessly towards nothing and dropped his head to stare at his lap. 

“Like what?” Andrew asked. 

He turned to look at the goalkeeper, jaw clenching as he spoke. “Like I was the  butchers son.”

Andrew turned back to look over the campus and ground his stick into the concrete roof. “You knew they would.”

Neil nodded, eyes finding his lap again. “That doesn’t make it any easier.”

Andrew laid back on the roof, dropping his black clad forearm over his eyes. “You ’re a Fox.  _ Easy _ should  not  be in your vocabulary.”

Neil leaned sideways to look down at Andrew , squinting when the light caught the metal ac unit behind  them when a cloud passed overhead.

“Being with you is easy,” he admitted. 

“I thought you were done lying to me,” said Andrew, though there was no venom behind the accusation. 

Neil shrugged though Andrew still had his eyes covered and couldn’t see the gesture. “ _ You’re _ difficult. But being with you isn’t. Sometimes it’s the only thing that makes sense to me whenever everything else is too complicated.”

He was surprised at how easily honesty rolled off his tongue these days. Andrew lifted his arm slightly to squint up at Neil, trying to find the lie in his face. When he couldn’t his eyes narrowed. 

“I hate you,” he said. 

Neil’s lip twitched, threatening a smirk and he leaned forward, planting hands on either side of Andrew’s shoulders. Andrew turned his head from side to side to watch the gesture before meeting Neil’s icy blue stare, letting his arm fall to the side now that Neil’s body shadowed his face. His fingers ghosted over the back of Neil’s hand before curling around his wrist.

“Now who’s lying?” asked Neil. 

He leaned in a fraction and his stomach leapt when Andrew got his other hand between them and pulled Neil down by the collar of his shirt. Andrew hadn’t touched him in  _ days _ and it was embarrassing how one simple touch set every nerve in his body on fire. They lost each other in hot kisses and warm hands while the sun continued to move steadily across the sky. 

Later when they returned to the dorm, the photo on the freezer door caught Neil’s attention. The tiniest moustache had been drawn on his face and little curled, black horns poked out of his hair. Andrew had seen the photo but didn’t take it down. Neil  fell asleep that night with a smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise I haven't forgotten about Proust - it's explained in a later chapter.


	7. Will There Be Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Breaking in the fresh meat and the mention of Proust reemerges. 
> 
> ~*~
> 
> All credit to Nora, I own nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> his is very long I'm sorry I didn't know where to cut it off. XD
> 
> this is also where some of the extra content/chararacters start to appear.  
> ~*~
> 
> CHAPTER RATING: M (brief/mild smut, canon/vague mentions of torture) homophobic slurs, mentions of proust and drake)

** Tuesday, June 11 ** ** th **

The first practice with the newly formed team of Foxes had been an unmitigated disaster, and the second wasn’t shaping up to be much better. 

Monday around mid-morning they had all met in the lounge at the stadium. After giving the freshman a brief tour, Neil and Dan had formally introduced themselves and their teammates. The freshman still eyed Neil and most of the other Foxes warily but were otherwise civil enough. Just after Dan asked the freshman to introduce themselves  Wymack showed up with the last recruit – Jack Mason. Their coach had retreated to his office after introducing himself, leaving the first day to his captains with only a ‘Don’t break them yet,’ muttered under his breath before he disappeared. Neil belatedly wondered if  Wymack could sense the impending chaos and had chosen to remove himself preemptively. 

The freshman all gave a brief rundown of themselves – their names, positions, and where they were from. At first glance Jack was friendly and outgoing, but twenty minutes into light drills Neil knew he was going to be a nightmare. Jack was utterly uninterested in anything anyone had to say, other than Kevin – who was completely uninterested in training the freshman until they proved to be worth his time. This would have been a small hurdle had  Jack not encouraged the rest of the freshman to be equally unhelpful.

After a lot of shouting and prodding, Dan and Neil finally got the freshman in line long enough to teach them basic Fox drills and go over footwork. They set them to work with a friendly three on three  scrimmage with Renee in the goal that resulted in more yelling and body checks than actual practice should require. Andrew had deemed the thing pointless only half an hour in and left to run the steps. 

By the time their Monday practice ended, Neil could already see the freshman closing ranks. Josephine, who had asked to be called Josie, and Andre seemed pleasant enough, throwing themselves into the game like they had something to prove but still laughing and encouraging Jack’s juvenile behavior. Oscar, for all his size and muscle, seemed timid and shy and when he spoke Neil had to turn an ear in his direction to be able to discern his lightly accented mumbling. 

Ava sometimes did as she was asked but seemed more interested in flirting with everyone on the team than  actually working on passing drills. Sheena seemed to enjoy Jack’s callous, antagonistic attitude and joined him in ignoring everything Neil said like he was nothing more than a gnat, buzzing in their ears like something they wanted to swat away. 

Wymack graced them with his presence Tuesday and organized a six on six scrimmage. The day started a little better, but soon devolved into harsh words and pointed glares from all involved. Neil, Jack, Ava, Josie, Oscar and Nicky made up one team, while Kevin, Sheena, Andrew, Andre, Matt and Aaron made up the other. Neils team took the home court while Kevin’s took the away side. Allison and Dan sat out with Renee to take notes and allow the new dealers and goalkeepers to play their respective positions. The longer they practiced the more Neil was convinced Wymack had foisted the vice-captainship on him as revenge for all the damage control he had been forced to do on Neil’s behalf in the last year.

Twenty minutes in the score was 3-3. Kevin and Sheena worked well together, though she got a little rougher than was strictly necessary for a practice, and for a striker, body checking her  backliner mark roughly with her shoulders. Nicky spent most of the time skidding across the floor in her wake. Oscar was large and quick, but too timid. He spent his time letting Kevin out-maneuver him at every turn for fear he might trip him up, which should have been the goal. A fact Neil reminded him of several times. “Knock his ass to the ground if you have to, you’ll enjoy it more than you think!”

Ava was quick but because Oscar and Nicky were no match for Aaron and Matt, the strikers were able to get so close to the goal that she had nearly zero chance of blocking. 

Jack was skilled but selfish. He didn’t want to pass and every time he used a rebound to pass to himself it slowed him down. He spent so much time looking around trying to think about how to  outmaneuver his opponents instead of making use of his teammates that he was only able to take one shot on the goal. The ball missed its mark by a hair and Andrew batted the ball up the court with a bored stare. It was the first swing he’d taken since he’d dragged himself to the goal – he'd stood by with his hands woven through the net of his racquet and watched the first three goals from Neil soar through unchallenged, for which Neil sent him  scathing looks . 

“Andrew if you don’t start taking this seriously I swear I will go let all the air out of your tires and you can walk your midget ass back to the tower.....” shouted  Wymack , opening the court door just enough to be heard. 

Andrew’s eyes swiveled slowly in his direction but  he  picked up his racquet in a lazy ready stance. 

Ava batted away the next two shots but a few minutes later Kevin scored again and Neil rounded on Jack. 

“Jack, what is your problem? Nicky was  wide open. If you’d  passed , you’d have been able to get around Matt!” he shouted with a bang of his racquet on the court floor to get the younger strikers attention. 

“I would have had it if you could keep the ball on our side of the court. If you  wanna pass to the fag then go ahead,” barked Jack, glaring at Neil through the visor of his helmet. 

“That was uncalled for man!” said Matt, who was the only person other than Nicky and Neil within hearing range. 

Nicky shrugged it off with a laugh but Neil could see the tense set to his shoulders and knew he wasn’t entirely unbothered.

“Don’t worry Matt, some people just can’t handle all of this,” he said, sweeping a hand down his body before blowing a kiss at Jack. 

Jack made a revolted noise and moved back into position while Neil tried to glare a hole through his head. 

At the end of practice Neil’s skin was crawling with frustration. He spent an excess of time in  Wymack’s office to review the girls notes but really, he just needed a brief reprieve from his teammates. Eventually, Wymack realized he was stalling and told him to stop being such a chicken shit, kicking him out of his office. Neil stalked back into the locker room, which thankfully seemed to be empty. When he turned the corner to his row Andrew sat on the bench in front of his locker. 

“ Stalling? ” he  asked dryly.

Andrew was still wearing his practice kit, though his armor was  gone and he looked as though he hadn’t even broken a sweat, which mildly annoyed Neil. He glanced around as if expecting to see the others since they weren’t in the lounge but the locker room was silent. He ignored Andrew’s accusation and opened his locker noisily, yanking things out and shoving things in with unnecessary force.

“Where are the others?” asked Neil.

“I sent them along with Matt and the fresh meat,” Andrew replied, swiping his towel and the bag with his clothes from the bench. He turned towards the showers. “You  coming ?”

It took Neil a moment to catch on but as soon as he did, he snatched his things from his locker  and  jogged to catch up. 

Andrew opened the stall door for  him and Neil froze. Andrew was wearing his boxer  briefs, but his shirt was absent. For all they’d done Neil had yet to see this much of Andrew, who always changed in the showers just as he did and he used the same privacy when they were in the dorms, changing in the bathroom. Not the mention the most they’d done in the locker room were a few stolen kisses when their teammates were out of sight.

Neil’s eyes hadn’t had a chance to make a full survey of the pale expanse of skin before Andrew pulled him inside and locked the stall. He pushed Neil against the tiled wall for a quick, hard kiss before yanking Neil’s shirt over his head and tossing it over the door. Neil pushed down his underwear and pulled his socks off in quick order, teetering a little as he tried to keep on top of his shower shoes. Andrew wasted no time turning on the water and letting the hot spray batter his back while he pushed Neil against the opposite side with firm presses to his scarred chest. Neil refused to move his hands at first, making fists at his sides while Andrew bit and licked down his torso, tracing the lines and ridges of his scars with a flat press of his tongue. When he moved back up Neil’s body Andrew caught hold of his hands and pulled them to his neck. Neil allowed his fingers to curl around smooth skin and massage the short hairs around Andrew’s hairline. When Andrew rolled his hips into Neils, Neil stifled a groan. He knew they were alone but the locker rooms weren’t  locked and anyone could come back so he bit his bottom lip between his teeth and pressed his own hips forward. Andrew steadied him with hands sliding down over wet skin to his hips. 

Freezing, as though catching himself in the act, Neil halted his eyes from traveling downwards when Andrews left hand disappeared from his skin. Andrew caught him in another kiss, sliding his tongue into Neils mouth when he gasped. His hand reappeared seconds  later on Neil’s cock, squeezing the tip lightly before fisting down over the swollen skin. He set a steady pace that had Neil’s breath hitching in seconds, barely audible over the blast of the water against skin. Neil felt Andrew’s name on the tip of his tongue and sank his mouth into the soft skin below Andrew’s ear to keep himself from saying it. He was rewarded by a short gasp and Andrew’s hand stuttering on his dick. When his hand moved again his thumb pressed over Neil’s slit and Neil bucked against him, thrusting into his hand. Andrew’s tongue dragged along Neil’s collarbone until lips found the hollow of his throat. He sunk his teeth in, sucking a bruise into the skin, tongue prodding in time with the movement of his hand. Neil whimpered and dug his fists deeper into Andrew hair, pulling a little to let Andrew know he was close. 

For a split-second Andrews hand let go, and then Neil felt the press of Andrews cock against his and Andrew thrust into his own hand, pulling them off together. Neil swallowed another moan when he came and Andrew followed quickly, finding Neil’s lips to kiss them raw  until the tremors subsided . 

When their breathing returned to normal Andrew let go, tucking himself back into his underwear without ever giving Neil peek and tugging on Neils wrist to let go. Neil complied and slid a few inches along the wall, his legs feeling weak from the first real practice they’d had in a month coupled with the relief of orgasm. His eyes, hooded but still bright in the florescent lighting, took the time to blink across Andrew’s naked body. 

Andrew moved under the spray of the shower to rinse his hand and lather himself with soap and Neil watched him with a heavy - lidded stare, allowing himself to map the planes of Andrew body with his eyes. He watched the water and suds roll down smooth, nearly flawless skin, only a few scars - on the back of his hip  and  across his left pec, arching just over a hardened nipple. 

He knew Andrew grew up abused and battered, just as he had, though in a different way. For a split second he felt grateful that Andrew didn’t bare the reminders of his abuse on his skin like he did. Guilt washed over him seconds later, knowing the psychological trauma Andrew suffered was a thousand times worse than any physical scar he’d endured . Neil shook his head a little, opening his eyes wider to force away whatever expression snuck onto his features, allowing himself another once over to enjoy the beauty of Andrew’s body. 

Andrew turned and cracked his eyes open, catching Neil mid-ogle. 

“Staring.” he said, voice just on the edge of annoyed. 

Neil grinned, completely unembarrassed about having been caught. “Yea. Can you blame me?”

Andrew leveled him with an unimpressed look and pushed wet fingers into his jaw to turn his head away. “ Get o ut so I can shower.”

Neil s mirked to himself and  left the stall, moving to the second one over so Andrew could finish washing up alone. 

Andrew drove them back to the dorms and Neil pushed everything out of his mind for the rest of the night. They had practice tomorrow but right now he only wanted to remember the smooth alabaster skin of Andrews back, the clusters of freckles on the tops of his shoulders, and the strong hands that had the power to drive all thought and sense from his mind. 

* * *

** Tuesday, June 25th **

After two weeks, Neil thought it was a miracle that blood hadn’t been intentionally shed on the Foxhole Court. 

When Jack wasn’t sucking up to  Kevin he was antagonizing Neil on and off the court. After one tense practice he laid into Neil in the locker room, telling him he wasn’t worth the ground he walked on and that he found it embarrassing such an amateur was being groomed for captainship of a NCAA Class 1 team. He also took to calling Neil  _ ‘Nathaniel’ _ every time he thought he could get away with it. Twice Neil stopped Andrew from pulling  the  hidden knives from his armbands.  _ “You have to let me handle it! _ ” Neil shouted as they crossed the parking lot one night.  _ “I got this.”  _ Andrew only shrugged and quirked a brow in Neils direction when he slammed the car door a little too hard.  _ “You got it, _ captain _.  _ _ Let _ __ _ me know if you need a place to hide the body.” _

Sheena saw fit to hurl offensive slurs at Neil and Nicky. He suspected she and Jack had bonded at some point over their shitty, holier-than-thou attitudes and unabashed homophobia. They were rarely seen without the other. Nicky suggested they were screwing but Neil doubted their egos left any room for anyone else to get close enough for the act. 

Ava, who was finally taking instruction well, was also grating on Neil’s nerves. She flirted shamelessly with everyone on the team, including him, and asked prying questions about his past and things she’d seen on the news. Once when Jack made a joke about his father being the Butcher she’d waited until he was chased off by the angry upperclassman to ask “ _ Is it true you were kidnapped? Isn’t that how you got your scars?” _ She had also set the fire alarms off in the locker room twice by burning things in the trash can.  Wymack had since brought in extra fire extinguishers to store in his office and told the upperclassman not to leave her alone for too long. He later confided in Neil that she’d spent a year in juvie on six counts of arson as a young teen. 

The rest of the freshman were only blips on Neil’s radar but between the tense practices, clashing personalities and Aaron’s trial date growing closer, Neil felt things were almost at their breaking point. The closer they got to July the more time Aaron spent with Katelyn, away from the dorm. He and Andrew hadn’t spoken since their meeting with Waterhouse and Betsy, which judging by Andrew’s dark mood when he’d returned to the dorm, meant it didn’t go well. Andrew had also started to pull away, sequestering himself to his bunk or disappearing for hours at a time without telling Neil where he was going. Andrew was still seeing Betsy on Wednesdays, who had come back to the school early, but knew Aaron hadn’t sat in on any of the sessions in weeks. 

On Tuesday, the week before the trial, they finally had a decent practice with animosity  kept  at a normal level of general dislike. 

The day prior Kevin had pitted the freshman strikers against Andrew, who was no longer holding back with them either because of his fraying nerves with the trial approaching, or because pissing them off amused him. They shot at him for a solid two hours, not scoring a single goal , until they couldn’t hold racquets anymore and sank to their knees in exhaustion. Neil left that day with a satisfied smirk and felt practically giddy watching them struggle at Tuesday's practice. It left them too tired and sore to argue so the session had gone much smoother overall. 

At the end of the practice Josie and Nicky made their way over to the half court line as Neil pulled his helmet off. Kevin had gotten over his indifference it seemed and was busy barking complaints at the strikers and  backliners near the home goal. 

Nicky noticed Josies wide-eyed stare at Kevin and smiled. The first few days the pink-haired girl had mentioned a crush on Kevin, watching him grow up and play for the Ravens. 

“How’s that crush coming along ?” joked Nicky, looking between the dealer and Kevin. 

“I take it all back. He’s a nightmare,” she laughed, catching her breath. “A nightmare with really nice...really muscular legs.”

Nicky tilted his head to the side to get a better look at Kevin and nodded his agreement. " Amen sister .”

Neil til t ed his own head, as if trying to see what Nicky was looking at, but just straighten ed back up and sa id “I don’t see it.”

Nicky rolled his eyes and pushed Neil’s shoulder lightly. “Of course , you don’ t. N ot with your goalkeeper goggles on.”

Josie affected a confused look between the two but  Wymack called them to the  inner court  before she could question it. 

It occurred to Neil as he walked towards the lockers that the freshman didn’t know  about he and Andrew. Not that it was any of their business. They weren’t hiding  it, but Neil suddenly felt very grateful that whatever it was that they had, was private. He wasn’t sure he could hold his temper back if he had to hear Jack’s foul mouth  sully he and Andrew’s...whatever. 

* * *

** Wednesday, June 26 ** ** th **

Neil climbed out of bed Wednesday morning exhausted and on edge but went through the motions anyways. He got up, sucked down half a pot of coffee, went for a run, showered, and dicked around the dorm in the hours before practice. He spent his days worrying about his team and his nights worrying about Andrew a nd Aaron a nd the trial. On and off for the last week Andrew had woken up in the middle of the night, likely to nightmares, even though he wouldn’t admit as much to Neil. After the third one Neil had stocked the kitchen with decaf coffee and would follow Andrew into the living room to drink coffee and smoke by the window in silence. They would climb back into bed before dawn for a few more hours of sleep and Neil was grateful that Andrew allowed him to stay up, hoping his presence was some sort of comfort. 

He returned to the dorm after Wednesdays practice alone. Andrew had dropped them off before heading to Betsy’s office. By nine o’clock Andrew still hadn’t returned and Neil's mind ran rampant again with unpleasant thoughts. He still worried Andrew would go after Proust. Neither had brought it up since Savannah but that did nothing to calm the hurricane that swirled in Neil’s mind. He’d called his uncle when he returned to  Columbia but the number was  disconnected and he had no other way of contacting him. For a brief, wild moment he thought about contacting Ichirou. He knew Andrew would be furious with him for putting himself on the  Moriyamas radar but for a second considered that to be the lesser of two evils. Because if Andrew did manage to take out Proust but got caught and ended up in the same position Aaron was in, especially with a prior record...Neil shuddered at the thought. So, for a moment he considered letting the Yakuza handle the situation, Andrew’s opinions be damned. He’d mentioned the doctor to Ichirou during their first meeting but assumed the mob boss had more important things to worry about. 

Luckily his sanity showed up a few minutes later and chased the thought away. Chased away by the fear that acting _ for _ Andrew, taking away his choice and not letting him fight this battle on his own, would be the one way he’d lose Andrew for good. Neil knew he couldn’t handle that. Because the thought of losing Andrew shook him to his very core. A bone deep dread that made him physically ache. 

Neil was pacing a hole in the living room when Andrew finally arrive d that night. He stopped and watched Andrew move around the dorm - to the kitchen, the bathroom, and then to the bedroom. He returned in pajamas and found Neil still standing in the middle of the room, fists clenched and eyes staring at the wall next to the door frame. 

“Stop it,” said Andrew, his voice enough to shake loose Neil's thoughts until their eyes locked. 

He wanted to say he wasn’t doing anything, but Andrew knew him too well. Instead Neil just nodded and made his way to the bedroom. He took his clothes to the bathroom to change and brush his teeth and when he returned the lights were out and Andrew was already in his bunk. Kevin was also in bed and had his laptop propped on his knees with his headphones in.  E ven though it was barely ten pm Neil climbed under the covers and shut his eyes. 

* * *

His mind betrayed him that night. Neil wasn’t a stranger to nightmares but usually they were of his father, or Riko, peeling skin from muscle, burning him with hot irons and brands. Sometimes Lola or one of his father’s faceless goons made an appearance. And more than once he relived his mother’s death – miles away on a black sand beach with the smell of gasoline and burning flesh curling around in his mind. Tonight, he dreamed of Andrew. Locked in a small, white room with no windows. Restraints held his wrists and ankles in place where he struggled against them on a hospital bed. Faceless men leaned over him with ill-intent – one wearing a lab coat, cutting into his perfect, smooth skin with a silver scalpel. Blood flowed from his forearms and stained the pristine sheets before dripping to the floor so loud it made Neil’s ears ring. The other man was tattooed and muscular, holding him down with a bruising grip while he writhed in pain but laughed maniacally. Neil rushed forward to  help but a door slammed in his face and all he could do was pound on the shatter-proof glass window and watch in horror. 

Neil startled awake, his body jolting so hard he hit the wall with a thump. A quiet, strangled cry left his lips. He gasped for air while his eyes blinked the dark room into focus. If he squinted, he could make out Kevin’s slumbering form, buried in covers and still fast asleep across the room. The bed shook and Neil jumped again, pressing his back harder against the wall. It took him a few seconds to realize it was Andrew, crawling down the ladder. Andrew leaned across the bed on his knee and reached for Neil and Neil instinctively reached out, snatching his wrist in an iron grip. He knew his hands were shaking, he knew he looked terrified. And he knew he shouldn’t touch Andrew. But he needed to see him. Needed to feel him unrestrained and unharmed. Andrew flinched at the tight grip but didn’t pull away. 

“Neil,” he said, a name and a question in one.  His free hand went to the back of Neil’s neck.

Neil squeezed his eyes once and nodded a few times, trying to even out his breathing. “I’m fine...I’m sorry ....I’m fine...you’re.....”

‘You’re okay,’ he’d almost said, glad he s till had the presence of mind to s top himself. The last thing he wanted was for Andrew to know what his nightmare had been about. He already felt guilty about not being able to help Andrew, to not be able to be what he needed. The shame of his own weakness kept him silent. 

Andrew twisted his arm in Neil's grip to  catch hold of his hand and  squeeze. “Let’s get some coffee.”

He started to pull away but  Neil  caught the sleeve of his t-shirt. “Wait...just.....stay. Just for a minute.”

Neil took a deep breath, exhaling shakily and Andrew crawled onto the bed with him. He turned to sit against the  wall so they were shoulder to shoulder and Neil let go of his shirt. They sat in silence and Neil tried to match his breathing to Andrews, focusing on the quiet sound and the rise and fall of his shoulders from his peripheral vision, of Kevin’s still quietly snoring body across the room.

Minutes later, or maybe hours, Neil slumped farther against the wall and dropped his head off to the side, letting his temple rest against Andrew’s shoulder and Andrew didn’t push him away. He finally drifted into a peaceful sleep until the sun poked around the edges of the closed curtains. When he woke, Andrew was still there, asleep with his own head tilted to rest on Neils, their fingers inches apart on the mattress below. Neil kept inhumanly still, determined not to ruin the moment and eventually nodded back off, his chest swelling with _ that  _ feeling despite the turmoil of the past weeks and his nightmare. _ I’m not alone. Andrew is not alone. _

* * *

** Thursday June 27 ** ** th **

When Neil returned from lunch with Matt on  Thursday, he could immediately tell that something was very, very wrong. He passed Kevin in the hallway on the way to his room. Kevin wore a mask of confused terror and ducked into Matt’s room with his laptop under his arm as soon as Matt got the door open. Matt and Neil exchanged a  glance but Kevin disappeared into the suite without a word so Matt only shrugged in his direction before going after him. Neil considered following but decided to continue to his own room. When he opened the door the room was dark, only the sunlight pouring in from the single window illuminating the room. Andrew stood in front of the window, his palms pressed into the edge of the desk and fingers digging in so hard his knuckles were white. Neil could practically feel the rage rolling off his shoulders. 

A few tentative steps towards the window had Andrew’s shoulders tensing. Neil watched his jaw clench tighter when he moved his head just a fraction to the side. He couldn’t see Andrew’s face but he didn’t need to. 

“What happened?” Neil asked cautiously. 

Andrew pushed away from the table so hard it gave a violent creak and slammed into the wall. He rounded Neil without catching his eye. Neil reached for his sleeve as he pas sed but  Andrew jerked away, marching straight out the door and slamming it in his wake. Neil moved into the hallway but Andrew was already at the staircase door and it took everything Neil had not to follow him. Instead he crossed the hall and knocked on the adjacent door. Nicky opened it a few seconds later with a wide smile. 

“Neil! We were just about to....Neil?”

He pushed past Nicky and made a beeline for Kevin, who was sitting on the end of Matt’s couch with his laptop in hand. 

“What did you do?” Neil asked in rapid, furious French. 

“I did not  _ do _ anything,” Kevin responded in the same language. 

“I don’t believe you,” accused Neil. 

“I don’t care.”

Neil kicked him in the shin and Kevin glowered up at him.

“I didn’t. He got a phone call, asked to use my computer, and when I asked if he was done yet he pulled a fucking knife on me and threw it on the floor,” Kevin shifted on the couch and glared at Neil like he could pummel him with just a look. “He’s lucky it didn’t break or he would  be buying me a new one.”

“Who called him? Why did he want your computer?” asked Neil, ignoring Kevin’s remark and the way Matt and Nicky were watching them with matching bewilderment.

Aaron came out of the bedroom to glance between the pair, blond brows knitting together as he eyed them suspiciously. 

“Fuck if I know,” spat Kevin. “You need to get this under control Neil. We do not have time for his temper tantrums. The team is fractured enough as it is with the freshman.”

Neil  leaned down a nd snatched the computer from Kevin, pointing a finger at him in warning when he tried get up. Matt moved in closer in case he’d have to intercept the pair before any bloodshed ensued but stopped a couple feet away. 

When the laptop steadied on the desk Neil clicked open a new page and hovered the mouse over the ‘history’ tab. The last dozen or so items only consisted of various news and sports sites, the school portal, and school email. Neil started to re-open them and go through them one by one. When he clicked on the email tab Kevin, who had been watching him a few feet away from the couch, sat up and gave him a rough push. 

“Get out of my fucking business Josten!” he yelled in English. 

Neil shoved him in return but before Kevin could take a swing Matt hauled him back and pushed him back into the cushions. He tried to get up again but Matt pressed hand to his chest and shook his head. The backliner turned to face Neil and opened his mouth but Aaron beat him to it. 

“What the fuck is going on?” he asked, eyes scanning the room. “Where’s Andrew?”

No one had mentioned Andrew but considering Neil and Kevin’s mood and Andrew’s absence, it wasn’t hard to discern that he was part of the strife between them. 

Neil ignored him but Kevin crossed his arms over his chest and glared  petulantly at Neil’s back. 

Kevin repeated what he’d told Neil and Aaron took a few steps closer, features going blank but wheels clearly turning in his head. “I called him.”

“What?” Neil’s head whipped around to stare at the other Minyard. “Why? What did you say?”

“I just told him to check his email. You should too. It was just a change for what time the trial starts and an updated witness list,” explained Aaron. 

“Updated....” Neil repeated, voice quiet. His face fell. “No.”

He hadn’t meant to say the last part out loud, but it was too late. He vaguely registered Aaron’s “No?  No what?” and Matt and  Nickys concerned questioning but the ignored them, logging on to his own email. 

He scrolled quickly and felt Kevin stand up behind him. Neil tensed but Kevin was just watching over his shoulder. At the bottom of the new list Proust's name was gone. In fact, it was missing from the entire email, replaced by another  Easthaven doctor. Blue eyes narrowed at the screen. He closed out the page and the screen froze on one of the tabs that had just finished loading – a news website. Normally he wouldn’t have given it a second glance, but it wasn’t a sports site so Neil couldn’t figure out why Kevin would be looking at it. 

He scrolled further down the page, realizing the other three were closing in to lean over his shoulder but didn’t bother to warn them off. 

And then he saw it. A tiny article at the bottom of the online newsletter for Great Falls, SC. The headline, in small print, read ‘Columbia born Psychiatrist found dead in home’. It was only a few sentences, but outlined the death of Kenneth Proust, 48, whose body had apparently been discovered that Monday. The cause of death was listed as a heart attack. 

He closed out the tab and slammed the screen shut before pushing through the concerned Foxes and running for the door. He could hear them calling after him but it didn’t matter, he had to find Andrew. 

Neil ran down the stairs at breakneck speed but stopped when he reached the parking lot. The car was missing. Where would he have gone? Did he kill him? No. Even though he’d been disappearing for hours at a time Neil couldn’t account for enough time to go to Easthaven and commit murder. And Andrew wouldn’t have staged a heart attack...a knife to the throat or an OD maybe...but this wasn’t him. 

He leaned forward, hands gripping his knees for balance to try and slow down his thought process to a reasonable pace. 

Why was  Andrew so angry then?  _ Because he wanted to do it...he wanted to keep his word and someone took that away from him. Or maybe no one did...maybe he really did have a heart attack.... _

The fact that Proust was dead sent a surge of savage joy and relief to  Neil’s  heart, but his death wasn’t a simple thing. Because death wouldn’t offer Andrew closure. 

Shaky fingers reached to his pocket to retrieve his phone. He flipped it open and pressed the number ‘1’ on his speed dial. It predictably went straight to voicemail. His next calls were to  Wymack and Betsy, just to ask if they had seen Andrew. They hadn’t, and when they starting asking  questions he hung up on them. He thought about asking Matt if he could borrow his truck but he didn’t know where to go. He couldn’t think of anywhere Andrew would want to be right now. Certainly not Columbia. 

Running distracted him for a time and allowed his mind to at least pretend he was looking for Andrew, though he didn’t expect to find him around campus. When it was time for afternoon practice Neil ran to the stadium. Before the others  arrived, he told  Wymack Andrew wouldn’t be at practice that day and when asked why just said it was a ‘personal matter’.  Wymack was used to the multitude of problems of his dysfunctional team and seemed to accept his answer. Neil had a little harder time fending off the  others inquiries but would only repeat ‘He’s fine.’ The upperclassman clearly  weren’t buying it but Neil kept away from them during practice and eventually they took the hint. 

* * *

** Friday  ** ** J ** ** une 28th **

Andrew didn’t return to the tower that night and Neil didn’t sleep. He passed the time inhaling unsmoked cigarettes by the window or on the roof – keeping a keen eye on the parking  lot or drinking decaf coffee and taking a few shots of whisky when he couldn’t handle his nerves anymore. He was sitting on his bed, staring at sock covered feet the next morning when the door opened. 

Kevin paused in the middle of tying his shoe, neck craning to eye the man in the doorway. Andrew looked as exhausted as Neil felt. 

“Get out,” he said quietly, and though he was looking at Neil it was clear he was talking to Kevin. 

Kevin finished tying his shoes and snatched up his bag with a scowl but didn’t object other than slamming the door behind him. Neil flinched at the noise. His head was killing him. 

Kicking off his shoes, Andrew moved to the closet and Neil watched him soundlessly. The fury from the day before had dissipated but he was still tense and his movements were slow and jerky . He changed clothes in front of the closet and Neil looked away when he pulled off his underwear and kicked them to the side. He’d been imagining what Andrew looked like naked for months but given the situation, it felt wrong to look. Instead he kept his eyes on the floor and tried not to think about the glimpse he’d be given of Andrew’s toned backside. When  Andrew finished dressing he appeared in front of Neil wearing sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt , his armbands and knives discarded.

He kicked Neil’s ankle lightly and Neil looked up. “You look like shit.”

Neil pressed his lips into a line and took in the bags under Andrews eyes and the droop in his shoulders. “So do you.”

Andrew hummed quietly for a moment and then leaned down, pushing Neil roughly back on the mattress. Neil let Andrew hook an arm behind his knees and spin him in place, shoving him to the middle of the bed. As he wiggled up to get his head on the pillow Andrew crawled over him and inserted himself into Neil’s side,  his  back to the wall. Neil kept his hands splayed by his head while Andrew settled half on top of him and hooked his left leg overtop of Neil’s . His left arm reached across Neil’s chest and took hold of Neil’s wrist, holding it in place. His other hand shoved under the pillow behind Neil’s head. And when he laid his ear against Neil’s chest Neil was sure Andrew would hear the soft thump of his heartbeat quicken. 

A few moments later Andrew shifted again, letting go of Neil’s wrist and lifting himself long enough to shove Neil’s shirt up to his neck before he settled back down. The warm skin of his cheek rested on Neil’s scarred pectoral. He grabbed Neil’s wrist again and Neil tentatively let his other hand drop to Andrew’s hair. Andrew tensed and relaxed almost in one gesture, letting out broken sigh when Neil’s fingers scraped along his scalp gently. Andrew’s finger tapped Neil’s wrist in time with his heartbeat.

They stayed that way for an age and the feeling in Neil’s chest swelled. He hated that Andrew felt so unhinged by the new turn of events, but was glad he was allowing Neil to be there – to be someone to lean on \- even if it was just physical  strength he was willing to take . Neil’s eyes eventually rolled shut and he thought Andrew might have fallen asleep \- his finger stopped tapping . But then his jaw shifted and he felt Andrew’s lips move against his skin. 

“He’s dead,” said Andrew, his voice quiet and calm, but distant. 

Neil opened his eyes, flicking them downwards to look at the top of Andrews head where his fingers were still running through hair in a soothing gesture. “I know.”

There was another long stretch of silence before Andrew said, “I was going to kill him. I wanted to kill him.”

Neil closed his eyes a gain a nd pulled a tuft of blond hair gently. “I know.”

It was slow going, but this felt like another step towards progress. Another piece Andrew was willing to give to Neil to trust him to keep safe. Neil knew better than anyone how venerable it could feel to let someone  in . But here was Andrew, confiding in him, allowing himself the comfort of Neil’s presence. When Andrew’s breathing slowed once again Neil let himself let go of his thoughts. The days to come were going to be some of the hardest they would face, but they would get through it together, and that was all that mattered. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you in two weeks! If this was terrible I edited/posted it when I was wasted bon appetite
> 
> also I just really like Neil flexing on Kevin all the time because kevin is a bitch i love him.


	8. Trial or Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron's trial.
> 
> ~*~
> 
> All credit to Nora, I own nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another long chapter. This covers the trial and will talk about stuff relating to Drake so just keep that in mind. 
> 
> ~*~
> 
> CHAPTER RATING: T (Mentions of rape, self-harm)

** Monday July 1st **

A third cigarette dropped to the sidewalk and Neil ground it into the pavement with the toe of his dress shoe. He hadn’t actually been smoking them but having something in his hand helped calm his anxiety. He reached for the pack, loosely tucked between Andrew’s fingers beside him, but Andrew snatched his hand away. 

“Stop wasting them.”

Neil scowled. Less at the slight and more at Andrew’s bored tone and placid expression. Neil didn’t want Andrew to be as unraveled as he felt but he knew the  goalkeepers calm exterior was a facade. He could see it in the way Andrew’s brows slanted downwards and the way his fingers fiddled with the hem of his gray dress shirt that he refused to tuck in and hung just a little too long on his arms. Everything about Andrew’s demeanor was a lie today and it set Neil’s already frazzled nerves on end.

Thirty feet away  Wymack stood on the steps of the courthouse with the rest of the Foxes. Neil had kept his promise and made sure no one came who wasn’t needed, but Kevin and Nicky were still required for testimony and  Wymack was likely there to keep Kevin from going to pieces. Neil was a little surprised to see that Aaron had arrived with Katelyn. He assumed Aaron wouldn’t have wanted her there but between the hard look on her face and the fierce grip she had on Aaron's hand, it was likely she refused to let him come alone and Neil felt a surge of gratitude towards the cheerleader he thought impossible. Neil had never liked Aaron, but they were still teammates, and Aaron still didn’t deserve for this to be happening to him. He was glad Katelyn decided to stand at his side. 

A woman approached the group and Neil’s eyes shifted to the side to watch Andrew instead of the newcomer.  Andrew watched Betsy with irritated interest. Neil could read the words on his tongue before he even opened his mouth, so he volunteered the answer. 

“I asked her to come,” he said simply. 

A hint of betrayal washed over Andrews features before his mask returned and he shoved his hands in his pockets and strode towards the group. 

Neil knew when he had marched into Betsy’s office Friday it would likely irk Andrew when he found out . But Neil had woken up from their nap, limbs still tangled together, with a sense of determination. He knew he wasn’t enough for Andrew. Maybe he never would be.  And that hurt more than it should.  But instead of wallowing in self-pity for once he refused to be selfish. He’d marched into Betsy’s office, ignoring the disgruntled squawking of the receptionist and the startled cries of her current patient, and asked for help.    
  
~*~

_ “Get out,” Neil said, not even sparing a glance at the student sitting on Betsy’s couch. _

_ “Neil!” said Betsy, indignantly. “ _ _ This is highly inappropriate.  _ _ You cannot just...” _

_ “I said out,” he said, this time shooting the man a dangerous look.  _

_ The man stood without question and Betsy stood as well, moving around her desk to usher the boy out. “I’m so terribly sorry about this Tim but it seems ou _ _ r _ _ time is up anyways. See Rachel on your way out to make you _ _ r _ _ next appointment.” _

_ As soon as she shut the door the sweet tone of her voice dropped as she crossed arms over her ample bosom to purse her lips at Neil. “ _ _ C _ _ an I help you, Neil?” _

_ “No,” he said automatically.  _

_ He began pacing like a caged animal, stalling to think this over once more, to make sure he was making the right decision. Betsy allowed him time to gather himself and moved around to sit on the edge of her desk, dropping her arms to a more relaxed pose.  _

_ “Neil?” she asked, after a few minutes.  _

_ He froze, rounding on her _ _ , his _ _ eyes set with misplaced fury. It wasn’t her fault he was angry. “Are you coming to the trial?” _

_ She shifted a little on her desk, pink nails curling under the wood. “I wasn’t invited.” _

_ “I’m inviting you,” he said quickly, eyes moving to stare behind her at the glass figurines. Several of which he knew Andrew had bought for her.  _

_ The tension bled from her shoulders as she started to work out the reason behind his visit. Though when she next spoke it was in her questioning  _ _ ‘shrink’ _ _ tone that had Neil ready to run.  _

_ “Do you really think it’s your place? I’m not sure Andrew  _ _ nor _ _ Aaron will want me there,” she said, with genuine curiosity.  _

_ “Andrew is going to need you. He won’t say it, but I know he will,” Neil explained, hand reaching up so he could dig his fingers into the back of his neck as a distraction. “And Aaron will get over it. They’re going to have to talk about what happens eventually. It’s better if you find out there so they don’t have to repeat themselves here.” _

_ The last part was a stretch, but Neil didn’t care. He just cared that she showed up.  _

_ Betsy tilted her head, trying to catch his attention. “And how is Andrew doing? You seem concerned about him.” _

_ “I’m not talking about Andrew with you,” he snapped. _

_ “Would you like to talk about something else?” _

_ “Don’t try to shrink me,” he said, finally meeting her eyes. “ _ _ Andrew....he’s going to need you.” _

_ “He needs you too, you know. He hasn’t said so, but it’s obvious, don’t you think?” _

_ “What Andrew needs right now is a mother. Cass is probably going to be there and he.....will you go or not?” Neil ground his teeth, his nails digging into his palms. _

_ Betsy tapped a nail on the wooden surface for a few times, but her searching eyes gave up and she nodded. “I’ll come. But I won’t stay if they ask me to leave.” _

_ “Fair enough,” Neil said, breathing a small sigh of relief as he turned on his heel.  _

_"You know I'm here for you too, Neil. All of you. If you ever want to talk my door is always...”_

_ Neil slammed the door shut before she could finish and he heard a small crash behind him as one of her figurines fell to the floor and shattered, b _ _ ut he couldn’t find it in himself to care. She would be there for Andrew, that  _ _ was  _ _ all he cared about. _

~*~

“Andrew, Neil. Good morning,” said Betsy.

Andrew remained silent but he gave her a little nod and allowed her to squeeze the top of his shoulder for a quick second. Neil let out a stream of air he didn’t realize he’d been holding in. When he opened his mouth to finally offer some sort of greeting a clock chimed somewhere and everyone went tense. 

“It’s time,” said Waterhouse, approaching from the courthouse doors and stopping in front of Aaron. “Are you ready?”

_ What a stupid question _ , thought Neil.

* * *

By the time the judge called for a ‘brief recess’ at the lunch hour, Neil’s blood was boiling so hot he was sure he would burn anyone that came within a five-foot radius. There had never been any love lost between himself and Aaron, but to watch some smug looking prosecutor talk about his teammate like he was a stain on society just for protecting his family had almost made him burst into flames. He’d white knuckled his way through most of the morning's testimony, fists clenched furiously against his thighs. Even Nicky, who had awoken that morning with an easy smile and words of encouragement for his cousins, was now looking like he might like to rip the lawyer into a thousand pieces and feed him to  a pack of  hyenas . 

Katelyn, who sat on the other side of Nicky looked equally stricken. Kevin had left the courtroom after the firs t three minutes, followed quickly by Wymack to make sure he didn’t run off. Only Andrew seemed unaffected by the whole thing. Though Neil knew that wasn’t true. His face had been a blank mask as he watched his brother recount the events of last November, but Neil could feel Andrew’s thigh trembling against his own, barely containing the rage he’d forced down for the public appearance. Betsy sat on Andrews other side. After Aaron took the stand, she systematically handed Andrew chocolate covered pretzels from a bag hidden in her purse, a meager offering to divert his attention. But after the first fifteen minutes of the cross-examination Andrew had gone still and refused the confectionery distractions. 

It had been painful to watch but Neil had to hand it to Aaron – he hadn’t let his temper get the better of him. He sat in the small wooden box beside the judge, wearing a new suit and looking every bit the respectable college athlete. The only tell-t ale sign of his outrage came in the strain of his voice as he slowly, methodically answered each question he was asked. After each question Neil didn’t miss the way his eyes flicked to his girlfriend, finding strength in her determined stare. His own lawyer had done a good job of redirecting and objecting when the prosecution began to badger him but Neil couldn’t help but feel a pit of concern bubbling in his stomach at the mixed reactions of the jury as Aaron recounted the assault. 

Andrew was out of the courtroom before Neil had the chance to stop him and Betsy followed him. The group made their way to the steps of the courthouse. A news van was parked across the street but several police officers kept them in check and away from the  building since the media had been banned from entering. From what Neil had heard, Waterhouse had used the Foxes harsh year and Raven retaliation (and Neils own debacle in Baltimore) as an excuse that there were still significant threats to the Foxes and convinced the judge that only limited public should be allowed to attend. 

Wymack and Kevin were sitting on the top steps in silence a few feet away from each other, Andrew had walked towards the end of the block to smok e . Nicky hugged his arms around his middle to undoubtedly keep from latching onto his cousin, who was currently standing off to the side wrapped around Katelyn in a fierce hug. B etsy came back and surveyed the group, her cheerful demeanor diminished.

Neil paced behind them all, fists still clenched and wanting to scream.  _ “Criminally negligent homicide. _ ” Neil muttered the words and gave a laugh that sounded more like a pained yelp. He might have seen the other s turn to watch him but he froze as his peripheral vision picked up the couple emerging hand in hand from the courthouse. 

Richard and Cass spear had sat on the opposite side of the courtroom, silently crying throughout the duration of the mornings proceedings . Neil’s eye had found them every few minutes, waiting for them to notice him looking, but they never did. Richard kept his eyes on the lawyers or the judge while Cass’s eyes had been downcast and hadn’t left her lap. Somehow , it infuriated Neil even more than if they had watched Aaron or even considered a glance towards Andrew. He was moving again before he realized what he was doing. 

A hand caught his wrist and his first instinct was to yank out of it, but nails dug into his skin. Neil turned to see that it was Betsy who had grabbed him. She wore a hard look and shook her head only once. Neil yanked his hand free but didn’t go after the Spears, he understood what the team  psychologist was telling him. Andrew wouldn’t have wanted him to confront them. 

Neil took off in the other direction instead. Andrew still had a cigarette but his hand was limp at his side and his head tilted back, eyes locked skywards on gray clouds. Neil said nothing as he approached and instead leaned against the wrought iron fence and mimicked Andrews pose. His hand reached down and plucked the stick from Andrews un- resisting fingers without looking and  h e brought the cigarette to his mouth. Neil took a long drag and resisted the urge to cough. He was used to the smell of smoke, the feel of the rolled tobacco between his fingers, but rarely actually inhaled. Andrew tilted his head enough to the side that Neil saw a blond eyebrow arch under golden bangs in question. Neil said nothing and took a second drag before letting Andrew take the cigarette back and prop it between his lips. Neil dropped his hands down and reached out with his pinky, just grazing the skin on the back of Andrews hand. Andrew twitched at his touch but didn’t pull away and Neil allowed the contact to quiet his mind. 

The afternoon passed easier. None of the Foxes were required to take the stand, instead they watched so called 'experts' give a clinical rundown of the crime scene and events from their perspective. They listened to the medical examiner give the cause of death as ‘blunt force trauma’ and Neil bit his tongue to keep from screaming that it was more than Drake deserved. When the forensic analyst brought out pictures, blown up large enough for the jury to see from across the room, Kevin left again. Nicky did his best to look at the photos in an effort to be strong for his cousins but Neil could tell he was struggling. Katelyn promptly buried herself in Nicky’s shoulder and even Betsy squirmed in her seat. Neil chanced a glance at Andrew who was bent forward, elbows to knees and his mouth obscured by woven fingers. But Neil could swear he saw the corner of Andrews mouth twitch in something akin to a smirk. His face went blank again a second later as Cass Spear let out a grief-stricken sob and hazel eyes flicked towards her and narrowed. Neil felt him tense and took a deep breath, counting in German to keep himself from doing anything stupid on Andrew’s behalf . 

By four o’clock they were back at the dorms and had mostly gone their separate ways. Kevin had gone off with  Wymack somewhere, Nicky was on the phone with Eri k before they even reached their rooms and subsequently locked himself in the bedroom. Aaron went with Katelyn and Andrew and Neil retreated to their own dorm. 

“This is bullshit,” said Neil, the second Andrew  closed the door behind them . 

Neil furiously pulled at the buttons of his shirt and yanked it free from his slacks. Andrew said nothing but moved to the window, sliding it open and sliding himself on top of the desk in one movement. The  blond loosened his own tie and top buttons before shaking out a cigarette. He watched as Neil began pacing across their carpeted floor. 

“At least take your shoes off,” Andrew breathed, sounding bored.

Neil shot him a glare but kicked his shoes off anyways . They hit the wall with a soft thump and his pacing resumed. For several minutes neither spoke, the only noise in the room the occasional breeze as it whistled through the open window and Neil's jagged breathing as his socked feet wore a path  in the beige carpet . 

Finally, Andrew seemed to have had enough and he tossed the butt out the window, pulling it shut a little too harshly. “Stop it.”

“Aren’t you angry?” Neil grit out, pausing long enough to turn and look at Andrew. 

Andrew’s feet dropped from the desk and he leaned back on his hands, face impassive. “You seem to have that emotion covered for the both of us.”

Neil swore under his breath and continued his pacing while Andrew slid from the desk and disappeared into the bedroom. Neil took a deep breath and tried to get his temper under control. He was angry at everything. At Drake, the prosecutor for badgering Aaron, the Spear’s infuriating grief over their dead rapist of a son. He was angry at the jury for not understanding the harsh realities of the world they lived in and looking at Aaron with veiled fear. He was angry at Andrew for the blank mask he wore while he endured the horror all over again. Mostly he was angry at himself for being angry...for not being able to control his emotions and be the type of person Andrew  might need right now.

Andrew reemerged a few minutes later in sweatpants and a bulky t-shirt, still wearing his armbands. Neil watched him swipe a half-empty bottle of whisky from the kitchen counter and drop into one of the beanbag chairs. Andrew turned the television on and after a few clicks settled on a channel, taking the occasional sip from the bottle. After a few more minutes Neil sank into the second chair and stared grudgingly at the movie on the television. The beanbag squeaked and crunched obnoxiously whenever he moved.

Scarred fingers drummed restlessly on the fabric of the chair, his knee bouncing anxiously.  From the corner of his eye he watched Andrews calm façade study the television. He half expected Andrew to tell him to knock it off – the staring, the nervous gestures, but Andrew ignored him, which only heightened his annoyance. He knew it wasn’t fair to be getting so worked up when the trial would be hell on the twins and he was merely a bystander. But he couldn’t help it. As his heel bounced on the floor Neil glanced sidelong at Andrew. He wanted to reach out. To take comfort in Andrew and have Andrew take whatever he needed from him. But he knew better. Touch wasn’t what Andrew wanted right now. And it wasn’t what he needed. And the fact that Neil couldn’t be what Andrew needed pinched at his skin like a thousand pinpricks. He shifted uncomfortably. 

“I’m buying a couch,” he said out of nowhere, still an edge to his voice. “Bean bag chairs are for children.”

Andrew paused with the bottle at his lips before continuing to drink, the only indication that he was evening listening.

When Kevin returned forty minutes later Neil immediately shot out of the chair and moved to the bedroom. He threw his clothes across his bed and changed into running gear. He needed an outlet, something to calm the storm of his mind. So, he left without another word, and he ran until his legs were jelly and sweat poured from his body like rainfall. 

The room was dark when Neil climbed into bed late that evening, body aching but mind relatively calm, and completely not ready to do it all over again tomorrow. 

* * *

** Tuesday July 2nd **

If he thought watching Aaron be scrutinized on the stand was rough, watching the prosecution lay into Andrew felt like someone had coated his skin in napalm – if anyone so much as flicked a match in Neil's direction he would surely ignite. After the defense ma d e him recount his history with Drake and the events that had taken place in the Hemmick’s Columbia home, the prosecution had become downright hateful in their cross examination. The flippant ADA, Mr.  Rennit , had the audacity to suggest that perhaps Drake had somehow misinterpreted the situation, that he thought Andrew wanted to be there and that perhaps, given Andrew’s past history, he’d had a violent reaction that had set off the chain of events. The defense called for speculation and claimed the statement was prejudicial since Andrew was not the one on trial and he was forced to move on. The judge instructed the jury to disregard the statement and Neil rolled his eyes. What was the point of telling someone to un-hear something? 

Despite his blank expression, Neil could see in the stiff way Andrew held his shoulders, the way he turned the pen over in his palm that he was about three seconds away from stabbing  Mr. Rennit in the eye. Luckily Betsy took the opportunity to cough and draw his attention enough that the underlying fury in his eyes gave way to apathy once more. Andrew calmly ignored the prosecutor until he asked a question that wasn’t objected to. Neil listened and practically vibrated with fury, digging his nails into his palms so hard they bled. Nicky must have noticed because he caught hold of Neil's wrist a few seconds later and shoved a tissue into his palm. Nicky’s eyes were damp but he seemed to have run out of tears. 

Neil dabbed at his palms with the tissue, accidentally getting a red stain towards the bottom left of his shirt but shrugged it off as inconsequential. In front of him Aaron sat still as a board, his shoulders squarely set and  all  attention on his brother. 

“You confessed to Mr.  Hemmick that you were previously assaulted by Mr. Spears, is that correct?”

“Yes.” Andrew answered, mouth twitching. 

“How many times? Once? Twice?” asked Mr. Rennit.

Andrew sighed heavily. “I didn’t keep count. More than twenty. Over two years.”

Neil’s entire body flinched and Aaron sat up straighter in front of him.

“Two years. For two years you claim this man hurt you and you didn’t tell anyone? Not your foster parents or officer Higgins? Not a friend? ” asked  Rennit , thumbing through a stack of papers on the desk in front of him purely for the effect. “I don’t see any reports or medical records here that suggest abuse in the time you spent at the Spears home.”

Mr. Waterhouse stood and glanced to his left. “Your honor it’s a well-known fact that rape victims don’t always disclose their abuse, especially males , especially children . Whether or not he reported the abuse in the past is irrelevant.”

“I should think the defense would welcome this line of questioning, it goes to establish motive and past behavior. But seeing as there _ is  _ no proof of past behavior, it’s important to note that what Mr. Spears did was out of character and that the assault to his person may have been a violent overreaction...”

“It wasn’t an  overreaction ,” gritted Andrew. 

Mr.  Rennit looked surprised but let him continue, undoubtedly hoping his temper would get the better of  him. 

“He tried to get to Aaron years earlier. As soon as he found out I had a twin. He wanted to bring him to California. I knew what would happen and made sure he would never get anywhere near him. And then  _ Luther _ ...” he practically spat the name, glaring towards Mr.  Hemmick across the  room . “Brought him to Columbia. If he had not knocked me unconscious as soon as I came in the room, I would have killed him myself before I let him be under the same roof as my brother.”

There were several shocked gasps around the courtroom. Andrew finally met Neil's hard stare and Neil tried to pour every ounce of strength he had into his expression. He knew that was something Andrew never planned to admit to anyone, maybe not even Aaron, even though Neil had said as much when he was trying to convince Aaron of Andrew’s dedication to keep him safe. Aaron hadn’t believed him then. But Neil knew what it was like to have your secrets ripped from your chest and trampled by strangers and wanted nothing more than to burn the courtroom down with everyone inside of it to protect that secret for Andrew. Aaron leaned back in his chair and threaded his hands behind his head. Neil couldn’t see his face and wondered what expression crossed his features, now that he knew the truth. 

Mr.  Rennit closed the file on his desk. “Well I guess it’s a good thing your brother got there first or you would be the one on trial here.”

Mr. Waterhouse objected fiercely but Mr.  Rennit backed down and claimed he had no further questions. 

“Redirect your honor?” asked Waterhouse. “Mr. Minyard, you said you made sure he would never get to Aaron...what did you mean by that?”

Andrew  paused, his expression blank but Neil could see the storm clouds behind his eyes even with the distance between them . “I burned down the gym at my school and made sure I was caught. I knew he wouldn’t have a reason to bring Aaron to the west coast if I was  in jail .”

Aaron let out a strained noise in front of him but Andrew was still looking past him to Neil. 

After a few more questions Mr. Waterhouse dismissed him from the stand and he left the courtroom . Betsy followed him hastily. Neil thought about going after him but didn’t know what he would say. 

Before the break Doctor  Slosky from  Easthaven hospital took the stand. He recounted his role in the events and gestured to graphic pictures of Andrews broken body that were put on display for the court to see. Luckily Andrew hadn’t returned. Neil had been there that day but his first instinct had been to shield Andrew’s body from everyone and he hadn’t really gotten a good look at the extent of the damage. The pictures showed Andrews beaten flesh – covered in bruises from head to toe...his neck, his wrists, his sides and thighs ....black eyes and a sharp gash to the temple. S ome of the bruises were hand shaped. S everal members of the jury audibly gasped and had to look away.  _ Good _ , Neil thought .... _ let _ _ them see what the bastard they’re defending did to him.  _ By the time the admitting doctor from Columbia General took the stand to give a full rundown of Andrew’s injuries and mentioned rectal bleeding Neil was sick with anger. He leaned forward and gripped the wooden bench in front of him and began counting. It wasn’t until Nicky put a hand on his shoulder that he realized they were breaking for lunch. 

As soon as he was out of the courthouse Neil made a beeline for the fence and dry heaved over the bushes. Nicky was there instantly with a hand over his back but Neil pushed him away. 

“I’m fine...” he choked out, spitting into the shrubbery. 

“You’re not fine!” said Nicky frantically, “None of this is fine!”

Wymack headed towards them at the sound of Nicky’s shrill pronouncement and leveled them with a concerned stare. “Everything okay?”

“Neil’s fine,” complained Nicky. 

“ Of course he is,”  Wymack clapped  him on the back a few times as if that would force his breathing back to normal and Neil waved him away. 

“Where’s Andrew?” he finally asked. 

“Betsy took him to lunch. I’m not sure they’ll be back this afternoon,” offered their coach. 

“Good.  He shouldn’t have to be here for this....” spat Neil, shaking his arms out to recover some of the feeling in his palms. 

“Now listen here ....don’t you dare do anything stupid up there,” said  Wymack , leaning down to grip Neil’s shoulder. “For once in your life Josten, do NOT shoot your mouth off. You answer their questions. That’s it. You got it?”

Neil was silent until  Wymack gave him a little shake. “Got it?”

“Yes, coach.” Wymack didn’t look at all reassured by Neils compliance but turned back to eye Kevin who had been eerily quiet the last two days. 

While Neil continued to feel the stress bowl over his body like a steamroller, Nicky approached him again, pulling the light sweater from his body, leaving him in a pale blue button up. He gestured to the bloodstains on Neil’s white dress shirt and handed him the sweater. Neil pulled it on without argument.

At one o’clock court resumed. Nicky and Kevin both took the stand, though their testimonies went quickly since they had only arrived after the fact and had limited knowledge of the situation. Luther took the stand next and Neil was infinitely glad that Andrew wasn’t around to see him. Nicky hitched tearless sobs beside him as he watched his father explain that Andrew had warned him of Drakes ‘proclivities’ years earlier and that he hadn’t believed him. He seemed apologetic but Neil felt no sympathy for the man. The fact that Luther wasn’t being charged with anything made Neil want to tear him limb from limb. 

It was close to three in the afternoon when Neil was called to the stand. He shot a hard look to Aaron and crossed the tiled floor, fiddling with the hem of the over-sized sweater. 

“Please state your name for the court,” said the Judge. 

“Neil Abram Josten,” said Neil, flicking away the bailiff and refusing to put his hand on the bible. 

“I have here....Nathaniel Abram Wesninski?” the judge asked, looking down at something in front of her. 

Neil shot her a glare and waited a moment before responding. “It’s Neil, now.”

“I’m just verifying your identity Mr....Josten,” she said, tipping her glasses down. “It says here you were born ‘Nathaniel Wesninski’, is that correct?”

“It probably also says I was born six pounds and five ounces. A lot has changed over the years," he chided.

Neil didn’t miss the dozen or so whispers that erupted in the courtroom, or the slapping sound  Wymacks forehead made when it connected with his hand. 

“Just answer the question, son.”

“Yes,” he bit out.

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?"

“I swear to tell the truth, yes,” answered Neil. 

He surveyed the crowd from the new angle. Aaron’s whole body looked tense and Neil fixed him with a d etermined stare, trying to convey solidarity but Mr. Waterhouse broke his line of sight. 

The questions from the defense were easy and Neil was eternally grateful that Mr. Waterhouse truly did seem to be on the twins’ side. He let himself relax a fraction until Mr.  Rennit sidled up next to him and  leaned  in,  put ting his elbow on the side of the witness box – Neil  thought about pushing it off. The first few questions were expected - Neil explained that only he knew anything about Drake because Andrew had mentioned him. Not what he had done, but Neil tried to convey that he knew Andrew's relationship with Drake hadn't been good and that worry for his teammate was what drove him up the stairs that day. 

“You told Mr. Waterhouse that the racquet used as the murder weapon belonged to you. That you were the one who took it upstairs. Why did you give it to Aaron Minyard?” asked  Rennit .

“ Like I told him ,” Neil stared down the attorney, “I needed to break down the door, I gave it to Aaron to hold.”

“But you didn’t take it back?”

“I didn’t have time.”

Rennit dropped his condescending elbow from the box and maneuvered around to face Neil. “So, you had time to grab the racquet, grab Aaron, give him the racquet, and kick the door in, but no time to take it back and assess the situation before Mr. Minyard took a swing?”

“You’ll have to forgive me,” Neil said, fighting the cold grin he knew belonged to his father, “I was in shock for a second when I saw my teammate being brutally raped by Drake Spear.”

Someone to hi s right s ucked in a breath and Neil ignored it in favor of tracking Rennit’s every move like a predator would prey. 

“ So, once you kicked the door in, you did pause. You were in shock as you say. But Mr. Minyard didn’t, he took a swing without bothering to think about the repercussions such a violent act would have?”

“Calls for speculation” said Mr. Waterhouse. “You can’t expect Mr. Josten to know what was going through Mr. Minyards mind.”

“I’ll rephrase, what was your reaction to the scene you saw?” asked Mr. Rennit. 

“As soon as I realized what was  happening , I lunged at Drake to get him off Andrew. Aaron was just quicker,” seethed Neil, already done with the direction this was headed. 

“So, Mr. Spear didn’t try to attack you or Mr. Minyard...Aaron Minyard?”

“He tried to get off the bed to come after us but  his pants were around his knees and  Aaron didn’t give him the chance. You’ve seen the size of Drake. Aaron saved everyone in that room,” it was a generous statement, knowing Andrew certainly hadn’t been saved, but Neil didn’t regret saying it. 

“Saved you. From a decorated Marine with a clean record from a model family?” said Rennit, gesturing superfluous for the jury.

“From a pedophile and a rapist who would have been behind bars a long time ago if you people knew how to do your jobs to begin with. This isn’t on Aaron, he was just protecting his brother, I would have done the same thin g. I’m glad he’s dead ,” spat Neil. 

Somewhere behind  Rennit ,  Wymack groaned and several members of the jury shifted in their seats . A low rumble broke out among the courtroom. The judge called order to the court and Neil tried to regret what he said but couldn’t find it in himself to do so. Telling the court that he would have killed Drake if given the opportunity was unhelpful, but he knew who Drake was, at least to an extent, when he had gone up to that room. Aaron had already explained in his testimony that  he had no idea who Drake was, to Andrew or otherwise, and had reacted solely on the scene that had played out in front of him. 

Neil left the stand feeling dirty and angry and wanting to punch something. Only one day of the trial remained and Neil wasn’t sure how he would get through it. He felt continuously selfish for being so worked up about the whole thing – it wasn’t his future on the line or his past trauma being laid bare in front of a roomful of strangers. But between Andrews quiet apathy and Aaron’s guarded emotion Neil couldn’t help letting his own feelings spill out like lava and  smolder everything around him. He snapped at Wymack in the car on the way back after his brief reprimand about losing his temper on the stand and they all went silent for the rest of the ride. 

Wymack dropped them off at the dorms at six thirty and Kevin followed Neil up the stairs towards their room. Nicky had taken the elevator ahead of them and was already opening the door to his own dorm by the time Neil and Kevin  stepped onto the landing . Across the hall Jack and Andre emerged from their own room, their laughter dying at the sight of the two older foxes. Andre’s expression immediately became somber but Jack looked positively gleeful at the expressions the two of them were wearing. 

“Uh oh, that doesn’t look good. Guess you should’ve recruited more  backliners since Minyard won’t be around much longer, huh?” Jack laughed as he approached. 

Neil moved like lightning, and normally he wouldn’t have expected anyone to be able to catch him but Kevin seemed to have  anticipated his reaction the moment Jack opened his mouth. 

Watching Kevin hold Neil back only seemed to rile Jack further and he laughed again. “I might be afraid of Minyard with a ra c quet but I’m not afraid of you , butcher’s boy.”

Jack hit the wall with a loud ‘thump’ as Matt threw him into the drywal l and pinned him there by his shoulder . “The fuck did you just say freshman?”

“Get off me Boyd!” Jack struggled against the larger man but Matt only grabbed his face and pressed him further into the wall. 

Andre took a step back and held his hands up. 

Kevin grabbed Neil around the middle and practically carried him down the hallway past the others and threw him into the  dorm  room. Neil made for the door but Kevin pushed him back and shoved a finger in his face. 

“Knock it off. He is not worth it and we still don’t have enough subs for you  t o go breaking them this early in the season,” Kevin stood his ground until Neil backed off and went to the kitchen. 

Neil sucked down two glasses of water and contemplated getting drunk but for once their room was devoid of alcohol - Andrew had finished off the last bottle the night before. Ultimately, he settled for pacing  along the same lines he’d left in the carpet from the night before.  Kevin watched him from his desk for a while but eventually got annoyed and took his laptop with him into the bedroom. 

By seven thirty Andrew still hadn’t returned and Neils texts had gone unanswered. The Maserati had been missing when they arrived but Neil was getting antsy so he texted B etsy hoping she would have insight into Andrews location. Her response had been immediate and she told him Andrew had gone for a drive when he returned and that he shouldn’t worry. 

He wasn’t worried. Really. 

At eight Neil knocked on Matt’s door. The girls and Nicky were huddled around the couch drinking and watching something on the TV. Dan got up to give Neil a hug but didn’t bother asking how he was. 

“Where’s Aaron?” asked Neil. 

“He’s still out with Katelyn,” offered Renee, giving him a small smile. 

Nicky curled his hands tighter around his glass and had a hard time meeting Neil’s eyes. Neil nodded a few times before turning his attention towards Matt. “Hey, can I borrow you for a bit?”

“Sure man, whatever you need,” Matt clapped a hand on his shoulder and ruffled his hair slightly. 

“Bring you r keys,” said Neil, turning back out the door. 

Matt drove them to a strip mall just off campus. They loaded up on liquor and then Matt followed Neil into the grocery store where Neil pulled half a dozen pints of ice cream, several boxes of hot chocolate, two kinds of whipped cream, and several bags of chocolate covered foods from the shelves. Matt did him the solid of not asking about the trial, or anything at all really, instead talking about how practice had been going  in their absence . The only comment he even made about Neils impulse buys was to joke about what Kevin’s reaction would be to seeing him bring back so much junk food. 

When they returned to the dorms just after nine the Maserati was back and Neil breathed a sigh of relief. The two Foxes lugged their haul up the stairs where Matt disappeared into his room with a wave. Neil shifted the bags to his left arm to struggle to get his keys from his pocket . He  finally lifted his keycard to the door but it wrenched open. Andrew stared at him for a few moments before stepping aside to let him pass. The goalkeeper had a small towel around his neck and his hair was wet like he’d just gotten out of the shower. Neil also noted his armbands were absent. 

Neil set the bags down on the counter and went to work unpacking them. He listened to Andrew shut and deadbolt  the door but kept his eyes on the task at hand, biting his lip to keep all the toxic words from spilling out. He wanted to ask Andrew if he was okay. He wanted to rage at him about how shitty this whole situation was . H e wanted to tell Andrew to lean on him. But instead he bit his tongue and unpacked pint after  pint of ice cream. 

Andrew crossed the room to stand next to the counter, regarding the groceries with careful eyes. When everything was unpacked it took up the entire laminate surface and  Neil finally looked up to meet Andrews stare. 

“Hi.” 

Andrew only raised his eyebrows, lips set in a small frown. 

“ What is this? Consolation food? No one died and I’m not sick,” he said finally. 

Neil winced a little at his tone but tried not to take it personally. “I know you’re not sick, but I don’t know the protocol for when  everything is shit so I bought ice cream. And whisky.”

Andrew watched him for a moment , as if daring Neil to convey any sort of pity. Blue eyes focused on the thin lines of scars on Andrew’s forearm when he pushed the box of hazelnut cocoa and bottle of bourbon towards Neil. 

Neil nodded his understanding and Andrew snatched a bag of chocolate trail mix , moving  back into the living room. 

Several of the bottles clicked together as Neil put them away and Kevin still hadn’t materialized from the bedroom, meaning he had his headphones on or had already crawled into bed. It was just as  well, Neil didn’t want to deal with a tipsy Kevin. Or a sober Kevin, for that matter. He stowed the ice cream, snacks, and the extra boxes of cocoa and set to the task of heating up the hazelnut. Using the biggest  mugs he could find, Neil made cocoa for Andrew and instant coffee for himself. He poured two shots of bourbon into the cocoa, topping it with a generous portion of whipped cream and hesitated before pouring a single shot into his coffee. He tried several times to grab the mugs but the long sleeves kept getting in his way so he yanked off the  borrowed  sweater and tossed it to the floor. Neil carried the spiked drinks to the living room and set Andrew’s down on the desk next to his thigh before dropping into one of the beanbag chairs. 

Andrew discarded his cigarette and closed the window before taking a sip of the alcohol infused confection. 

After a few more sips Neil became vividly aware of the way Andrew was watching him but he kept his eyes forward on the blank television screen. He still worried that if he opened his  mouth he wouldn’t be able to help himself from saying everything on his mind. Everything he knew Andrew didn’t want to hear. 

Andrew set down his hot chocolate and crossed the room. He knelt in front of Neil and plucked the coffee from his hands, setting it a few feet off to the side. The blond leaned over Neil, one hand on the side of the beanbag, the other pushing down Neil’s legs until they straightened awkwardly and Andrew  straddled his knees . Neil gave him a curious look, and with his free hand Andrew reached out and ran his fingers over the stained white fabric of Neil’s shirt. He yanked the hem up to examine the scarred but clean skin underneath and a flicker of confusion crossed his features as he looked up. 

“Whose is it?” Andrew asked, his voice tense. 

“Mine,” said Neil, holding out his palms for inspection. 

Andrew snatched one of his wrists and look ed at the small half-moon marks that had dug into his skin and the dried blood still under his nails that he hadn’t managed to get rid of even washing his hands several times. 

“ Cut your damn fingernails.  Idiot.”

Andrew let go but didn’t move otherwise move and his voice lacked venom. 

Neil had to steal himself to keep his face from crumpling under the stress of the last few weeks. “Andrew I...”

Andrew reached out to snatch  Neil’s chin and snarled inches from his face. “You’ve got enough fucking problems on your own, stop making everything else your problem too.”

Lips crashed into Neil’s and he curled his hands into the fabric of his pants. He let the bite of Andrews teeth on his lip, the slide of Andrews tongue against his own wash his toiling thoughts down the drain. Andrew pulled away far too soon, but Neil was still breathless when Andrew dropped into the chair next to him. It wasn’t much, but for now it was enough. Andrew was here, he was safe, and they would get through this. 

* * *

** Wednesday July 3rd **

Neil and Nicky had ridden with Andrew to the courthouse the last day of the trial but Andrew refused to go inside the courtroom. Instead he spent the hours sitting in the hallway or outside on the steps. Kevin was also absent, having decide to go to practice that day instead. So, Neil sat between Nicky and  Wymack with Betsy and Katelyn on either end as the last few people took the stand - Maria  Hemmick , Phil Higgins, and the arresting officers and paramedic. The jury was sent to deliberate at two pm and it was the longest hour of their lives. But when they came back, it was with a not guilty verdict, and Aaron was of acquitted of all charges. Aaron spent no time running into Katelyn's waiting arms and Nicky whooped in glee and wrapped his arms around the both of them. Neil set off to find Andrew. 

He was sitting on the steps flicking his lighter, forearms resting on his knees. He had dressed for court, though less formally than when he had to testify, only wearing black slacks and a dark gray button up.  Neil wondered how he wasn’t sweating through it in the July heat but his skin seemed dry if a little flushed.  Neil sat down beside him, trying to contain his excitement, feeling years' worth of stress leaving his body and dissolving into the humid air. 

After a few minutes Neil dropped his head forward to get a better look at Andrew. “Are you going to ask?”

“No need. I can tell by the way you’re about to vibrate out of your court clothes that it was a  favorable outcome,” said Andrew mildly, pulling out a cigarette. 

Neil grinned and leaned back on his hands, closing his eyes. He was still angry. It should have been Drake on trial today, not Aaron, but the relief outweighed every other emotion and he felt twenty pounds lighter. The Foxes were finally free . ALL of the Foxes.

When a shadow covered his face , Neil opened his eyes to see Nicky and  Wymack leaning over them. Nicky was grinning ear to ear and looked  just  as relieved as Neil felt. Wymack was even wearing a rare, small smile. 

“Aaron and Katelyn?” Neil asked, not seeing them around. 

“I gave them three hundred bucks and told them to get lost for the night,” said Wymack. 

“He’s turning into such a softie in his old age,” cooed Nicky. 

“You’ll shut your damn mouth unless you want extra laps  on the court ,  Hemmick .”

Nicky made a gesture like he was zipping his lips and Andrew pushed himself up, Neil following suite. 

Be tsy emerged a few moments later and Andrew moved to talk to her, dropping his cigarette and stubbing it out on the ground with his toe. Their conversation stopped abruptly as Cass and Richard Spear emerged from the courtroom. For a moment they locked eyes with Andrew and Neil could see his shoulders tighten. For a split-second Neil thought she might say something to Andrew, but then her husband steered her off towards the side and they disappeared down the opposite steps. 

Andrew turned on his heel and dug his keys from his pocket, leaving Nicky and Neil to scramble after him. 

Neil spent the ride staring at Andrew in silence, and for once Nicky managed to keep his mouth shut and busied himself with messaging Erik  from the backseat. 

When they arrived back at the dorms the rest of the team waited for them on the steps of Fox Tower. They were dressed for court and gym bags were littered across the sidewalk. It was  past  time for their afternoon practice. Andrew parked and the second Nicky threw himself from the car the Foxes stood in anticipation. 

“CLEARED! Hallelujah, holy fuck!” screamed Nicky, crossing the parking lot towards his team with his hands raised skywards . 

The upperclassman all whooped in triumph and even most of the freshman shared in their joy. Jack only rolled his eyes and picked up his bag, Sheena didn’t react at all and inspected her nails like she hadn’t heard him. 

Andrew and Neil approached slower. 

“Where’s Aaron ? ” asked Dan. 

“ Wymack sent him off with Katelyn for the night,” answered Neil. “They’ll be back in the morning.”

Kevin’s  relief seemed to wear off quickly since he picked his bag and swung it over his shoulder. “Let’s go, we’re  already late .”

“Jesus , Mr. One Track Mind, can we at least take a moment to celebrate?” complained Nicky. 

Kevin pushed passed the freshman towards the curb. “Celebrate on your own time . W e’ve already missed two days of practice and our first game is in less than a month.”

Nicky waved him off but Neil nodded and pushed Nicky towards the dorm. “We’ll be back down after we grab our stuff.”

Andrew hadn’t waited for them and was already in the building by the time Neil and Nicky ascended the last few steps to the door. Behind them Neil heard movement as the rest of them gathered their things to split up and head for the cars. 

Neil’s gym bag was already packed and it took him less than five minutes to change out of the slacks and button up. He stood next to the door to pull his sneakers on and glanced at Andrew who had dropped into one of the bean bag chairs without bothering to change. 

“You coming?” asked Neil. 

Andrew didn’t even look at him.

“Can I take the car?”

“I don’t know, can you , ” Andrew countered, though it wasn’t really a question. 

Neil heaved a sigh and left. He wanted to stay with Andrew, wanted Andrew to come with them, but he’d already started shutting down and Neil knew when he wanted to be left alone. 

After pounding on the door a few times, he finally retrieved Nicky and they headed to the car. Kevin was tapping his foot and checking his watch impatiently. 

“Relax , Kevin . B eing five minutes late won’t kill you,” chided Nicky. 

Kevin only scowled and climbed into the passenger seat. Neil turned up the radio. He typically hated loud music but after a year with Andrew he’d gotten used to it and it beat listening to Kevin bitch at him the entire way. By the time the Foxhole Court came into view Neil could feel his skin humming with anticipation. Next to Andrew,  Exy was the best outlet to work off the anxiety he’d built over the last several weeks and he planned to take full advantage of the practice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also stay safe out there friends. <3


	9. Fireworks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team unwinds on July 4th.
> 
> ~*~
> 
> All credit to Nora, I own nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter. 
> 
> ~*~
> 
> CHAPTER RATING: T (underage drinking)

** Thursday, July 4 ** ** th ** ****

Thursday was the fourth of  July, a holiday Neil had never really celebrated. Though that wasn’t saying much – he'd never properly celebrated  _ any _ holiday. It also meant  Wymack had given them the day off. Neil and Kevin had decided to hold an optional morning practice, which had been attended by  all of the upperclassman except Aaron and most of the freshman. Andrew’s mood seemed to have reset to cool indifference and the only indication he gave that something still weighed on his mind was the way he rebounded most of his deflections towards Jack, regardless of his position on the court. For a split second the younger striker looked like he might go after Andrew, but likely the whispered rumors of the resident psychopath had reached his ears. Three balls to the head later and Jack tossed his racquet down with a swear and stalked off the court. No one was particularly bothered by his early absence.

That afternoon they piled in cars –  Wymack swung by to retrieve Ava and Josie. Of the freshman, only Andre had a car - which his parents had purchased for him two weeks after his arrival when they’d flown in for his birthday. The four vehicles pulled up in rapid succession along the street in front of Abby’s house. The team nurse greeted them with a wave from the porch and they filed into her house one by one. It was a tight  fit so she’d set up a few plastic tables and chairs in the back yard underneath a pop-up canopy that almost stretched from fence to fence. The day was muggy but overcast so the team kept cool by sipping spiked lemonade under the tent. 

Towards the back of the yard , Oscar helped Ava and Josie set up a badminton net and a fierce game ensued. Even Jack and Sheena joined in after several shouts from  Wymack to stop being so anti-social. At one point , Matt and Oscar just tapped the birdie back and forth between them, the object never falling low enough for any of their shorter teammates to hit. 

At one of the tables, Neil chatted with Dan and Allison about his time in Savannah with Andrew, who sat beside Neil but offered no input to the conversation. The blond leaned back in his chair with a beer in hand and dragged cold eyes across the scene in the backyard but Neil could tell he was in a much better head-space than the day prior. Eventually Renee found her way to the seat next to her fellow goalkeeper and the two struck up a conversation so quiet even Neil couldn’t hear them.

Just before the food was ready to come off the grill Aaron showed up with Katelyn in tow. The upperclassman and Abby descended on him instantaneously and Neil noticed the way he braced himself, gripping Katelyn's hand tighter on their approach. But he accepted their congratulations at his hard-won freedom with a neutral expression and a nod of his head. After the circle broke around him, he moved to sit at the table next to them and Neil could have sworn the twins locked eyes for a second and thought he read something that might have been understanding. When Dan re-took her seat at the table, they commenced staring in opposite directions, happy to pretend the other didn’t exist.

The rest of the afternoon passed easily with food and booze.  Wymack chastised Kevin about how to properly baste the skewers of meat and vegetables until a tipsy Matt barreled into the  both of them with muscled arms around their necks to congratulate them on their father-son bonding moment. Things became a little awkward until the food was  served and Abby saved the day by bringing out bowls of carb-heavy sides. After dessert, they were running low on  alcohol so Andrew volunteered to take a drunk Nicky to the store, likely less due to wanting to be helpful and more for a temporary escape. Neil offered to go with  them but he waved him away with a flick of his fingers.  _ ‘I’m sure the vice-captain should stay make sure the fresh-meat don’t end up on the grill.’ _

Neil was content to sip his soda from his perch behind one of the folding tables and watch his friends enjoy their day off. He liked to witness Matt’s shy smile whenever he watched Dan when she wasn’t looking. And how Allison threw her head back when she laughed, the sound carrying across the yard as if the last year’s horrors couldn’t touch her here. He watched the way Aaron melted into his own seat a few yards away with Katelyn on his lap, her arms around his neck and blond hair obscuring part of his face while he looked up at her with a tranquil expression Neil had never seen on Aaron or his twin. He was even fascinated to watch Wymack and Kevin stand on the deck with beers, engaged in deep discussion. Neil caught snatches of their conversation when things got quiet and determined it had somehow steered from  Exy to popular movies, which Kevin seemed to enjoy ripping apart whenever there was a historical inaccuracy. 

Twenty minutes into his blissful solitude Andre and Josie seemed to think he was lonely and dropped into the seat in front of him. Josie sipped wine from the bottle while Andre had a beer in each fist. Neil straightened a little, looking around for an out, but once they started  talking he felt it would be rude to abandon them too fast and tried to focus on what they were saying. It was less painful than he thought it would be and after ten minutes Neil relaxed, even asking a question or two. Somehow the conversation had steered to their  pasts, but Andre and Josie were content to talk, not prying into Neil’s own life. He learned Andre was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and had been over-medicated for most of his childhood. When he was thirteen, he had tried to commit suicide. The attempt had led to his commitment at a psychiatric facility for three months where he’d gotten evaluated by competent doctors who had readjusted his meds and suggested therapy. He settled in with a decent shrink and started to get better. He relapsed at fifteen after a bad breakup but  Exy had given him an outlet and kept him on the right track. 

Like Andrew, Josie began playing  Exy in a juvenile facility. She’d been picked up by the police  in Queens  after the gang she was in used her as a  dis t raction t o move their heroin operation to another safe-house. She spent two years learning the sport and when she was released at sixteen, managed to place into a private school on a scholarship. He also learned she liked computers and was a computer science major. 

“What about you, Neil? What are you majoring in?” she asked. 

Neil blinked slowly, putting down his drink and curling his hands around the can a little tighter. It was an innocent enough question but giving up pieces of his life to people who weren’t his ‘family’ was still a foreign concept. “I uh....Spanish. Right now. But I’m thinking about changing it.”

“Yea? To what.”

“Not sure. Math maybe?”

Josie and Andre made similar faces. 

Andre pushed aside his empty bottle. “Why man? Math is evil.”

Neil shrugged. “It makes sense to me.”

His phone buzzed a few seconds later with a text. ‘Inside’. 

“I’ll be right back.. . ” said Neil, standing. “Sorry.”

Nicky gave him a cheerful wave as they crossed paths and Neil closed the sliding door behind him, slipping into the pleasantly air-conditioned house. He crossed the dining room and moved into the kitchen. Andrew was rounding the counter, setting down two dark blue plastic bags that clanked when he put them down. 

“Have you all murdered each other yet?” he asked. 

Neil shook his head and Andrew shrugged. “Too bad”

Turning towards the dining room Neil leaned back, pausing to listen. When he was sure they were alone he moved to crowd Andrew’s space, staring down at him while he methodically unpacked the bags of liquor. When he was  finished, he snatched a plastic cup and upended a generous portion of whisky inside, drinking slowly while he caught Neil’s eye. Neil watched through long lashes as the muscles on the side of Andrews throat pulsed while he drank. When the cup was  empty he tilted his chin up to catch Neil’s gaze. 

“Staring.”

Neil turned to face him, only a few inches between their bodies. The ‘yes or no’ tiptoed to the  tip of his tongue but he noticed the way Andrew recoiled from the closeness, taking the smallest step back. He tried not to take  offense to the gesture , knowing the last few days had been especially hard on Andrew and turned back to the counter to busy himself with the whisky, pouring a few shots into a second cup. Before he could take a drink a loud ‘pop’ outside startled him and some of the liquor sloshed onto his hand. Andrew shot a glare towards the back of the house and they moved outside to investigate. 

Dusk had fallen and several of the Foxes seemed to have gotten into a box of fireworks Oscar had brought. The sky was still a dark  blue-gray but it was dark enough for the flare of sparks to brightly illuminate the backyard and to make out coils of smoke rising into the sky. Nicky was laughing as he set off another small mortar and it flew into the air, exploding in bright green and gold. 

Just as Andrew and Neil made it onto the back porch, Ava had gotten a hold of a roman candle and was aiming it too low for the shot to clear the fence so it rebounded and sent the Foxes scattering. 

“ Goddamnit , who let the drunk pyro  get into the fireworks?!”  Wymack yelled. “Aim UP Wells! If you catch Abby’s house on  fire so help me...”

Ava laughed but held the tube skyward and the startled Foxes reemerged from their hiding spots. 

Nicky set off another mortar and Neil gave another involuntary twitch. Andrew sen t him a questioning look and nudged his hand with the bottle of whisky he’d carried outside. Neil took the bottle and took a hefty swig. 

“You don’t like fireworks,”  Andrew surmised, turning back to watch their teammates. 

Neil took another swallow before responding. He set the bottle on the wooden railing that surrounded the porch deck and leaned forward on his elbows. It took him a moment to gather his thoughts, but then they spilled out like hot sparks dissolving in the muggy South Carolina air. 

“We were on our way to Calgary and detoured into Salt Lake City for a couple weeks,” he began. “Mom figured the crowds from the Olympics would hide us. My fathers men caught up to us the night of closing ceremonies. We were watching the fireworks from the roof of the hotel. It was stupid really. We both knew better than to be out in the open like that. But I practically begged her to let me watch so....”

Neil shook his head and pushed himself to a stand, still clinging to the rail and eyes watching color burst over the  tree line . 

“The first shot went right past my ear. I could hear the whistle of the bullet but never heard the shot go off because of the fireworks. I turned around and the second bullet went here....” He brought one hand up to idly touch the scar under his right collarbone. “I was wearing a Kevlar vest but it just missed the plating by a few centimeters. Mom pushed me to the ground, unloaded the entire magazine of her gun into both of them, and we ran , left the bodies on the roof .”

Neil chanced a glance at Andrew for a reaction, but Andrew was staring ahead. Neil could see the bursts of light reflected in his eyes as showers of  fire fell over them. He turned back to the yard. 

“I don’t remember much from the few days after that. I remember the pain of her digging the bullet out. Blood. Throwing up in the back of the car. I remember not wanting to take my vest off for weeks after that and mom practically ripping it off me just to get me to shower,” Neil let out a shaky breath as he expelled the last of the memory, a cold smile tugging at the corner of his lips. “Not fond of fireworks anymore.”

Turning again, he took a step towards Andrew so only a few inches remained between them. Andrew’s shoulders were tense and Neil felt it wasn’t entirely due to truth he’d given up. 

“You don’t like them either?” he asked. 

There was a lull in light and sound while the Foxes dug more fireworks from the packaging.  Wymack and Abby moved pas t them into the house and by the time they’d closed the door another mortar shot into the sky. 

“Cass lived in Piedmont. It was a smaller city filled with rich, privileged assholes,” said Andrew, digging cigarettes from his back pocket. He took a moment to light two, handing the second to Neil before he continued. “Every May they had a Memorial Day party in the center of the city near the veterans building. Cass dragged me there to watch Drake march across a stage with the ROTC. A disgusting display of pomp and circumstance for delinquents in uniform. Two of the years they had a big firework display afterwards. The last year they weren’t allowed because of drought conditions, but when we got back to the  house she gave me those stupid light up sticks that burn your retinas.”

“Sparklers?” Neil asked quietly. 

Fingers flicked in his direction in acknowledgement, dislodging the ash from the cigarette held between them. 

A short silence passed between them and Neil watched Andrew’s  smoky exhale as he muttered. “I should have burned the stage down with him on it.”

Neil’s head tilted a little, a small smile creeping onto his features. “Instead of the gym?”

Andrew turned to face him. “It was a nice gym.”

Neil huffed a laugh and pushed away from the railing a few paces. “Want to get out of  here? I could use a drive.”

Andrew scraped his cigarette out on the railing and tossed the butt into the yard, humming his agreement. 

The pair make their way into the dining room and then to the kitchen.  Wymack and Abby  were starting to clean up the mess left around the counter-tops. Andrew snatched a bottle of whisky without a word and disappeared towards the front of the house. Neil paused long enough to address the older pair. 

“We’re leaving. Can you make sure the others make it back to the dorm?”

Wymack’s brows furrow and he g a ve Neil a once over. “You guys good to drive?”

“Yes, coach.”

He contemplate d Neil for a few moments longer  before giving a stiff nod, “I’ll get them back in one piece.”

Neil  waved a small goodbye and follow ed after Andrew, registering Abby’s ‘Be safe!’ just before he pull ed the door closed behind him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the sporadic updates! I am back in school and there is social-justice-ing to be done. But I am still working on my stories!


	10. This Friday Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone that's not Andrew kisses Neil, Kevin gets drunk, Neil gets in a fight. 
> 
> ~*~
> 
> All credit to Nora, I own nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you see something familiar it's because some of this is pulled from the extra content.
> 
> ~*~
> 
> CHAPTER RATING: M (Canon warnings: underage drinking, mentions of Andrews relationship with Roland, slight smut at the end)

** Friday, August  ** ** 9 ** ** th **

It had taken  months, but the Foxes were finally beginning to look like something that resembled a cohesive team. Jack and Sheena were still problematic on the best of days, but Neil found that he could avoid them outside of practice and let Dan handle them on the court whenever possible. Kevin seemed to notice his reluctance to deal with them and chastised him frequently for pawning off the responsibility to their captain. _ ‘Dan is not going to be here next year for you to hide behind;  _ _ man _ _ up and put them in their place!’ _

Neil had shoved him away with a flippant wave of his hand. If it meant they could  actually get through an afternoon with some semblance of a productive practice then Neil was happy to let Dan play her role a little longer. 

After washing off the humid August air and scrubbing himself dry, Neil took his time putting his things away. He could hear the low rumble of laughter and talking from the lounge, indicating his teammates were still lingering. After giving the lock on his own locker a good yank, he left to secure the rest of the gear. Josie was hoisting the buckets of balls onto the shelving when he arrived. She teetered a bit trying to get it on the top shelf and he reached up to help push it into place.

“Thanks,” she said with a smile. “Last week one of these fell on my head. Hurt more than I thought it would.”

Neil returned the smile and moved to stack a row of cones on one of the lower shelves. “Death by  Exy gear....Kevin would be proud, at least.”

Josie laughed and continued to help him. Her pink hair was still damp and her cheeks were flushed a similar shade. 

“It was a good practice though, right? I mean....no one threw a punch or bled all over the court floor. Seems like progress...”

He closed the doors and locked them, humming in agreement. “It’s still going to take a while, but it was like this when I started too. It always takes Foxes a while to find their footing.”

“We will though. Because of Dan, and you. You’re a good vice-captain Neil. I know the others might not show it, but you’re a good leader.”

He paused with his hand on the stick rack, brows knitting. His first instinct was to object. Not just because he was still uncomfortable taking compliments but because given their performance and the unwillingness of the freshman to follow him, it seemed  absurd . 

Tur n ing at a  snails pace , he was too wrapped up in his thoughts to register that she was leaning towards him. A small hand caught his bicep and lips pressed against the corner of his own. Neil went rigid. It took him a second to find his bearings and he twisted to catch hold of her arm, pushing her away gently. 

“Josie...I’m sorry, but I’m not interested,” he said quietly but made sure his voice was firm and  unwavering.

She pulled her arm free and turned away from his gaze. “Right...sorry. I shouldn't have, that was rude.”

Neil rolled his shoulders, shoving his hands into the pockets of his shorts as he turned away. “Don’t worry about it.”

The freshman ran a hand through her hair and turned towards the locker room. “Well, see you at practice tomorrow.”

Neil heaved a sigh as soon as she had gone and when he turned towards the  exit he caught a hint of golden hair disappearing around the corner.  _ Damnit.... _

He was halfway across the parking lot when he caught up to Andrew. Kevin, Nicky and Aaron were already leaning impatiently against the car. 

“Andrew...” he called, reaching out and snagging the hem of the shorter man’s sleeve. 

Andrew paused long enough to flick a bored stare in his direction but turned to keep walking. He pressed the unlock button and the other men climbed in. Neil hesitated for just a moment longer before sliding into the front seat. He watched Andrew start the car, his jaw tight but otherwise looking unfazed. Maybe he hadn’t seen? No. He’d  definitely seen . What would he do? Would he accuse Neil of cheating on him and tell him to fuck off? Unlikely. Andrew was still reluctant to even admit he cared about Neil existing in his presence much less admit they were together. Would he hurt Josie? A toss-up. Hurting her would mean admitting what she had done affected him in some way and Neil didn’t see that happening. And Andrew didn’t hurt people without provocation. Though, on the other hand, he might see it as a violation of Neil’s person, something Andrew seemed to want to protect even though Neil had released him from his promise months ago.

His teeth ground together for the entirety of the ride back to the dorms. He would ask Andrew about it but not in a car where the others could hear. 

As they walked up the stairs Andrew finally spoke. “We’re going to Columbia tonight.”

Neil swallowed hard but only nodded in return, afraid that if he opened his mouth the words would come out wrong. 

Nicky and Aaron retreated to their own room after a promise to be ready to leave in an hour. Neil swiped his key-card and the door clicked open. Kevin headed for the bedroom to gather clothes and then locked himself in the bathroom to get ready. Andrew sank into the couch against the wall after kicking his shoes off. 

A few days after the teams Fourth of July party Neil had gone with Matt to buy a couch, making good on his threat. Andrew had refused to sit on it at first, but as the weeks progressed Neil found him lounging across the plush, suede surface more than he did the neglected bean bag chairs. 

After kicking off his own shoes Neil sank his knees into the couch facing Andrew and leaned against the soft, blue cushions. Andrew turned on the  tv but it was so quiet the sound was barely audible. Neil watched him for a few moments before plucking the remote from his hands and petulantly dropping it to the floor to get his attention. Andrew turned his head slightly, eyes darting from the remote to Neil, looking unimpressed. 

“I didn’t kiss her,” said Neil, one hand fisting the fabric of the couch while the other curled against his thigh. 

Andrew cocked his head to the side and his blond eyebrows slowly disappeared behind tufts of bangs. 

“I couldn’t stop her. I don’t know why she....” Neil looked down, knowing he was saying it all wrong. He wasn’t even sure Andrew wanted an explanation or cared about what had happened at all . 

Silence stretched between them with only the hum of the air conditioning and the occasional voice of the quiet television program breaking through. 

“You  are  an idiot,” Andrew said, finally. 

And even though his voice was calm and completely devoid of emotion, Neil’s chest still clenched with anxiety. He tried not to let it bleed though on his face but knew he was only  marginally successful. His head lifted and blue eyes blinked stupidly, his mouth opening and closing several times without words making it to his tongue. 

“I don’t know what to say,” he finally admitted. 

Andrew inhaled slowly and closed his eyes on the exhale, like he was struggling to hold his own apathy. “Then don’t say anything.”

The blond leaned down to pick up the discarded remote but Neil caught his sleeve to stop him. “Tell me what you’re thinking, Andrew.”

His chin turned followed by cold, hazel eyes and he glared at Neil. “I’m thinking that you are an oblivious moron. She has been flirting with you for months. So has the other one.”

Neil dropped his hand and blinked back confusion. “You mean Ava? No....she’s like that with everyone. And Josie just....”

Memories floated to the f oref ront of his mind as he thought about the many times the girls had caught him alone to talk under the guise of asking for pointers, or the several time’s they’d asked him to lunch or dinner or invited him to hang out in their room. 

“Oh,” he conceded, meeting Andrew’s stare. 

Andrew rolled his eyes and leaned back on the couch, relaxing slightly with one arm snaking onto the back above Neil’s forearm. “Starting to re-think your ‘I don’t swing’ mentality?”

His shoulder sagged in relief as he realized Andrew wasn’t actually mad at him, just irritated at lack of foresight. His lip twitched, threatening a smile. “No. You’re the only one I’m letting through that door.”

“I hate you,” Andrew said after a beat, his voice  dispassionate and fingers hooking into the collar of Neil’s t-shirt. 

“ No you don’t,” Neil whispered against his lips. And they lost themselves in each other until they heard the bathroom door open fifteen minutes later. 

* * *

They lingered at the door to Eden’s longer than usual. Both bouncers spen t a good amount of time patting Aaron on the back and congratulating him on the outcome of the trial. They were still outside when Andrew approached, spinning his keys around his index finger. The goalkeeper accepted the words of solidarity from the bouncers and nodded politely in return before disappearing into the crowded night club. Neil followed closely. 

They secured a table quickly and Neil followed Andrew to the bar. It took a solid ten minutes for Roland to make his way down to them but Neil enjoyed the way the crowd forced him to press into Andrew’s side, the way Andrew’s finger was hooked discreetly through his belt loop to keep him close,  and  the way Andrew’s thumb occasionally reached upwards and brushed the bare skin of his hip under his shirt. 

When Roland did appear in front of them Neil was so distracted by Andrew’s fingertips that he didn’t realize he was being spoken to. 

“I’m sorry what?” he asked. 

Roland laughed, deep and warm. “I just asked how it’s been going? I haven’t seen you guys since before the trial.”

“Oh it’s....”

“Fine,” Andrew answered dryly, his hand leaving Neil’s jeans to pluck one of the glasses from the counter-top. He emptied the contents down his throat. 

Neil glared at him but pressed closer so his hip  brushed against Andrew’s. 

“O. ..kay ....” said Roland, grinning between the two men. “Well in any case, I'm glad everything worked out. Tell Aaron congrats. First round is on me tonight.” 

He refilled the glass Andrew had downed and pushed the tray towards them. Andrew re-arranged the drinks and Neil cut a path through the leather clad crowd so they could make their way to the table. 

Kevin immediately reached for a highball glass that was ninety percent vodka but Aaron and Nicky were slower react, engaged in an argument about Nicky’s leather pants. 

“You look like a gay biker,” said Aaron, finally reaching for one of the  concoctions . 

Nicky rolled his eyes. “Yea? Since when do bikers wear pink  v-neck's and wear glitter? Also, Erik bought me these so stop hating.”

“Whatever. Just let me drink and pretend like I don’t know any of you,” Aaron downed two shots before moving onto a third. 

“ So , like every other time we go out in public then?” Nicky picked up a drink and took a sip, surveying the rest of the men. 

Aaron swore something threatening under his breath. Kevin was practically chugging his drink and was turned facing away as not to be involved in the conversation. Andrew was nursing his second glass but Neil had been watching the exchange with mild interest, so Nicky decided he was the best to reel in.    
  
“Neil, Aaron is being a jerk. Make him stop,” Nicky whined theatrically. 

Neil tilted his head to the side and gripped the soda can a little tighter. “Or, plan B, you two get wasted and don’t drag us into your bickering.”

Andrew dropped the glass from his lips and raised his finger, point ing at Neil. “I second plan B.”

Nicky snatched a second colorful drink, now one in each hand. “Fuck you guys , I’m going to find someone who appreciates this hot ass.”

“Godspeed,” said Neil. 

Nicky moved towards the dance floor with his drinks and despite Aaron’s earlier jabs he followed a few seconds later. 

By midnight Neil’s head was throbbing. He regretted not preemptively taking aspirin like he usually did before their trips to the loud nightclub. His eyes scanned the crowded dance floor for  nothing in particular . When they traveled back towards the  table, he found Andrew looking at him, finger idly circling the rim of his glass. His lips curled but before the accusation of ‘staring’ could get out Andrew spoke. 

“I’m taking another turn,” he said in German, turning slightly in his chair to face Neil. “Was the pink  haired  girl the first one you’ve kissed?”

Kevin briefly shot Andrew an irritated look at being deliberately left out of the  conversation but recovered quickly by gathering the last glass from the tray and taking a significant gulp. 

Neil’s brows furrowed and his lips parted, wondering if Andrew wasn’t as unconcerned about the kiss as he had let on. 

“No,” he answered honestly. “I kissed a few when I was younger. My mother beat me to hell when she realized I had.”

Pushing aside his glass, Andrew leaned on the table, cradling the side of his head in his palm. He scrutinized Neil. “Why did you do it?”

The question confused him at first, but he quickly realized his confusion stemmed from not really having a good answer.

“I don’t know, honestly. Maybe I just thought that’s what normal people my age did, or maybe I just wanted the contact.” Andrew quirked a brow at  him so Neil was quick to follow it up with, “But I never felt anything before. Not like....with you.”

He looked down, suddenly finding the table very interesting. He was getting dangerously close to a heartfelt confession. When he looked up again Andrew was still watching him through narrowed eyes, glossy from consuming more liquor than usual. 

“What about you?” Neil asked, hoping to cut through the tension. Though he re-phrased his question at the last second, not wanting  to _ actually _ know Andrew’s first kiss, since it likely wasn’t one he’d consented to. “Who was the first person  _ you _ kissed?”

Andrew swiveled in his seat, turning back to the table. He downed the rest of his third glass before he answered. “I  never knew his name. Someone in juvie. Only happened a few times. He couldn’t keep his hands to himself.”

He knew he should drop the subject but curiosity got the better of him. Despite still speaking in German, he lowered his voice until it was barely audible over the drum of the bass. “And Roland? You said he couldn’t keep his hands to himself either.”

Andrew’s eye twitched and he looked sidelong at Neil. “He learned. Eventually.”

Neil nodded several times and finished the last swallow of his soda, suddenly wishing there had been some form of booze left to help cull the heavy moment between them. Minutes passed and they watched the throng of bodies moving in unison on the dance floor. 

“It’s over. With Roland,” Andrew said quietly, looking ahead.

Neil nodded again, “Okay.”

He hadn’t asked but relief flooded his body. He never assumed Andrew had continued...whatever it was he had with the bartender but it made his heart flop in his chest, knowing that he had Andrew’s full attention. 

Andrew’s jaw clenched and Neil was struck with the urge to kiss him. He hadn’t even realized he’d started to move when several bodies  toppled into them from behind. Neil nearly slid from his chair, grabbing the table for leverage. Andrew leaned forward as someone collided with his back and beer sloshed on Andrew’s thigh. He shoved the club-goer away with a violent push and swore under his breath, grabbing for napkins on the table. Neil tried to assist him but Andrew slapped his hands away. 

“I’m going to the bathroom,” he gritted out in English, still wiping at his wet thigh. 

“I’ll get the last round,” said Neil, standing as well. After giving Kevin firm instructions to stay put, and receiving a middle finger in return, Neil made his way across the sticky floor. 

Roland made his way down the bar quickly and Neil passed him the tray full of empty glasses, asking for a couple shots for himself. The tanned bartender grinned at him and began making their drinks. Neil found himself watching the man. He’d never had an opinion about Roland one way or another, other than his involvement in drugging him on his first visit to Columbia. But watching him now, he felt something far too close to jealously for his liking. He could try to be glad that the man had been a decent person to Andrew and stood by him through his drug induced mania and what followed – though Neil was reasonably sure Andrew had still been in high school when the they first started hooking up which sent a little surge of anger up his spine. But right now, he could only imagine Andrew lips trailing down Roland's  toned chest and his stomach flipped uncomfortably. 

After sliding the last drink on the tray Roland reached across the bar, handing Neil a small, square packed wrapped in brown parchment. Neil opened and closed his mouth once in question. 

“Just something I thought you could use. Don’t open it here though,” Roland explained. 

And then he was off, moving to the other end of the bar. Neil gave the weighted package a little shake before shoving it in his pocket. 

It took both hands to carry the tray back to the table, as Neil wasn’t as nimble as his shorter counterpart. When he  arrived, Kevin had abandoned his  chair but it didn’t take long to find him. He was standing against the railing a few feet away, voice carrying over the crowd. He was locked in an argument with three men, who looked absurdly out of place in their crisp jeans and colorful polo shirts. They all had the same haircut and for a second Neil thought they might be related. He moved to stand beside Kevin, temporarily abandoning their drinks at the table though he kept an eye on them in his periphery.

“What’s going on here?” he asked, though the question was more directed at the newcomers than his sloshed teammate. 

“Well  well , number 10. Is the whole team here? Aren’t you underage? I’m sure the media would love to know what the Foxes get up to when they’re not busy getting their asses kicked on the court,” said the first man, his two friends behind him laughing at the insult.

Neil fixed them with a deadpan stare and then turned to Kevin and spoke in French, reaching for his wrist. “Kevin, let’s go. They’re not worth your time.”

“I know that,” Kevin spat, looking down at Neil and yanking his hand away. 

The two of them moved back towards the table and Neil hoped the pretentious looking dude-bros wouldn’t follow them. But their luck had always been shit. 

Though ill-advised, given the threat that had been made only a minute earlier, Neil downed all three of his shots and Kevin had just reached for his fifth drink when the men pressed against the empty side of the table. 

“We’ve got a bet going,” said the second man. “Zack says you won’t make it to spring championships. But I think you won’t even last fifteen games. Care to weigh in? What do you think?”

Neil dug his fingertips into the table and could feel a cold smile creeping onto his lips, encouraged by the warmth of the alcohol in his belly. “I think I’m surprised you can count that high.”

The  second  man looked offended but the other two only laughed. 

“You really do have a mouth on you. Don’t tempt me to close it for you,” said the first man. 

“You really think it is wise to threaten us?” asked Kevin, sounding surprisingly firm for how tanked he already was. 

“I think you won’t do shit,” said the second man, pushing Kevin roughly so that he had to grab onto the table to keep upright. 

Neil stood again and grabbed Kevin, yanking him to the side and out of harms way. Kevin tried to object but Neil held a finger in his face in warning before rounding on the men. “You know nothing about us. If you did you wouldn’t be picking this fight.”

The first man stepped up so there were only a few inches between them and looked down at Neil. “I don’t see how this is going to be much of a fight.”

Neil shoved him away with enough force to send him sprawling into his two friends, who caught him before he hit the ground. Maybe it was the tension from his earlier conversation with Andrew, or the months of frustration from dealing with the freshman. Or maybe it was just the alcohol, but Neil was itching for a fight. Unfortunately, just as the man got his footing to recover and take a swing, Kevin grabbed Neil’s shoulder. It distracted him long enough for the man to land a glancing blow along Neil’s cheek. The man raised his hand for a second punch but never got the chance to take the swing. Andrew had returned and grabbed the man by the throat, walking him back with such force he nearly toppled over the low railing and his two friends stumbled aside. Andrew pressed against him, holding him against the metal bars. His is two friends moved to intercept the blond but their friend held out one hand to stop them. Neil couldn’t see it in the dark but he knew from his posture that Andrew had a knife pressed to the man’s ribs. 

Neil approached cautiously, massaging his cheek and glaring between the two men, making sure they wouldn’t advance. 

“Who the fuck are these douchebags?” asked Andrew in German, gripping the man’s throat a little tighter.

The commotion had drawn the attention of nearby clubgoers, including Nicky and Aaron, who stumbled up the steps to the left to make their way down the dais.

“No idea,” said Neil. “They know who we are. They probably go to a different school.”

“Uh...what’s going on?” asked Nicky, grabbing onto  Aaron’s shoulder for support. 

“Nothing,” said Neil , replying in English . “Just a friendly disagreement ."

Neil took a few steps closer to Andrew, though he didn’t risk touching him. Instead he leaned into his space and whispered again in German. “It’s not worth it Andrew, let him go.”

“He hit you,” Andrew seethed, his face dispassionate but voice coming through gritted teeth. 

“I’m fine. It’s nothing. Let’s just get out of here before any of this ends up on the news.”

The crowd around them was growing wider and the Foxes encircled the scene as if hoping they  c ould shield Andrew from view. Finally , he let go, pushing the man into one of his friend s . The blade disappeared in an instant, Neil only noticing because he’d been looking for it. 

“You’re crazy!” wheezed the first man. 

“Yea, so maybe fuck off and don’t pick fights with us,” answered Aaron.

The three men turned to leave and only when they were out of view did Andrew turn on Neil, grabbing his chin in hand to inspect the reddened bruise on his cheek. Neil batted his hand away and they moved back to encircle the table. 

They only spent another half an hour at the club, mostly so Nicky could talk to one of the club managers and tell them what happened. No one was really interested in drinking after their near miss of a PR disaster. Eventually, Kevin admitted that they went to USC Columbia and had recognized him. It made sense. Palmetto State and Columbia had a rowdy rivalry that had turned bitter in the last year since the Foxes had  outperformed them at every turn. Neil hoped their presence there was a one-off and that they wouldn’t have to deal with them again. And even more, he hoped they didn’t make good on their threats to report him to the media. Kevin and Nicky were both over  twenty-one but he and the twins were still underage.

Kevin toppled onto the couch the second they entered the house and by the time Neil had finished using the bathroom and changing for bed, he could hear him lightly snoring from the couch. Silence upstairs suggested that Aaron and Nicky had already made it to bed as well. It was after two  AM but the excitement of the evening still had Neil buzzing with energy. He was standing at the side of the bed, fiddling with the sheets when Andrew came in the room. He was dressed for bed and carried something in his hand. The object soared through the air and Neil caught it instinctively. An ice pack. Andrew said nothing, only climbed into bed and turned out his bedside lamp. Neil did the same, holding the cloth wrapped pack to his jaw. It didn’t hurt badly since the punch hadn’t landed, but there would still be bruising. Neil rolled onto his side in the dark. The light coming through the window was enough to make out hazel eyes boring into him and Neil returned the stare. Their eyes locked, both refusing to look away. A few minutes later Neil pulled the ice pack from his cheek and groped behind him until it fell to the bedside table. He reached out, hand inching forward until it hovered just above Andrew’s head. Andrew snatched his hand, and at first Neil thought he would push him away. But Andrew lowered their hands, pushing Neil’s fingers into his hair. His eyes closed at the contact and Neil gave a sigh of relief. 

Andrew’s hand brushing down to lay on Neil’s wrist, his thumb tracing the burn scars on the back of his arm. Neil scraped his nails against Andrew’s scalp and Andrew shifted closer. Neil saw Andrew’s eyes drop to his mouth and he gave the smallest of nods. It was enough, and Andrew pushed forward until their lips met. His grip tightened on Neil’s wrist and Neil scooted closer so their bodies nearly touched. 

“What are you going to do in fifth year when I am not here to keep your stupid ass out of trouble?” asked Andrew, murmuring against Neil’s lips. 

Neil’s tongue shot out to  trace along  Andrew’s lower lip and he pressed his forehead to Andrews. 

“I don’t want to think about  fifth year,” he admitted , fingers tightening in Andrew’s hair to pull him in closer. 

Andrew’s hand left his wrist, sliding up his arm, over his shoulder and then down to his side, clenching at his waist. His other hand snaked out from under the pillow and he used it to propel himself upwards and roll Neil onto his back. He let Andrew press him into the sheets and Andrew sank his lower body against Neil’s. Neil groaned at the contact. Andrew bit his lip, silently telling him to keep quiet. It was a tremendous feat with Andrew’s hips rolling against his. Even more difficult when Andrew licked his own hand before reaching between them to pull Neil’s straining erection from beneath his sleep pants and boxer briefs. 

Balancing on one elbow, Andrew worked Neil quickly, his hand moving in a fevered rhythm while his  mouth slowly dragged from Neil’s lips to his jaw , to his throat. Neil tentatively brought his hands up to grip Andrew’s biceps and shoulders. 

“You can touch above my hips,” Andrew murmured into the hollow of his throat. 

Neil panted heavily and thrust himself into Andrew’s hand. When he was close Andrew sat up, his thigh’s caging Neil’s and let go of him long enough to pull his own shirt off. Neil’s eyes blew wide for a second and his heart stuttered when Andrew took his hands and pulled them to his waist. He squeezed gently, running his hands along Andrew’s sides in awe of the man above him. And then Andrew pushed down his own garments, exposing himself fully. It was dark but it was the first time Neil had gotten an unobstructed view of Andrew’s cock. Flushed, and thick and circumcised. When Andrew took them both in hand Neil realized they were nearly the same size. Andrew’s breath caught as he pushed up into his own hand, his cock sliding against Neil’s, lubricated by sweat and pre-cum and saliva. Scarred hands made another pass at Andrew’s chest and he had to repeat  _ ‘Above the hips... _ ’ in his head, like a mantra to keep himself from reaching down to the swell of Andrew’s partially exposed ass. 

Andrews free hand seized his right hip and his body went rigid as he came. The strained look on his face, the slightly parted lips, slick with Neil’s saliva – it was enough to make Neil fall over the edge after him. Neil came seconds later, his eyes darting back and forth between Andrews face and his hand, now slow moving, stuttered. Neil’s fingers scratched lightly down Andrews chest and Andrew groaned quietly as he came down. 

After they caught their breath Andrew leaned forward, pressing a slow, lazy kiss to Neil’s mouth. It took Neil a moment to respond, his head fuzzy and limbs feeling heavy. It lasted only a minute and then Andrew rolled off him reaching to the bedside table for the package of towelettes. He grabbed a few to clean himself off while Neil moved to the bathroom since he’d taken the brunt of the mess. 

When he returned Andrew was settled again, the sheets pulled up to his mid-section, but Neil noticed he hadn’t put a shirt back on. He smiled and climbed in the bed, soaking up yet another piece of trust Andrew was offering him and fell asleep within minutes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will try to get my update schedule back on track but I keep getting distracted by other WIPs because I have no self-control.


	11. Shattered glass, thawing ice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We find out what Roland's gift was, Matt offers a confession, and once again Andrew is the calm in Neil's storm. 
> 
> ~*~
> 
> All credit to Nora, I own nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is really long for some reason. Some stuff from the extra content. 
> 
> ~*~
> 
> CHAPTER RATING: M (Canon warnings: Very mild smut, M just to be safe)

** Saturday August 10 ** ** th ** ****

Their Saturday afternoon practice was only mildly productive. Neil and Dan set the team working a few new plays they had come up with and the team executed them a dozen times over, their teamwork shoddy and tensions running high by the time they headed for the showers. When they reached the dorms it was only six o’clock but Neil was exhausted. 

He had woken early that morning and gone for a run before the others got up, unable to sleep-in despite their late night. And he’d gone overboard at practice. Not only to work out his frustrations, but the harder he ran, the more he lunged and swatted his racket and toed around his opponent, the quieter his mind. Sometimes even quiet enough to drown out Kevin’s critiques and Jack and Sheena’s insults. 

Andrew and Kevin ventured into the kitchen to scrounge up dinner when they made it through the door, but Neil headed for the bedroom. He collapsed heavily on the bed and lay back for several long minutes, his feet dangling over the side so his toes scraped the carpet. When the room started to smell heavily of tomato sauce wafting in Neil pushed himself up. He made himself busy, picking up his laundry from the floor where he’d discarded it that morning, a habit that never failed to infuriate his goalkeeper who was surprisingly tidy. 

When his hand clenched over the  jeans he’d worn the night before he felt something hard in the back pocket. Neil’s brows furrowed in confusion before he remembered. I n the chaos of the bar fight he’d forgotten about Roland’s ‘gift’. 

Digging the package out, he dropped the pants on the floor again and dug his fingers into the parchment. The room was still  dark so he moved across the floor as he worked the paper, flipping the switch when he reached the door. Inside the wrapping was a small, white, cardboard box and he could hear the quiet jangle of metal when he turned it over to open it. Neil tipped the contents into his palm and the confusion gave way to terror for a few wild seconds. 

The cuffs were padded but for a moment he was months away from this moment, tearing flesh from his wrists as he struggled against the bite of metal. The burns on his arms and knuckles flared white hot and his cheek twitched with phantom pain. The shadowed faces of ghosts from his past, Riko and then Lola laughed at his pain and cut into him while his wrists were bound, leaving him unable to fight back.

He might have stayed locked in the memory if not for Andrew’s voice, pulling him back to the present. 

“The fuck are those?”

It had been a while since Neil heard that tone from him – the cold fury of impending violence. 

Neil looked up and tried to school his expression, smiling hurt his face but he let out a small laugh and said “Roland gave them to me ....could come in  handy I guess? Get it ....‘ _ handy’ _ ?”

Apparently, that was the wrong thing to say. Andrew didn’t seem fooled at all by his weak attempt at a joke and when he snatched the cuffs from Neil his hands were shaking. Andrew threw the object so hard it sailed clear across the room and hit the window, cracking the glass. The blond stared him down for a few more seconds and Neil opened his mouth to ask what was wrong but Kevin appeared in the doorway, likely drawn by the sound. 

Andrew pushed past the two of them and they were still standing in the bedroom when the front door slammed a second later. Neil winced at the sound and stared towards the window, afraid to make eye contact with Kevin. 

“What was that about?” he asked, scrutinizing Neil carefully.

“It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.”

Kevin’s green eyes narrowed and he watched Neil a few more seconds before giving up and retreating to the kitchen. Neil followed a few minutes later and they ate in silence while Neil resisted the urge to go look for Andrew. 

He wondered why the handcuffs set him off. They triggered Neil for reasons Andrew knew about, but Neil couldn't understand why Andrew had seemed so angry. Had someone used handcuffs on him in the past? Had Proust? It wouldn’t be that surprising. Neil hoped that wasn’t the  case but visions of Andrew tied up and being violated by faceless men came unbidden anyways. He shoved aside his half-eaten pasta, stomach churning with worry. 

Andrew didn’t return until Neil was in bed that night. 

* * *

** Saturday August 11 ** ** th **

Sunday came far too soon. Neil hadn’t slept well but still dragged himself up for his morning run. Kevin joined him and when they returned to the dorm with breakfast biscuits in hand, Andrew was nowhere to be found. To calm the war waging in his mind, Neil stowed the biscuits in the fridge and crossed the hall. 

The door opened after a few quiet knocks and Matt waved him in. Neil followed him around towards the kitchen and he leaned over the counter to watch the taller Fox groggily make coffee. It was past nine but usually he and Kevin were the only ones up early on weekends – and Andrew sometimes by default, unable to sleep after Neil’s movement from getting out of bed woke him. 

Nicky was missing, likely still fast asleep. Aaron was the only one who looked remotely awake, curled over a thick textbook on the couch. Classes hadn’t started yet but Neil guessed Aaron was trying to get a head start on his studies. He didn’t think his twin had Andrew’s photographic memory, but according to Dan, Aaron had the best grades of anyone on the team with a nearly perfect GPA – a fact that never failed to infuriate Kevin, who had been the best academic on the team until Aaron’s arrival. 

The blond didn’t even look up at his presence as he leaned in on the counter from the living room. 

“Coffee?” asked Matt. 

Neil nodded and Matt dug an extra mug from the cabinet. The clanking or the smell of rich grounds in the air must have woken Nicky because he appeared a few minutes later, pajama clad and rubbing sleep from his eyes. 

“Oh, Neil...mornin’,” Nicky said with a great yawn, attempting to smooth his hair down. 

“Hey,” was all he offered, bringing the mug to his lips. 

Matt continued his subdued, one-sided conversation while Neil nodded at regular intervals. He was only half-listening, trying to find an opening to work in the reason for his visit. 

Nicky cut in, asking where the cereal was and Matt sighed, as if something he’d reminded the other man of a thousand times that he just kept forgetting. He snatched the box from the back of the small pantry and handed it over. While Nicky made himself busy  rifling through the fridge Neil pushed his coffee to the side. 

“Hey Matt. ..you uh, replaced that window in Andrew’s dorm last  year, right?”

Matts head tilted to the side. “Yea...something wrong with it? I thought it was pretty good work...”

“No...it was . I just wondered if maybe you could do it again?”

“What happened?” Matt asked immediately, trying to mask his concern. Nicky sidled up next to  him, spoon hovering in front of his mouth.

“Nothing important. But it’s cracked and we’ll probably need to replace it again.” he explained. 

Nicky crunched into his bite and curled his lips around the utensil, sliding it down his lip when he pulled it out. “Oh? I told Andrew he’d want to move the desk. It was just a matter of time before an over-enthusiastic thrust ...”

Normally it might have taken Neil longer to catch on, but the way Nicky was looking at him was enough to g ive it away. He didn’t have to object though, because Aaron did it for him. 

“Really?” he asked loudly, finally looking up from his book. “Can you at least save the freaky shit until I leave the room?”

“Then leave,” said Nicky, dismissively. “No one’s talking to you, you grouchy child.”

Aaron gave a dramatic sigh but made no move to leave, turning his attention back downwards. Neil knew he was still listening. 

“We didn’t ....Andrew just threw something, that’s all,” Neil said with an exasperated exhale, glaring mildly at Nicky's  Cheshire grin.

“Oh, that’s all?” asked Matt, still skeptical. 

“Yes...can you fix it or not?” he said a little huffily. 

Matt nodded a few times, picking up his mug again. “Alright...no problem.”

“If you’re free today we could run to the store? I could use a drive,” admitted Neil, dumping the rest of his coffee down the sink. He could feel Aaron’s stare on his back and knew if the  backliner made a scathing remark he’d likely upend the liquid on his head. 

“Sure...I have a few things I need to pick up anyways. Let me grab a shower first. Come back around eleven?”

Neil lingered for only a few minutes longer before retreating back to his dorm. Andrew was still missing when he got out of the shower so he passed the time with Kevin, watching last night's major league-game between the Tidewater Egrets and the Columbus Suns. 

When they finally got around to leaving, Nicky tried to invite himself along. Given his sour mood, Neil didn’t think he could deal with the man’s loud enthusiasm now that he was fully  awake, so he told Nicky that Kevin needed help re-organizing his half of the closet. It was a lie, but Nicky immediately crossed the hall to knock on the door with gusto. Neil could hear Kevin’s irritated ‘ _ what? _ ’ at the other end of the hall, but he and Matt were through the door to the staircase before anyone could call after them. 

They took their time at the home improvement store. Matt gave the measurements to the  salesclerk who directed them towards the correct supplies. Neil swiped his check card for $600, having chosen a window with ‘shatter-proof’ glass and they moved on to their next stop. 

At the mall, Matt perused gift options for his  mother's upcoming birthday and Neil checked his phone for the twentieth time. He wasn’t expecting to hear from Andrew but that didn’t stop him from looking every five minutes. Instead another text from Nicky came through. 

“Nicky says I had better bring back a peace offering for lying to him about Kevin,” Neil said  m ildly. 

Matt laughed. “He caught on pretty quick. Guess he’s back in the room bothering Aaron then?”

“Oh, no. ..he reorganized the closet,” said Neil, holding up the phone and letting Matt see the string of texts. 

“Guess Kevin thought it was easier to give in,” smiled Matt. 

Neil hummed and put the phone away, feeling less guilty than he should about ditching his friend. 

“Erik’s planning to propose,” Matt said, suddenly. 

Neil stopped walking.  Surely, he hadn’t heard correctly. “What?”

Matt turned to face him, smiling widely. “Yea. Not sure when, but he asked me to figure out his ring size.”

Neil didn’t even realize Matt knew Erik that well. He supposed they could have bonded over the New Year’s trip Neil had missed last year. 

“Is that even legal?” Neil asked, stupidly, unsure how to actually respond. 

“In some places,” Matt shrugged, unconcerned. “It’s just a matter of time. The world won’t have a choice but to catch up.”

They paused by a jewelry case and Matt asked to see one of the more expensive watches beneath the glass. 

Neil didn’t understand marriage. His parents had been married and it hadn’t meant anything. It didn’t signify anything important or even mean they loved each other. Perhaps they had, once upon a time, but Neil didn’t think so. He could never see his father loving anything or anyone and his mother never had room for love...not when she needed to focus on survival. He caught glimpses of what he thought was love in his time spent with the Foxes but couldn’t be sure. 

“Do you want to get married?” asked Neil, looking up at Matt curiously. 

Matt gave an  exaggerated gasp and held his hand over his heart, “Was that a proposal Neil Josten?”

The girl behind the counter gave them amused look before moving farther down to help other customers. Neil rolled his eyes and pushed Matt out his space when he leaned in. “You know what I mean asshole.”

Matt laughed and turned his attention back towards the  watches, but Neil didn’t miss the way his eyes flicked towards the rings a few displays down. “Yea, I do.”

“You know when I was  little, I thought marriage was for chumps,” he continued, hands sliding along the glass. “My parents were never really ‘together’ and all the people at my dad's parties were either divorced or cheating. But I don’t want to be like that. I want it all.”

He turned to face Neil, fixing him with a hard stare that Neil almost turned away from. “I want to finish school and go pro, marry Dan, have kids, all of it.”

He had admitted it so genuinely the confession nearly knocked Neil off his feet. He considered Matt one of his best friends but this seemed much to personal and Neil felt undeserving of such knowledge. 

“Wow....that’s great man. I’m happy for you.”

It was the truth. He might not understand the intricate longing of wanting the whole nuclear family, but he wanted Matt to be happy. 

“Thanks...” Matt seemed to realize the weight of his words because he turned away a second later and busied himself with more jewelry. “Just...don’t tell Dan, okay? We haven’t really talked about it and I don’t want to freak her out. And besides, we still have plenty of time before all that. ”

Neil made a motion like he was zipping his lips. 

“What about you? I can’t really see you  and Andrew walking down a church aisle,” said Matt, giving a cautious laugh. 

“We’d probably get struck by lightning before we made it past the steps,” Neil offered. 

The question somehow made him equally uncomfortable and hopeful. He didn’t see marriage or anything official in his future with  Andrew but hoped they would at least have one. He often daydreamed about a shared apartment, two cars parked side by side, coming home after an away game and collapsing on the couch with tv dinners and Andrew’s feet shoved under his thighs when he didn’t want to wear socks. Normal things that he hadn’t been able to picture until recently. 

He wasn’t sure what expression found its way to his face but Matt was watching him intently. Neil spoke before Matt could press him for anything else. “So. ..how are you going to get Nicky’s ring size?”

“That part’s easy. Wait until he’s black out drunk and measure when he’s passed out,” said Matt, nudging him with his shoulder. 

Neil laughed, for a moment forgetting the handcuffs and Andrew’s absence. At least the future would be bright for his teammates. 

* * *

** Sunday August 25 ** ** th ** ****

Steam rolled from the bathroom as Neil dragged a towel through his hair. 

“All yours,” he said to Kevin, collapsing onto the couch. 

Kevin got up from his desk, abandoning his laptop and the highlight reel he was watching in lieu of cleaning up. They’d made an  impromptu visit to the court after their morning run and even though it was only ten in the morning, they were both pleasantly exhausted. 

For a few heavenly moments Neil let the ache in his limbs, and the dull throb in his head that slowly ebbed away as his body temperature returned to normal, drown out all other thought. But it didn’t last long. It had been two weeks since the handcuff ‘ _ incident’ _ and Andrew hadn’t so much as touched him since. The quiet goalkeeper hadn’t been acting particularly strangely, but Neil had gotten used to Andrew’s attention and the warmth of his proximity. Neil tried bringing it up a few  times, but Andrew must have sensed the topic inching to the tip of his tongue and would change the subject abruptly or simply leave the room. 

On top of his stalemate with the  surly blond , Neil was fretting about school. His schedule was set and there was nothing left to do but wait for classes to start, but something niggled at the back of his mind that he hadn’t yet been able to pin down. When he initiall y chose a  major he’d done so with survival as his only deciding factor. Languages were a useful skill that helped  him get this far and he was good at them, but they weren’t always enough to hold his attention. And as Matt had said when he first arrived at PSU, college was just a means to an end when he planned to play  Exy professionally – and that was true now more than ever. He thought about changing his major but didn’t know where to start and trying to rearrange his whole schedule this late in the game seemed like a chore.  Doing  things he  _ wanted _ rather than things he  _ needed _ , was a chore.

He ripped the towel from his head and tossed it to the floor, kicking it away with his foot for good measure. A few seconds later he was on his feet, shoving his keys in his pocket and jamming shoes onto his feet. He thought about heading towards the dining hall, which had opened that Friday since most students had returned to campus. But he knew it would annoy Kevin to be left behind. Instead he crossed the hall and knocked on Matt’s door. The tall backliner answered a few seconds later holding a bowl in his palm and making some sort of incomprehensible greeting through a mouthful of cereal.

Neil paused, waiting for Matt to lead the way into the room, and heard more voices than he should. He could hear Nicky’s animated chatter and the dull cadence of Aaron’s voice from the living room. When he passed by the kitchen, Dan was responding to something Nicky said from her perch on the counter. 

“Hey, Neil!” she said brightly. 

He gave a small wave in  acknowledgement but his attention was on the other men in the room. In the center of the living room, one of the desk chairs sat atop a large beach towel and Aaron sat in the chair with a second, smaller towel around his neck. Nicky was handing a pair of scissors and comb to the blond while he picked up the electric razor and told Aaron to hold still. At the back of the room, Andrew was perched on the desk next to the window, his hair freshly cut and glinting in the sunlight. He had one leg drawn onto the desk and his chin on top of his knee, arms draped around to hold it in place. 

Nicky only paused for a second, waving at Neil, razor in hand, earning him a reprimand from Aaron who shot Neil a glare. 

“Pay attention, Nicky. If we have a repeat of senior  year I’ll cut your balls off,” snapped Aaron. 

“What happened senior year?” Neil asked instinctively, but Aaron cut his eyes forward again and went still. 

After a few seconds Andrew raised his head enough to mumble “Aaron couldn’t keep still long enough so Nicky took a little too much off the top.”

Andrew tilted his head and tapped a finger to his temple. Nicky grinned sheepishly before carefully adjusting Aaron’s posture and getting to work. 

“I sat still just fine,” grumbled Aaron, careful not to move. “Nicky just has the attention span of a goldfish. I ended up looking like Eminem for two goddamn months.”

The upperclassman laughed, Matt asked for  pictures but Neil only stared, not understanding the reference. Nicky however, retracted the razor long enough to pluck Aaron in the neck. 

“If you don’t want a repeat of that super flattering  cut , I suggest you stop talking.”

Neil moved to lean against the counter next to Dan.

“Ready for school tomorrow, kid?” she asked, nudging him a little with her knee. 

Neil heaved a sigh and leaned forward on his forearms, head dropping down. Matt laughed at his plight. 

“Yea, me too,” he said  empathetically . 

“Want to come to brunch with us?” asked Dan. “Take your mind off it for a while?”

He turned a questioning gaze to the bowl of  cer e al Matt was just finishing and looked back to Dan who seemed to understand. 

“ Oh , come on, you’ve known him long enough to know that was just a warm-up snack,” she said. 

Matt puffed up a little, as if proud  to be able to eat enough to feed a small army. 

“So, how  bout it?” she asked. 

It sounded like a good idea. And he was sort of hungry. But he didn’t want to be a third wheel or listen to Kevin’s bitching later if he left him. 

“Thanks, but I’ll wait for Kevin.”

“Your funeral,” said Dan. 

The quiet buzzing stopped and Aaron immediately went to the bathroom, likely to make sure Nicky had kept his word. He returned a few moments later and Nicky grabbed his arm, hauling him around to stand next to Andrew, whose stare was fixed at a blank point on the wall. Neil quickly realized what Nicky was doing. He had given them identical cuts and for a moment Neil was confused. For two people who seemed to despise each other he thought they would want to be as different as they could , especially now that Andrew had let Aaron out of their deal and he was free to do as he wished.

“Why?” asked Neil, unintentionally saying his next thought  out loud . 

Nicky spun back to look at him and Aaron retreated to his desk, opening a  textbook . Andrew didn’t move. 

“Why what?” asked Nicky. “Why the same ‘do’? For shenanigans, of course.”

“You mean for when one of them needs an alibi,” joked Matt, earning a glare from Aaron. 

Nicky clicked his tongue and shook out the towel, unimpressed. “ So, who’s next?”

Dan jumped down from the counter and made a show of tugging at her very short locks. “I’m good.”

“The only one s who  touch my hair  are Dan and Maurice,” said Matt. 

Neil presumed Maurice was a barber, otherwise he had questions. He might have asked but Nicky was grinning at him, an expression that usually meant he was about to make Neil’s life very difficult. 

“Get over here pretty boy, let me fix that mop of yours,” said Nicky, patting the back of the chair. 

Neil glanced around, incredulous. “What? No way.”

With a hand to his heart, Nicky gasped dramatically. “Rude. Look at Andrew and Aaron, they look amazing. Let me fix you.”

“My hair is fine.” 

“Yea? When’s the last time you had it cut? I can’t even see your ears. This isn’t the 90’s anymore and you’re not a surfer. So, get over here,” continued Nicky.

“Your hair touches your ears,” he countered, h is head swivel ing from Dan to Matt but they offered no help. 

“That’s because it looks good on me. You look  Nickelodeon reject,” Nicky said. 

“Now who’s being rude?” Neil assumed if he could keep up the  banter he might be able to weasel out of the situation. It usually worked. Okay. It sometimes worked.

“He cuts his hair in the bathroom with  the same scissors we use for wrapping paper ,” blurted Matt, looking apologetic but amused. 

“Traitor,” said Neil, though the glare he gave his former  roommate lacked venom. 

At length Andrew slid from the desk, padded across the room and grabbed Neil’s wrist. Neil was embarrassed by the effect the touch had on him, his heart speeding up just slightly as he let himself be pulled across the room. He would have protested but finally having Andrew’s attention made him go mute. 

“Sit still and keep your mouth closed,” demanded Andrew, pushing him into the chair. 

Neil glared at him for good measure despite his internal relief.

Nicky draped the towel around his neck and Neil grabbed it, holding it together at the front. He took a deep breath and tried to calm his racing heart when the scissors made a reappearance. 

Matt and Dan bid them goodbye, trusting Neil to Nicky’s care and Nicky began to chat idly about the upcoming semester, excited about his classes for a change. Neil kept quiet for a while but when he couldn’t take Andrew’s stare on his profile any  longer, he risked speaking. 

“How did you learn how to do this?” he asked, keeping as still as possible. 

“A friend,” said Nicky. “One of the waitresses at Sweeties was in cosmetology school while I worked there. She taught me a few things. It’s good she did. Andrew used to be like you. Wouldn't let anyone near him with scissors so he’d do it himself. You should have seen the state of him when he moved in with me.”

Neil wanted to look at Andrew, to gauge his reaction, but the ‘snip’ of scissors kept his head in place. 

“I started cutting the twin’s hair their junior year in high school, been doing it ever since.  Dunno what they’ll do when I go back to Germany. Probably resign themselves to joining an 80’s cover band.”

He felt more than saw Andrew move. The goalkeeper shifted around Neil and must have gestured something because he felt Nicky nod behind him and say ‘Yea, that’s what I was thinking.’ Neil resisted the urge to bolt, feeling caged in despite all the open space in the room and wary after Aaron’s horror story. His mother had cut his hair most of his life and after she  died he couldn’t feel comfortable enough around anyone else to let them. He’d taken to trimming it haphazardly whenever it got too long. Usually the waves wound hide the uneven cut but Nicky was right, it was a little out of control. 

The sound of the razor sent a jolt through his body and the feeling of it against his head had his skin crawling. He couldn’t decide if he liked the sensation or not. But it only lasted a minute and Nicky was pulling the towel away and brushing away trimmed hairs from his shoulders. 

The taller man walked around and leaned forward, gripping the armrests on the chair. He surveyed his work with a keen eye and nodded approvingly. “I’m amazing.”

Nicky moved aside to let Neil up and he tore off towards the bathroom expecting a disaster. Instead he was startled by how normal he looked. Nicky had kept most of the hair on the top of his head, just trimming and evening it out it a little. It was already starting to dry and wave, though the waves were less pronounced in the cool dorm air. He knew the locks would start to curl when he stepped out into the humid, summer air. The cut was  similar to the twin’s, with Neil’s sides and back shorter. Nicky had cut Neil’s a little shorter than he had ever done himself but it felt nice not to have hair touching his ears or the back of his neck. Neil was about to run a hand through his hair when Andrew appeared behind him and did it for him. 

Andrew’s hand slid from the base of his neck upwards until it fisted in damp, auburn, waves. He gave it an appreciative tug. Neil shivered and Andrew’s eyes flickered with something heated for a moment before going blank once more. Neil turned, barely having room to maneuver from how close Andrew was standing. He wanted to run his own hands through the shiny, gold tresses only inches from his eyes, but restrained himself, instead digging fingers into the sink behind him. 

“So?” he asked, forcing his lips into a smirk he knew would get a rise out of Andrew. “How do I look?”

Andrew flicked his gaze upwards to meet Neil’s stare. “ L ike a disaster.”

“But a pretty disaster?” Neil grinned. 

Andrew tolerated Neil’s flirtatious stare for a second longer and then pushed his face away with two fingers, leaving the bathroom. For a second Neil thought he’d broken through Andrew’s icy exterior, that maybe they could move past whatever had happened weeks ago. But when he reached out to take Andrew’s wrist to stop him from leaving, Andrew yanked his hand out of reach before the touch landed. 

Hurt flashed over Neil’s features but he didn’t have time to dwell on it. A stern knock sounded at the door and Neil knew  that knock  by now  \-  it was Kevin. He heaved a sigh and followed Andrew to the Door. Andrew opened it and pushed past Kevin, heading for their dorm. Kevin watched him go for a second but turned his gaze back to Neil, eyes raking across him from head to toe until they settled on his new haircut. Kevin gave a single nod of approval, though he still looked annoyed – his default expression, really. 

“Good. You were beginning to look unkempt.”

Neil rolled his eyes and pressed his lips, turning over his shoulder, “Thanks, Nicky.”

“Anytime!” he called from the living room. 

He waited for Kevin to move from the  doorway and then followed him into the hall. Neil couldn’t help one last glance at his closed dorm door as they left. How could he make this right? What had he even done wrong? At first Neil had thought Andrew was mad at Roland but he wasn’t the type to redirect his rage to Neil when the other party wasn’t around. Usually Neil was the one person immune from such things. He thought about it all the way to the dining hall and didn’t taste a bite of his food. 

* * *

The sound of a door slamming jarred Neil awake from his position on the couch. He tilted his head back to see Andrew in the kitchen. After rubbing his eyes a few times, he reached for his phone on the coffee table to check the time – he'd stopped wearing his watch since it was irritating to wear over the armbands. Eight-thirty. He’d slept through dinner, but he wasn’t hungry in the slightest. 

Neil pushed himself to a sitting position and curled over onto his knees. His head hurt.  A result of the  stress of rough practices and the impending school semester, topped with his frequent nightmares  that  kept him from sleeping soundly. The only saving grace was that he hadn’t  been waking so violently that he’d disturbed Andrew. 

He was prodding his temples when  Andrew appeared beside him, dropping a plate with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich onto the coffee table. 

The room was bright and Neil had to squint when he looked up to Andrew, who stood over him, hands in his pockets and looking devoid of emotion. 

“I’m not hungry,” he managed, starting to stand. 

A hand on his shoulder pushed him back down. “Stop it.”

Neil bristled at the words. Andrew rarely came out and said what he meant, but Neil always understood regardless. This time the words were a plea for Neil to snap out of the funk he was in and he wanted nothing more than to shake Andrew, to scream at him that he was the reason Neil hasn’t been able to find his footing the last few weeks. Instead he opted for a neutral, “I’m not doing anything,” knowing it would irritate Andrew even more. 

It did. Andrew gripped his shoulder so tightly It hurt. 

“Ow.”

“Talk,” he said, taking a step back to give Neil a little more space. 

“You don’t like talking,” said Neil in a petulant tone, indicating he was readying for a fight. 

“That is why I’m telling  _ you _ to talk.”

“I don’t....” Neil thought for a moment an d opted for honesty. He wanted Andrew to talk but if he wouldn’t maybe making him listen would be enough.  He managed to drop his childish tone at least, working to keep his voice even despite the irritation crackling beneath his skin.  “I don’t know what’s going on . The last couple weeks I feel like the room is closing in around me and I can’t breathe. I just feel like I'm not sure about anything anymore. Practices have been terrible and we’re going to get our asses kicked by the Hornets on Friday. I don’t know what to do about classes...I don’t care about anything I’m taking. And you haven’t.....I’ve managed to piss you off too and I just want things to get back to....I don’t know, some kind of normal?” 

He was nearly gasping for air by the time he finished. 

“You’ve been having nightmares,” said Andrew, his expression unchanging. 

Neil didn’t respond but he didn’t deny it either. 

They stared each other down for a few minutes, the hum of the kitchen appliances loud in the quiet of the room. Andrew lifted his leg and pushed the coffee table back with his toes so he could step in front of Neil, who leaned back at his approach. Hands left his pockets as Andrew knelt on the floor. Neil parted his legs slightly to make space and slanted a curious look in his direction, his frantic diatribe momentarily forgotten. 

Pale hands slid from Neil’s knees to rest  on his  thighs and hazel eyes narrowed in his direction. “I thought I told you to stop worrying about everything.”

Neil’s heart skipped a beat at the touch and he curled his own hands into the couch next to his hips. “I’m a slow learner, remember?”

“S peed it up . P atience is not one of my virtues.”

“I was unaware you had virtues,” countered Neil. 

Andrew raised one hand enough in a ‘exactly’ motion as if confirming Neil’s accusation. 

When Andrew’s hands slid a little higher Neil opened his legs further, shifting closer to the edge of the couch. 

“If I do, do I get a prize?” asked Neil. 

“Yes. You get to keep that infuriating tongue,” said Andrew, who’s hands had now reached his hips, squeezing. 

“You’d never take my tongue, you like it too mu...”

Andrew had expected his retort and silenced him by slanting his lips over Neils, hands a solid presence on Neil’s hips to hold himself up. Neil kept his hands on the couch, waiting until his mouth was freed to ask if he could touch. And Andrew did relinquish his mouth, but the hand on Neil’s throat and the lips dragging down his jaw made him lose his train of thought. Moments later Andrews hands were pushing under his shirt and his lips were trailing across the scarred landscape of Neil’s chest, leaving cooling trails in the wake of their exploration. Neil breathed what he assumed was a ‘yes or no’ between quiet moans and took Andrews nod against his abdomen as consent. Reaching down he lightly squeezed Andrew’s shoulders, his fingers curling around the soft cotton to get a grip. 

“Neil,” said Andrew, biting a bruise into his hipbone. “Yes or no?”

“Mmfgh....yes...” Neil managed between breaths. 

With a firm tug, Andrew pulled his hips to the edge of the couch and Neil raised them enough for Andrew to peel his joggers down along with his boxer briefs. His erection sprang into the cool,  air-conditioned room and without wasting another second Andrew’s tongue slid up the underside of his cock, lips sinking down over his length once they reached the tip. Neil’s hands threaded in Andrew’s hair and he let out a groan, absurdly loud in the quiet room and one of Andrew’s hands clamped over his mouth to quiet him. He was sure the sound would have earned him a verbal reprimand if Andrew’s mouth hadn’t been otherwise occupied. 

Keeping one hand over Neil’s mouth, Andrew moved his other to tug at the base of Neil’s shaft, pumping in time with the bobbing of his head. Knees stretched against the confines of the fabric as Neil tried to press his legs open further. It took effort to keep his hips in place and when his will power started to fail Andrew’s hand left his mouth to press his ass further into the cushions. Neil let his head drop back and bit his lip to keep from crying out. All his frustration, stress, all the conflicted feelings disappeared and his world shrank to his hands in Andrew’s hair and the feeling of Andrew’s tongue curling around the tip of his cock. 

His lip hurt and his legs began to shake from the strain and the familiar heat swelling in his pelvis spilled outwards. He tugged at Andrew’s hair, whispered Andrew’s name but Andrew didn’t pull away. He sucked and licked and pulled with his lips until Neil whimpered and finally Andrew let go of his oversensitive and softening erection. The blond swallowed and kissed his way up Neil’s thigh to his  hipbone , biting hard enough to leave an indent and Neil hissed between his teeth at the sensation. Just as Neil began to pull Andrew up for another kiss the familiar sound of jingling keys sounded just outside the door. 

Even though his limbs felt heavy and his body felt slow, Neil moved like lightning. He stood, yanked his pants over his hips and smoothed down his shirt. Andrew swiped the back of his hand over his mouth and moved to the door like he would slam it in Kevin’s face if he got it open too soon. But by the time they heard the ‘beep’ from the key-card being swiped and the knob turned, Neil was turning away from the couch.  Andrew moved from the door and adjusted himself in his pants.

Kevin entered, locking the door behind him and watched Andrew push the coffee table back in place. Neil disappeared into the bathroom a second later but didn’t miss Kevin’s suspicious gaze jumping from Andrew and his flushed face and tousled hair, to Neil’s quickly retreating back. He assumed Kevin kept his mouth shut since he didn’t hear any evidence that Andrew had stabbed him through the door.

After using the restroom and making sure he was presentable, Neil padded back into the living room. Andrew pushed past him to the bathroom. He picked up his phone and pretended to be reading texts while he hovered near by . He hoped their near miss with Kevin hadn’t reset Andrew’s attitude since their cold war seemed to be thawing. 

Neil heard the sink turn on. It ran for several long minutes and Neil assumed Andrew was taking care of the bulge in his pants Neil hadn’t had a chance to ask if he could help with. A few minutes later the tell-tale click of Andrew removing his toothbrush from the holder sounded and Neil finally moved away, phone dropping into his pocket as he headed for the kitchen. He filled a glass with water and finished it in several long gulps. Andrew appeared a few moments later and Neil watched him snag his keys from the hook on the side of the cabinets. 

“Let’s go,” said Andrew, shoving sock covered feet in a pair of black sneakers by the door. 

Neil hurried across the room; aware Kevin was still watching them with obvious interest but he cut his eyes back to Andrew. Once his own shoes were on, he followed the goalkeeper from the dorm. He’d ask where they were going but didn’t care. He’d follow Andrew through hell if that’s where he wanted to go. 

Luckily it wasn’t, and Andrew swiped his key-card over the panel to the computer lab door. It wasn’t until he had a computer booting up and had shoved Neil into one of the seats that Neil finally asked. 

“Uh....what are we doing here?”

“Fixing what can be fixed,” Andrew said after a beat, pulling up a chair beside Neil, sitting backwards so his arms crossed over the backrest. 

“I don’t know what that means.”

Andrew pulled a  folded-up sheet of paper from his back pocket and tossed it on top of the keyboard. Neil opened it with consternation but saw it was just his school schedule. He hadn’t even seen Andrew grab it. He tilted his head to the side, fixing Andrew with a confused look and Andrew rolled his eyes. 

“You don’t like your classes. We’re changing them,” he said with a sigh, reaching out to take hold of the mouse and open the school portal. 

Neil’s heart stuttered again. Why, he couldn’t be sure. Maybe a hint of the past few weeks anxiety, toiling over his school schedule, or maybe  gratitude that Andrew had taken an interest. It didn’t matter though. He wasn’t even sure what he wanted. 

“I don’t.....classes start tomorrow. It’s too late to change them,” he said. 

Undeterred, Andrew reached over and logged him in – for someone who spent so long covering his tracks Neil had the bad habit of leaving his school passwords scribbled across notebooks. Andrew exhaled noisily as he typed in the password and Neil recalled the conversation they’d had  towards the end of the prior year. 

_ “Striker10. A border collie could guess this password, Josten.” _

_ “Well I guess it’s good they don’t have opposable thumbs.” _

_ “ _ Neil **_. _ ** _ ” _

_ “No one wants to steal my identity, Andrew. I don’t even want to steal my identity.” _

He smiled at the lie. Becoming Neil Josten was a battle  that had been  hard won and he hadn’t regretted a second of it. 

Andrew withdrew once he had Neil’s schedule on the screen. “What do you want to take?”

It was a simple question with a complicated answer. Or so Neil thought. 

“I.....Spanish might be useful one day if...”

“I did not ask what was ‘useful.’ I asked what you wanted. Stop overthinking.”

So, he said the first thing that popped in his mind. “I like math.”

“No one likes math.”

“Don’t ask me what I want if you’re just going to disagree,” he said, clicking his tongue at Andrew. 

A few seconds later Andrew reached across, clicked several times until he was hovering a drop-down menu under ‘Change Major’ and the words ‘Applied Mathematics’ were highlighted. 

Neil gave a nod and let Andrew take over. “If you switch your minor to language studies your  Spanish will still count but you don’t have to continue it.”

He hummed and pointed at the screen. An hour passed and Andrew helped him work out a new schedule that fit around tutoring and the teams long practice hours. It would all still have to be approved by his advisor and it was only a small weight off his shoulders, but it was something. Another storm Andrew calmed, whether he realized the significance of it or not. 

The printer spit out a single page and Andrew swiped it from the machine, handing it to Neil.  Probability and  statistics, modern geometry, sophomore English comp, and intro to Russian. Neil folded the paper and stuffed it into his back pocket, turning off the lights in the empty room. The pair made their way back up to the dorm and Neil reached out. He paused a finger  breadth away from grabbing Andrew’s hand. 

“Thank you,” he blurted quietly, and Andrew stopped. 

He didn’t turn and so Neil kept walking, but just as he raised his hand towards the door Andrew caught his wrist. 

“I wasn’t angry at you,” he admitted quietly. 

Neil  turned, brows furrowed but Andrew was looking past him to the wall. 

“You’re not ready.”

It took Neil a few moments to figure out what he was talking about before it clicked. The handcuffs. Neil had made a joke about letting Andrew tie him up. 

“They were meant as a joke,” he said, his own voice barely above a whisper. 

And this time Andrew did meet his gaze. His hazel eyes were intense and cold but his hand that caught Neil’s chin was warm and grounding . “Do not ever joke about the ways people have hurt you.”

Andrew held him there for a moment longer and then pushed past him into the dorm. Neil swallowed thickly. He wanted to apologize but Andrew didn’t want an apology. Andrew just wanted him to be okay. To be able to move past the things that had hurt him and stop being afraid. For now, it was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise there is more of a plot than just mundane things happening throughout Neil's sophomore year. XD


	12. Monsters and Men

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Foxes try to find their footing at the start of the season. Andrew comes face to face another harsh reality. 
> 
> ~*~
> 
> All credit to Nora, I own nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk why these chapters are so long, forgive me. Lots of extra content in this one.
> 
> ~*~
> 
> CHAPTER RATING: T (Canon warnings: Gay slurs, mentions of a heart attack, mentions of Neils time in the hospital)

** Monday, August 26 ** ** th **

Even though Neil had slept for a change, Kevin’s alarm sounded much too early. Neil was almost tempted to suffer  Wymacks barrage of unpleasantness for being late in lieu of resting his eyes just a few more minutes. But Kevin wouldn’t allow it. 

“You are not going to be late our first official day of the season . G et up,” he said, kicking at the edge of Neil’s mattress. 

He didn’t hover long. The glint of silver over the edge of the bed through the railing suggested Andrew didn’t appreciate being jostled before the sun had even risen. 

It was slow going, but the three men managed to dress and were out the door by five fifteen. The  university ' s sports complex was closer, and larger, than the stadium. It housed the basketball court, the gymnasium used by the gymnastics team, a large room dedicated to cardio and weightlifting, the aquatics center and the athletics field out back. Since it was less than a  mile they typically jogged the distance unless the weather was poor. This morning it was foggy and humid and Neil could feel his freshly cut hair curling around his forehead since he’d forgotten to grab his bandanna. 

Other than the short argument between Allison and Nicky over who got to control that mornings workout music, time passed in relative quiet, only the electronic thumping of upbeat pop tunes shattering the silence. Neil eyed the freshman across the room. Jack, it seemed, was not a morning person, which Neil was grateful for because it meant he kept to himself and more importantly kept his mouth shut during their gym sessions. Neil wished he could figure out  how  to mute the striker on the court as well. In five days they would play the Hornets in their first match of the season and Neil knew they weren’t ready. 

Ava was still having difficulty blocking shots to the left corner, her coordination always faltering if the shot was made too close to the goal. She blamed it on an old ankle  injury, but it wasn’t uncommon for goalkeepers to have more difficulty blocking on the side of their least dominant hand. 

Josie and Andre were the most agreeable of the freshman, but Josie’s small stature made her slower than most of the team. She could out maneuver almost anyone and Neil had been impressed the week before at an incredible move she made popping the ball from Kevin’s racquet before he even knew what was happening, having ducked under his arm as he brought them up for a swing. 

Andre had the opposite problem. He was fast but bulky and had a bad habit of not checking his blind spots. 

Oscar still had a confidence problem and tended to play it safe  whereas Sheena took too many risks where only half of them ended up working in her favor. 

And Jack was Neil’s greatest obstacle. He knew he couldn’t get the freshman to  truly respect or listen to him until Jack fell in line. He didn’t care about being liked but Jack’s animosity disrupted Neil from leading his team. 

“ _ N _ _ ei _ _ l. _ ”

Neil tensed at his name and looked down. Andrew’s bare biceps shook as he tried to  re place the barbell and Neil moved close r to help him set it into place. Neil offered a mumbled apology while Andrew glared at him and wiped sweat from his forehead. Before Andrew could interrogate him about his spacing out, the music cut off abruptly. Wymack stood near the ipod dock with a towel around his neck, having finished his own reps. 

“Times up, get out of here. Whittier will have my head if you’re late for your first day of classes.”

There was a chorus of ‘yes coach’ and then the team was in motion, wiping down the equipment and gathering their bags to hike back to the dorms or lockers to clean up. 

“I’m going to stay a little longer,” said Neil, brushing Andrew’s shoulder with the back of his knuckles to get his attention. 

“You have class,” he said, studying Neil with suspicion. 

“Not until eight thirty.”

Andrew checked both directions before taking a step towards Neil now that their teammates had left the room. “You are not staying here by yourself.”

“I won’t be. Volleyball teams due in any minute,” he said passively, taking a seat at the leg press. 

Neil tried to adjust the  weight but Andrew stopped him with a hand over his. Neil sighed. He understood Andrew’s reluctance to leave him  alone but Andrew couldn’t protect him forever. He didn’t need a shadow.

“I’ll be fine, Andrew. I’ll only be a half hour and I’ll come straight back,” he countered. 

He didn’t look happy about it but Andrew left, leaving Neil to his thoughts and the burning in his muscles as he tried to drown his thoughts in leg exercises. 

* * *

Sitting at the front of the room was always Neil’s last choice, but he was the last person in the classroom for his morning lectures and didn’t have a choice. He’d almost been late to the first after his extra time at the gym and didn’t realize his second class was across campus from the first, so he’d cut that one close too. The dining hall was packed when he’d gone for lunch but at least it gave him a decent buffer to make it to his afternoon class – Intro to Russian. Spanish hadn’t interested him  much but he still wanted the courses he’d taken to count. Letting Andrew help him switch his minor to language studies meant he could still explore various languages while keeping his credits. Russian seemed one of the more interesting offerings. He considered Japanese but thought the Moriyamas would inevitably find out and wouldn’t approve of him being able to understand them. Maybe he could ask Kevin to teach him at some point. 

This classroom was smaller than the others and only a dozen or so students were seated. Neil climbed to the top of the small auditorium and fell into the wooden pew noisily. The professor was there already, writing something in Cyrillic on a whiteboard. Neil flipped open his textbook where an alphabet was listed on the first few pages and tried to decipher the message. He was still hunched over his book when a body dropped into the space beside him, startling him.

“......Andrew? Is everyone okay? Did something happ....” his frantic interrogation was cut off abruptly when Andrew dug a hefty book from his backpack and dropped it on the swivel tray in front of him. It was the same as Neil’s. 

“Uh....” Neil said stupidly, his gaze alternating from Andrew’s face to the book. 

“Quiet, Josten,” he said, without so much as looking at Neil. “Class is starting.”

The professor said something in Russian and then in English but Neil didn’t hear a word, too busy staring at Andrew’s impassive profile. He had a pen in hand and was already scribbling on a notebook by the time Neil was able to tear his eyes forward. He buried his grin in his left hand while his right picked up his pen and starting writing, the class suddenly becoming much more interesting. 

Russian was their last class of the day and left them only a half an hour to get to the stadium. Luckily the linguistics building was close to the dorm and it took only a few minutes to arrive and grab their things before piling in the cars. 

After the others changed out Neil returned to find Andrew lingering next to their lockers and leaned against his own to watch the blond secure his leg armor. 

“So.....Russian. Can you even do that? I thought our scholarships didn’t leave room for extra classes,” asked Neil, his curiosity finally getting the better of him. 

Andrew bent farther to double check the lacing on his shoes. “I haven’t bothered with a minor yet so it’s fine.”

“But they made you declare one already,” Neil assumed. 

“Hm.”

Neil pushed off the locker with his shoulder and leaned on his racquet instead. 

“So....what was it?”

“Before?” Andrew asked dully, likely knowing that dragging out the conversation was irritating Neil. “ Mental Health Psychology .”

Neil laughed and could have sworn he saw a small twitch of a smile on Andrew’s lips before his hands obscured his face while he pushed up a thin, black headband to keep his hair back.

Neil was still chuckling at the irony when he walked down the hall towards the court doors. 

* * *

Practice that evening started fruitfully enough. Neil thought Wymack’s reminder that they had a game in four days had finally sunk in and the team would get serious. With half an hour to go things started to reach a boiling point. They were engaged in a six on six game with Renee, Dan, and Andre waiting on the sidelines after having been in the previous scrimmage. 

Jack was set to score, or at least take a shot on Andrew , but Josie managed to pop the ball from his net. Neil went for the ball but Jack let out a guttural cry and went for Josie, checking her so hard she toppled backwards and rolled a few times, bringing the game to a screeching halt. 

“The FUCK Jack?!” screamed Neil, letting the ball and his racquet drop to the ground. 

He approached the younger striker, whose attention he’d easily diverted, and shoved him hard enough that the taller man stumbled a few steps. It took every bit of willpower Neil could conjure not to take a swing at the freshman, so instead he busied his hands by yanking off his gloves and unfastening his helmet. Jack did the same and rolled his eyes as he approached the vice-captain. By now the rest of the team began to close in and Matt pulled Josie to her feet, asking if she was okay. Neil made eye contact with the smaller girl as she nodded and rolled her shoulder, glaring at the back of Jacks head. 

“That was uncalled for and would have gotten you carded in a game. She wasn’t going for the ball. What the fuck is your problem?” said Neil, cutting his eyes back to Jack. 

Neil could see Andrew approaching from the corner of his eye , helmet and gloves removed, but kept his attention forward. 

“Relax vice-cap, checking is part of the game. If she can’t take  a h it she shouldn’t be on the court.”

“ No, you shouldn’t be here,” said Neil, snarling as he stepped within Jack’s reach. “You play like you’re the only person on this court but don’t have the skills to back it up. If you can’t play a clean  game you don’t deserve to be on this team.”

Jack slapped  Neil’s helmet from his arms, his eyes dilating in a predatory expression.  “Fuck you scar face, you’re the one that doesn’t deserve to be here .”

He step ped into Neil’s space in  an attempt to use his height as intimidation.

Neil watched his helmet clatter to the ground and drug his stare back upwards. He was dimly aware of the cold smile creeping onto his own features as his temper crackled beneath the surface of his controlled exterior. 

“You  wanna hit  him or should I?” ask ed Matt, glancing down at Andrew who  was  watching the scene unfold with  unimpressed apathy.

Because his attention  was still on the s hort s triker staring him down, Jack assume d Matt  was talking to Neil and only grin ned at his vice-captain . “He won’t hit me. He’s a coward. Toeing the line so he won’t be like his daddy.”

“Oh, someone’s definitely going to hit you,”  muttered Nicky, from Andrew’s other side. 

This time Jack did realize he was being addressed and ground out a “No one asked you, faggot.”

The fire in his veins explode d and Neil curl ed his hand into a fist. It sail ed into the underside of Jack’s jaw suddenly and the striker  went down, a loud clatter to the floor with his gear still on. 

He stayed down for only a moment, bringing a hand to his jaw as if to make sure nothing was broken. Fury bled onto his features as he moved to get up, but Andrew was already there, foot pressed on top of his ankle. Not hard enough to do any damage, but enough to keep him in place if he didn’t want a broken bone. 

“Get off me, Minyard!”

Andrew ma d e no effort to move and his hands thread ed through the net of his stick. Neil notice d the dangerous tension in the shorter  man ' s shoulders  that didn’t bode well for anyone  and move d slowly to stand beside him. 

“You have exactly five seconds to get off me before I rip your face off  you psychotic midget,” spat Jack, still holding his jaw. 

Andrew smile d , cold and dangerous, and when he sp oke his voice  was like ice and Neil c ouldn' t help the shiver that wrac ked his frame. “Oh John, you shouldn’t make idle threats. It’s not safe.”

Neil c ould see Andrew’s foot press harder and Jack wince d below them . Other than Sheena, most of the freshman look ed mildly amused but the upperclassman kn ew better. Their expressions range d from fear to worry as they watch ed the display before them. Neil share d their worry, because as much as he would love for Andrew to crush Jack, he kn ew it wo uldn’t do the team any favors to have the boy crippled or Andrew in prison. 

As slow as he c ould , and in Andrews full field of vision,  Neil step ped close and tug ged at the bottom of his sleeve.

“Leave it,” he sa id in German, and the twitch in Andrew’s lip indicated he was listening. “It’s not worth it.”

“I won’t break it ....a good sprain will do. Might even teach him some manners. We do not need him Friday,” replied Andrew, muttering in the same language. 

“Andrew. We’re done for the day. I’m tired...take me home,” he gave another tug and this time Andrew met his eyes.

He glared at Neil for a good ten seconds but then moved his foot. Jack made no move to go after either of  them but Andrew inserted himself between the strikers anyways. Dan started to say something, likely to diffuse the situation, but  Wymack had made his way onto the court and pushed through the semi-circle of tense athletes. 

“What the hell is going on here?”

“Just some team bonding coach! Nothing to worry about!” said Nicky, but  Wymack had known him long enough not to be fooled by the cheer in his voice. 

“Get off my court and shower. I don’t want to look at any of you until tomorrow,” sa id the older man, cutting a glare at Dan who h eld his stare defiantly . 

The team managed to shower and dress without  bloodshed, but the upperclassman lingered after the freshman left. Josie also stayed behind, having asked to ride back with Matt. Usually all the freshman crammed into Andres small SUV but she was still pissed at Jack. Neil emerged last, Andrew on his heels, and when they entered the lounge Matt snaked a beefy arm around his neck and ruffled his damp hair. 

“My boy! Glad to see our boxing lessons finally paid off....”

Neil pushed him off, not in the mood to make light of it, even if hitting Jack  _ had _ been supremely satisfying. Matt didn’t seem to  notice and just mimed Neil’s perfectly aimed right hook. Allison laugh ed and thank ed him for making her a hundred bucks. 

“You bet on that?” snapped Neil. 

“Well, sure,” she said airily. “Most put money on Andrew. Some even put money on Kevin, but that was a waste. Kevin picked him and can’t admit when he’s wrong so he wouldn’t smack the mouthy prick no matter how much of an asshole he is.”

Kevin cut a glare towards Allison and swung his bag over his shoulder, pushing his way out of the lounge. Neil noted he didn’t deny the accusation.

The rest of the group followed, still chatting about Neil putting the freshman ‘in his place.’ 

“I was so sure it would be Andrew...” said Nicky, a few paces ahead of Neil.

“Nah...” Allison joked. “Neil’s wound tighter than a two-dollar watch. He’s basically a rubber band. You just need to aim in the right direction because he’s bound to snap.”

Neil pushed through the two of them roughly, annoyed, and made his way across the parking lot. He wasn’t sure who he was more irritated with – Jack, his teammates, or  himself for giving in to his temper. Jack was right but Neil didn’t want him to be...he didn’t want to hold the violence at bay solely to not be like his father. He didn’t want to feel that way in the first place. He didn’t want to be someone who took his rage out on others. 

Neil was silent on the way back to the dorms and his foul mood persisted until Andrew dragged him to the roof and pressed him into the concrete. 

“You finally hit him,” said Andrew, pulling away from Neil’s lips long enough to speak. 

Neil’s fingers twisted in Andrew’s t-shirt at his waist and pulled. Andrew settled more of his weight over Neil’s pelvis where he straddled him next to the AC unit. 

“I don’t want to talk about Jack,” mutter ed Neil, pulling Andrew down for another kiss. 

* * *

** Friday, August 30th  **

Despite the Vixens attempts to spread school cheer , their positive attitudes couldn’t break through the stadium gates. Practices that week had only escalated with tension . The team played hard  but  their fraying nerves meant a substantial amount of on-court animosity. 

Thursday's practice ended with Kevin taking a swing at Matt, who shoved him roughly to the ground. Andrew moved to  intervene but Matt didn’t go after him further and Andrew, much to the rest of the  team's surprise, let it slide with only a menacing point of his racquet.

Sheena joined Jack in his mission to not pass to Neil if at all possible but Neil bit down his temper and instead took himself out of practice early to observe. 

On Friday, the team filed onto the court ready to take all their anger out on the Wilkes-Meyers Hornets. It seemed the Hornets had the same idea. Not a single team in the southeastern district was thrilled that the Foxes had risen to the top in the prior season. The Hornets came on the court with a bone to pick and barely kept their checks within the realm of acceptable. By the time half-time rolled around, Matt had a bloody nose and Ava had a small limp after only playing the last ten minutes of the first half. Renee had been taken out by a ball to the ankle that had slipped just between her shin armor and her shoe and now both women were likely out for the rest of the game. The Hornet that injured Ava had initially been aiming for Aaron, but the smaller backliner side stepped just in time and the opposition was moving too fast to stop before he barreled into freshman,  knocking her to the wooden floor. 

“You do not ever move that far from the box,” Kevin snarled at Ava. “That swing could have broken your ankle. It was reckless and idiotic.”

“I blocked the  shot didn’t I?”  s aid Ava, collapsing onto a bench where Abby descended upon her. 

“Barely. If you hadn’t, we would be out a point and a goalkeeper sub. Not that it would be a problem. You barely  make an effort at practice. You shouldn’t be here. I never would have signed off on you. Earn your spot on the line or get off my court.”

Neil knew most of Kevin’s animosity was at how poorly they were doing as a whole (or him taking his anger out wherever he could since he refused to reprimand Jack), but Ava seemed an easy target for his rage. Dan attempted to pull the striker away mid-rant but he just shook her off. Ava, however, looked more amused than hurt at his indignation and grinned up at him as she pulled her helmet off. 

“You seem pretty worked up for someone who doesn’t care about me. So, you  gonna fuck me or what, princess?” ask ed Ava. 

Nicky let out a howl of laughter and Matt tried, unsuccessfully, to pass his off as a cough. Even Dan had to hide a smirk by taking a long drink of water. Allison moved next to the younger girl and pulled her  head  against her chest. “I knew there was a reason you were my favorite.”

Neil only roll ed his eyes and watche d Kevin stalk off towards the cooler, swearing in French.

The second half only went marginally better. The hornets quickly realized their mistake, taking out the first two goalies. Andrew seemed to be putting in actual effort for once and locked down the goal for the rest of the game, but it wasn’t enough to come back from the first half. In the end they lost eight to ten and the Foxes marched off the court angry and exhausted. Neil ignored Nicky and Matt in the hallway of the dorms when they asked if he was coming to commiserate with them at the basement party and instead went to bed. Andrew followed Kevin to keep an eye on him since he was likely in the mood to drown himself in vodka. 

_ It’s just one game. It doesn’t mean anything.  _

Neil counted as high as he could in German until his mind finally  quieted and sleep overtook his tired body. 

* * *

** Sunday, September 22 ** ** nd ** ****

Fortunately, they didn’t have a game the following week after their loss to the Hornets. Unfortunately, their defeat had done nothing to bring the team together and practices were still going poorly. Their win against the Tornadoes on the 13 th of September, while by a decent margin, helped invigorate the younger Foxe. But the upperclassman knew a win against JD Campbell wasn’t  _ actually _ a win. 

Their first away game against the New Dominion Monarchs had been a little more promising even though Allison and Sheena nearly came to blows during half-time and Andre threw his racquet down in a fit of rage after losing possession of the ball for the umpteenth time that night. Their 7-6 win gave the team a little boost and made the five-hour car ride back from  Virginia  tolerable, at the very least. It also meant most of the team had been in a decent mood for the fall banquet the following day. 

This year the banquet was held at USC Columbia, so the team didn’t have to travel far. Nicky wanted to drive separately and go to Eden’s afterwards, but Andrew vetoed the idea, knowing it would be late and thanks to blue laws in South Carolina they probably wouldn’t be able to get booze. He was right. The Foxes didn’t leave the banquet until after midnight. According to  Wymack the Ravens had been given strict orders by their new coach to stay away from the Foxes and to Neil’s great surprise, they  actually complied . It made for a much tamer event than they were all used to, and Andrew’s lot barely knew what to do with themselves. Kevin dragged Neil and Andrew behind him as he put on a fake smile and socialized with some of the other teams and coaches and Neil spent the night sharing sips of whisky from Andrew’s flask. It was all in all a dull affair. 

Neil reached up and scratched another line through the white-erase board stuck to their fridge and tapped the pen under the number 27. They would play their second away game that Friday against the University of Nashville's White Tigers. They had a decent standing, but Neil felt like it would be a relatively easy win, so long as his team could stop bickering amongst themselves long enough to play a cohesive game. Dan kept telling him things were getting better, but it was hard to see the change.

Just as he began to work out new plays in his head his phone began to sing obnoxiously from across the room. Neil nearly jumped at the sound and crossed the living space to dig the device from his messenger bag. He still rarely kept it on and even more rarely keep the ringer on, but Andrew had snatched it from his pocket the night before and flicked the button with a scowl on his face, likely remembering Neil’s past history at Exy banquets. 

Turing over the device in his hand, Neil stared down at the caller ID in confusion. Her number had been programmed in with the rest of the team but he couldn’t ever remember Abby c alling him before. 

“Abby?” asked Neil, his confusion evident in his tone. 

“Neil. Have you seen Andrew? He’s not answering his phone,” she asked. 

Neil’s brow dug deeper into his forehead. She sounded shaky and out of breath and he could immediately tell this wasn’t a casual call. He might have begun to panic if he didn’t know exactly where Andrew was. 

“He’s in the shower. Is something wrong?”

“It’s Betsy...” said Abby, a small sniffle accompanying her pause. “Neil she’s had a heart attack. She’s in surgery now.”

Neil’s heart sank. He had no love for the  doctor, but she meant something to Andrew. She was there for him like no one else had been or could be. 

“Where?” 

“Palmetto South. I’m sorry to bother you on a  S unday but...”

“We’ll be there in half an hour.”

Neil hung up the phone and shoved it into his back pocket. He knocked loudly on the bathroom door but didn’t wait for an answer before stalking over to the door to stuff his feet into his trainers and forage for the keys in the bottom of his bag. Andrew emerged a few seconds later, dressed except for socks and shoes and running a hand through towel damp hair. He didn’t speak, just fixed Neil with a blank stare while he watched him upend his bag on the couch cushion. 

“Get your shoes, we have to go.”

Andrew’s expression shifted slightly and he made his way towards Neil, the urgency in Neil’s voice having obviously gotten his attention. 

“What happened?”

“Betsy’s in the hospital.”

Andrew’s pupils dilated and Neil watched his posture go stiff but he immediately pulled on his own shoes. They were out the door only seconds later and down the stairs in under a minute. 

“What happened?” asked Andrew, following Neil to the car at a jog and not bothering to argue when Neil moved around to the drivers seat. 

“Abby said she had a heart attack. She’s in surgery. That’s all I know.”

* * *

  
Andrew tore into the hospital before Neil even had a chance to park the car. He found the blond on the third floor outside of the ICU, fists clenched at his side while  Wymack stood in front of him, blocking his path from the double doors that led to the intensive care unit. 

“Just calm down. She just came out of surgery, she’s not even awake yet.”

Andrew looked around him li ke he might challenge  Wymacks plea for him to stand down. 

“How is she?” asked Neil, slightly out of breath from  running up the stairs. 

Abby was red faced, and looked exhausted, but her voice was steady. “They said the surgery went well, they had to put in a stent. But the recovery will take a few weeks.”

Neil nodded just for something to do and relief flooded his chest. He watched Andrew from the corner of his eye. The smaller man still looked wired and ready for violence but ultimately turned around and moved to sit in one of the chairs in the hall. He bent forward and Neil watched his elbows dig into the dark fabric of his jeans as he rested his chin atop clasped fingers. Abby and  Wymack moved to join him but sat a few seats down. Neil didn’t want to sit. He settled for pacing and when Andrew finally looked up to glare at him, excused himself to the vending machines. He took his time, getting candy and soda for Andrew and a sports drink for himself. He wanted to be able to comfort Andrew but knew the goalkeeper was more likely to stab him than accept any form of consolation. When he returned, he dropped the offerings in the empty chair at Andrew’s side and sat in the chair on his other side, careful not to touch him. 

Three hours passed and it was nearly ten pm when the doctor returned. Wymack had gone out for a smoke break and Abby had followed. 

“Family for Betsy Dobson?”

“Yes,” Andrew answered without hesitation. “How is she? Can we see her?”

The doctor was speaking and leading them through the double doors but Neil didn’t hear anything he was saying. The sterile smell and florescent lighting, the familiar beeps of medical equipment had his mind replaying his last hospital visit. Handcuffed to a bed with his arms and cheeks on fire, the cold eyes of FBI agents looking at him like something they wanted to scrape off their boots. He needed to get out to here. He needed to run. 

_ “Neil.” _

Neil didn’t realize he’d stopped halfway down the aisle of closed curtains and blinked back to reality. He wanted to run. But he couldn’t. He needed to be here for Andrew no matter the damage it inflicted on his own psyche. He swallowed hard and followed Andrew to the end of the row. 

The doctor pulled back the curtain to reveal a haggard looking Betsy. Her mousy looking hair was flat against her head and she was paler than Neil had ever seen her. Wires and tubes filtered out from under strikingly white bed sheets. 

“We’ll be moving her to a room soon, but I’ll give you a minute,” said the doctor, pulling the curtain around to give them more privacy. 

Andrew stood a foot away from the bed. His fists were clenched again, and when Neil moved close  enough he could see they were shaking at his sides. His whole body was shaking. Radiating fury and fear and something else Neil didn’t recognize. When Betsy turned her head towards them and her eyes blinked open, Neil looked away from Andrew. 

“Andrew....” she said quietly, her voice cracking like she hadn’t had water in days and Neil had to strain to hear her. “And Neil...what are you....why are you here?”

Andrew said nothing, only stared down at his doctor with a blank expression and trembling limbs. 

“We wanted to see if you were okay,” said Neil, risking a step closer towards Andrew, his eyes darting back and forth between the two. 

“Oh...” she said, looking a little surprised. 

Betsy blinked slowly, her eyes out of focus, likely hopped up on all sorts of pain medication and sedatives. “Thank you...I’m....I'll be  fine ..”

“Shut up,” growled Andrew, g laring at the floor. His hands clenched so tightly his knuckles went white. 

“Andrew?” she asked. 

Andrew’s eyes flew upwards and a hateful expression twisted across his features. He stepped closer to the  bed but his stance didn’t change. “You are not fine. This is not fine and if you ever eat another fucking piece of junk food again I will kill you myself.”

Neil startled at the harshness of Andrew’s voice and winced a little at his words, wondering how much of that was his fault for his endless assertions of being ‘fine’ when he wasn’t.  Andrew sounded ....terrified and it send a shudder through Neil. 

Though he hadn’t been very loud, his voice still drew the attention of those nearby. The curtain flew back open and the doctor, this time accompanied by two nurses sent stern glances their way. 

“What is going on here?” the man demanded. 

“Nothing...” answered Neil, automatically. “We were just leaving.”

He knew Andrew wouldn’t want to stay. He needed to see that Betsy was okay, but in the  state he was in, Neil knew he needed to be alone. Wymack and Abby approached a few seconds later and heard a nurse whisper something about ‘only two visitors at a time.’

Since Andrew hadn’t yet moved, Neil held a hand up in front of his face, knowing that touching him was still out of the question. Andrew slanted him with a look that might have sent anyone else running for the hills but Neil held his ground. 

“She’s taken care of. It’s time to go,” he said firmly. 

Andrew turned abruptly and pushed passed the group. Neil muttered an apology and gave a little wave to Betsy before following Andrew from the hospital. 

Neil didn’t argue when Andrew climbed into the  drivers seat and peeled out of the parking lot. And he didn’t argue when Andrew pulled up to the curb of fox tower for him to get out, or when he drove away, disappearing down perimeter road. 

Kevin was already in bed by the time Neil made it to the dorm. It was after eleven and they had gym time at five thirty. He wanted to wait up for Andrew but it was pointless. Andrew would talk when he was ready. Andrew would come home when he was ready. 

* * *

** Tuesday, September 24th **

Andrew didn’t return to Fox Tower for two days. Luckily Abby reported seeing him at the hospital several times  so  Neil was able to breathe a little easier. When he did return it was with an unfamiliar backpack over his shoulder and a blank expression ghosting over his features. 

Kevin and Neil were both sitting on the couch, each with a  textbook in their laps. They exchanged a look and followed Andrew where he dumped the contents of the bag on the kitchen counter. Various bags of candy, pastries and sugar loaded foods spilled onto the counter and Kevin’s face immediately contorted to familiar irritation. Before he was able go into a tirade about Andrew’s haul Neil cut in. 

“As coping goes this is not entirely unexpected....” said Neil, hoping his tone was light enough to derail any arguments Kevin might be planning. 

Andrew only slid him an unimpressed look and began to methodically put each item away on the cabinet shelves. “It’s from Bee s’ .”

“Then why is it here?” asked Kevin. 

Andrew didn’t dignify that with a response.

“You are not  _ really  _ going to eat all that.”

Andrew turned and slammed the cabinet when he was done, fingers ghosting along the handle to the drawer that held their cutlery. “You are not  _ really  _ telling me what to do.”

Kevin glared at the smaller man and Andrew met his gaze with an equally intent look. Neil sucked in a breath and shook his head. 

“Or...we could just go to practice and no one has to lose a finger,” he said, pushing the drawer closed again when Andrew started to open it. 

Kevin turned away with a huff and Andrew gave Neil one last glance before heading to the bedroom. Neil picked up the empty bag and tossed it next to the couch. The three of them gathered their things and when Neil returned to the living room, Kevin and Andrew were standing by the door waiting for him. He was a little shocked that Andrew was joining them, the bags under his eyes a testament to his lack of sleep the last couple days, but he looked awake enough and swung his gym bag over his shoulder. Neil made a small detour and tossed a set of papers and a notebook on top of Andrew’s desk. 

When he made it to the door Andrew gave him a questioning look and he shrugged. “Note s from Russian, and a couple of your other classes I sat in on.”

Andrew blinked at him a few times but otherwise didn’t respond. He knew he would never get a ‘thank you’ for his efforts but he still caught Andrew going over the notes later that night after they returned from practice. 

** Saturday September 28 ** ** th **

Over the next week Neil kept a watchful eye on Andrew, which made it more difficult when he disappeared at odd hours. Most of their classes were on a similar schedule so they often spent their breaks at the dorm, but this week Neil spent his downtime pacing or  trying, and failing, to focus on his classwork. Andrew had never been the most talkative companion, but without him the silence seemed deafening.

By the time game night rolled around that Friday the others also noted his odd behavior. Andrew was completely silent for the entirety of the seven-hour drive to Nashville, sitting like a statue in the back row. He ignored Neil when he would turn and peer over the back of his seat, making idle comments about the scenery or something that happened in class that week. He ignored Kevin when the striker planted himself in the seat across from them to try and talk strategy for the  nights game. And when the bus rolled to the stop in the stadium parking lot at the University of Tennessee, Nashville campus, Andrew was the first  off the bus. The others managed to hold their tongues while their starting goalkeeper dressed in record speed and left them behind for the inner court, skipping  Wymack’s pre-game speech and pointers. They even managed to stay silent when Andrew missed blocking three goals that should have been child’s play for him, his movement unusually sluggish. Normally they could tell when he wasn’t putting in an effort, but this time was just slow  coordination that accounted for the lost goals. By the time they made it back to the locker rooms after the game, having won only by one point (a point Kevin scored in the last two seconds of the game), it was clear that the blonds head wasn’t in the game. 

The team watched his departure to the bus with  Wymack to help secure their gear before the rest of them had even finished gathering in the lounge. A minute later Dan shooed the freshman away to help their coach. Once they had gone Dan spun in place and crossed her arms over her chest.

“What’s up his ass?” asked Dan , to no one in particular .

Kevin scowled in her direction. “The game was disaster for everyone, not just Andrew.”

Neil hoped that would be the end of it but instead they all looked in his direction. He averted his gaze. Neil didn’t have any answers for them. Instead Abby interjected, a soft expression on her face as she looked towards the exit. She told them that Andrew had been  helping out the  teams psychiatrist since her discharge from the hospital.

“He’s been taking her food and helping her pick up around the house...Betsy said he’s been a real lifeline the last few days...” said Abby. 

Neil’s reaction had been almost nonexistent. He wasn’t surprised to hear Andrew had been checking up on  her and was frankly relieved after the outburst he’d witnessed at the hospital, glad the goalkeeper had found a way to work through his emotions. But the rest of the upperclassman seemed shocked. 

“I mean I knew he liked her but that seems.....out of character...” said Matt.

Nicky was still watching the door. “It’s weird right? Maybe we’ve all been knocked unconscious and this is the twlight zone or something...”

“Andrew Minyard growing a heart,” Allison mused. “Guess I should make sure I buy a nice fur coat for when I finally make it to hell...”

Dan snorted a laugh and even Aaron looked amused.

Neil had been trying to busy himself by checking all the zippers on his bag but his blood was simmering with irritation by the time he swung the  duffle over his shoulder. 

“Stop talking about him like he’s not a human being,” snapped Neil. “Andrew feels more than any of you will ever understand.”

Neil stalked off without another word. Maybe it was the loss or the impending drive back to campus where he knew he would have to endure Kevin’s recap of all the mistakes he’d made that night, but the last thing he wanted were people's opinions of Andrews surprisingly compassionate qualities.  He wished, not for the first time, that the team would see Andrew for what he was and not what they expected him to be.

* * *

Neil barely slept on their drive back to Palmetto, nor when he finally fell into bed at four am. Despite managing to avoid Kevin’s wrath, his own mind did a fine job of replaying the night’s game over in his head until he could pick every play apart with near clinical scrutiny.

At  seven he finally gave up sleeping and forced himself to work on his math homework until Kevin woke and they went to the dining hall together. Andrew was still buried under blankets when they returned. 

At eleven he finally worked up the patience to get into the prior night's game with the older striker and the two of them sat at his desk to watch replays online, pausing to occasionally take notes. Andrew emerged long enough to shower but was out the door soon after. Neil assumed he was going to see Betsy again. 

It was dark out by the time Andrew returned to the tower with Renee in tow. He hadn’t  seen them leave together but could only surmise they met up sometime that afternoon. Neil had been sitting on the roof and watched the Maserati rock to a stop in one of the parking spaces and tracked Andrew’s movements until he disappeared into the tower below. It didn’t take the blond long to figure out where Neil had gone and  soon he sat down next to the striker, feet folding beneath his legs a few feet from the ledge. 

They sat in silence, Neil shivering lightly at the drop in temperature. He was wearing a  long-sleeved shirt but the nights were starting to get colder now and moisture clung to the air. 

After half an hour of staring out over the quiet campus, Andrew dug a pack of cigarettes from his back pocket. He lit two, perching one between his lips and handing the other to Neil. Neil cradled the stick in his hands to shield it from the  wind but his attention fell to Andrew’s hand, palm flattened against the concrete between them as he leaned back slightly. 

A bead of rain hit Neil on the  nose but his focus stayed downwards. When he reached out, hand hovering an inch or so above Andrew’s, it started to rain. Small, misty droplets that were few and far between cut through the heavy air. Andrew turned his head and his eyes were drawn to what Neil was looking at. Neil caught his gaze for a split second and then Andrew lifted his hand so Neil could inspect it. His fingers ghosted over the back of Andrew’s split  knuckles but he didn’t say a word. Andrew tolerated the touch for a few seconds before he plucked the cigarette from his mouth with his other hand and made a fist. 

“It’s just a hand,” he said placidly. 

“It’s your hand,” replied Neil.

Andrew’s brows lifted in slow motion and he watched as Neil interlaced their fingers. He didn’t pull away. Didn’t stop Neil when he brought their hands to rest on top of his thigh, still entwined. They sat there under the light drizzle until their cigarettes burned out. Until the tension from their hectic week washed away with the rain and the storm finally passed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just an FYI this is fiction and no it would not be appropriate for a shrink to let their client take care of them.


	13. Out of my Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil gets an unwanted visitor and some alarming news and they face the Ravens for their first match of the season.
> 
> ~*~
> 
> All credit to Nora, I own nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stuff about Stuart is from the EC but I can't remember the minute details of it so it might be a little different. 
> 
> ~*~
> 
> CHAPTER RATING: T (Warnings: nightmares (and description of murder with firearm), blood, panic attack)

**Friday October 4th**  
  
Over the next week Andrew’s schedule returned to normal. He still disappeared a few times but Neil noticed that his demeanor seemed  calmer , more at peace than he had since Betsy’s hospitalization. Unfortunately , he was the only one. 

Their game against Edgar Allen was approaching and while everyone seemed to be putting in double the effort at practice, the Foxes were always one more insulting critique away from sharing blows on the court. By the time Friday rolled around, Matt had a black eye from where Kevin had landed a lucky punch and Neil’s forearm had a long purplish-green bruise from in illegal check from Sheena. As much as Neil wasn’t looking forward to venturing back into Raven’s territory, he was glad for the reprieve from his Friday classes. First serve wasn’t until seven but  Wymack wanted them together by four to go over strategy and make sure they were all accounted for. Strangely, he insisted they meet in one of the study rooms beneath Fox tower instead of at the stadium. After his rousing speech that was laced with well-placed worry for his teams well bring, the reason became clear. They were all to board the  teams bus and ride to the stadium together.  Wymack wanted to be able to keep an eye on them the entire night. Even though Riko and the Master were no longer a part of the Raven’s, Edgar  Allen's attitude towards the Foxes hadn’t defrosted in the least. In the past week alone, the tower had been vandalized six times and according to  Wymack , Raven fans were already arriving on sight and starting fights in the parking lot with others that were  tailgating before the game. 

At five they loaded up the bus. By five thirty they were in the locker rooms, starting to dress out. Neil and Andrew both kept a close eye on Kevin once they stepped on the court for  warmups . He seemed to be holding it  together but he’d been eerily quiet, a deep frown on his face for the entirety of the day. Neil jogged at his side around the inner court and pulled him quickly to the home side to complete their warm-ups as soon as the Ravens filtered onto the away side, determined not to let them anywhere near Kevin until game time. He presumed Kevin would get irritated and tell him to fuck off, but he allowed himself to be led. 

At seven Dan won them first serve and the two teams collided like they were waging a war. If Neil couldn’t see his teammates, he would swear that he and Kevin were the only players on the court. The Ravens were utterly disinterested in the other Foxes, throwing all their energy and body weight into trying to take out the two strikers. They had also put only senior players on the starting line-up and fifteen minutes in, two Ravens had red cards and Matt had a yellow. The game was brutal. Kevin and Neil could barely keep up and if not for Andrew, they would have been slaughtered in the first half. 

By halftime Kevin had a busted lip, Neil thought his shoulder might have dislocated at some point but popped back in the joint, and Andrew was heaving like he’d just run a marathon. During the second half the Foxes sent out Jack, Sheena and Ava, which they quickly learned was a mistake. The Ravens still had plenty of senior players to filter through and they wasted no time bowling over the freshman Foxes like a snowplow. Matt took a hard check fifteen minutes in by one of the Raven backliners and their offensive dealer and had to be replaced by Oscar. Twenty minutes in Josie was stick checked so hard in the thigh she had to be half-carried off the court, earning the Ravens their fifth red card of the night. Wymack took the opportunity to put Kevin, Neil, and Andrew back in the game. Ava had lost six goals in the twenty minutes she played and looked livid when she left the court. 

By the time the final buzzer went off the Foxes had lost 9 – 13, unable to make up the gap from allowing the freshman on. Neil knew they needed to play to improve but wish he would have challenged  Wymack and Dan a little harder when they made the decision to let them play Edgar Allen. 

Their moods soured even more when they headed to the bus to leave, finding it covered in spray paint and everything from eggs to what looked like condiments smeared along the sides, dripping onto the pavement. 

As they loaded their gear, security keeping the crowds at bay, a few Raven’s fans somehow made it to the front of the throng and started chucking beer cans in their direction, along with food bags and other random items.  Wymack hurried them on the bus. Several of the windows were rolled down from their drive in earlier that day and Neil could hear the jeering from outside, moving closer as the cops struggled to keep the crowd back. 

“That’s right!” came a voice outside, “Get this garbage outta here!”

Neil turned over his shoulder to see a man high-five his friend as if he’d just come up with the  cleverest insult ever invented. 

Nicky threw himself across the seat in front of Neil and pulled down the window. 

“Why don’t you take your own advice!” he shouted, point to the distance. “There’s a dumpster right over there for you to throw yourself in!”

“Sit down  Hemmick !” called  Wymack from the front of the bus. Nicky ignored him. 

“Go fuck yourself!” shouted one of the men outside. 

“Fuck me yourself you coward!” cried Nicky, making a rude hand gesture just before  Wymack grabbed his shoulder and forced him into the seat. 

Abby pulled them out of the stadium and the Foxes were quiet for the rest of the ride back. 

“At least it wasn’t our cars....?” said Nicky, trying to lighten the mood once they reached the tower,  surveying the bus under the streetlamps. 

The Foxes collectively glared at him as they gathered their belongings and headed inside.  Wymack made sure they were secured in the Tower before pulling the bus away with Abby. 

No one partied that night, instead breaking up into smaller groups to commiserate their embarrassing loss. The freshman went to the  boys room while the upperclassman headed to Matt’s room with several bottles of liquor. Aaron left altogether, off to find Katelyn. Even though Kevin seemed in the mood to drink away his shame, Neil avoided the upperclassman. Instead he and Andrew shared a bottle on the roof. 

Neil wanted to lose himself in Andrew, just for a little while, but something kept him sitting a few feet away, staring down at the cigarette in his hand and avoiding eye contact with the goalkeeper. Between Andrews upset schedule from visiting Betsy and Neil’s preparations to try and get the younger Foxes ready for the match, they had barely touched each other in a month save for a few heated kisses during their late nights on the roof. 

“We have to get better...” said Neil, in an attempt at a conversation. 

Smoke coiled in the air as Andrew exhaled but he remained silent. 

When his cigarette burned down to the  filter he tossed it over the side of the roof and leaned back on his hands. They hadn’t been up there  long but Neil shivered from the cold, his hoodie doing a poor job of keeping the chill away. A few minutes later Andrew put his cigarette out against the concrete and stood, stretching his arms above his head. Neil heard his back crack. 

“Pack a bag,” he said, looking down finally. 

Neil tilted his head back, brows furrowed in confusion. 

“We’re leaving for the night.”

He was up before Andrew had even turned around to head inside.    


* * *

** Saturday,  ** ** October 12 ** ** th **

After his impromptu visit to Gastonia with Andrew the weekend before and their win against the Raiders the previous day, Neil’s mood improved tremendously. His classes were progressing with significantly less stress than the previous year and the team seemed to be finding a foothold – at least on the court, and Andrew was....Andrew again. 

But in true Fox fashion, and from Neil’s lifetime of experience, the calm only came before the storm.    
  
It was a typical Saturday. Neil woke early to run, Kevin still too hung over from the teams after party to join him. The weather was mild and a heavy fog settled over the campus. Neil loved mornings like this. It was cool enough that running wasn’t uncomfortable but not too cold and the fog made everything seem quieter. 

It was just past seven and the campus was still silent. Neil rounded the outskirts of perimeter road, turning down an empty sidewalk and jogging past the stalled construction of the new science building. Apparently, the school began erecting the building the year before Neil started at PSU but due to a funding issue, construction had been halted. A lone concrete structure stood on the edge of campus and passing by it on a foggy October morning almost seemed like the beginning to a horror story. And in a way it was. Just as he cleared the walls a black sedan pulled alongside Neil, moving too slow to just be passing by – and no one ever came down this stretch of road. 

He tensed as the car inched by and almost turned to duck between the building and the line of trees. But the door opened and the car stopped. 

“Mr. Josten. A word.”

The voice belonged to an aging Japanese man who leaned a foot or so out of the car. Neil took a quick look to check his surroundings before making his way to the car. The man slid to the side and Neil nervously climbed in and closed the door. The car pulled away and Neil did his best to situate himself against the door, as far from the man as possible. He looked familiar, but Neil couldn’t be sure he had seen him before. But he knew who he worked for. 

“You know who I work for?” the man asked, adjusting the glasses on his nose. 

Neil nodded once, eyes flicking back and forth from the driver to the man’s hands. 

“I’m here because Stuart  Hatford will be executed one hour from now,” he checked his watch. “We are only telling you as a courtesy in case the FBI contacts you. If they do you will act as though you have no knowledge and you will not allude, in any way, to your uncles affiliation with the Moriyamas. Do you understand?”

Neil stared at him numbly, swallowing thickly, trying to tamp down the bile rising in his throat. “Why is he being executed?”

“That is none of your concern. I will ask again, do you understand?”

He didn’t. What did this mean? Had Stuart somehow offended the  Moriyamas ? Had he talked? Neil knew that his  fathers trial date was likely going to be set in the spring and that Stuart might be asked to be involved, but surely he would never give anything away. 

But what could Neil do about it? And what did this mean for him? He had been grateful to his uncle for his timely arrival in Baltimore and his negotiations with Ichirou, but otherwise he barely knew the man. Still, something didn’t sit right. He wanted to know  _ why _ . 

Instead he only nodded. There was nothing he could do to stop the execution even if he wanted to. He felt caught...like a salmon trying desperately to swim upstream but staring down the mouth of a hungry bear.

The car slowed, Neil chanced a glace out the window and realized he was right back where they had picked him up, they must have circled back. 

“Do not speak of this to anyone. You are dismissed,” said the man, gesturing to the door when the car rolled to a stop. 

Neil reached behind him, never taking his eyes from the man, and opened the door. He, somewhat gracelessly, managed to climb out backwards and closed the door. The car drove away just as quickly as it appeared, leaving Neil with his thoughts. 

* * *

** Friday, October 18th **

Five days passed and Neil managed to keep his mouth shut about being visited by Ichirou’s henchmen, trying to push the entire encounter from his mind. But on Friday things started to come to a head. They were on the bus returning from Florida, an away game at Belmonte University. The Foxes had managed a 12-9 win and even though they had a  six-hour drive back to South Carolina, the Foxes were wired, talking animatedly about the game. Neil would have liked to share his  teams enthusiasm but his body begged for sleep. He’d woken to nightmares several nights that week, though he couldn’t remember what they had been about once he crawled from his bed – sweaty and head throbbing. He knew he must have woken Andrew each time he left the shaky bed-frame of their bunks in the early  hours but Andrew left him alone and didn't pry. Nightmares were nothing new for either of them. 

But now, lack of sleep and a hard-played game left him slouched against the window at the back of the bus, three seats behind the rest of the foxes with only Andrew behind him. Just as he managed to doze for the fifth time, usually being woken by laughter or shouting from one of his teammates, he was woken instead by his phone buzzing against his thigh. 

The damn thing had been ringing all day but it was a number he didn’t recognize and after several spam calls over the  summer he ignored it. But now it rang three successive times in a row and since it was almost midnight he doubted it was spam. He pulled the phone from his pocket – it was the same number with an area code he didn’t recognize. He turned to look at Andrew, considering asking him if he recognized it since their numbers were just one digit off – maybe it wasn’t him they were trying to reach. But Andrew was asleep – or appeared to be at least, his head pressed against the glass and arms crossed over his chest. The phone buzzed again and Neil settled back in his seat, flipping it open with a quiet ‘Hello?’

_ “Neil Josten?” _

He  vaguely recognized the voice. 

“Yes.”

_ “This is Browning.” _

Neil swallowed thickly. “Yea? What?”

_ “I see your stunning personality hasn’t changed. We need to talk. It’s about your uncle,” said Browning.  _

“What about him?” asked Neil quietly, pulling the hood of his sweatshirt over his head, as if that would help muffle the sound. Though no one seemed to be paying him any attention. 

_ “He’s dead.” _

He considered his words for a moment and just settled on, “Oh. How?”

_ “Two to the chest. You don’t seem surprised.” _

“Should I be?” he asked, trying to sound bored with the conversation even though his shoulders had gone tense as he sat up a little straighter. 

_ Browning took a few measured breaths before sighing into the phone. “I suppose not. You wouldn’t know anything about it would you?” _

“No. I’m not in contact with him,” he said. It was true. The last time he’d heard from his uncle was at their finals game the night Riko was killed. 

_ “Alright.  _ _ Well, _ _ let us know if you think of anything. We’ll do the same.” _

“Fine.”

Browning didn’t bother saying goodbye, likely fed up with Neil’s dismissive tone. Neil hit the ‘end call’ button and slipped the phone in the pouch of his hoodie, leaning back against the glass. He jumped at the sound of Andrew’s voice next to his ear where he’d leaned over the seat. 

“Who was that?” he asked, sounding somewhat groggy. 

Neil turned so his back was against the wall, feet moving to perch atop the seat. “No one important.”

Andrew narrowed his eyes down at Neil, his fingers digging into the back of the cushion. “Everyone you know is here.”

He swallowed again and didn’t miss Andrews gaze tracking the movement of his  adams apple. “ It was just....”

But before he got the words  out he noticed the rest of the bus had gone quiet. The freshman were still chatting away at the front but Kevin and Dan, who were a few seats up, propped up on their seats, had turned to watch them – likely being drawn by Andrew’s voice. 

Ultimately Neil just shook his head. “Not here....later...”

Andrew accepted that without argument and slumped back in his own seat. Kevin and Dan turned their attention away and resumed their conversation. Neil closed his eyes and wished for sleep. 

* * *

The Foxes arrived back at the tower around three thirty in the morning and tiredly dragged themselves to their dorms. Neil had managed to nap a little on the bus but passed out almost instantly once his face hit the pillow. But his sleep was anything but restful. 

He felt a strange sense of déjà vu in this nightmare world. He knew he was asleep but couldn’t pull himself from his slumber. Unable to stop the events unfolding in front of him. 

_ He was back in the tower above Evermore. The room was familiar and foreign at the same time. There was no conference table with a man hacked to bits or a couch with Riko’s corpse splayed across it. There was just a large piece of plastic on the floor and a row of people on their knees lined across it. Their hands were behind their backs and they were  _ _ silent _ _ but Neil recognized them all even though he couldn’t see their faces. Abby, Wymack, the rest of the Foxes, all in a perfectly even row. Neil flinched at the sound of the gunshot, opening his eyes just in time to see a spray of red across the covered floor. Abby fell. But no one else moved. Neil wanted to scream at them, tell them to run, to fight, but he was frozen in place and his voice didn’t seem to work. One by one the Foxes dropped, each shot fired an identical symphony of horror. An impossible amount of blood pooled on the ground beneath their limp corpses but the red never ran off the edge of the plastic. Neil tried to shut his eyes, to erase what he had seen from his  _ _ mind _ _ but it felt like someone pried them open and then he felt the familiar weight of a gun in his hand. Had he done this? He couldn’t have...he would never. There was only one body that remained upright. Shoulders squared and blond head bowed forward slightly. Neil could hear himself protesting, to who he wasn’t sure. ‘No. _ _..I _ _ won’t!’ But his hand was lifting, taking aim. His arms hurt and when he looked  _ _ down _ _ he saw open wounds, burns and cuts, bleeding a raw. But his finger still worked enough to squeeze the trigger. ‘NO!’ he screamed, pulling the trigger. He watched in horror as the bullet left the gun, sailed through the back of Andrews head. Blood bloomed over golden  _ _ locks _ _ but he didn’t fall. He stood and  _ _ turned _ _ and Neil could see the hole in his forehead, streams of molten crimson dripping down between his eyes. ‘You did this,’ he sneered. Neil shook his head desperately. ‘No. _ _..Andrew _ _...I didn’t...’ But Andrew dropped to the ground, just as limp and lifeless as the others. The gun fell from his hand and clattered loudly across the ground. He felt breath on his  _ _ ear _ _ and he shivered in terror. ‘Ever the  _ _ butchers _ _ son...’ ‘No!’ _

“No!” Neil shot up in his bed, hand groping forward wildly as his heart tumbled in his chest. 

He had reached for Andrew only to find air. The air of his dorm at Fox Tower, where it was still early enough that light hadn’t yet seeped around the curtains. He looked over to see Kevin roll over in his bed but he didn’t seem to wake. Neil threw himself from his bed and fled the room. He didn’t have time to make it to the bathroom but dry heaved over the  kitchen  sink. Nothing came up but he could still feel bile turning in his stomach. He still remembered every detail of his nightmare. The sound of the gun and the weight of it in his hand. The overwhelming metallic smell of blood at his feet. Neil choked out a sob. He wasn’t crying but the sound tore from his chest before he could help it. And it didn’t make breathing any easier. He managed to stumble across the dark room and throw open the window, the cool October air at least driving away the phantom stench of death in his nostrils. Neil grabbed at his hair and pulled hard, as if trying to wake himself further so he couldn’t remember his dream,  could  get a better hold on reality. He was so busy pacing and trying to breathe he didn’t hear the door to the room open or see Andrew cross his field of vision. Not until he was right in front of him. His face crumpled at the sight of the sleep addled goalkeeper. Andrew was alive. He was fine. They were home. Neil reached out with shaky hands and Andrew closed the distance, allowing Neil to weave his hands into his hair. 

“Neil...” he said in question. 

_ Andrew _ . Neil surged forward without a yes or no. Andrew didn’t push him away and allowed the harsh kiss, his hands reaching up to clamp around Neil’s shoulders. It was a desperate thing, full of teeth and tongues, and doing Neil no favors when it came to breathing but he  _ needed  _ this. He needed to feel Andrew in his arms.  _ Alive.  _

When Neil was gasping for air Andrew pulled away, one hand clamping around the back of his neck. 

_ “Neil.” _

Neil dropped his hands down to tighten around Andrew’s wrists, resting his forehead against Andrew’s as he managed a shaky inhalation, and then another. 

He felt himself being walked backwards and didn’t resist when Andrew pushed him to the floor. He could feel the couch at his back. Andrew sank with him and when he tried to pull away Neil tightened his grip. 

“Let go, Neil,” said Andrew, prying his hands from his arms. 

Reluctantly he complied and Andrew left momentarily, returning a few seconds later with a glass of water. He held it  out and Neil dr ank a few sips, trying not to cough. He finally caught his breath and Andrew set the glass aside. He stood again and lifted one leg up and around Neil’s shoulders to sit on the couch. Neil didn’t think he had the strength to move but he didn’t need to. Andrew prodded at his shoulders until Neil leaned back between his legs. He snaked his left arm behind Andrew’s calf and rested his hand on his thigh, just above the knee and Andrews hands went to his hair. Blunt nails scraped along his scalp until he stopped shaking. 

“Th is was worse than the others...” Andrew’s voice was quiet, subdued.

When his mind started to settle Neil pressed his cheek against Andrew’s knee and tightened his grip. 

“You were dead...” he muttered, the words leaving his mouth like poison. “I killed you...I killed...all of you...”

The hand in his hair stilled for a fraction of a second before resuming it  ministrations . “It was a dream.”

“It didn’t feel like a dream...” he breathed, shuddering. 

Andrew tugged at his hair. “Who was on the phone?”

One breath, two and then three. “Browning. To tell me Uncle Stuart was killed.”

The body behind him shifted as Andrew pulled away and moved beside Neil on the floor, sitting back on his  ankles . “How?”

“Ichirou had him executed.”

Andrew’s brow furrowed in confusion. “They told you that?”

His head shook tiredly as he met Andrew’s stare. “Ichirou sent someone to see me last Saturday before it happened. To make sure I wouldn’t be a problem.”

Neil could see the wheels turning in his mind as he processed the information. For a moment he scowled at Neil, likely irritated that he was just now hearing about another visit from the mob  bosses entourage. But then Andrew’s features smoothed out and just surveyed Neil with mild interest. 

“What if they come for us...or the others ....I know I said we were safe but I can’t help but think...” said Neil.

“He won’t kill us. Not when there’s money to be made from your careers. As long as you keep your mouth shut it will be fine.”

“He’s not the only one I have to worry about ....a few weeks ago t he FBI  mentioned my fathers trial will be set in the spring,” he turned to face Andrew fully. “They expect me to testify. They still haven’t caught Romero or Jackson. What if they come for me  before...”

“If they are stupid enough to come for you I’ll put them in the ground.”

Neil sucked in a breath. He never wanted to put Andrew in a position that he would have to kill for Neil, or act as a shield from his enemies, but right now the words were comforting. Neil slumped forward and dropped his head onto Andrew’s shoulder and Andrew let him stay there. After a few minutes of silence Andrew started to stand and pulled Neil with him. 

“Let’s go back to bed.”

His feet stayed firmly planted in place while Andrew closed the window. “I don’t think I can sleep.”

But Andrew just grabbed his wrist and pulled him towards the room. Kevin didn’t stir when they entered, his bedside alarm reading 5:16am. Neil blinked several times, his vision slightly hazy, as he tried to make sense of what was happening. Andrew was climbing back into bed, but not his own. He passed the ladder to the top bunk and instead crawled across Neil’s mattress until his back was against the wall. As he got comfortable Neil stared down at him. 

“Kevin will see us if he wakes up first....” he said quietly. 

The Foxes were all  well aware of their relationship, well, at least the upperclassman. But neither of them advertised it and they usually kept their exchanges private. Andrew stared blankly up at him, waiting.  So, Neil climbed into the bed. The bottom bunk was a full size so there was plenty of room. He tried to keep his body situated on the edge of the mattress, back towards the room. But Andrew reached out and grabbed his wrist, pulling until Neil shifted closer, only a few inches between their bodies. Their heads shared the same pillow and arms overlapped underneath it, Andrew’s wrist over top of the back of Neils hand. Andrew took the hand on top of the blankets and held it to his chest in the dark. Neil opened his hand and rested his palm across Andrew’s heart, feeling the beat of it through his shirt. For minutes, or maybe hours, Neil watched him. Until his eyes grew heavy and Andrews heartbeat and slow breathing pulled him under into a dreamless sleep.


	14. History in the Making

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The freshman find out about Neil and Andrew's relationship, Kevin rants about historical costume accuracy.
> 
> ~*~
> 
> All credit to Nora, I own nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the shorter chapter. The next few are all close continuations of each other and it was hard to break them up.
> 
> ~*~
> 
> CHAPTER RATING: T (Warnings: homophobic slurs)

Friday, October 25th 

The Palmetto State Foxes played their third away game on October 25th. They won by three points, but in Neil’s opinion it had been nothing to celebrate. Their playing had been sloppy and the only reason they were able to overwhelm the Jackrabbits was likely due to four of their fifth-year seniors being out on probation after being caught vandalizing one of the buildings on Blackwell's campus. Kevin seemed to realize their luck as well and spent the better part of their ride back from Georgia berating his teammates. 

Neil tolerated his ranting for a while. He was eager to talk strategy and go over what had gone wrong. But after Kevin callously pointed out that Neil and Jack only made two goals each in the first half, he’d had enough. His fingers dug into the seat cushions as he pulled himself up, walking gingerly on his bruised thigh to the back of the bus. Nicky was seated in front of Andrew and Aaron was in the seat behind him on the other side of the bus, so Neil helped himself to the other half of Andrews seat. The blond said nothing, only quirked an eyebrow at him to acknowledge his presence before going back to staring out the window. 

“We’re not done,” said Kevin, body halfway in the aisle and angled towards the back of the bus a few seats up. 

“Yes,” said Neil. “We are.” 

He sank lower in his seat. Kevin continued to rant. Luckily, or maybe unluckily, Nicky propped himself up on his knees to look between them and tried to change the topic of conversation. 

“Hey, so what are we doing for Halloween?” he asked loudly, effectively drowning out Kevin, who scowled up at him. “You know we’re missing the event at Eden’s tonight.” 

Halloween was swiftly approaching, but it was on a Thursday this year, so the night club had opted to have their annual party on the last Friday of October. Since the Foxes wouldn’t return to Palmetto until nearly two am they would miss out on this years festivities. Which suited Neil just fine. He’d never cared for the holiday and would rather do his homework than be dragged around in another uncomfortable costume. 

“What about that thing on Greek row?” asked Matt, standing up and leaning against the window in the middle of the bus. 

“Matthew Boyd are you suggesting we go to a frat party?” asked Nicky, though Neil could hear the man grinning even though his own eyes were cast downwards on his lap. 

Allison turned to face down the aisle. “Actually, I heard the party scene has gotten a lot better this year. Might not be a bad idea.” 

Neil felt eyes boring into him and made the mistake of looking up. Nicky was leaned over the seat, watching him. “Why are you looking at me?” 

“Don’t you want to go, Neil? C’mon, it will be fun!” 

Aaron rolled his eyes and jammed headphones in his ears. 

Since Neil only stared him down, Nicky turned his attentions to Kevin. “You’re the one who keeps saying the team needs to figure out how to function better on and off the court. This is a golden opportunity for some quality team bonding. We can all go. Right Freshman?!” 

Nicky yelled up the aisle and only received a few ‘What?’ ‘Huh’s?’ for his trouble. Josie and Ava moved a little closer towards the back to see what was going on. Abby guided the bus through a left turn and Josie swayed in the aisle. Jack pushed her away and muttered something incoherent. 

Dan looked at Matt and shrugged. “I guess we could be down. I mean if it’s lame we can always bail since it’s just off campus.” 

“Yes! That is the attitude I’m looking for,” said Nicky. 

He looked down at Neil again, who crossed his arms over his chest. “What do you say vice-cap? Are we bonding this team or what? It’s either this or one of us learns how to weld. Ha. Get it?” 

Neil stared up at Nicky. 

He hated to admit it, but Nicky was right. While the older Foxes were bound by something greater than just their shared team, there was a distinct separation that divided them from the freshman. Neil and Dan tried to include them on the court but their interactions off the court had been infrequent and barely civil. Maybe spending more time together as a team would do them some good. He also knew with the Thanksgiving holidays approaching things were likely to take a downwards spiral any day now and wanted his team’s good fortune to continue as long as possible. 

“Fine,” he said eventually. 

Nicky whooped. Andrew turned to level Neil with an unimpressed gaze at his quick surrender and Neil stiffened under his scrutiny. 

While Nicky was busy talking details, Andrew turned a little in his seat to address the striker. 

“You are awfully eager to participate in something you called child’s play less than a year ago,” he accused. 

“I’m not. But we’ll play better if we aren’t so divided.” 

Andrew didn’t dignify that with a response and Neil suddenly stopped listening to Nicky's excited chatter about costume possibilities to nudge Andrew’s thigh with his own. Neil blinked slowly through long lashes and Andrew dragged his stare from their knees to Neil’s face. Andrew’s mouth twitched when Neil’s eyes settled on his lips and Neil resisted the urge to lean towards them. His mind was so busy wandering he didn’t register Nicky’s voice again until he heard his name. 

“...Yes! You guys should totally do that. Though it seems a little close to the costumes you had last year. You had better not be thinking of recycling the same thing for this year....” said Nicky, glaring mildly at Matt down the aisle, before turning his eyes back to Neil. “Not that I’d mind seeing Neil in his cowboy outfit again.” 

Before any of them had the chance to respond Nicky continued. “I wish Erik was here. I’ve always wanted do some cheesy couples costume with him.” 

“We should make a bet,” said Allison, now standing in her seat and voice carrying towards the back of the bus. “Who will have the best couple costumes, Dan and Matt or Katelyn and Aaron.” 

Aaron practically ripped the headphones out of his ears. Neil suspected he often put them in to be left alone but wasn’t actually listening to music so he could pay attention to the conversation around him. 

“Leave me out of this. Katelyn and I are not wearing matching costumes,” he said scathingly. 

“Oh...we’ll see about that,” said Nicky, pulling out his phone to undoubtedly text the Vixen. 

Aaron made a swipe for the device but Nicky twisted out of his way so he settled for pulling out his own phone, likely in hopes of getting to his girlfriend before his meddlesome cousin was able to put any ideas in her head. 

“Wait...if we’re betting on couples costumes then we have to include Neil and Andrew in the mix,” Nicky turned abruptly and glared down at Neil, wagging a finger in his face. “That means no half-assed ‘college kid’ or ‘exy player’ costumes. You need to actually make an effort.” 

Neil’s attention turned from Andrew to Nicky and his eyes flared in annoyance. His ire grew even more when Jack, who had been blessedly silent for the entire ride, took the opportunity to stand in his seat and turn. 

“Wait....you two are fucking queer?” he practically shouted over the back of his seat. 

The other freshman all stood in their own seats, turning towards the back of the bus. Wymack shouted a ‘Keep your goddamn voices down’ from the front, likely trying to nap while Abby drove, but otherwise didn’t seem to realize the words that had been spoken. 

Neil and Andrew only blinked up at the younger striker, faces mirror images of blank indifference. They could see Jack five seats up on the right side of the bus since he was practically standing on his seat. Sheena spoke next, though Neil couldn’t see her since she was hidden behind Matt’s taller frame. 

“You’re kidding...there are more fags on the team?” 

Dan spun on them, her voice quiet but furious. “You both want to check that homophobic shit at the door right the fuck now.” 

The other freshman watched with interested but didn’t seem ruffled by the news other than looking shell-shocked. Nicky looked between Jack and Sheena and Neil and Andrew, his ears going red and face screwing up with regret as he realized his mistake. 

“You mean you’ve been here for five months and you’re just now figuring this out?” scoffed Allison. “Pat Sajak I’d like to buy these dumbass freshman a fucking clue...” 

“No one knows do they?” sneered Jack, apparently completely oblivious to anyone else on the bus, all attention on Neil. “I wonder what the media will think when they find out you’re a fucking homo. I wonder what the Ravens will say.” 

Dan started to move into the aisle, likely to smack Jack’s smart mouth, but Renee settled a heavy hand over her shoulder from the seat in front of her. 

“They will say nothing,” said Dan, trying to keep her temper in check. “Because neither will you. If either of them is outed I will have Wymack shred your contract like confetti, do you hear me?” 

She turned in her seat point at each of the freshman in quick succession. “That goes for all of you. Fox business stays between Foxes.” 

The other Freshman nodded feebly but Sheena rolled her eyes and Jack crossed his arms over the back of his chair and grinned. “Whatever you say captain, but you know how the rumor mill goes. It’s only a matter of time. The anticipation is killing me.” 

Aaron huffed a laugh and muttered from the back of the bus. “If you keep talking anticipation won’t be the only thing killing you.” 

Neil glanced to the side where Andrew had pulled a knife from his armband and was twirling it idly in one hand. 

Jack ignored the twins’ and turned to Sheena across from him. 

“I guess we could use it to our advantage,” he said. “Maybe a dick up Nathaniel's ass will loosen him up a little so he won’t be such an uptight prick.” 

Neil leaned back in the seat and fought to keep his voice calm. “Maybe a dick in your mouth would make you shut the fuck up so we don’t have to listen to anymore of your stupidity.” 

Nicky choked on a laugh and Josie covered her mouth with her hands to keep any sound from coming out. Ava and Matt exchanged a grin. 

“The fuck did you say to me butchers boy?” said Jack, his voice rising. 

Andrew stood slowly and Neil sat up straight as if he could somehow block the goalkeeper in, sure he was going to go for Jack and jam his knife in the freshman's throat. 

But Andrew only leaned casually across the seat in front of them. His knife was still in his hand, spinning smoothly and when he spoke his voice was higher pitched, slow and honey sweet. A sound reminiscent of his time spent being over-medicated. But he didn’t address Jack. Instead his gaze settled on Dan, head tipping to the side. 

“Oh Dan, it’s been a long day and I was really looking forward to a quiet drive. Tell John here that if he keeps talking I will open him up and wear him as my Halloween costume. Save myself a trip to the store.” The knife made one last spin between deft fingers before Andrew jammed it into the top of the seat. 

Jack opened his mouth to protest but Andre clamped a large hand over his face and wrestled him back into the chair. “He’s done.” 

Wymacks shouts of ‘I thought I said simmer the fuck down,’ and Andrew’s personality momentarily reverting to something the rest of the team hadn’t witnessed in a while seemed to take all the bite out of the Foxes. 

Neil watched Andrew sink carefully back into his seat and stow away the knife, as if nothing had happened at all. He breathed deeply and watched Andrew’s profile. It wasn’t how he expected the team to find out but Allison was right, it was a miracle that it took the freshman this long to catch on. 

Nicky avoided his gaze for the rest of the drive, as if he assumed Neil was angry at him. But Neil was too tired to be angry. He just wanted to get back to Fox tower, back to his bed where he could sleep until he could no longer hear Jack and Sheena's grating voices in his head. 

* 

Saturday, October 26th 

After exhausting all possible excuses, Neil was forced to pile in with Kevin and the cousins' to head into town the following day. It was either that or endure another mall trip with Allison. Nicky promised it wouldn’t take long but he was eager to go over the video of the previous night’s game. Kevin seemed to want to do the same and insisted their trip be brief. He complained loudly when Andrew decided to stop for lunch before heading to the outlet mall since they had just eaten breakfast two hours ago. 

The diner they chose wasn’t crowded and by 1pm they reached the little strip of stores. On the end, the Halloween Store took up residence in what was usually an empty building, endlessly for lease except around the holidays. Unlike the diner, the specialty store was packed with college students and families. The Foxes dodged wayward children, some throwing rather impressive tantrums when they didn’t get their way about candy or costumes they wanted. A group of young teen girls abruptly stopped talking as they passed and Neil assumed Kevin had been recognized. He grabbed the taller striker by the arm and hauled him along quickly where he’d paused to look at mechanical decorations. 

The back portion of the store was dedicated to costumes – sorted into several sections. The Foxes made their way towards the adult section and surveyed the various poster advertisements on the wall. Nicky was, predictably, ‘Ooo-ing’ and ‘Ahh-ing’ at the more extravagant offerings while the rest of them spent a good deal making fun of most of them. Eventually Neil turned down to look at Andrew, who had his arms crossed in a defensive posture since people kept crossing closely behind them. 

“What are you getting?” asked Neil, watching the blonds eyes scan the costumed photos. 

“Hm. Maybe I will just shove a stick up my ass and go as Aaron,” replied Andrew, not looking away from the wall. 

Aaron, who apparently had been listening more closely than Neil thought, turned to glare at them. He flipped them off and moved farther down the open aisle. 

Neil grinned. “Yea? Then maybe I’ll just draw a queen piece on my face and carry around a vodka bottle and go as Kevin.” 

He didn’t need to look to the side to know Kevin had shot him a scathing look, more interested in watching the corner of Andrew’s mouth twitch in amusement. Nicky howled, though it was over a costume since he hadn’t been paying attention to them. 

“This one!” he said cheerily, pointing to one of the photos. “This is so perfect for me. We should all stick to the Greek theme, don’t you think?” 

Kevin made an indignant sound and scowled at Nicky, throwing his hand outwards in a wild gesture. “Neptune is a Roman god you uncultured swine. Poseidon is the Greek god of the sea. Don’t confuse the two.” 

Nicky ignored his outburst and swept past him towards the rack, digging for the costume by the number on the photo. “Didn’t the Romans just steal all the Greek gods? It’s the same thing.” 

“It is not the sa...” 

“Fine, fine. Be picky. Just get a toga if you’re going to be so anal about it,” laughed Nicky, cutting him off. 

Kevin’s eye twitched. “The toga has roots in garments worn by Etruscan's and Greeks but the Greek version was actually a himation. The true toga was a Roman invention. How are we even friends?” 

Neil didn’t hear the rest of Kevin’s historical tirade, in which Nicky seemed to intentionally disagree with him to rile him up. Instead he let Andrew pull him along down the wall until the bickering faded and was lost in the other voices around them. 

When Nicky and Kevin wandered off to fitting rooms, Andrew pulled him back down the wall. Neil settled on a Caesar costume, mostly because it had long sleeves but also because he knew it would piss Kevin off. He didn’t bother trying it on and tossed it in the cart with whatever Aaron had chosen when he joined them a few moments later. Nicky and Kevin threw their own costumes on top – Nicky having chosen a generic toga that Neil was sure had been marketed to woman given the shortness of the skirt and the glittery fabric. Kevin had chosen some ridiculous looking soldier outfit with the words ‘Trojan Warrior’ on the front. 

“Is this about your fanboy obsession with USC, Kevin? Do you want me to take a photo and send it to Jeremy?” Neil teased. 

Kevin flipped him off and marched towards the checkout but Neil didn’t miss the way his cheeks reddened. Nicky and Aaron fell in line behind him while Neil and Andrew walked at a more leisurely pace. 

“Do you think he has his own fanboy binder?” asked Andrew, his voice too low for the others to hear. 

Neil shot a glare down at him but smiled at the slight uptick of Andrew’s mouth. 

As they were checking out Aaron dug through the cart before fixing his brother with a flat look. “Where is your costume?” 

Andrew lifted his hand tossed the small box he’d been carrying around onto the counter – a pair of realistic looking vampire fangs and adhesive. Aaron rolled his eyes and turned to pay for their items. 

Neil was about to make a snide comment about his lazy costume choice but Andrews pinkie brushed against his, briefly hooking around his own digit, and he stiffened at the feel of warm skin against his own. He turned to Andrew but Andrew pulled away and left the store, digging cigarettes out of his back pocket. Neil stared after him and chewed his lip, embarrassed at the slight flutter in his chest from such a subtle touch. Before he had a chance to go after him Nicky started shoving plastic bags in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the calm before the storm because it's about to get ROUGH.


	15. All trick and no treat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Foxes attend a Halloween party. Neil gets flirty when he drinks. But predictably, a good time usually goes to shit.
> 
> ~*~
> 
> All credit to Nora, I own nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Light, not super explicit smut before I rip your hearts out for a bit. 
> 
> ~*~
> 
> CHAPTER RATING: M (Warnings: light smut)

Thursday, October 31 st

Dusk was finally upon them so the Foxes split up to get ready for the evening’s festivities. They didn’t have a game the following day so after much pleading on Nicky’s part, Wymack and Dan agreed to let them have the afternoon off. A general air of mischief fell over the campus and some students wore their costumes to class despite it apparently being against the rules in the student handbook. After classes they split for dinner and agreed to reconvene at Matt’s dorm at seven thirty. 

Since the weather was mild, Neil opted to wear just a t-shirt and basketball shorts under his costume. He fiddled with the little plastic crown, made of cheap looking golden leaves, in the mirror while Andrew glued the fangs on his k-9's. Finally, Neil shoved the circlet over his hair, messing up the perfectly styled curls Nicky had forced upon him before Andrew kicked him out. Apparently the blond didn’t appreciate being threatened with a can of spray glitter so he could be whatever a ‘twilight’ vampire was. 

Once the fangs were in, Andrew turned and gav e Neil’s  Caesar costume a  on ce-over . 

“I thought you were done  having a target on your back?” he asked.

Neil’s face scrunched in confusion. Andrew rolled his eyes instead of explaining the joke. He turned out the bathroom light and Neil trailed him to the door. 

The steady hum of voices was plainly audible through the door before Andrew pushed it open. The Foxes were apparently pre-gaming, a long row of colorful shots lined up on the kitchen counter. Nearly everyone crammed into the tiny room had a drink in hand and Neil’s eyes bounced around to survey the damage. 

Matt was wearing a vaguely familiar costume with some sort of leather looking underpants and a long red cape strapped over his chest. He was shot-gunning beer with Jack, who wore a velvet red robe with a bunny emblem on the chest and had a cigar in his free hand. Dan was eyeing him open contempt. 

The team captain’s costume clearly matched Matt’s, though her costume had a leather skirt and halter top. Allison and Renee both wore matching costumes that also looked like short togas with an unnecessary  amount of straps and Neil caught Allison telling Ava they were ‘Amazons.’ 

Neil wandered to the bar and picked up one of the cups full of bright green liquid. He sniffed it and put it back down, grimacing at the sugary smell. Josie and Ava sidled up next to him and picked up shots that were the same color, downing them together. They both were dressed like they were ready to serve beer in over-sized barrel shaped cups at Oktoberfest. 

The group lingered for half an hour, chatting and finishing off the various bottles of booze. When Aaron arrived with Katelyn in tow, the group wandered down the hall towards the elevator. The freshman climbed on first while the upperclassman waited to take the next one. 

As the buttons lit over the metal doors, indicating they reached the first floor, Katelyn turned into Aaron a few feet ahead of them. She straightened Aaron’s collar and kissed his nose. A small smile splayed across his lips and Neil turned to look away. Andrew was pointedly staring in the  opposite direction. 

“Well you two are adorable....” grinned Allison, leaning in towards them as she hung off Renee’s shoulder. 

Renee had a hand around her forearm to hold her steady since she already seemed a little tipsy. Neil doubted her four-inch heels were helping her balance. 

“Thanks!” Katelyn said brightly. “And you guys look amazing, as always.”

“ So, what are you?” Kevin asked bluntly, his face sword smacking Neil in the leg as he turned to the couple. 

Aaron rolled his eyes and pulled a stethoscope out of his pocket, draping it around his neck. He wore a long, white lab coat over black pants and a button up top. Katelyn was dressed similarly with her own stethoscope – only her coat was fitted and buttoned all the way and stopped mid-thigh. They also both had dark makeup with smears of blood on their faces.

“We’re zombie doctors, duh!” she said cheerfully, taking Aaron’s hand and pulling him into her side. 

The elevator dinged before anyone could comment further and Neil’s final thought before Andrew gave him a little shove inside was that everyone was severely under dressed for the weather, even if it  was a little warmer than usual. In fact, Sheena, in her black leather unitard, cat ears and drawn on  w hiskers might be the only one dressed for the foggy, October evening. He supposed alcohol would have to keep the rest of them warm. 

As they walked to the cars Andrew dug a flask from his pocket and passed it to Neil. He took a swig of whisky and handed it back. It was bitter and unpleasant but at least it didn’t leave an overwhelming tang of sugar on his tongue. 

When they made it to the parking lot Allison doubled over in laughter at the sight of Andre and Oscar, who were leaning against Matt’s truck. Andre was dressed reasonably in a fake police uniform, but Oscar, who despite his massive size and muscled body, was usually the most reserved member of the team. He was now wrapped in a very smally sailor uniform with short shorts and a crop top that left very little to the imagination. His furious blush was even visible over his tanned skin and the low- light but he took his teammates teasing in good humor. Allison insisted on taking a picture of him and dragged Matt in for the second one, presumably because he was equally naked. 

“I am a Greek god, objectify me!” cried Matt, flexing obnoxiously. 

“Matthew Donovan Boyd!” shrieked Dan, throwing a mock glare at her boyfriend and pretending to storm off towards the passenger door. 

“ Noooo baby I was joking, come back!” whined Matt, chasing after her. 

Nicky nodded and watched Matt go after her. 

“I’d worship that...” he sighed wistfully. 

When Matt turned again, Nicky took the opportunity to snap a few photos of his own and then phones were being pulled out by everyone. Andrew leaned patiently against the Maserati and lit a cigarette, handing a second to Neil. After a round of photos and selfies, Aaron eyed Oscar curiously and Neil leaned forward to watch the exchange. He didn’t think Aaron had ever spoken to any of the freshman. 

“So....what are you wearing?” he asked. 

“ Not much....” laughed Allison. She cackled for another moment before Renee corralled her towards the cab of Matt’s truck. 

“I uh...lost a bet,” admitted Oscar, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“Yea he did!” yelled Josie, nodding appreciatively. 

Andrew’s elbow colliding  with his rib cage gently pulled Neil’s attention back to the blond who was observing him with excessive scrutiny. 

“What?” asked Neil, tossing his cigarette and grounding it out with his sneaker.

Andrew blew smoke in his face and discarded his own butt, reaching down to open the door. Neil rolled his eyes and moved around to the other side of the car. 

The team split – The upperclassman along with four of the  freshman packed in the back of Matt’s truck. The monsters all piled into Andrew’s car and Ava and Josie caught a ride with Katelyn and Aaron in the cheerleader’s little red sedan.

The drive towards the letter houses was less than two miles and Neil wondered why they couldn’t have just walked. Especially since when they arrived the street parking was minimal. Andrew managed to weave the Maserati into a tight space along the curb, but both Katelyn and Matt  continued on a couple blocks until they found space to park.

The first part of the night passed uneventfully. The team wandered in and out of the houses as they pleased, occasionally greeting other students or athletes they knew in passing from Fox tower. The party consumed the whole block, split between four massive Victorian style homes. Eventually they split up since Andrew and Kevin wanted to go in search of better-quality alcohol – neither being impressed by the mountain of  jell-o shots .  Neil had eaten one – for science, really. But he  didn’t like the consistency nor the taste and preferred to keep sipping Andrew’s whisky while Andrew finally found a vodka bottle he  deemed worth of his attention. 

Kevin and Nicky followed them into the kitchen of one of the houses an Andrew swiped the unopened bottle off the counter. A pair of preppy looking fraternity brothers were leaning against the opposite counter and eyed them warily. 

“Dude...you can’t just take that...” said frat guy number one. 

Andrew made a point of slowly unscrewing the cap, staring the pair of them down and chugging several shots worth without breaking eye contact. The two frat bros exchanged a look before leaving the kitchen without objection. 

Kevin wrestled a few red cups from a plastic bag while Nicky looked around for mixers. Neil reached for the bottle and Andrew lifted a brow but handed it to him anyways. He drank several gulps, gagged dramatically and then handed the bottle back. Andrew stared blankly at Neil before reaching up to swipe his thumb across Neil’s chin, wiping away a stray drop of liquor. Neil smiled Lazily down at him and didn’t notice when Kevin snatched the bottle away. 

* * *

The four of them stayed there talking for the better part of an hour. Kevin had enough alcohol in him that he was mildly pleasant to be around and he chatted agreeably with Nicky about some movie franchise they both liked – something about superheroes that went over Neil’s head. Eventually more people filtered back into the kitchen. The whole house grew steadily louder as the evening progressed. A couple of people knocked into Neil and even though he only had what amounted to a few shots, he felt unsteady on his feet. He probably should have eaten more than half a sandwich for dinner. He toppled into Andrew who caught him by the waist but didn’t bother to push him off. 

Neil’s eyes dropped down to Andrew’s, their faces only a few inches apart. He leaned back just enough to not go cross-eyed. 

“This isn’t too bad is it?” asked Neil. 

An eyebrow lifted. 

Neil switched to German and his voice dropped an octave as he tilted his hips forward a little more. “Too many people ....but I don’t mind when you end up pressed up against me.”

“You sound like an idiot,” Andrew breathed in the same language, his cheek twitching. “Is that crown squeezing your brain too tight?”

Chewing his lip, Neil pressed his hips forward again and smirked when Andrews fingers dug in. “No. But something else is tight.”

This time Andrew did push back, just enough so their lower halves weren’t touching. He dropped his hands. “The only thing that should be tight are your lips.”

Neil didn’t miss the way Andrew’s eyes dropped immediately, nor the flicker of heat in his eyes or the way he clenched his fists at his sides. Neil’s grin grew wider, the buzz making him grow bold despite the fact that they were surrounded by people. 

“They can be,” he continued in low German. “But I’d rather wrap them around...”

Andrew’s hand shot up and covered his mouth, hazel eyes flaring with what might have been anger if Neil didn’t know better. Or maybe it was anger. Maybe he should tone down whatever boldness the few ounces of alcohol he’d consumed had given him. 

When he slipped his tongue out and licked the tip of it along Andrew’s palm, Andrew yanked his hand away and downed the last bit of liquor from his flask, snatching Neil’s wrist a moment later. 

So maybe not. 

After giving Nicky clear orders to stay put and keep an eye on Kevin (who predictably complained about being left there and how ‘ _ obvious _ ’ they were being), Andrew pulled Neil up a wooden staircase until he found an unoccupied room on the third floor. He wasted no time pushing Neil roughly against the door and groping blindly behind him to lock it. 

“How much have you had to drink?” asked Andrew, nose skimming along Neil’s jaw as he pressed against him.

He had to open his mouth twice before he found the words, tilting his head to the side to allow Andrew better access to his neck. “Just...just the few shots of vodka and a little from your flask...I’m not drunk...I can prove it to you if you...”

Andrew wasted no time crashing his lips into Neil’s, his mouth waging a war against pliant reddened lips and a vodka-soaked tongue just to shut the striker up. For a moment Andrew’s hands lingered around Neil’s wrists, his thumb pressing over Neil’s quickened pulse. But when Andrew pulled Neil’s hands to his head Neil’s fingers threaded through his hair and pulled him closer. They kissed until they were out of breath and when Neil pulled Andrew’s face towards his neck, tilting his head to the side invitingly, Neil cried out. The sharp, piercing sensation of the fake fangs and the jolt of pleasure from Andrew’s tongue went straight to his dick and he did nothing to keep the moan from spilling past his throat. At least the sound wouldn’t likely make it through the heavy wooden door and pulsing beat of electronic music wafting up the stairs to give them away. Not that it mattered in the moment. Andrew seemed to enjoy the noises he was making and continued biting, licking and sucking at the tender skin under his jaw while Neil writhed against him. 

The next sound that escaped Neil’s mouth was a throaty groan that sounded like Andrew’s name and Andrew jerked his hips forward, grunting into Neil’s neck. 

“Yes or no?” asked Andrew, breathing the question against Neil’s ear. 

“Yes...fuck yes...”

Andrew’s hands disappeared from his throat and waist and pushed up Neil’s robe. Neil grabbed the garment and held it in place while Andrew’ pushed down his flimsy shorts and underwear, his erection springing free. Before Andrew took him in hand, he unbuttoned his own jeans and yanked the zipper down, exposing himself to the cool air. Neil shifted a  little so his legs were farther apart, making them both the same height and their cocks slapped against each other twice before  Andrew spit into his hand and wrapped it around  both of them . Neil gasped into his mouth and let Andrew guide him to the brink. Neil held his robe and shirt up with one hand but let his other slip back around Andrew’s neck. 

Soon they were both panting into  each other's mouths. Neil unconsciously jerked his hips up in time with each stroke, chasing the friction that had his balls tightening and his stomach clenching. His head buzzed and he sucked Andrew’s tongue onto his mouth, groaning into the warm heat of it. 

“Andrew....” he whispered, dropping his forehead to Andrew’s shoulder. “I’m so close...”

“Fuck...” Andrew grunted, picking up the pace. 

Neil gave a slight whimper and dropped his hand to Andrew’s bicep, squeezing. And then he opened his mouth over Andrew’s neck, sucking lightly. Enough that he would feel it but that it wouldn’t leave a bruise. 

“Fuck,” Andrew said again, this time more of a breath than a word. 

“I’m coming...” choked Neil, clamping down and leaving temporary teeth marks on Andrew’s collarbone.

He spilled over Andrew’s hand and Andrew followed only seconds later, the  blonds free hand quickly hiking up his own shirt just before he came between his knuckles. 

They stayed like that for minutes, Neil with his lips pressed against Andrew’s shoulder and Andrew with his forehead against Neil’s collar. He pumped them weakly until they both shivered and then stepped back on shaky legs. Andrew studied Neil as he tried to catch his breath and Neil finally pushed off the door to reach for the box of tissues on a nearby nightstand. Andrew pulled a few out and Neil did the same, replacing the box. After they caught their breath, they cleaned up in the attached bathroom before walking out into the hallway. Neil stumbled slightly, catching himself on the banister before he tumbled down the stairs. Andrew’s hand shot out to steady him. 

“You sure you didn’t drink more than you said?” asked Andrew suspiciously. 

Neil gave him a sheepish smile and curled his hand tighter over the railing. “Only what you saw...but I didn’t each much. Maybe I need food?”

Andrew narrowed his eyes for second before he accepted Neil’s answer as the truth. He reached out, pressed two fingers to the sharp, red circles on Neil’s throat. It would likely be a  bruise but his heart jumped a beat at the sight of it. Neil smiled and covered Andrew’s hand with his own which jolted him out of his thoughts. Andrew twisted his hand around Neil’s and guided him down the narrow staircase. 

The kitchen was completely cleared out when they got back downstairs, though loud dance music still thumped through the walls, probably coming from the living room. Andrew immediately dug out his phone and called Nicky. Luckily, he picked up after two rings and Andrew relayed the message that they had just gone back to the other house to meet up with Matt and Dan. Neil could tell Andrew was torn between scolding his cousin for ignoring his orders and making sure he stayed put long enough to get food. Luckily Andrew’s mood seemed lighter than it had just twenty minutes ago and when Neil suggested they meet up with the others later Andrew agreed, sifting through the freezer until he found what Neil guess was an acceptable form of food. The goalkeeper heated up a ham and cheese hot pocket before thrusting it towards Neil. He knew better than to argue so he took a bite and worked his jaw in an exaggerated motion as he chewed. 

While he ate the bland, frozen offering Andrew snagged a bag of chips and walked out onto the deck to smoke. Neil followed and took the cigarette Andrew offered after finishing his food. They stood watching each other, the silence only broken as Neil’s phone began to buzz. 

Just as the pair started to head inside, Neil’s phone rang. Andrew stopped just inside the sliding door but Neil waved him off.

“Nicky...” he explained, showing the screen to Andrew. Apparently, Nicky wanted them to come to the other house. 

“Give me a second...I can’t hear anything in there,” said Neil, momentarily covering the speaker with his hand. “Bring me a water though?”

Andrew nodded and closed the door behind him while Neil wandered into the back yard to be able to hear better. He jumped a little as a bottle rocket shot into the air from the front of the house. A second one followed immediately after the first. Neil rolled his eyes and shoved a finger into his other ear. 

“Nicky? Where are you guys?”

“Neil? Oh  jesus ...they’ve got fireworks,” Nicky laughed. “...we’re over by the...”

But Neil never heard where Nicky was. Something hard and cold collided with his temple and everything went dark. He could feel himself falling in slow motion and though he willed his hands to catch him, his cheek connected with damp grass. The last thing he felt before blacking out were too-large hands and unfamiliar arms wrapping around him and hauling him up like a ragdoll. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SORRY.


	16. Martyrs and Murders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuation of the last chapter. Neil is kidnapped, Andrew is frantic. It seems Neil's past in Baltimore has finally caught up to him.
> 
> ~*~
> 
> All credit to Nora, I own nothin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANGST ANGST ANGST ANGST
> 
> This chapter switches between Neil and Andrew's POV's. 
> 
> ~*~
> 
> CHAPTER RATING: M (Warnings: Non-explicit torture, murder)

How was it possible for his head to feel equal parts hot and stuffy yet cold at the same time? 

Neil woke with a groan, his temple pressed against the glass of an unfamiliar sedan. Something dug into his side and when he lifted his  head, he left a smear of blood behind on the window. 

“Evenin’ sunshine,” grinned Jackson, pressing the gun into his abdomen again. 

His eyes were blurry but when he tipped his head  down he could see the silencer on the end of the barrel. “Wha.....wher....”

He closed his mouth, a wave of nausea threatening to spill out onto the leather seats. Not that he would mind fucking up the interior of their car, maybe Jackson’s lap, but he didn’t want to show weakness. Instead he swallowed down the urge to vomit and catalogued his predicament. Jackson was at his side and Romero was in the front seat, guiding the car along an unfamiliar road. It was dark out and his eyes were still adjusting but they had definitely left the neighborhood. How long had he been unconscious? Before he was able to get too far in his thought process Romero tipped his head back, scowling. 

“There you are,” he said, turning his eyes back to the road. “Thought I might have hit you too hard for a second. Would have been a shame to kill you so quickly.”

“Yea...a real shame...” Neil gritted out, yanking his hands a little where his wrists were cuffed to the bars that held the headrest in place. 

“None of that,” said Jackson, still smiling as he pressed the gun against Neil’s side again. “The more you struggle the more we’ll draw this out.”

Against his own mental struggle to keep himself in the moment, Neil flitted in and out of consciousness under the passing lights. He probably had a concussion but was relieved to feel that nothing else on his body seemed to ache. When he finally forced himself back in the present, Jackson was chattering on next to him, waving the gun around with emphatic hand gestures. 

“ ....worked out perfectly. A little payout from the  Moriyamas , the head of the  Hatford family taken out...two stones and all that,” he said. 

Neil turned over the words in his mind and tried to make sense of them. 

“You....you had Stuart killed....” he managed, pulling himself up so he  wasn’t slumped against the seat in front of him. 

“He finally catches on....” joked Jackson. “It wasn’t difficult. A little tip that your uncle was trying to encroach on Moriyama turf, a missing supply barge and...”

Jackson held up his free hand and made a finger gun, mimed pulling the trigger. “Easy peasy.”

“You lied,” Neil turned to glare at the man. “Uncle Stuart wouldn’t have....”

“That’s the thing about good old Ichirou....he’d rather be safe than sorry. I  can’t wait to see how he reacts when we tell him about you.”

“Tell him what?” Neil asked, even though his brain was screaming at him to be quiet.

“Haven’t decided yet,” said Jackson, casually. “We wanted a shot at you ourselves first. But I'm thinking....”

He leaned in and dragged the barrel of the gun down Neil’s cheek. “...I’m thinking...we don’t tell him anything about you. Instead we tell him all about how you spilled all his secrets to your little friends. The blond one especially...we saw how cozy you were with him...”

Neil yanked on the handcuffs and bared his teeth, his voice coming out gravelly. “You won’t touch them. The FBI is watching me and...”

Romero laughed from the front, making a sharp left turn. “A spoiled child like you knows nothing ....but hey, maybe we’ll leave your friends out of this if you tell us where your mother stashed the rest of the money she stole.”

“I thought this was about revenge?” sniped Neil, his wrists aching as he twisted them once more. 

Romero shrugged and Jackson leaned against the opposite door. “It is...but we’re thinking a nice, long vacation is due and the Moriyama payout will only last so long. Help us out and maybe we’ll consider killing you quick and call it a day.”

“It’s gone,” Neil lied. Well, half lied.  They’d run with more than five  million, but he only had around five hundred  grand scattered across the country and knew that  was not enough to barter with.

“Yea? Where’d it  go ?” asked Jackson. 

Neil turned to look him in the eye, his mouth flattening. “I bought a  yacht .”

Jackson  backhanded him across the cheek, the gun still in his hand. Neil spit blood onto the  floorboard and pressed his tongue against his busted lip. 

“Don’t lie to me, boy.”

“Fine...” he said with a glare. “I bought two  yachts .”

The next blow was as painful as it was unsurprising but the sound that came out was undoubtedly a laugh. Neil grinned, feeling blood slid down his chin and drip onto the white cloth of his costume. 

“You can torture me all you want ....I won’t give you anything. And the FBI will be right behind you. If you run now you might get enough of a  head start ....”

The third blow to the head was hard enough that his temple smacked the glass again, dragging him back into darkness. 

* * *

One minute he was there, and the next he was gone. Andrew’s nostrils flared as he stalked out into the backyard, leaving the glass door behind him wide open. This couldn’t be happening again.  _ It couldn’t _ . 

“Neil?!”

The yard was surrounded by a privacy fence and only moments before, Neil had been alone. There was nowhere for him to hide. The air seemed to be closing in and when Andrew finally took a breath the chill burned his lungs. His hazel eyes scanned the perimeter until they landed on the gate, the iron latch unhinged and a small crack of scenery visible through the slit. As he stalked towards it a muffled sound caught his attention. A voice...though it sounded small and far away. He looked around until his gaze landed on the cell phone in the grass, lying next to a broken beer bottle. Andrew picked up the phone and heard Nicky still calling Neil’s name. 

“....you there? Neil? Hey what are...”

“Nicky?”

“Andrew?  Where’d Neil go?”

Instead of answering his cousin he marched towards the fence, pushing it open the rest of the way. Neil wouldn’t just leave.  _ He wouldn’t _ . Something was very, very wrong. He knew it, somehow.

Andrew sped to a jog as he headed towards the street. There were a few people lingering in his line of sight, but they were drunk and distracted and concentrated towards the front of the house. It would have been easy for someone to drag Neil out to the side street under the cover of darkness. Even one of the streetlamps  closest to the back yard was out.

As soon as he reached the pavement his eyes caught taillights at the end of the street – the car they belonged to barely stopped at the light and then pulled away, going much faster than the 25mph speed limit. It seemed to cement the worst-case scenario in his brain – that Neil hadn’t wandered off and escalated a fight with drunken frat bros after mouthing off, but that he’d been taken. Without further contemplation, he followed his gut. 

Nicky was still trying to catch his attention, complaining loudly about being ignored on the phone.  Finally, Andrew held it back to his ear. 

“Nicky...NICKY,” he said, raising his voice to get his cousin to shut up. He was running towards his car that was parked just past the front of the house, fishing his keys from his pocket. “Listen to me. Call  Wymack . Have him get in touch with Browning. Tell them to track this phone.”

“Wha...Andrew what’s going...”

“Now, Nicky! Someone took Neil.”

He hung up and climbed in the Maserati, not bothering with his seatbelt. Andrew kept Neil’s phone in his lap and turned sharply out of the parking spot. He hit the curb as he made a U-turn and then made a right to follow the route the other car had taken. If he was wrong, Neil could be dead before he got to him. But his gut was rarely wrong. 

As he sped down the  street he caught the taillights again, or at least he hoped it was the same car. Andrew turned off his own lights, casting an eerie darkness around him as they pulled away from the cookie-cutter suburbia and onto a more open road, nearly losing them twice. The phone in his lap rang again and he ignored it, hoping Nicky....for once, just did as he asked. There was no point in answering. There was nothing else he could tell them and he needed to focus. He was still slightly tipsy and the adrenaline pumping through his veins had him on edge. 

He closed in on the car but stayed far enough back they wouldn’t notice him, sucking in another breath and holding it until he had no choice but to let the air escape his  hardened lungs.  _ You better not fucking die, junkie.... _

* * *

The next time his eyes opened Neil was being pressed against something hard at his back and his shoulder was searing with pain. Romero was holding him against the thick trunk of a tree while Jackson pressed a small blade into his left shoulder. Not deep enough to do any real damage but Neil  couldn’t help the involuntary ‘ _ Stop...’ _ that left his lips as the knife was twisted. It sounded like begging. It sounded like weakness, and Neil hated himself for it. He bit down on his tongue to keep from crying out again as Jackson pulled the blade out.

“ Finally ....” he sighed, wiping the blade across Neil’s  toga and smearing the blood over the fabric. “You keep conking out on us kid.”

“Sorry...hard to pay attention...when you’re...so boring...” he  muttered , trying to even out his breathing. 

Jackson slid the knife back into the same wound and Neil grit his teeth to swallow a scream. He brought his own hand up to weakly grip the blade, cutting open his hand but stabilizing it so it didn’t go any deeper. Jackson reached up with his other hand and tapped Neil’s hand with the gun. 

“Nuh uh ....none of that ....let go or we’ll tie you up again.”

He reluctantly let go and Jackson pulled the knife out, jamming it into the tree above his shoulder. His eyes tracked its  position but his body slumped a little when Romero relaxed his hold on Neil’s uninjured shoulder. 

“What do you think ‘Mer? Leave him out here and go after his friends? If he’s telling the truth about the money being gone then there’s no point to keeping him around. And if he’s lying...well...might as well let him live long enough to know his  friends' blood is on his hands.”

Romero grinned and then took a step back. Neil slumped further but refused to let himself fall completely. It took every bit of strength he had to push himself back to a stand. 

“Let’s cut his ankles. He won’t get very far and that will give us plenty of time with his teammates. I think I’ll take the little blond. He looks like a screamer,” chuckled Romero. 

“You touch  him and I’ll fucking kill you....”  snarled Neil, finally tipping his head back to meet Romero’s gaze. 

Despite finding a resemblance to Lola there, his anger outweighed his fear. He couldn’t...no, he  _ wouldn’t _ let them touch the Foxes. 

“Found your courage there, red?” said Jackson and Neil shot a glare at him for the nickname, one Lola used for him  frequently as a child. 

“Fuck you...” was all he managed in return. 

Jackson laughed and slapped Neil’s cheek a little as Romero dug a bowie knife from the  sheath at his hip. 

“Turn around, Junior,” commanded Romero. “ Let’s get this over with so we can catch your little friends while they’re still toasted at that frat party....”

Neil refused so Jackson dug his thumb into the hole in Neil’s shirts and pressed. He swore and let himself be turned around. This  _ couldn’t  _ be how it ended. Not after everything he’d done to keep them safe. Was this  _ real _ ? Was this just another nightmare? Neil’s fingers dug into the rough bark and he felt his temple throbbing – the wet tackiness of blood spreading across his shoulder and sticking his clothes to his skin. 

While he strategized in his head, trying to think of the best way to catch one of them off guard, a twig snapped somewhere behind them. For a second all three of them went still. Neil had no idea where they were other than it was  some kind of wooded clearing. It was  probably an animal. 

In the same moment Jackson raised his pistol towards the dark nothingness of the forest, Neil took advantage of the distraction and inched his hand up to curl around the little pocketknife still stuck in the tree above him. 

The next minute was a blur. A muted shot rang out and broke the silence. Neil yanked the knife from the tree with his bleeding hand and raised it towards Jackson. But Jackson was already falling, the gun slipping from his fingers as he clawed at his own neck. As he fell, he turned, and Neil saw the knife buried at the base of his throat. A flash of blond hair glinted in the moonlight that just barely leaked through the thick foliage. Romero's silver knife gleamed as it rose towards Andrew who was stepping closer to the taller man with purpose, another knife in his hand and a blank expression masking his underlying rage. Romero swore and Neil moved. He  wouldn’t let Romero near Andrew. 

Somehow, he conjured the energy to kick at the back of Romero’s knee and the man went down. As he turned to Neil, a look of shock on his face as though he’d forgotten about him, he raised the knife again. Andrew paused for just a second, and in that second Neil grabbed Romero's wrist with his uninjured hand and lifted the  pocketknife . He arched down but Romero caught him with his other hand. Andrew reached them and snatched the knife from Neil’s hand, plunging it into Romero’s heart while he still held Neil by the wrists. He grunted and let go, dropping his own knife and clutching at the red stain spreading across his clothing. Andrew kicked him in the chest for good measure and he fell back to the ground, still pawing at the knife embedded in his chest .  It  wasn’t a long or sturdy blade. In the back of his mind Neil admonished the henchmen for even bringing such a flimsy weapon along. His father would have taken a finger for something so foolish. But it did the job. 

Neil kicked the bowie knife away and leaned against the tree for support, his eyes wide and attention split between watching Andrew and the two men bleeding on the ground. 

For several minutes there was only silence and then sound bombarded Neil like a physical wave being slammed into his already tired body. He could hear the deafening sound of insects, the wind whipping around them like an impending storm was coming. He could hear Andrew’s ragged breathing and his own lungs drawing painful mouthfuls of air. But from the bleeding bodies on the ground...silence. His head was throbbing and his whole body felt  heavy but he managed to push away from the tree and stagger towards Andrew. He paused long enough to pull the knife from Jacksons throat and Romeros chest and toss them to the side, kicking away the gun for good measure. He took the last few steps to close the gap between them and delicately pried the last knife from Andrew’s shaking fist, throwing it aside.

The touch made Andrew  flinch but he turned his full attention to Neil, eyes raking over bloody clothes and skin while he held him at arm's length to assess the damage. He grabbed Neil’s bloody chin and turned his head to inspect his temple, then moved to yank his collar to the side, exposing the wound on his shoulder. Neil winced but the pain was less now. He felt numb more than anything. Andrew still had him by the shoulders, fingers squeezing and a hard look on his face as if to make sure Neil was  really there . 

Neil look down at his hands between them. They were shaking and covered in blood that  wasn’t just his own and he felt light-headed again. 

“You killed them.....” he  muttered .

Andrew grabbed his chin again and force Neil to look him in the eye. “I said that I would.”

Neil swallowed thickly and brought his hands up to rest around Andrew’s wrists. “Andrew....what do we do...”

He could feel panic rising in his chest and didn’t know what to do with it, but Andrew looked as in control as he always did, if not a little  paler and more exhausted . 

“Nothing. The cops will be here soon...” 

As if on cue, police sirens wailed in the distance, getting closer by the second. Andrews left arm dropped to his side and Neil let go of his wrist, massaging the other with his thumb. Taking a deep breath, Andrew reached under his armbands and pulled the sheaths away. His knife that wasn’t currently lying next to Jackson’s lifeless corpse was on the ground somewhere between them and Neil asked what he was doing. Andrew said nothing but took a few steps away from the scene and chucked the sheaths into the woods as hard as he could. When he came  back, he grabbed Neil by the back of the neck and yanked him close. 

“Do not say a word to anyone until the FBI arrives, do you hear me? Nod if you understand.”

Neil nodded and pulled away a little when he noticed Andrew’s free hand clutching at his abdomen. 

“Andrew....” Neil reached down and pressed his hand next to Andrew’s and when he held it up to his face he could tell, even in the low light, that it was covered in more blood than it had been before. “You....you’re hurt... but how...”

He  didn’t see Andrew get stabbed. Something clicked in his brain then and Neil felt like the ground had been ripped from beneath him. 

“He shot you....” Neil breathed, his breathing turning frantic and pulse hammering away beneath his skin. “Andrew! You’re shot!”

“I’m fine...” said Andrew, pressing his hand to his side with more pressure. 

Neil choked out a sound that was halfway between a sob and a laugh, the irony and underlying meaning to that phrase hitting him like punch to the gut. He reached down in an aborted gesture and opened his mouth to say something but instead keeled over, vomiting onto the ground. It splattered across the grass and Andrew’s shoes and then they were falling and for the first time, Andrew wasn’t strong enough to keep holding him up. 

They managed to keep on their knees though Neil tipped forward, his hands twisting in Andrew’s shirt near his chest and forehead pressed against Andrew’s sweat soaked shoulder. 

“Andrew you.....” he sucked in another mouthful of air and could feel Andrew’s own breath quickening by his ear. “....you....I don’t feel.....my head...”

Blue lights flickered  nearby and he could hear voices now, though he couldn’t pick out what they were saying. A few seconds later the yellow glare of flashlights joined the blue lights and footsteps pounded against the earth towards them. The sounds of several dogs barking joined the  cacophony of noises. 

He was falling and Andrew’s hand on his shoulder slipped free as he hit the ground on his side. 

“Neil...”

“ _ Neil _ ....”

His voice sounded distant to his own ears but Andrew kept calling out for him anyways. He opened his mouth one last  time but no sound came. The last thing he saw before the darkness took him for the final time that night was Andrew being hauled away by men in uniforms, his mouth wide and furious as he mouthed Neil’s name through the blue of lights and fog. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SORRY.


	17. Out of Focus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the kidnapping. 
> 
> ~*~
> 
> All credit to Nora, I own nothing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More angst. 
> 
> ~*~
> 
> CHAPTER RATING: G (Warnings: Mentions of scars, murder, hospital procedures)

** Friday, November 1 ** ** st **

Somewhere, in the foggy moors of his mind, Neil recognized the throbbing in his jaw; the heavy weight pressing against his temple, the  rhythmic beep of a machine. His fingers were cold and when he tried to lift his arm it only moved a few inches. Too heavy, he assumed. Everything felt so heavy. 

When his blue eyes finally blinked open, crusted a little around the edges and the cool air immediately unpleasant, he stared up at a stained, tiled ceiling. It took minutes of blinking away the confusion before he could turn his head to the side. And it hurt. Memories washed over him like a tidal wave, cresting and breaking – hammering him into the lumpy hospital bed one after the other, relentless and uncaring that he just wanted to focus on one: Andrew. 

Neil tried to lift his hand again and heard the jingle of metal. When he glanced  down he saw his right arm was chained to the  bed-rails , a padded brace around his wrist. He yanked on it as hard as he could, which honestly wasn’t very hard considering, and the metal scraped loudly. __ _ Really....? _ He thought.

“Would you knock it off, brat,” came a vaguely familiar voice. 

“An....” he tried but his throat felt like it was coated in chalk. After a great feat of summoning enough spit to swallow, he tried again. “Where’s Andrew?”

“If you’re up to talking I have a few questions first....” said the voice Neil now remembered to be Agent Browning. 

“ _ Andrew, _ ” he said again, gritting his teeth. 

“Did you really learn nothing about dealing with these yahoos last time?” came a second, more irritated voice. Wymack. 

“Coach...where’s...”

Wymack stepped up to the bed and clamped a large hand around Neil’s ankle. Neil recognized the flash of annoyance on  Browning's face before he tipped his chin down to focus on his coach. 

“He’s in surgery. Or will be soon,” said  Wymack , with no preamble or sugar-coating. He knew Neil wouldn’t appreciate either. “He lost a lot of blood and was unconscious when they brought him in. They said he woke up before they took him back but we won’t know anything for a while. They’re hopeful.”

“Hopeful,” Neil nearly choked on the word.  _ Fuck _ . How did this happen? How could he have  _ let _ this  happen? Andrew could die. Could be dead already. All because Neil couldn’t protect him from his past. What had he been thinking? Staying here...trying to live  some kind of normal life. And now Andrew might...

He didn’t realize his breathing had sped up along with the high-pitched ‘beep’ that monitored his heart rate. He was unconsciously yanking on the restraint again.  Wymack seemed to notice because he squeezed tighter around Neil’s foot and used his other hand to snap a few times in his  strikers face. 

“Hey...Neil...simmer down alright. I’ll go see if I can get an update from the doctor. Just...don’t have a fuckin’ heart attack while I’m gone. _Neil_...” he said, snapping again. “You with me, kid?”

He managed a small nod and took a deep, shuddering breath. It hurt his chest but his breathing and heart-rate slowed minutely. 

With a final squeeze,  Wymack let him go, giving Browning a stern glare before he left. 

The agent took a step closer to the bed and tilted his head off to the side. “Goddamnit...”

Neil’s stare dropped down to follow  Browning's gaze and noticed there was red spreading out from under the restraint, soaking into the bandages around his wrist. 

“Nurse!”

Within seconds a woman in teal scrubs breezed into the room and Browning directed her attention to his arm. He removed the restraint so she could  change the bandage, wiping around the shallow lacerations with something that stung badly. When the bleeding stopped and clean bandages once again adorned his wrist, she started to put the restraint back. Browning held a  hand out to stop her. 

“If I leave this off will you stay in the bed? Your boyfriend won’t be out of surgery for a while so there’s nothing you can do right now,” said Browning. 

The first response was to mutter ‘ _ he’s not my boyfriend _ ,’ but instead he just glared and gave a single, minuscule nod. Browning waved away the nurse and pulled a chair up to the bedside. 

“Are you feeling up to  telling me what happened?”

“If I’m not are you likely to leave me the fuck alone?” spat Neil, trailing off with a cough. 

Browning huffed what was almost a laugh. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

He didn’t want to tell him anything. He wanted to know what was going on with Andrew. Wanted to know how bad his own injuries were and if it would affect his game. But instead he quickly recapped the evenings...wait...what time was it? The clock on the opposite wall indicated it was just shy of five am. He had to pause several times and think, words not coming to him easily in his hazy, concussed state. Even the abbreviated tale took half an hour.

“You’re telling me you killed two highly trained mafia thugs. All by yourself,” Browning repeated, skeptically. 

Neil didn’t have time to second guess his decision. But he knew he didn’t want Andrew to get in trouble. He didn’t think they would – anyone with half a brain would have been able to tell they were defending themselves in a life or death situation. But the system had rarely worked for either of them and he wasn’t willing to chance it. 

“Yes. Andrew showed up...they were distracted. So, I stabbed them.”

The older man blinked several times and scribbled something down in a notepad in his lap. 

“ So, when we get all the evidence back to the lab the only  fingerprints we’re going to find on the murder weapons are yours?”

If Browning noticed his slight  twitch he didn’t show it. “Fuck if I know. The knife I had used to belong to Andrew....and he pulled one out of Romero and tossed it away after...I think...it’s all...kind of hazy. My head...it still hurts...”

He feigned exhaustion – or well, let how exhausted he really was slip through the cracks of his  walled-up exterior long enough excuse his imperfect memory of the events. 

They stared each other down for minutes, Neil blinking slowly and closing his eyes for long stretches. Finally, Browning let out an exaggerated sigh. His mannerisms suggested he didn’t really believe Neil but he flipped the notebook closed anyways and dropped it in the pocket of his coat. 

“Listen, this probably won’t go anywhere. And if it did you’ve got an iron-clad case for self-defense. We have a couple witnesses from the party that saw them put you in the car, the idiots thought you were just drunk. We know what they’re capable of. We’ve been tailing them for weeks, always a few steps behind. But frankly, this is probably less paperwork than had we caught them alive so I’m going to do my best to close this quickly. Are you sure there isn't anything you’re leaving out? Any other motivation they might have had other than the money they thought you had?”

“No,” Neil said quietly. He’d left out the part about his uncle and the  Moriyamas , telling Browning they were only after him for revenge and to see if they could get a hold of any money he might still have. 

Browning stood and brushed down his coat to remove any imaginary wrinkles. “Alright. I’ll still need to talk to Minyard when he wakes up. Call me if you think of anything else. I’m heading to the hotel to sleep for a couple hours,” Browning said, tossing a business card on the little tray next to Neil’s bed. 

And then he was gone, leaving Neil with his thoughts and his sore muscles. 

* * *

After Browning’s departure, a nurse, different from the one before, flitted around the room with a clipboard, scribbling absently as she checked his monitors. Neil managed to string together enough energy to ask her what was wrong with him. A concussion – a minor brain bleed that they were monitoring carefully but expected to resolve on it's own. A bad cut on his temple had resulted in a couple stitches, a few more were on his shoulder to patch together the knife wound. Apparently that one had internal stitches as well but luckily didn’t need surgery or anything more invasive to repair the gash. He also had a few bruised ribs though he didn’t remember being kicked or hit there.  Wymack returned a shortly after to let him know the others wouldn't stop texting him for updates. Apparently most had showed up to the hospital only minutes after Neil and Andrew had been brought in but  Wymack forced them to go back to Abby's to rest. Most were in various states of inebriation and between Kevin’s near panic attack, Matt’s teary pacing and Nickys drunken sobbing he’d ordered them to go chug coffee and sober up before they returned. 

The older man dropped into the seat beside Neil’s bed and started to doze. Just watching him made Neil’s eyes heavy again and he allowed himself to give in to the pain meds pumping through his veins and slip into unconsciousness. 

The clock on the wall read 7:19 when he woke again, the sound of  Wymack’s phone pinging loudly, the beeping out of place among the other machines in the room. He’d only slept for an hour and wanted to drift off again but despite the smog of his mind he could still focus on one light in the dark, one question he needed an answer to. 

Wymack seemed to notice him stirring but when Neil opened his mouth the older man held up a hand, lifting his phone to his ear. After a quiet, few questions he turned to Neil. 

“Abby says the team wants to come back. Are you feeling up to visitors?”

Digging a brow into his forehead Neil contemplated his answer. It should have been an automatic yes. But he still didn’t know if Andrew was okay. How could he face them not knowing that? 

“You’ve got about 45 minutes,” added Wymack. “Visiting hours aren’t until 8 o’clock.”

Neil gave a reluctant nod. He wanted to see them. Maybe he could think of something to say by then.  Wymack gave Abby the okay to bring them back and hung up, clamping the phone in his fist and staring down at his athlete with tired eyes. 

“Coach...” Neil started. 

“I’m going to check on Minyard now,” he answered, as if reading Neil’s mind. “Do you need anything?”

Neil shook his head and followed  Wymack’s slow movements until he opened the door, letting artificial light spill into the dim room for a moment as he left. 

Although he still felt like he could sleep for an eternity and sunlight barely peaked between the blinds, Neil couldn’t fall back asleep. Or maybe he wouldn’t let himself sleep again. Instead he watched the clock on the wall, the hand ticking  ridiculously slowly. For a while he thought it was broken, but perhaps his mind was just lagging. 

The next time someone came in it was a man in a white coat who spent more time looking at the chart in his hand than at Neil. He answered the questions about his pain level and tried to get a word in, eventually interrupting the  bespectacled physician. 

“I’m not assigned to Mr. Minyard but I will ask one of the nurses to check on his status,” he answered stoically. 

Neil glared at him and debated throwing the empty cup beside him at  he mans head. Or at the very least berating him on his useless bedside manner. Luckily  Wymack showed up a few seconds later. He waited for the doctor to exit before turning to Neil. 

“Andrew is out of surgery....” he said quickly. 

Neil pushed himself to sit up a little higher, grimacing as he put some of his weight on his left hand, forgetting about his shoulder.  Wymack swore under his breath and fiddled with the bed settings so the back was propped up more before he continued. 

“He’s not awake yet so don’t even think about getting out of this bed. But the surgery went  well and they think he will make a full recovery....” Neil started to open his mouth but  Wymack shook his head. “That’s all I know. They said they can tell us more once he wakes up, which still might not be for a few hours.”

Settling back on the hard mattress, Neil squeezed his eyes shut. Andrew was alive at least. He was strong. He would be okay...wouldn’t he? 

Repeating that mantra over in his head for the next fifteen minutes, Neil jumped at the knock on the door.  Wymack cross the room and had a hand on the knob, looking back for permission. Neil nodded and braced himself – though no amount of preparation would prepare him for the mental  triathlon that was a group of disconsolate Foxes. 

Surprisingly, it was only six of them. Abby walked immediately into  Wymack's side, letting him wrap an arm around her shoulders in order to give the others a chance to get to Neil first. Matt and Dan approached quickly, both latching onto Neil carefully. Dan gave him a fierce, worried smile and squeezed his bicep gently while Matt dropped a tentative hand to his hair, the touch feather-light and probably looking ridiculous since Matt’s hand was nearly as big as his head. He also wore a cautious  smile but Neil could see the tear tracks staining his cheeks. 

At the foot of his bed, Nicky was opening crying. His body shook with silent sobs and he wrapped his arms around his own middle, as if it was the only thing keeping him from launching himself at Neil and hugging him until every bone in his body broke. 

Josie stayed back, hovering closer to Abby and  Wymack but giving Neil a sad smile and a nod, as if she wanted to be there but wasn’t sure she had the right to be. 

He noticed none of the other freshman were present. 

“Where are the others?” Neil asked, grateful they were just offering quiet support rather than interrogating him about the events that led him to his current predicament. 

Abby stepped away from  Wymack to grip the bed rail beside him. “Kevin and Allison had more to drink than the others, they were still passed out and we didn’t think it best to wake them. The other freshman  were still a little out of it as well. I left them back at the house. Renee is watching over them.”

He nodded once and for the first time noticed the new body in the room. Aaron stood near the door, back against the wall and arms crossed over his chest. He wore a frighteningly blank expression that Neil had only ever seen on his twin and they stared each other down for a long moment.  Wymack saying his name made him tear his eyes away from the blond but he could still feel the heavy weight of his stare even when he looked away. 

After the coach explained their injuries the group began to talk quietly. 

“I’m...I’m sure he’ll be fine...they’re both strong. It’s okay...we’ll get through this together...” Nicky said, in response to  Wymack recounting Andrew’s current state. 

“I’m sorry.....” Neil said, unable to stop the words before they left his mouth. 

He knew it was pointless to apologize. He couldn’t take it back now. Couldn’t go back and make it so Andrew was never involved. And he knew the Foxes didn’t blame him. But he blamed himself and no matter how much reassurance he heard from the rest of them that wouldn’t change. 

Nicky started to respond but Aaron huffed derisively, a scowl taking over his previously apathetic expression. “You should be.”

“Aaron....” Nicky  admonished quickly, turning to face his cousin.

“No,” said the blond, fury replacing any other outward emotion as though a flip had been switched. 

Neil had seen evidence of Aaron’s quickly changing moods over the years but this was fast even for him.

“No...” he said again, pushing off the wall and gesticulating wildly at Nicky. “Stop fucking defending him! Josten is a fucking death omen and I’m tired of everyone acting like he’s not. What is it going to take for you to realize he’s dangerous? Does someone _else_ need to die?”

“Aaron, stop it,” Dan hissed, not turning away from Neil. She was standing a couple feet away from his bed now, Matt’s hand clutched in her own, but they were still watching him. 

“He could have died. If he did then his blood would be on your hands,” Aaron said, glaring at the striker. He took another step towards the bed, glancing at the others. “We should just cut our losses. Maybe you’re ready to throw yourselves in front of a bus for him but I won’t let him hurt my family. He never should have come to Palmetto...”

“...You’re right...” Neil said, his voice quieter than he’d meant it to be, his strength still waning. 

That stopped Aaron cold and every head in the room snapped in his direction. 

“This is my fault. Andrew could have ....this is my fault...” said Neil. 

Maybe it was hearing his  brothers name that set him off, maybe it was years of pent up rage and the clear path to the bed providing an opportunistic outlet. But Aaron launched himself towards Neil, arms outstretched and hands splayed wide as he grabbed around Neil’s throat. His grip was hard and bruising and Neil did nothing to fight back. The martyr in him knew he deserved this. Matt didn’t seem to think so, however, and just as quickly as Aaron’s pale fingers had clamped around his tan skin, the blond was hauled backwards. Neil coughed a few times as his throat clenched painfully and Wymack helped Matt shove the shorter man out of room, all three of them swearing loudly. 

Abby immediately leaned over him, checking his skin. She deemed the marked only skin-deep and refilled his water, making him drink a little before she was satisfied. 

Luckily, they were able to read Neil’s silence and left him alone. Wymack, returned an hour later with a change of clothes and to let him know Andrew’s vitals were stable and that he was being moved from the ICU to a regular room. He quickly realized his mistake as Neil immediately asked to be released, threatening to sign himself out AMA if they didn’t do it soon. A few minutes later a nurse returned with paperwork and, reluctantly and uncomfortably, removed his catheter and IV’s. She helped him to the bathroom and then into the generic pair of sweats. After signing himself he promised to allow them to return in twelve hours for another CT. He was also given a plastic bag filled with several medications and strict orders to take it easy, not lift anything heavy or exert himself, and to return immediately if he experienced a worsening headache, nausea, confusion or loss of vision. He kept the fact that he’d been feeling vaguely nauseous the entire time since he’d woken up to himself, attributing it to lack of solid food and stress. 

He took personal offense to the wheelchair Abby rolled over but didn’t have the energy to argue with her since it promised a straight shot to Andrew’s bedside. In the end he settled down with only a mild glare, knowing it would likely be quicker than he could manage on his own right now. His left arm was put in a sling to keep him from moving it around too much and popping the stitches in his shoulder and he still felt like he’d been hit by a bus, even with the morphine still in his system. 

When they arrived on the surgical floor,  Wymack and Nicky joined them. Neil’s raised eyebrow was obviously enough of an indicator of his  curiosity, so Nicky reached down and squeezed his uninjured shoulder. 

“Matt and Dan just went down with Aaron. He’s waiting for Katelyn to show up.”

Neil nodded and didn’t ask anything further. He knew Andrew wouldn’t want to see Katelyn and vice versa, but he also knew she would want to be with Aaron, even if he was in a foul, homicidal mood. No one brought up Aaron's outburst or Neil's response as they pushed him down the brightly lit hallway that smelled of antiseptic and the scent he'd grown to hate that uniquely smelled of 'hospital.'

* * *

Logically, he knew Andrew was alive. Knew that the steady beep of the heart monitor, the slow rise and fall of his bare chest, covered only by a sheet and yellow blanket meant he was still there. But seeing him lying unconscious, almost ghostly white and his hair flatted against his head, eyes sunken and the tubes and wires snaking from under the bedding...

Nicky’s sharp intake of breath dwarfed Neil’s and he was glad no one was paying attention to him so he could stave off a panic attack in peace. 

For minutes he watched Nicky walk to his cousin’s bedside, lean over carefully without jostling the bed, and pray. He knew Nicky was a person of faith, though he’d never seen evidence of it before. As Nicky’s mouth moved silently, eyes squeezed shut and hands clenching together at his chest, Neil, for the first time, wish he too believed in a higher power. Something intangible to put his trust in. Something greater than people to make wishes to. But he came up empty. He could only hope Andrew was strong enough to survive his mistakes. His haunted, yet very tangible past. 

Afterwards Nicky stared down at Andrew’s motionless body silently and no one spoke for several minutes. 

Behind them the door cracked open. “Abby...Dr. Gambill is here. You wanted to talk to her about their physical therapy?” 

Abby nodded and excused herself from the room. A few moments later Nicky  followed after her, citing a trip to the bathroom and vending machines. He asked Neil if he wanted  anything but Neil got the distinct  impression he didn’t want to be alone with him. Neil rattled off a list of Andrew favorite snacks and Nicky left with a small, knowing smile. Once he was alone, with no one to chastise his poor  decision making skills, Neil carefully locked the wheels of his chair and struggled out of it. It took him several tries before he could  stand and he quickly caught the bed-rails for support. 

He wanted to crawl into the bed with Andrew – to lay across him like a shield so no one could hurt him again. Be a physical barrier between the rest of the world. But he resisted the urge. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to do it anyways and instead pulled one of the other chairs to sit as a closely as possible. He could have sat there for minutes or hours, his right arm and cheek pressed to the mattress. Just as he began to nod off again his spine shuddered at the feeling of fingers in his hair. It wasn’t a light  touch but it didn’t hurt enough to provoke his tendency to lash out. It was familiar. 

Neil shifted his head to look upwards, towards the head of the bed. Andrew's eyes were still closed but it was  his hand in Neil's hair. Neil started to sit up but knew he’d have to pull away to do that and didn’t want to lose the contact. Instead he pushed into the touch. 

“Andrew....” Neil said cautiously, lifting his arm from the mattress to wrap lightly around Andrew’s wrist.

For a moment Andrew’s hand stilled and then calloused fingers moved again, scraping against Neil’s scalp. “Neil...”

The word was barely  audible but Neil heard the question in it even before Andrew managed to crack his eyes open and fix Neil with an out-of-focus stare. He wanted to know if Neil was okay. And Neil knew it was  because, despite Andrew’s promise to let him go, he still felt like he had to protect him. 

Another wave of guilt wrapped around him like smoke – thick and pungent and suffocating. Neil tried to respond but it just came out as a choking sort of noise and he dropped his forehead to the bed, willing himself to calm down. None of that mattered right now. The only thing that mattered was that Andrew was alive, and coherent and recognized him. He barely managed to suppress the ridiculous urge to cry. 

The hand in his hair slid down and curled around the back of his neck, the pressure weaker than normal but  grounding nonetheless. Neil let himself focus on the cool  touch, gripping Andrew’s arm tighter. Later, he would remember that this was the first time he’d touched Andrew’s scars without the thin layer of arm bands or sheathes between them. Would feel guilty for doing it without his permission.  At the moment , it seemed such a small thing to care about.  At the moment , he could only think about the slight tremble in Andrew’s fingers as he tried to find his strength again, the slight uptick in the heart monitor and heavier breathing as tried to find comfort in each other. 

The two of them separated slowly when  Wymack arrived with one of the doctors. The man, much more attentive than Neil’s had been, gave them information about Andrew’s injury and recovery. Miraculously, the bullet hadn’t hit any bone or organs. The only reason the surgery had taken so long was because the bullet didn’t  exit and they had to dig out the fragments and make minor tissue repairs. He should make a full recovery in a month or two and now the biggest concern was the risk for infection. In fact, according to the doctor, who had also read over Neil’s chart, Neil was in a more critical condition due to his brain bleed. Neil, of course, waved off the information while  Wymack and Andrew both sent him matching scowls. Less than thirty seconds later Andrew demanded to be discharged and Neil called him a hypocrite with a small smirk. After a short barter in German, Neil agreed to stay overnight if Andrew stayed. The blond agreed. Neil neglected to mention that he’d technically signed himself out already but doubted the doctors would object to him spending the night. 

After the older physician departed,  Wymack asked Andrew if he was up to visitors. He shook his head quietly and  Wymack knew than better to ask again. He left with the promise he would keep them away and left his phone behind. Theirs had been taken by the FBI and he instructed them to call Abby  if and when they needed anything. 

* * *

Around noon, Browning returned with another agent neither of them recognized. Neil briefed Andrew about the story he’d given Browning the moment they were alone and while Andrew seemed disapproving, he said nothing and nodded his acknowledgement. He was clear headed enough that Neil knew he would remember every detail and when they asked for his  statement he recalled the story with perfect clarity. Browning said nothing this time, just occasionally jotted something down in his small notebook. They left an hour later, dropping a sealed baggie on the table with their belongings – phones, keys, Andrew’s lighter and cigarettes that must have been taken when the cops found them. Neither mentioned anything about finding the sheathes or what fingerprints may have been on the weapons. Again, he just dropped a card on the bedside table and said he’d be in touch. 

Shortly after his departure a nurse, or perhaps an aide of some sort, brought in a tray and called it lunch. Andrew was instructed to stick with the broth but promptly traded his bland bowl of soup for the radioactive looking Jell-o they’d given Neil. It was disgusting but he managed to keep it down. 

At three o’clock one of the chairs was removed to make room for an uncomfortable looking cot since Neil told them he was staying overnight. 

At four Neil left long enough for the nurses to check on Andrew, remove some of the tubes so he could use the bathroom, and returned to help him climb back into the bed after he’d waved the nurse away with a grumbled ‘ _ Don’t look at my ass, Josten _ .’

At six they brought in another round of tasteless food that neither  completely finished and Neil was forced to take one of the painkillers they’d given him, along with his antibiotics. Andrew still had his IV and didn’t seem to be in any pain but shifted uncomfortably in the bed. 

The rest of the night passed slowly. Andrew traded a few texts with Abby so she could let  Wymack know to pick them up the following day when Andrew was discharged. If everything went as  planned, they would let him leave early the next morning. 

They flipped through the small TV affixed to the wall and Neil shifted uncomfortably in the chair, refusing the lay on the cot. He didn’t want to fall back asleep. Didn’t want to succumb to the nightmares he knew lurked just below the surface of his consciousness. Waiting to replay the string of events over and over, tormenting him with guilt. 

Around eight o’clock it seemed Andrew had enough of his  twitchy behavior and slid over in his own bed.

“Come here.”

Andrew breathed the question into the space between them, in one of the rare moments Neil’s eyes had focused on the television and not Andrew, who he’d been stealing glances at all day. 

“What?”

“Come here and get some sleep. Your fidgeting is giving me motion sickness.”

Neil frowned but stood, wandering slowly to the side of the bed. He looked from Andrew, to the door and back. He didn’t bother denying he wanted to curl up next to Andrew. He wanted the comfort of contact. Knowing that Andrew was within arms reach. He didn’t want Andrew to be privy to any impending nightmares but knew they were less likely to happen if he at least felt like Andrew was safe. 

He chewed his lip. “....Are you sure?”

Andrew fixed him with a patronizing stare and Neil hesitated for only a moment longer before dropping the side railing and beginning the slow process of climbing onto the bed.

He wanted to drape himself over Andrew, to crawl inside his chest and plant himself like a tree, permanent and forever entwined. But he was careful not to jostle the blond too much and after several minutes, settled onto his back. They were shoulder to shoulder, hip to hip. There wasn’t much  room so it was impossible not to touch, but Andrew didn’t seem to mind. Maybe it was the meds, or the fact that he wanted to keep Neil as close as Neil wanted to keep him. When Neil felt fingers trailing his arms and settling on the bandages at his  wrist he looked between them. For the first time he noticed Andrew had bandages on his left wrist. He linked their pinkies together and let a let his thumb brush across the gauze, turning his head to the side to flick his eyes towards Andrew. His gaze darkened. 

“They would not tell me anything....” Andrew explained quietly. “They took you away first and wouldn’t tell me anything when I woke up here....”

Neil’s lips twitched and his frown deepened. For a moment he thought Andrew would kiss him, but instead he squeezed their digits together. Neil’s chest lightened a little and he forced himself to smile. 

“Just admit you wanted to match...” he said, tapping the back of Andrews wrist with his thumb.

Andrew’s gaze dropped to his lips for  a brief moment before meeting his eyes again. “Idiot.”

“Your idiot,” he countered. 

Hazel eyes narrowed. “You smell like the dumpster behind Edens.”

“That’s what happens when someone smashes a beer bottle over your head and you haven’t showered.”

“Disgusting.”

Neil shifted  closer, his smile softer but genuine now. “I’m still going to kiss you.”

Between them, Andrew’s hand twitched. “Junkie.”

“Of the two of us, who is currently hooked up to IV painkillers....” whispered Neil, lips only inches from Andrews. 

“I will stab you again Neil...”

Neil huffed a laugh into the quiet space between them. He opened his mouth for another  retort but Andrew closed the distance. The angle was awkward and the kiss slow; short. Neil twisted his hand to twine their fingers together and when he pulled  away he rested his head against Andrew’s for a moment. 

“I’m glad you’re okay,” he whispered quietly, eyes opening again to be me with an intense, hazel stare. 

“Go to sleep,” Andrew breathed, reaching up to push Neil’s head away with his fingers. 

So, Neil slept. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not super happy with this chapter. I've had writer's block and also it was more of a getting from point A to point B kind of thing. But I still wanted to write the hospital scene without skipping over it entirely. So idk. Sorry. >_>


	18. Bruised or Broken?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrew and Neil return to Fox tower. 
> 
> ~*~
> 
> All credit to Nora, I own nothing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More angst. I'm sorry this took so long! I've been going THROUGH it. And also had a lot of school work. Thank you for being patient!
> 
> ~*~
> 
> CHAPTER RATING: G (mentions of injuries and medications)

**Saturday, November 2nd**

Wymack arrived bright and early the next morning to retrieve his injured players from Palmetto West Medical Center. After a minor incident where Andrew threatened to strangle an orderly who tried to force him into a wheelchair, they were on their way to the car. Neil let himself be rolled, effectively placating the orderly and Andrew. Although he hated every second of it, it actually did help. There were several twists and turns to get to the parking lots and Neil’s ribs hurt more than they did the day before. 

Neil watched Andrew’s eyes scan the parking lot as Wymack pulled his own sedan up to the curb. Their coach seemed to understand his curiosity and grimaced. “They impounded your car. We’ll have to pick it up later.” 

The blond nodded, his lips set in a thin line but he otherwise didn’t respond. Neil assumed he didn’t have the energy to care about it just now. 

Back at the tower both athletes refused Wymack’s help getting up to their dorms. He watched them with a scowl as they hobbled up the steps to the building. In the car he’d offered to play interference and keep the others out of their business but they declined. Or Neil did, anyways. Andrew hadn't said a word since they left the hospital. Neil figured they might as well get it out of the way now or the others would hound them until they knew they were alright. Wymack did say that Abby would be by every day to check on them and that wasn’t optional. 

Neil let Andrew clamp his hand around Neil’s bicep not being held in place by the sling and pull him along. Even though Andrew’s injury had been more severe, the bruising on Neil’s ribs and his lingering concussion made him the weaker and slower of the two. It took several minutes but they finally made it to the elevator. As soon as it dinged open, he could hear the murmur of voices. The Foxes, every single one of them, were in the hallway. Neil doubted Wymack had told them when they would be arriving but assumed someone had been keeping an eye out the window for his car. 

They waited until the pair were halfway down the hall and then all started talking at once. To their credit, they did lower their voices when Neil winced at the loudness, but he still couldn’t understand anything they were saying over the hissed questions and quiet displays of concern. A moment later Andrew’s head snapped up, his eyes furious and the questions came to an abrupt halt. Except for Kevin of course, who lacked any kind of self-preservation before nine am and smelled vaguely like booze despite the early hour. 

“Are you going to be okay to play?” he asked lowly, eyes darting between the two. 

Allison slapped him on the back of the head and Dan shot him a glare. Neil intended to ignore him but he felt like he wanted to say the words out loud. For his own sake, as much as Kevins.

“We’ll be fine,” he answered.

Matt groaned from behind them all and Nicky, somewhere out of site, choked on a sob. When he came into view Neil could see his cheeks were tear streaked, his dark eyes puffy and red like he’d been crying all night. Neil looked away. 

Next to him, Andrew shifted and the grip on Neil’s arm tightened. Neil knew he was coming to the end of his patience and offered a pained smile to his teammates. 

“We’re just tired,” he said. “We need some time.” 

They nodded understanding and cleared a path to the dorm. Kevin got the door open for them but Matt grabbed his shoulder before he could go inside. 

“Why don’t you crash with me for a few days? Aaron is staying with Katelyn so we have a free bed. Andrew and Neil could probably use some peace and quiet,” suggested Matt, trying to look concerned but his towering height making it seem more like a command as he addressed the striker. 

Renee stepped out from behind the curious looking freshman who had been hovering in their doorways and smiled sweetly at the four of them. “I think that’s a lovely idea, don’t you, Kevin?” 

Despite the cadence of her voice Neil couldn’t help but feel it sounded like a threat. She smiled again and Kevin finally met her eyes with a scowl, looking between Renee and his roommates. 

“Fine,” he grunted. “A couple of days.” 

Kevin ducked into the room and began packing his PSU duffle while Andrew moved to deposit Neil onto the couch. Neil winced and tried to get comfortable but it was futile. His whole body felt like one giant, swollen bruise.

Andrew retreated to the kitchen and Neil could hear him rummaging around in the fridge when Nicky hugged the corner around the door, peeking in. He shot a worried glance in Andrew’s direction before settling his eyes on Neil. 

“I’m glad you two are okay. If you need anything...well. We’re right across the hall. Just call us...or knock. Please? We want to help,” said Nicky, his voice strained. 

Neil looked up and gave him a small nod. 

“Thanks, Nicky. But we’re okay, really. Abby is going to be checking on us,” his eyes darted towards the kitchen and back. “I think we just want to be alone for a little while. It’s probably best if no one else is here when Andrew’s pain meds wear off.” 

Nicky chuckled a little at that and nodded, hiccupping. “Yea. You’re probably right.” 

Nicky started to pull away but Neil pushed himself up, resisting the urge to groan. “Nicky...” 

“Hmm?” he said, popping his head back in. 

“I’m....sorry,” said Neil, frowning lightly. “For worrying you guys.” 

“Oh Neil,” Nicky said, managing a small smile. “We’re always worried about the two of you. You're both tiny troublemakers. But you don’t have to apologize. We're just glad you’re okay.” 

Kevin emerged a few seconds and tipped his chin to Neil, though he was looking in Andrew’s direction when he said “Both of you follow the doctors orders. You need to be healed as soon as possible.” 

Looking back at Neil, who blinked at him, he added, “If you need something, I’m here. We all are.” 

Neil’s eyes widened for a fraction of a second at the rare display of humanity and he opened his mouth - to say what he didn’t know. Andrew slammed a cabinet behind them and walked into the living room to lean against the wall. Kevin shot a look between the two, nodded again, and left. Leaving Andrew and Neil to the quiet.

* * *

Somehow, they must have both fallen asleep because when Neil woke hours later, he was still on the same end of the couch. Andrew was half laying on the other end with one foot dropped off to the floor and the other shoved between Neil’s thigh and the back of the couch. Andrew cracked open his eyes and it took Neil a few moments to realize what had woken him – a quiet knocking at the door. 

“Neil? Buddy?” said Matt, his voice muffled through the wood veneer.

It took a few tries, but eventually Neil peeled himself off the cushions and shuffled to the door. He felt disgusting. They’d washed his skin a little at the hospital but he hadn’t had a proper shower and he could still smell the faint scent of booze lingering in his hair. He didn’t want guests, and based on Andrews hard stare as he moved, he was more likely to gut someone than thank them for their visit. Luckily Matt just passed off a bag of takeout and ruffled Neil’s hair, like he just wanted to know he was really there, really alive. Neil thanked him and shut the door, carrying the food to the coffee table. He set it down and retrieved a couple bottles of waters before taking his seat again. The prospect of food seemed to peak Andrew’s interest because he maneuvered himself to sitting position and carefully pulled the bag onto his lap so he wouldn’t have to lean over. Inside he pulled out several containers of noodles, rice, vegetables and something Neil assumed was chicken – along with half a dozen egg rolls. Kevin was probably having an aneurysm across the hall about the amount of sodium and useless carbs they were about to consume. 

They ate in silence, both stopping every few minutes to chew and either try to keep the food down or wince in pain. Neil’s temple throbbed at the motion of chewing and he could see Andrew holding a protective hand over his abdomen as he stabbed into his carton, but didn’t dare ask if he was okay. 

Afterwards they collapsed back onto the couch so Andrew could flick through the television without ever settling on a channel for more than five minutes. They didn’t move again until Abby showed up as the sun finally disappeared outside. She carried her medical bag in one hand and in the other hand a plastic bag she explained was from Nicky. Neil took it and looked inside to find four bags of discounted Halloween candy – a ‘get well’ present for Andrew, no doubt. He set it aside since Andrew moved over to the window to smoke as soon as the nurse set up her bag in the kitchen. 

Neil allowed her to check his pupils, temperature, and check his wounds. She was blissfully quiet as she did so and didn’t ask him any questions that weren't medically necessary. When she was finished with Neil she asked Andrew over. He hesitated and stubbed the butt of the cigarette out on the sill before tossing it out and slamming the window. Neil didn’t miss the way she flinched at the loud noise. Neil knew she was scared of him. 

Andrew walked over and lifted his shirt for her to check the wound. She narrated everything, letting him know she was going to touch him before she did. But his eyes stayed locked on Neil's, who was watching over her shoulder as she worked. He tolerated her fretting for only a few moments before dropping his shirt and bushing past her, deeming her inspection to be over. To Abby’s credit she didn’t object, just instructed them on how often to change the bandages and to take the medication as prescribed since they had both been given powerful painkillers and antibiotics. She left them with a pile of supplies and a single worried glance. 

* * *

That evening Andrew caught Neil leaning against the counter, staring at a fixed point on the wall and reached up to tug his hair gingerly. Neil looked down to be met with a creased brow and wrinkled nose. 

“You reek.” 

Andrew gave him a little push towards the bathroom with his fingers before he could respond. The mood between them was still subdued. Neil wanted to talk to him more than anything. Wanted to apologize for putting him in danger. For getting him shot. For not leaving Palmetto when he had the chance. At the same time he couldn’t find it in himself to regret staying and that ate at him even more. His selfishness was a stain. Spilled wine...or blood...toxic and spreading through him, infecting every vein. 

He was still lost in thought when Andrew pulled the velcro away to remove his sling. Neil held his arm in place once it was free and lowered it carefully, testing his movement to see how badly his stitches pulled. They seemed okay so he reached with his other hand to pull off his shirt. Andrew helped guide it past his injured shoulder and opened the head-hole to make sure the fabric didn’t catch on the bandage above his temple. The blond left momentarily and returned with some sort of clear tape in hand – waterproof bandages Abby had left them. He carefully pressed one over Neil’s existing bandage on his shoulder and another over his temple. It was so close to his hairline he knew he’d likely lose a few hairs when he took it off. 

Once he was undressed, he turned the water on, letting steam fill the room before he stepped in. He thought Andrew might follow him in, but he sat down on top of the toilet seat, eyes averted towards the door. Keeping watch. 

Afterwards, he watched Neil struggle to dry himself off but didn’t bother to help. Neil dressed while Andrew pulled off his shirt and pants. They'd cut off his armbands at the hospital and since he'd left in a long-sleeved shirt, he hadn't bothered putting them on when he got back to the dorm. Neil turned with one of the bandages in hand and stepped closer. Andrew flicked his eyes upwards and tilted his head to the side, waiting. Neil leaned in and Andrew tensed, instinctively grabbing Neil by his arm, just below his wrist. They had already started to scab since the wounds weren’t as deep as they had been in the past. Looking from the bloody streaks to Neil, he squeezed in warning. He knew he needed help but didn’t want to accept it. 

“You can’t do the one on your back,” Neil reasoned. 

It was probably true. The wound was through and through and closer to Andrew's side but it would take some twisting to reach, which would likely pop the stitches. 

Andrew let him go with quiet fury still in his eyes and tracked every inch of Neil’s movements as he pressed the bandages over his torso, trying his best not to touch skin. He still shivered when Neil’s knuckles brushed across his abs and turned as soon as it was done to climb in the shower. When he reached up to pull back the curtain Neil noticed the thin, pink lines curling around Andrew’s wrist. He reached out in an aborted gesture and then withdrew his hand before Andrew could notice. 

“Your wrists...” he said, unable to help himself. 

Andrew paused, fingers curling around the curtain. The water was already beating down his side, plastering part of his hair to his head, but he didn’t turn around, keeping his back to Neil. 

“At the hospital...” Andrew explained, voice barely audible over the spray of water beating down on his skin. “They wouldn’t tell me....I woke up and you were gone.” 

Neil fought to keep his breath even. He knew what it meant. Andrew had woken up alone, surrounded by people in lab coats with the last image in his mind being Neil collapsing. He must have fought. Must have thrashed and sworn and threatened. The pool of guilt spread farther. 

Nodding, since he had no idea what to say, Neil sat down on the toilet seat. He turned to face the door and left Andrew to shower, ignoring the wet slap of his boxers when he took them off and the click of the shampoo bottle. For a moment, Neil wished the earth would open up and swallow him whole. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a little short. I'll also likely update again this week to apologize for the long wait.


	19. Under Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil tries to reconcile how he feels about the weeks events.
> 
> ~*~
> 
> All credit to Nora, I own nothing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angstttttt. The dates lines up with the twins birthdays but unfortunately there is no birthday fluff in this because they are going THROUGH it. I'm sorry. 
> 
> ~*~
> 
> CHAPTER RATING: M (Mentions of medications/mixing booze with meds, injuries, blood, knives/guns, torture, and a tiny bit of mild smut)

**Monday, November 4th**

They curled up in Neil’s small bunk that night, though only because neither could physically climb the ladder to the top and no one wanted to sleep in Kevin’s bed. Neil also suspected that despite Andrew’s reluctance to touch him since they’d arrived home, he didn’t seem to want Neil out of sight. They were almost always in the same room. If Neil was alone in the bathroom or bedroom, Andrew would always appear the moment the door clicked opened. 

Sunday was spent lounging around the dorm, accepting the occasional offering of food and tolerating Abby’s visit. Wymack also checked on them once but didn’t come inside or linger. They slept, ate, showered, and took their medication, changing their bandages as required. Andrew caught Neil picking at the scab forming on his wrist and slapped his hand away several times until he yanked the limb into his lap and wrapped a bandage around it. They needed to air, but Andrew seemed to only allow him to unwrap them when he was within arm's reach. 

After chain-smoking three cigarettes midday, Andrew plugged in the game console and sat on the edge of the couch to play a horror game. Neil split his time between watching Andrew and the game. He still said nothing about the events from Halloween. Andrew was still tense and even more frustrated that his wound made it hard for him to slouch or relax, so he was constantly having to hold himself upright. 

They went to bed that evening restless and  fidgeting . Neil didn’t think either of them slept more than a few hours. 

When Monday arrived, Neil was starting to grow antsy. He wanted to go running. To go to practice. To leave the room. But he knew Andrew wouldn’t let him leave without him and Andrew still needed rest. Neil also knew Andrew wasn’t ready to be around people yet. 

He didn’t need the reminder on his phone to remind him what day it was but stared down at the notification for several moments before closing it. It was the fourth of November – the twins were twenty-one. Neil chewed his lip and watched Andrew all morning. He’d woken with bags under his eyes and reached immediately for his armbands. He barely looked at Neil while they maneuvered around each other in the kitchen and turned on the TV loud enough to drown out any potential conversation. Just after they finished the last of the cereal someone knocked on the door. 

Matt held a bag out in greeting and flicked down to the limp arm at Neil’s side – the one that should have been in a sling. He’d gotten tired of wearing it already and figured he would just try his best not to do anything strenuous with his arm. Matt pressed his lips but kept quiet, shifting back and forth. He made small talk for a moment but didn’t stay long, just expressed concern that they hadn’t heard from either of them the day before. Neil waved him off with a promise to at least send a daily text. 

The bag left behind contained what looked like a homemade lasagna and underneath were several wrapped boxes. He left those in the bag and dropped it next to the couch. Neil knew from the year prior that Andrew had a complicated relationship with his birthday. Maybe not  _ Neil _ complicated, but he still seemed to despise the day. So, Neil kept his mouth shut and put the lasagna in the fridge without mentioning the gifts. 

Unfortunately, Nicky turned up a couple hours later with a cake and thrust it in Neil’s arms before he could object. He blinked down at the iced-green monstrosity and carried it into the kitchen where Andrew had a bottle of whisky open and was pouring several generous shots into a glass. His eyes landed on the cake and flicked up to Neil, blank and unreadable. Neil drummed his fingers on the counter. 

“You’re twenty-one,” he said stupidly, as though Andrew didn’t know already. 

Bringing the glass to his lips, Andrew slowly sipped the amber liquid. He swept out of the kitchen without a word. Neil followed him with a sigh. 

* * *

Renee stopped by a few hours later to offer her well wishes, though Neil noted she didn’t specifically mention anything about ‘birthdays.’ She handed Neil a gift bag which he discarded next to the couch with the others. 

He was lounging on the couch, watching a mind-numbing cartoon when Andrew exited the bathroom. For the first time his eyes hooked on the bags with mild interest. The blond walked over and prodded at the top of the bags with his toes to look inside them. Spotting the presents, his neutral expression bloomed into a scowl and instead of joining Neil on the couch he retreated to the bedroom, slamming the door. 

When Andrew hadn’t emerged an hour later, curiosity got the better of Neil and he toed across the room. Before he could knock, he heard the dull drone of Andrew’s voice. He sounded calm, bored almost. And from just a few uttered words Neil could tell he was talking to Bee. Leaving him to his conversation, not wanting to eavesdrop, Neil pressed into the bathroom. He heard the bedroom door open almost immediately and knew Andrew was coming to make sure Neil was still in the dorm and hadn’t snuck away. 

He took his time cleaning up but didn’t bother with a shower.  Instead, he took a washcloth and cleaned his skin carefully from his perch on the side of the tub. Standing was exhausting and he thought if he sat in the shower and let the hot water beat over his skin he wouldn’t want to get up. 

Andrew took a turn next and he grudgingly allowed Neil to change his bandages. However, that evening when Neil asked if he was coming to bed, Andrew just shook his head from his position on the couch, bottle of whisky in hand. Neil had to stop himself from going into the medicine cabinet to count the pain pills, to make sure Andrew wasn’t mixing the alcohol and meds recklessly. He was pretty sure he wouldn’t, but the last few days had been  difficult and they still hadn’t talked about it. Neil went to bed alone, laying on his back and staring up at Andrew’s empty bunk. 

Sleeping on his back was already hard enough. It hurt too much to lay on his sides and trying to fall asleep on his back always took longer than he would like. But that night he barely slept at all. Around dawn he finally fell into a restless, nightmare filled hellscape. He dreamed of blood and knives and guns. He dreamed of pain and being trapped in a forest with no escape. He ran and ran but always ended up in the same place ....a clearing with Romero and Jackson waiting for him. He could hear Andrew’s voice, just out of sight, but couldn’t find him in the dark. And then he was there, blond hair glinting, a beacon in the moonlight. But his mouth was covered with shiny tape. How could he have called out to Neil? And then it wasn’t just tape binding him, but a strait jacket, pinning him to a tree. A tree where his father cut into Andrew one small slice at a time while Romero and Jackson laughed and Neil screamed but couldn’t get closer, couldn’t help him. Like some invisible force was holding him back. A gunshot rang out. Blood spread from Andrew’s middle, coating the white straps. And the last thing he remembered before the black was the look of shock and betrayal in Andrew’s eyes.

* * *

**Tuesday, November 5th**

Neil woke covered in sweat and breathing heavily, the sheets twisting around him as though he’d been fighting them for hours. The clocked blinked 7:32 am but he couldn’t fall back asleep. He’d been having similar nightmares all week but luckily had already been on the verge of waking and never startled Andrew. And this morning it was a non-issue since Andrew had never come to bed. 

He rolled onto the floor when he tried to disentangle himself from the covers, landing on all fours with a light ‘thump.’ His socks were silent as he crossed the bedroom to the living space, still trying to get his breathing under control. His heart settled when he saw Andrew on the couch. He was laying down with his cheek pressed into the headrest, one hand splayed over his chest. Blue eyes flicked down to the whisky bottle on the floor and Neil breathed a sigh of relief to see it still nearly full. Andrew’s chest rose and fell slowly, rhythmically. 

He wanted coffee but didn’t want to wake Andrew. He knew he hadn’t been sleeping well either so the pain medication must have finally worked enough to force him into unconsciousness and Neil wanted him to rest. Instead, he helped himself to a glass of water and went back to the bedroom. He paced for a few moments. He wanted to try and sleep again but the dregs of his nightmare still tasted sour on his tongue. He shook his head, as though he could detach the thoughts and expel them from his brain. When that didn’t work, he marched over to his closet and uncovered his safe from a pile of clothes and shoe boxes at the back. It took a few tries for his shaky hands to get the combination in but he emerged triumphant, his prize held in hand – the handcuffs given to him by Roland so many months ago. Setting them aside, he pulled out his binder, sliding the lock picks from the spine. 

Neil spent the next two hours handcuffed to the headboard of his bed, his back pressed against the wall. He poured his anxiety, his restlessness, his worry into obsessively teaching himself to pick the lock of the handcuffs. 

Just before ten o’clock, the door opened. Neil had been so concentrated on his task that he didn’t hear the click of the knob or the quiet footfalls across the floor until Andrew’s form cast a shadow over him, blocking out the overhead light. 

“The fuck  are you doing with those?” he said, his voice  sounding like ice and sending a shiver down Neil’s spine. 

He, perhaps, hadn’t thought this through entirely. Hadn’t given much thought to getting caught with something Andrew presumed he’d thrown out months ago after that first visceral reaction to seeing the chains. But despite Andrew’s obvious anger, Neil carried his own fury. The entire time he worked on the lock all he could think was that he would never let someone handcuff him again. He would never be bait. Never be something for someone to have to find and put themselves at risk over. He needed this. He needed to get stronger, to learn to take care of himself. Or he needed to leave. To stop putting everyone in danger with his violent past. They didn’t deserve that. Neil didn’t deserve them. 

Neil trained his eyes on the lock instead of meeting Andrews. 

“Practicing for the next time I get kidnapped,” he said viciously. 

If he would have had the courage to look at Andrew, he would have seen him shaking. Fists curled at his sides and trembling with barely suppressed rage. Andrew turned on his heel a moment later and left, slamming the door behind him. 

A frustrated groan left Neil’s lips and he tossed down the lockpicks, instead picking up the key and freeing his right hand. He’d been able to pick the lock successfully with his  right, but it didn’t seem to matter anymore. His head was throbbing. A web of chaos, leaving him feeling tangled and caught. Like he would always be prey. 

When he slumped onto the opposite end of the couch, Andrew was a pillar of calm. He was straight backed – eyes focused and clear on the television. He didn’t look at Neil or acknowledge that he’d even come into the room. In contrast, Neil was practically vibrating with anxiety. His leg bounced. His eyes darted around without landing on anything for more than a few seconds at a time. He shot furtive looks at Andrew every few minutes and wrung his hands together. The scab on his palm where he’d grabbed the knife scratched along his other hand and the reminder of his recklessness, his failure, rose like bile in his stomach. He stood and paced across the room, just present enough to not walk  in front of the TV. Fifteen minutes later he wrenched the chair out from behind Kevin’s desk and dropped hard onto the wood. The sudden movement hurt. His ribs ached. And when he hunched over and carded his hands through his hair, the stitches on his shoulder hurt. He really should have kept the sling on. 

Neil tugged his hair to redirect the pain but somehow the lump of emotion in his throat dislodged and he sounded just a wrecked as he felt, a dry sob hurtling into the quiet room without his permission. There were no tears. Neil wasn’t even sure he remembered how to cry. He could recall his eyes welling up in pain but never like this. Not since he was a  child and the feeling was beat out of him with hard hands and whispered threats. 

Feeling himself on the verge of a panic attack, Neil tugged his hair harder. He dug his toes into the rough carpet and tried to ground himself. He couldn’t afford to keep falling apart. Couldn’t expect others to keep piecing him back together. 

“Neil.”

His name sounded faraway and foreign, like he was under water and someone was screaming at him from above the surface. But Neil was  drowning and he didn’t have the air to answer. 

“ _ Neil _ .”

He swallowed the water, it burned in his lungs. There wasn’t any air. The hand on his neck startled him into breathing but he batted it away reflexively. Neil stood, stumbling across the room towards the window. He just needed more air. If he could only breathe.  _ Not that you deserve it _ , sneered the voice in his head.  _ They would be better off without you. You’re going to get them all killed.  _

Somehow, he managed to throw the window open and the chill of the November air poured life back into his body. 

Andrew stepped towards him cautiously and Neil held up a hand to stop him coming closer. He needed help. He needed comfort. He needed Andrew to pull him out of the spiral but didn’t deserve it. He deserved to feel every ounce of pain and pity and misery to make penance for what he’d put everyone through. It was his fault. All of it was his fault.  _ My fault...my fault...my fault... _

“Stop it,” Andrew said firmly, holding a hand over his side as he approached, like he knew Neil might lash out. 

Angry, but finally emerging from the haze of his panic, Neil swept his hand along the desk, sending the contents onto the floor with a crash. Books dropped to the ground, papers scattered, an empty coffee mug hit the edge of the windowsill and broke before the pieces landed on the carpet. Andrew watched it all with a crease between his brow and his mouth drawing downwards, but he didn’t physically try to reign in Neil’s fury. 

“Stop it,” he said again, louder this time. 

“I can’t! Okay? Andrew?” Neil screamed, uncaring how loud he was. How unhinged he sounded. “You....you almost  _ died _ because of me. I can’t...I don’t...”

His hands went to his hair again, pulling out a few strands as his contorted features landed on the goalkeeper. 

“How are you so calm? Doesn’t it piss you off? Why are you still...”

“You are an idiot,” Andrew said. His voice carried more than usual to talk over Neil’s manic questioning. 

“I did not  _ almost die _ because of you. I got hurt because some piece of shit gangster wannabe got a lucky shot off.”

“You were only there because of me!” Neil yelled, gesticulating wildly. 

Andrew watched his hands. “That was my choice. I told you I never do anything I don’t want to do.”

“You shouldn’t have,” Neil groaned. “You should have just let the cops come. Andrew....Fuck...”

He turned, sucked in a deep breath of the fall air and then turned back, finally dropping his hands to his side, curling them into fists around the edge of the desk.

“FUCK...” he said, louder this time. “I can’t stand this....if something happened to you I don’t...I  _ can’t  _ lose you...I...”

“And neither can I, so we’re fucking even,” spat Andrew, the words sounding like venom. 

Neil’s mouth clamped shut, less from the actual words and more because he’d never heard Andrew yell before. At least not off the court, and then it wasn’t out of anger, just a need to be heard over the screams of the crowd. He was so shell-shocked it took several seconds to process the words. 

Andrew’s face was bright red, his body visibly trembling, and for the first time, Neil realized it wasn’t just anger – it was fear. Andrew was just as scared to lose him as he was to lose Andrew. Neil didn’t know what to do with that. He knew he was important to Andrew and for a second he wanted to let the misery eat him alive. The knowledge that he’d let someone in and now they could be truly ruined because of him. Instead, he pushed off the desk and crossed the few feet of space between them. 

A hand snatched the back of his neck and pulled him the rest of the way in and their bodies bumped together painfully as their lips crashed into each other's. There was no ‘yes or no’, only  _ need  _ _ need _ _ need _ . He needed Andrew and Andrew needed him. Neil’s hands reached up to clamp around Andrew’s jaw, fingers pressing into his skin so hard he would probably leave nail marks behind. Andrew’s free hand curled around Neil’s hip, pulling them in so they were pressed together from their thighs up. Neil had to arch his shoulders back whenever he moved his head to change the angle of the kiss, to bite and lick into Andrew’s mouth with more teeth and tongue than necessary. This was a fight and either both would win or neither. 

He nearly stumbled when Andrew started walking them back towards the desk. He stopped when Neil’s ass hit the wood and dropped both hands to Neil’s thighs to help lift him the couple inches onto the surface. Books scattered as Andrew clamored closer, slotting himself between Neil’s open thighs and Neil groaned into their next kiss, letting Andrew steal the air from his lungs he’d fought so hard to have just moments ago. He sucked in a breath when lips latched onto his neck, sucking a new bruise into the faded one that had been left by heady want and fake fangs less than a week ago. Neil moaned his approval and let his hands tug at Andrew’s hair, pulling a little too tightly when a palm pressed over the top of his dick, straining against sweatpants. Andrew growled into his neck and then snapped his head up to look Neil in the eye. He didn’t ask, but he didn’t need to. Neil knew the burning in his skin and eyes and fingertips was all the  _ yes _ Andrew needed. The blond dipped his hand inside Neil’s pants and pulled his erection into the open, tugging twice. Neil leaned back on the desk with one arm, keeping the other nestled in blond waves. Andrew’s hand around his cock was rough and dry, but the hand rubbing up and down Neil’s ribcage was gentle, light. 

Keeping his eyes on Neil’s, Andrew bent down and sucked the tip of his cock into his mouth. It was an awkward position. Andrew was still straight-backed and bent at the waist, likely not to cause too much stress on his stomach wound. But Neil didn’t care how silly it looked. Not when Andrew’s clever tongue and red lips were latched around him, sucking hard and fast. He bobbed in a steady rhythm and Neil kept one hand in his hair while he focused on the shadows of Andrew’s cheeks when he gave a particularly hard suck. It didn’t take long. There was too much tension in Neil’s body for him to last or even want to. He needed this release. This relief. With a warning moan, he choked out Andrew’s name. Andrew pulled off him with a pop and his fist squeezed around the slick skin until Neil arched into him, coming between his fingers and on his shirt and the carpet between them. Some drops landed on the desk and Andrew’s armbands but he didn’t seem to care. 

Andrew let Neil ride out his own orgasm, but he didn’t leave. He kissed Neil, hard, and tugged himself out of his own sweats as he moved back between Neil’s legs. One of his hands clamped around Neil’s thigh and the other worked himself towards the edge while they kissed desperately. Andrew came a few seconds later, mostly soiling Neil’s shirt and ended the kiss with a hard bite to Neil’s lower lip. 

For minutes, or maybe hours, they stood there, forehead to forehead, breathing in each other's air. The shivers that wracked them both weren’t just from the cool breeze. Andrew was the first to pull away, wiping his hand on Neil’s already dirty shirt. He lingered a moment, squeezing Neil’s hips lightly before he turned away. It wasn’t a dismissal. He wasn’t angry. Neil’s heart finally settled for the first time in days. They would still need to talk about it, but they would. And maybe they would be okay. 

Ten minutes later Neil managed to push himself off the desk and close the window. He retreated to the bedroom and then carried a pile of fabric towards the bathroom, knocking quietly. 

“I brought you clothes.”

He expected Andrew to snatch them through the crack but instead he unlocked the door, opening it a little and stepping away in invitation. Neil let himself in and set the bundle on top of the toilet. Tipping his head back towards the shower, Andrew gestured for Neil to get in. Abby said after a few days he wouldn’t need to cover the wounds while he washed so he peeled off the existing bandages and tossed them in the trash. Despite their vigorous making out, he hadn’t pulled  anything and they remained clean. As he stripped, he caught sight of his neck in the mirror. It was covered with several new bruises and tinged pink, which was probably why Andrew had the electric razor on the counter, charging. Andrew shaved while Neil showered and after Neil was done Andrew took his turn. It was quiet. Calm. But the atmosphere was different. It didn’t feel so tense anymore, like they were walking around in a pressurized container meant to keep their wounds from bleeding out quicker. It felt like home again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It will start to be less angsty soon I promise!


	20. Steam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrew and Neil finally emerge from the dorm and get back to their lives. 
> 
> ~*~
> 
> All credit to Nora, I own nothing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER RATING: E/M (Mentions of medications/mixing booze with meds, mentions of past drug abuse, injuries, smut)

**Wednesday, November 6th**

As the ice thawed between them their wounds began to heal, bound to have new scars but still held together just as strong as before. That morning  Wymack called to let them know they were off the court for at least three weeks – Andrew probably longer depending on what the physical therapist reported. Neil would make his first visit the following day and Andrew was scheduled the day after and Neil knew it was a source of ire. Andrew could care less about getting a vacation from court but the idea of a stranger touching him, even for something as necessary as physical therapy, was taxing enough to sour his mood. 

Though not nearly as much as the prospect of sitting around for weeks was for Neil. He hung up angry and restless but knew it was for the best. It wouldn’t stop him from trying to somehow will his body to heal faster and convince them he was well enough to at least do some light drills, but he knew if he went back too soon it would only make things worse. Not to mention it would send Kevin into yet another rant which they hadn’t escaped even though he’d been annexed from the dorm temporarily. The news about their expected return to court had already snaked through the grapevine and Kevin gave them a spirited lecture through the door after Andrew slammed it in his face that morning. 

But it must have made the blond feel better – a sense of returning to normalcy, Neil supposed, because he found Andrew sifting through his birthday gifts a couple hours later.  Wymack left a bottle of expensive whisky, Nicky a new sweater that looked more expensive than the rest of his wardrobe. Renee gifted him a new pair of sparring gloves and even Dan and Matt had left a box of booze-filled chocolates. Most surprisingly Aaron had stuffed a novel in with Nicky's bag and Andrew read the back with interest before putting it on top of his dresser. 

Andrew was sitting with a pint of ice cream in his hands when Neil dropped a small box in his lap without comment, sliding to the other end of the couch with his Russian textbook. He pretended to read while Andrew examined the newest gift – a fancy GPS. Neil hadn’t bothered to wrap it. He also didn’t know how to explain why he’d bought it. He didn’t know how to tell his goalkeeper that when he was in the passenger seat of the Maserati with Andrew behind the wheel that it felt like freedom. That he felt safe and the rest of the world dropped away. That their road trips helped Neil find his footing more than anything else, even  Exy , and that he would go anywhere with Andrew... _ wanted _ to go  _ everywhere _ with Andrew. He didn’t expect a thank you but knew the gift was appreciated when Andrew opened it and flipped through the instruction booklet, reading carefully before he went back to his ice cream. Neil smiled and when Andrew noticed, turning a scowl on him, Neil grinned harder and lifted the text over his face to hide. Maybe it would hide the warm feeling blooming in his chest as well. 

* * *

Later that afternoon, Matt agreed to take them to pick up the Maserati at the impound lot. When Neil went to fetch Andrew, he found him standing over the toilet, dumping a bottle of pills into the basin. Neil took a step closer and quickly aborted the motion when he realized it wasn’t his antibiotics he was drowning, but his painkillers. 

He took a step back, a crease drawing between his brow. “Were they not working?”

Andrew flushed the toilet and tossed he empty bottle in the trash, watching the water swirl. “They  _ were _ .”

A few seconds later the blond brushed past him and snagged his jacket from the end of the couch, putting it on slowly. Neil was still standing by the bathroom, wondering how to unpack what had just happened when Andrew opened the door. 

“Let’s go.”

He wanted to ask but decided against it. Andrew could be stubborn, but he wasn’t so much of a masochist that he’d force himself to be in pain constantly without good reason. The way he’d emphasized the word ‘were’ made Neil think they might be working a little too well and reminded Andrew too much of his manic days he’d spent drugged half out of his mind. Or perhaps they were doing  a poor imitation of the cracker dust and he was worried he would start to rely on them.

In any case, he didn’t have time to think about it once they were in the hall. Kevin brushed past them towards the dorm as soon as Matt opened the door, probably to retrieve something. Neil had talked him into staying away for one more night but he wasn’t happy about it – especially since Aaron was rumored to have returned and Kevin had been relegated to the couch the night before. 

Matt on the other hand, grinned at the pair of them and talked a mile a minute down to the truck. Andrew slid into the back so he wouldn’t have to participate in the conversation and Neil tried to humor his friend as best he could, even if the meds still made him a little fuzzy and lethargic. He shifted uncomfortably, having worn his sling again since he didn’t want to risk being seen by Coach or Abby without it. 

It was a fifteen-minute drive to the impound and Andrew climbed slowly down from the truck and held up a hand to stop Neil from following, approaching the glass encased booth with a surly looking rent-a-cop inside. Once Andrew was out of earshot, Matt nudged Neil a little with his shoe. 

“So....how are you guys doing?” Neil opened his  mouth, but Matt cut him off before he could speak. “ _ No _ bullshit.”

He huffed, half annoyed and half amused by how well Matt knew him by now. “We’re.....working on it. It’s going to be hard not to play and we’ve still got some shit to sort out but...I think we’ll be okay.”

“ Well if you need anything...either of you...you know where to find us,” said Matt. 

“Thanks....” Neil dug his shoe into the gravel, his chest tightening. “Matt. ..I’m really...”

“If you  apologize I’m going to smack you,” Matt sniffed, smiling. He pushed off the truck and turned to face Neil. “None of this is your fault, Neil. You don’t get to take the blame for what other people do just because you exist, man.”

Grumbling under his breath, Neil finally looked up to meet Matt’s kind gaze and tamped down the self-deprecating voice inside that told him he still didn’t deserve this. He gave a single nod since the lump in his throat wouldn’t let his voice pass and tried to smile. 

A few seconds later Andrew came back with a scowl and his keys spinning around his finger. He waved the two of them away from the truck so he could open the door and pulled out a plastic bag he’d brought with them. Slamming the door, Andrew turned on his heel and started towards the fenced lot where his car presumably was parked. 

“Wanna make a pit stop at the diner?” Matt asked, digging his own keys out of his pocket. “It’s about lunch time.”

“We are not headed back to campus,” said Andrew, a good fifteen feet away and still walking. 

Matt and Neil exchanged a look but Neil just shrugged. “I’ll text you.”

He shuffled along as fast as he could without jostling his arm too much to catch up with Andrew and watched him round the Maserati once with narrowed eyes, looking for signs of damage. When he was satisfied, Andrew popped the locks and they settled into the familiar, leather seats. Once inside, Andrew emptied the plastic bag on the center console. He removed two energy drinks, a handful of snacks, and the GPS Neil had given him for his birthday. Andrew tossed the snacks haphazardly onto Neil’s lap and fit the drinks into the cup holders. The GPS he attached to the lower left side of the windshield. Neil watched with rapturous attention, not knowing what the blond was up to and not really caring as long as it meant they were together. 

In the end Andrew didn’t set a destination on the device, just drove down one of the long, lonely highways lined with trees and the occasionally empty field. They sucked down the energy drinks, snacked on pretzels and candy. Eventually Andrew pulled off to the side so they could relieve themselves of the caffeine in one of the fields and then lean against the side of the car to smoke while the sun set behind them. 

When it was dark, Andrew used the GPS to guide them back to the dorms. Luckily Kevin had listened and stayed out of the room for another  night so it was empty when they arrived. Neil wanted a  shower but his stomach was growling and would need to be consoled first. He made hasty grilled cheese sandwiches and dropped a plate onto the couch next to Andrew. They ate in silence, watching some documentary about animals in the Amazon on the small television. After taking their plates to the kitchen, Andrew returned with a bottle of whisky and the chocolates from Dan and Matt. He hadn’t bothered to get a glass and took a swig directly from the bottle before handing it to Neil. He took a large gulp, grimaced, and set the liquor on the coffee table while Andrew methodically ate through the box of boozy chocolates. When there were only a few left, Neil’s curiosity got the better of him and he plucked one from the plastic tray. 

They were better than regular chocolates – dark, bitter, cocoa filled with tart, cherry liquid, not too sweet. Andrew watched him pop the little confectionary ball into his mouth with a raised brow and offered him a second once he’d eaten the first. Neil shrugged and took it. Unfortunately, an ill-timed throb in his shoulder, a reminder that he needed to take his pain meds, made him fumble the candy and the liquid squirted out and dribbled down his chin messily as he sucked the rest into his mouth with an obnoxious sound. Neil wiped his mouth with the back of his hand while Andrew wrinkled his nose at the entire display. Neil grinned at him, just to be contrary and Andrew shoved his face away. 

“Go shower, slob” he commanded

Neil obliged, if only because he was starting to feel gross after the long day. 

Before stripping he pulled his painkillers and antibiotics from the medicine cabinet and swallowed them with a handful of water from the tap. He left his clothes in a mess on the floor and climbed into the shower when it was hot enough for steam to pile over top of the curtain. Neil was halfway through carefully scrubbing his legs when the door opened and then closed. He heard the click of the lock and then the medicine cabinet popping open. Pills rattled in their bottle as Andrew likely took his own medication. A few minutes later, while Neil was turned into the spray to rinse off the suds, he wasn’t totally surprised to hear the slide of the curtain open behind him. What was a surprise, was Andrews completely nude body, inches from his own in the small space when he turned to face  him. Usually, Andrew left his underwear on but now his pale skin was flushed from the heat of the shower, water beading on his shoulders and chest as he grabbed Neil’s arms, spinning them around to trade positions. Neil made a conscious effort to keep his eyes on Andrew’s face when he held up the washcloth in question. 

Andrew gave a minute nod and kept his hands curled around Neil’s biceps as Neil went to work dragging the soapy cloth across Andrew’s shoulders and neck. It was harder to move with Andrew’s fingers pressing into his  arms but he didn’t complain. Andrew’s grip loosened when Neil leaned in farther to wash down the sides of his thighs. He purposefully avoided Andrew’ groin and ass but once he’d finished with everywhere else, Andrew slid one hand down to Neil’s wrist and tugged him closer, guiding his hand. Neil swallowed the lump in his throat and his heart rate jumped at the feel of Andrew’s cock, half hard with only a thin cloth between to keep his palm from touching the hot skin there. Andrew’s eyes were dark and focused, boring into Neil like twin novas. 

With another gentle squeeze, Andrew pulled his hand around towards his back which meant Neil had to step closer to be able to reach. Their chests were touching, groins lightly tapping against each other as Neil’s hand moved in slow, circular motions over Andrew’s ass. He transferred the washcloth to his other hand behind Andrew’s back and continued the motion, watching Andrew’s eyes go half lidded and then flick down to his neck. The hand still on his bicep slid up his arm and Neil felt two fingers press against his jugular, tracing the mark he’d left a week ago with hard kisses and fake fangs. It was faint, but still there – Neil had seen it just before he climbed into the shower. 

“Of all my current bruises, that one is my favorite...” said Neil, finally breaking the silence between them. 

He should be embarrassed by how breathy and wrecked he sounded, just from doing something as simple as  _ bathing _ Andrew. But when Andrew’s fingers pressed harder, his hips pushing forward just enough to put pressure on their aching erections, Neil was distracted enough not to care about how needy he might seem in the moment. 

Neil leaned forward enough to brush his lips along Andrew’s cheek. “I can give you one that matches...if you want...”

The fingers on his neck disappeared to curl around his throat and squeeze lightly and when Neil looked back down, Andrew was scowling at him. Neil  smiled and huffed a laughed, dropping the cloth to the bottom of the tub with a wet slap while he guided Andrew back into the spray. While Andrew’s eyes were closed, the water beating against his shoulders and washing the white suds from his body, Neil chanced a glance at the  goalkeepers abdomen. The stitches were neat and  clean and the area didn’t seem to be inflamed – which meant he was healing well. He was still looking when Andrew opened his eyes again, so the blond curled a finger under his chin and pulled him down into a bruising kiss. 

He couldn’t be sure if it was the meds, the alcohol, the steam or the desire that made him sway in place, his head fuzzy and skin humming, but he gently grabbed Andrew’s shoulders to hold himself in place. Andrew leaned back long enough to flick him a concerned glance, but Neil only smiled and cupped his hands around Andrew’s jaw to pull him back in. 

When they were both nearly breathless, Neil rested his forehead against Andrew’s. “Why did you come after me?”

He hadn’t meant to ask, but the question had been bouncing around in his head for days. Andrew pushed him back and held him a few inches away, fingers clamped around his waist. His mouth was drawn into a small frown and he wore a look of confusion over top of his usual apathy. 

“After all the trouble with Aaron,” Neil clarified, “Why risk getting in trouble? Why didn’t you just call the police and let them come for me...”

Neil’s forearms were resting on Andrew’s shoulders. His own shoulder ached from the position but he ignored it, studying Andrew’s face. It immediately smoothed out to his default, impassive expression. 

“You know why,” Andrew answered, his voice steady and monotoned. 

He did, really. But for once Neil wanted him to say it. 

“I thought  _ this _ ,” he said, pressing his luck and gesturing between the two of them, “didn’t mean anything?”

Andrew had stopped denying the fact, but he hadn’t countered it either. He felt silly, wanting the reassurance. And guilty at the same time, knowing that if it  _ did _ mean something, then maybe this was how it would always be – Neil getting into trouble and Andrew coming to bail him out, even when it meant risking his own life. For a split second, he wanted Andrew to deny it again. To say it meant nothing. But the denial didn’t come.  Instead, Andrew just cocked his head to one side and  said “I thought you told me you were not as stupid as you looked.” 

Neil’s heart stuttered, stopped for a second and then felt like it would burst from his chest. He leaned in and Andrew’s mouth opened to him, sucked at Neil’s tongue when it pressed against the seam of his lips. The steam in the shower was almost suffocating. Or maybe that was just because neither would pull away long enough to breathe properly. They kissed like it was the first time, like it was the last time. And after several long minutes Andrew wrenched his lips away to press a trail of kisses up Neil’s jaw. When he reached his  ear, he  whispered “Ask me.” Neil groaned when Andrew pressed their hips together and choked out the words against his shoulder. 

“Yes or no?” Neil asked, though he wasn’t sure  _ what _ exactly he was asking. 

The answer became clear with Andrew’s “Y _ es” _ and the feel of his fingers removing one of Neil’s arms from his shoulder, sliding down to his wrist, and pushing his hand between them. Neil’s eyes widened when he felt Andrew’s dick brush the back of his knuckles, but he’d waited too long for this piece of trust to question it. 

Fingers shaking, Neil turned his wrist to palm down Andrew’s slick cock, moving it up and down lightly, experimentally. His hand still has a small scab on the palm from where the knife cut into it a week before. He thought it might feel rough against the sensitive skin, but as he gripped harder, moved faster, Andrew didn’t seem to mind. His own hands dug into Neil’s waist for a moment before one disappeared, reappearing on Neil’s erection, bobbing between them, painfully hard. He tried to copy Andrews movements, twist his hand in the same way. His shoulder ached and legs felt like they might give out, but he pumped his fist around Andrew’s cock frantically, desperate to make him feel just as good. To feel even a fraction of what he felt when they were together.

“Andrew....” he breathed quietly, his breath hitching along with Andrew’s. “You feel so good....”

His thumb dragged over Andrew’s swollen slit, spreading around pre-cum and twisting down again, pulling him off roughly as Andrew had done for him so many times before. He concentrated on the throb of Andrews pulse in his palm, the thick girth of him and the wiry curls that brushed the back of his hand whenever it slid all the way down. He refused to think about his own pleasure, wanting to get Andrew off first.

Andrew seemed to have the same idea and the next time Neil’s breathing caught, Andrew swallowed the breathy moan with a kiss and backed them into the wall. Neil’s shoulders pressed against the tile, startlingly cold compared to the heat in the room and between their flushed bodies. Andrew grunted against his collar and thrust a little into his hand and it felt like....everything. Neil couldn’t think of a single thing in that moment that he wanted more than this. This trust. This person who felt like a part of him. So connected that Neil was sure he wouldn’t exist anymore if that connection was broken. 

Unable to hold out any longer, Neil dragged his lips down Andrew’s forehead, pressing a kiss to his wet bangs, to his brow, to his temple. When he leaned down and lightly bit the top shell of Andrew's ear, the blond groaned quietly. 

“Andrew....” his breath puffed against Andrew’s ear and the blonds grip turned bruising. 

Seconds later, Andrew came hot and hard between Neil’s fingers, his body jerking twice and then stilling, letting Neil continue to fist over his pulsing cock until he was spent. Neil followed a few moments later, a cry of relief echoing in the small space as he spilled on Andrew’s hip. Neil let go first when Andrew hissed at the over-sensitivity and he released his hold on Neil. He stepped out of Neil’s space but kept a steadying hand on his hip while Neil caught his breath. He must have looked stunned, his eyes wide and mouth drawn open, staring down at his soiled hand he hadn’t yet rinsed, still sticky with the evidence of Andrew’s orgasm. 

He jumped a few seconds later when the, now cooling, spray of the shower hit him in the stomach. Andrew was standing with one hand on the shower head, aiming it at Neil. He took the hint and stepped into the deluge, rinsing himself off. They kissed lazily for several more minutes and then quickly washed their hair, taking turns to rinse one final time before stepping onto the cool floor. 

After they helped each other attach fresh bandages to their wounds (always wearing bandages to bed so the stitches wouldn’t snag) they dressed and moved back into the dorm. The air was cool and refreshing compared to the stifling heat in the bathroom and Neil moved to the bed. Andrew picked up the novel from his dresser and headed to the living room without a word, turning out the light and closing the door behind him as he left. Neil’s gut turned uncomfortably but he ignored it. This wasn’t a dismissal. Andrew said yes and he meant it, even if he needed space now. 

It took a while for his consciousness to dull enough to rest but eventually Neil dozed into a dreamless sleep, only to wake briefly when Andrew climbed over him in the bed in the early hours of the morning. He turned onto his side to face Andrew, but the blond said nothing. He only watched Neil for a few moments before holding a hand up to his eyes, fingertips lightly pressing over his lids to close them. Neil smiled and leaned into the gesture, letting sleep take him once again. 

* * *

** Thursday, November 7 ** ** th **

Neil returned from his PT appointment that day with a false sense of his own capability. He’d immediately called  Wymack and told him he was easily able to complete all the exercises, despite the therapist saying he should take it slowly and practice them every  day, and asked if he could return to the court that weekend. He was halfway through, what could probably be considered begging, when Andrew snatched the phone from him and tossed it on the couch. He scowled and was ready to start an argument, but Kevin happened to come in from his morning classes and Neil knew he would be  outnumbered . Instead, he petulantly yanked open his statistics text and dropped it loudly on the coffee table, hunching over with a pencil in his hand. 

The wind ruffled the paper in his notebook when Andrew pushed open the window to smoke, taking a break from his own schoolwork. They were both due to return to class the next day after having been granted the week off to recuperate from their injuries. Kevin sank down at his own desk against the wall next to the tv, pulling out his laptop and biting his lip, likely to keep from scolding Andrew for letting all the cool air into the room. 

Though he hadn’t asked, Neil caught Kevin watching the two of them frequently throughout the day. He wasn’t sure if it was out of curiosity about what had happened or if he was silently assessing their injuries. While they were eating dinner late that afternoon, a simple stir fry Kevin had prepared, Neil made his decision. He needed to come clean to the team about what happened. To tell them who had come for him and why. Not the whole team. The freshman were not a part of this, not really. He considered it for a while, telling them. Wondering if they were safer knowing or not knowing. In the end he didn’t think anyone else could possibly be after him. Not unless the Moriyamas came for him, which seemed unlikely as long as he held up his end of their deal. 

“Kevin,” he said abruptly, sliding his plate across the counter. “Can you get all of the upperclassman in the  girls dorm. I need to talk to everyone.”

For once, Kevin didn’t argue or question his motives. He simply finished washing his own dish, dried his hands, and walked out into the hall. 

Andrew was watching him between the cut out from the living room, eyes sharp and mouth set in a hard line. But he didn’t object. 

Twenty minutes later the original Foxes all gathered in the  girls room, taking up every surface of their small living space. Neil leaned against the desk that was pushed against the wall while Andrew sat beside him on top, his legs crossed beneath him. He picked at the black polish on his nails, already chipped even though he’d just painted them the day prior out of boredom, and did his best to seem completely disinterested. Across the room Aaron watched him with his arms folded across his chest. 

“The freshman?” Neil asked, once  Wymack entered behind Kevin. 

“Sent them to the court early. Abby’s there, so she’ll make sure they don’t burn the  place down,” he answered gruffly, crossing his arms as well. 

Neil nodded and gathered himself, wringing his hands together in front of him. Andrew’s knee nudged his hip, probably on purpose to tell him to get on with it. So, he did. He told them everything. 

Unable to meet anyone’s eye, Neil kept his focus on his hands in front of him, reciting last  weeks horrors in as much detail as he could manage and trying to keep his voice steady. He assured them that Romero and Jackson were the last of his  fathers men, that they were safe now. No one else was coming for him, or anyone else. He wished he believed the words coming out of his mouth. 

When he looked up, he was met with familiar worry and compassion, though also with resolve and anger. He knew his teammates were brave. Knew they were strong. But he wished they didn’t have to be. Not for his sake, at least. 

“You killed them?” asked Aaron, the first to break the silence after Neil recounted the tale. But he wasn’t looking at Neil; his question had been directed to Andrew. 

Before Andrew could respond, Neil looked him in the eye and  said, “I did.” 

“You did,” Aaron scoffed. 

“That’s right.”

He was happy his voice didn’t waver, though now the others were exchanging looks of deep concern. Several people start to talk at once, but Neil held up a hand to silence them. He urged them to be vigilant. To look out for themselves and the freshman. And to tell them that he was, of course, fine. 

“If that was the last of them, then I don’t think there’s much to worry about,” said Dan, pushing off from her seat on their couch. “But I think we should go to the buddy system until break. No one goes anywhere alone. Just to be safe."   
  
Renee moved to stand beside her. “I agree. We can work out a schedule to make sure the freshman are covered. Tell them it’s a team building exercise, if they ask.” 

The rest of the conversation devolved into people complaining about who they end up having to watch, but despite their protesting, Neil knew they would look out for each other. They always would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm almost at the thanksgiving holiday in the story so I might have two updates between now and then if I can get my ass in gear.


	21. The Gifts you Give

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil is still annoyed at not being able to Exy, Andrew still isn't letting his idiot junkie out of his sight.
> 
> ~*~
> 
> All credit to Nora, I own nothing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some Exy happens, Kevin is uncomfortable, Neil is sick. There's soup.
> 
> ~*~
> 
> CHAPTER RATING: T (Just a knife getting chucked at Nicky)

** Wednesday, November 13 ** ** th ** ****

The next week the Foxes fell into a routine. They spent more time together than they had since the semester had begun, and if the freshmen were  suspicious, they didn’t show it or fight against Dan’s new insistence that they all stick together. Well, most of them. Jack still kicked up a fuss when Dan  followed he and Sheena to their classes and accused her of not trusting them. Which was probably true, but she diplomatically suggested they needed to get to know each other as a team and grit her teeth like a good captain, keeping her flock safe from potential threats. 

Nicky stayed close to Aaron since he was the only one Aaron wouldn’t annoy into leaving, though the blond complained endlessly about his cousin not leaving him alone even when Katelyn was around. 

Andrew, predictably, didn’t seem to want Neil out of his sight. He followed him to each of his classes and left him there with strict orders to stay put once class was over, making him wait until Andrew returned to walk him to the next one. He noticed a few whispers from his classmates when they seemed to pick up on the new  development, but no one approached him about it. 

But even though they were attached at the hip, Neil could feel a divide between himself and the goalkeeper. He’d gone silent again after his first physical therapy session the prior week. Neil accompanied him and watched as the therapist inspected his wound and had him do several exercises to observe his range of motion. They didn’t speak about it afterwards. They hardly spoke about anything, other than going over their Russian homework together. But it didn’t feel strained. Andrew was there, present and beside him, even if he was silent. In the end, Neil concluded that the approaching Thanksgiving holiday was probably the source of his quiet countenance. Nicky and Aaron had been on edge too – Aaron withdrawing from the rest of them even more while Nicky talked constantly and tried to come up with various ideas for holiday planning, as though the previous year hadn't happened at all. 

Neil knew some of the Foxes had plans. Most of the freshman would be going to Abby’s and celebrating with the nurse and their coach. Allison had opted to go home with Renee to have a quiet weekend with her and her adoptive mother. Katelyn had extended an invitation to Aaron to join her in Florida with her family, but according to Nicky he declined. Katelyn's family had apparently been quite vocal about their worry that their only child was dating someone who had been charged with murder, even if he wasn’t convicted. Neil assumed he didn’t want to deal with the awkwardness that came from the interrogation he was likely to endure at the dinner table. Instead, he decided to stay and agreed to go to Columbia with Nicky. Ultimately Kevin also decided to go with them, not wanting to be surrounded by the freshman (though only for two days as no to be away from court), and so Neil and Andrew agreed to go as well. Well, Neil asked Andrew and he ignored the question, which was probably all the confirmation he would receive. A few days later, Nicky invited Dan and Matt to join them as well, clearly hoping that surrounding himself with people would take his mind off his parents, and Erik who wouldn’t be able to visit at all that winter due to his work schedule. 

One rare night while all the cousins were gathered in Neil’s dorm, Kevin slammed his laptop shut to glare down at Nicky and Aaron. They were playing video games and arguing food choices for the holiday. 

“Do any of you even know how to cook?” he asked, tersely. 

The two of them, probably unconsciously, looked to Andrew since he was the only one who wasn’t a disaster in the kitchen. He was smoking on top of the desk and turned to observe them with cool indifference. 

“Leave me out of your hallmark moment,” he said, blowing smoke through the screen. 

It was the first time Andrew had spoken in their presence in a solid week, but they weren’t stunned enough to encourage him to elaborate. Instead, they continued bickering and Kevin joined in, suggesting healthy food options that neither seemed interested in and Nicky intentionally countered with fattiest, most calorie filled  delicacies he could think of. Neil watched them for a while before tipping his head to the door, a silent gesture to let Andrew know he was heading to the roof. The goalkeeper immediately stubbed out his cigarette, closed the window and followed Neil outside to the cold November air.

* * *

** Thursday, November 14 ** ** th **

Somehow, Nicky’s constant barrage of holiday planning set a fire under Neil. It was slow burning – like the embers of a campfire that smoldered quietly and just needed a little more kindling. He’d never cared about holidays before, and last years had made him double down on just wishing for a few quiet days off, maybe locked in his bedroom with Andrew. But listening to Nicky, and even Dan and Matt, harp on about it, he thought that maybe...just maybe...it could mean something. He didn’t care about the origins of  holidays but he liked the idea of starting traditions with the family he’d chosen over and over. The family that had chosen  _ him _ . 

Perhaps throwing himself into research mode also took his mind off all the practice he’d been missing. So far, the most coach had given in was to let him walk around the track and do very light leg presses at the gym. He hadn’t even let Andrew and Neil come to the home the previous Friday, worried about the press hounding them about their recent ordeal. He didn’t say  it but it was likely he was more worried about Neil’s reaction to the press, so soon after, than the press asking questions. Instead, they were locked up in Fox Tower, Neil pacing a line in the carpet until Andrew finally dragged him up to the roof where he could at least hear the crowd. The Foxes had lost, an embarrassing 6-12, and Kevin had come back in a sour mood that still hadn’t improved. They had another game the following day and Neil was still working on wearing down their coach so he would let them tag along to USC Columbia. 

He switched his screen again, back to the reason he was here, forcing himself to look away from the latest article that recapped the game. He’d only been in the library for fifteen minutes when a bag dropped loudly onto the scratched surface beside him. Matt had accompanied Neil back to the tower, but the computer lab had been full of athletes cramming for finals that would be taking place in less than three weeks. Without many other options, he decided to head back to the library. And of course, he’d forgotten to text Andrew. 

“Sorry I...” he started, knowing Andrew was irritated he’d gone off on his own. And forgotten to charge his phone. And forced him to track him down in the library. 

“I don’t care,” the blond interrupted. “What are you doing in here?”

Andrew fell into the chair beside him and looked at the computer screen – which currently sported brightly colored images of dinner rolls. 

“I had to track you down in this cesspool of mediocre intellect so you could look at pictures of food on the internet?” he scowled. 

Neil shrugged and tried not to look as guilty as he felt. “I just wanted to make something ....for Columbia.” 

“You do not cook. Or bake. Or even successfully heat soup, most of the time.”

“Okay well, that last one is a lie. And I just....I need practice....” he said, clicking his tongue. “This isn’t hard. Look...step by step instructions. A ten-year-old could do it.” 

Staring for a few moments, Andrew drummed his fingers on the table, leaning back in the chair. “Your sudden need to conform with seasonal societal norms is boring and pathetic.” 

“I could make you a pie,” Neil countered, brow raised as he watched Andrew from the corner of his eye. 

Whether it had an effect he couldn’t say, since Andrews expression remained dull and uninterested. He half expected the blond to yank back his chair and demand they leave, knowing how much he hated the library. But Andrew only dragged his eyes away, digging a notebook and heavy text from his bag, shoving it across the table to give himself space to work. 

They fell into comfortable silence – Neil browsing deceptively appetizing looking recipes (with stupidly lengthy stories that were completely irrelevant to the actual recipe) and Andrew scratching away at an assignment. 

Later that evening, Neil came back to the dorm after ‘practice’ to find a laptop on his bed. It was out of the packaging and plugged into the wall, but the box was next to it and it was clearly new. There was a small handwritten note laying on top of the smooth, gray plastic.

_ ‘Go to the library again and I’ll burn every orange article of clothing you own.’ _

Neil snorted into the silent room and shoved the note in the pocket of his hoodie. He opened the laptop and sure enough, it was set up and ready to go. 

** [Neil]  ** You bought me a gift.

He sent the text and chewed his lip between his teeth, glancing down at the box. Andrew had disappeared before their practice – it wasn’t like he could really participate anyways. He’d clearly come back to the dorm at some point but had left again, probably to grab dinner in the dining hall before it closed. His phone buzzed a few seconds later.

** [Andrew] ** You bought you a gift. You think I used my money?

He huffed again. Andrew likely pulled it from the savings account where he’d been keeping some of Neil’s cash, but that didn’t negate the fact that he’d gone out of his way to purchase Neil something thoughtful, something he needed, no matter how self-serving he tried to make it seem. 

** [Neil] ** Thank you. 

** [Andrew] ** Fuck off.

Neil smiled into his fist, hiding the expression even though no one else was there to see it. 

* * *

Later that evening, Andrew emerged from the bathroom with a pile of steam behind him and damp hair clinging to his temples. He crossed the room to sit directly behind Neil despite all the open space on the couch and the empty beanbags. Kevin was at his desk, curled over his own computer with his headphones in and Neil was sitting on the floor with his new laptop on the coffee table. He was  actually using it for schoolwork, a word document open with a single paragraph written for his English final due in three weeks. Neil leaned back when Andrews legs parted enough and jumped a little at the hand in his hair. It was unusual for Andrew to touch him so openly in the presence of other people – even Kevin, who lived with them. He’d walked in on the pair a few times, but they’d always separated quickly and tried to act as inconspicuous as possible. So, when the hand in his hair tugged his head back against the couch, and a mouth covered his, Neil made a small sound of surprise before closing his eyes and letting himself be kissed. Andrew’s fingers tightened for a moment and then relaxed, nails scraping down the side of his scalp until he could curl them under Neil’s jaw. The angle was awkward but Neil pushed into it, his own hands clamped around the table as he dug his shoulders into the couch cushions. 

It took less than a minute for Kevin to notice and Neil was vaguely aware of the sound of headphones clattering to the table and Kevin’s exasperated “ _ Really? _ ”

Neil kept his eyes closed but felt when Andrew’s hand left his throat and could only  assume he was flipping Kevin off. At least, if the creak of the chair, the muttered Japanese and the irritated stomping across the floor a moment later indicated anything. The door slammed and Andrew withdrew, gently pressing down Neil’s shoulder when he chased the kiss. 

The noise Neil made at the loss of contact was a little undignified, but he recovered a few seconds later. Andrew was standing, but he was heading towards the bedroom, sending Neil a heated look over his shoulder just as he shoved the door open. Neil clamored off the floor to follow, abandoning his essay, and realized that the entire point of Andrew’s little display had been to get Kevin to leave. 

* * *

** Saturday, November 16 ** ** th **

Wymack finally relented and agreed to let Neil come to the Columbia game  as long as he ‘ _ glued his ass to the bench like it was his job _ ’. Andrew was probably annoyed having to tag along, since he still wouldn’t let Neil out of his sightline. But he spent the entire game playing games on his phone and ignoring the chaos around him. Neil only disobeyed  Wymacks orders twice when Kevin, and even Jack, both made particularly impressive goals, jumping up to cheer with the crowd.  Overall, he left the game with a renewed sense of vigor. The Foxes won their game only by a single point, but Neil could see how much the freshman had improved. He talked animatedly with Kevin and Dan on the ride back about strategies for their final few games before the season was over and they moved into spring. Neil knew he wouldn’t be allowed to play the following  weekend but Coach had promised to re-assess come December. 

The excitement settled into Neil’s muscles and bones almost as much as if he’d played in the game and he crashed immediately when they arrived back at the dorms. The next morning, he woke to a pearly gray light peeking around the curtains and Andrew curled next to him, back against the wall and completely still in his slumber. 

He didn’t know how but despite Andrew’s injury healing well and being more than capable of climbing the ladder to his loft, they’d continued to share Neil’s bed. Glancing down at Andrew, blond hair fluttering a little whenever his breath puffed against the pillow, Neil tried his best to climb from the bed undetected. A good night’s sleep meant he was buzzing with energy and wanted to try and get a run in. Well....a brisk jog. Abby said it would be okay  as long as he wore the sling to keep his arm from moving too much. In his haste to get outside he left the thing dangling half off his dresser. However, Andrew appeared the moment he opened the front door and slammed it shut, a minute frown curling on his lips and his eyes hazy with sleep. 

“What are you doing?” Andrew asked, clearly resisting the urge to yawn. 

Neil gestured down at his clothing as if that was enough explanation. Andrew dragged a stare down body. He was wearing a bright orange hoodie and small red running shorts with black compression leggings underneath. Just as he was about to tease Andrew for his lingering gaze, hazel eyes snapped up to blue. 

“Not alone. Take Kevin.” 

Restraining a laugh, knowing it wouldn’t be appreciated so early in the morning, Neil rolled his eyes. “You know there is no way Kevin is getting up this early. Especially after a game night.” 

The older striker hadn’t been up particularly late even though some of the team gathered in Matt’s dorm to celebrate their win. But Kevin was perpetually dead to the world until at least ten am, even on a good day. 

“Stay,” Andrew said, clearly not awake enough to bother with  superfluous vocabulary. 

Following the blond back into their room, he watched as Andrew flicked on the light, ripped the top blankets and pillows away from Kevin’s unsuspecting body, and smashed one of the  pillow atop his head. Kevin swore loudly, limbs flying as though to fend off an attack. When he finally  stilled, he pressed his back against the wall and stared at Andrew. 

“Andrew?....The fuck?”

“You are going running with Neil. Get up.” 

Andrew tossed the other pillow at  him but Kevin batted it away, hands going to his face to rub sleep from his eyes. 

Neil expected him to argue. To curse the  day he met the two of them. Instead, Kevin dropped his head against the wall, took a deep breath, and climbed from the warmth of his bed. 

The pair walked back into the living room to wait. Andrew thrust the sling into Neil’s arms where he’d snatched it from the dresser. Neil put it on without complaint but grumbled about not needing a babysitter. 

“You absolutely do,” Andrew returned, migrating towards the kitchen for caffeine. 

“I’m just running  Perimeter; it will be fine. I can even go to the track instead,” he said, following Andrew. 

“You are taking Kevin or I will put one of those chips in the back of your neck like they give to dogs.”

Neil rolled his eyes. “I don’t think those actually track them....”

“ _ Neil. _ ”

“Fine! Fine....but you’re the one who’s going to have to deal with Kevin’s bitching later. And there’s no way he’s going to keep this up.”

“Then you will take Boyd, or Wilds, or Renee...or me,” Andrew’s back was turned as he pressed the start button on the coffee maker so he didn’t see Neil’s blooming grin. 

“You’re going to go running with me?” 

“Leave before I decide you’re not worth the effort and kill you myself.”

Andrew was still facing the  counter but Neil held up his hands in defeat, backing out of the room. He was still grinning when Kevin met him at the door, swaying on his feet. 

“Let’s go, sleeping  beauty ,” said Neil, giving Kevin a slight push. “The sooner we get back the sooner we can get you a coffee IV.”

Kevin flipped him off but allowed himself to be pushed into the  silent hallway.

* * *

** Monday, November 25 ** ** th **

His high didn’t last the week. 

Despite several of his teammates indulging his early morning runs (and Andrew once, sitting in the stands at the track while Neil circled the tarmac). 

Despite being cleared for footwork exercises at practices and their home game win against the Frankfort Hillcats. 

Despite the anticipation he felt for the upcoming holiday, spending it with his family at their home away from home. 

He thought at first it was some hidden anxiety making him feel bad. But by the following Sunday, Neil realized his congestion and throbbing temples were precursors to a particularly nasty cold. 

When he was on the run there had never been time to acknowledge sickness. He powered through it because slowing down meant getting caught and getting caught meant dying. Not to mention his  mothers heavy hands were often worse than whatever bug was plaguing him. So, when he started to feel fatigued the day of their game, he pushed it aside. But it was more difficult to ignore now. Perhaps because his survival didn’t depend on it or because his recent injuries and medications had weakened his immune system. By Monday he was dragging himself around like a corpse and Nicky left him at his morning class with a concerned, “You sure you’re okay?”

“I’m  _ fine _ .”

After his third sneeze and countless sniffles, his professor banished him from the classroom and told him not to return until he was feeling better. And as much as he wanted to faceplant on the couch for the rest of the afternoon, being cast out like some weak baby animal that couldn’t fend for itself made him feel  embarrassed and vulnerable. 

He faceplanted on the couch anyways and when Andrew arrived back to the dorm after his morning  classes, he prodded Neil with his toes to wake him. 

“You’re sick.”

“Mm fine,” Neil mumbled, his voice muffled by the cushion. 

Surprisingly, Andrew didn’t question him, just continued to go about his day. He left for class again a half an hour later but when he returned that afternoon it was with a bag of groceries. He tossed a box of tissues and some sort of liquid cold medicine onto Neil’s back and it took him minutes to fish it out of the couch when it rolled between the cushions. The medication tasted like battery acid but he swallowed two capfuls without arguing. 

Kevin returned after his own classes and emerged from the dorm with his gym bag, asking why neither of them were ready for practice. Strictly speaking, neither could really participate much, but  Wymack had insisted they show up to do what they could and observe the freshman. 

Andrew answered for Neil before he got the chance. “Neil is sick.”

Turing his gaze towards the other striker, Kevin’s eyes narrowed in suspicion. But then Neil sneezed and the taller man made a disgusted face and quickly darted from the room, eager to escape his germ-ridden teammate. 

The TV clicked on and Andrew tossed the remote to the couch, but didn’t move to sit near Neil, settling in at his desk by the window with his backpack. Neil stared at the television blearily, not having the energy to protest being left out of practice or even Andrew all but ignoring him. 

At some point he must have fallen asleep because he woke to Andrew prodding him with his toes again. 

“Whassit?” he said incoherently. 

“You were snoring,” Andrew said blandly. 

“Oh. Sorry....” Neil pushed himself up groggily, his stomach growling. 

Andrew observed him carefully for a few moments then retreated to the kitchen. 

“Shower if you want food.” 

Food sounded good. So did a shower. If he could manage to stand long enough not to pass out under the spray. 

He did, barely, allowing himself to sit on the cool surface of the tub after he’d cleaned himself so he could enjoy the way the steam  opened up his sinuses. When he returned to his blanket nest on the couch in a pair of clean pajamas, Andrew greeted him with a bowl of potato soup. He could see bits of broccoli floating around but so long as it was surrounded by cheesy-potato goodness he could pretend it wasn’t there. Andrew sat at the far end of the couch with his own bowl and ate quietly while some horror movie played on the television. 

The more he ate the more his stomach  settled and he quickly realized that whatever he was eating hadn’t come from a can. He was used to packaged, processed foods. They had been a staple when he was on the run and having a homecooked meal was so rare, even now, that he could spot the difference – even if his sinuses were trying their best to render everything flavorless. 

“Andrew....” he said carefully, sniffling once. “Did you....make me soup?”

For a while he thought Andrew would ignore him. But finally, he sighed, “It is not as though I had a choice. You’re too pathetic to even use the microwave right now.”

That was fair. But he could have just dumped a can of Campbells in a bow and called it a day. He thought about teasing Andrew about  it but he was tired and doubted it would do anything other than irritate him. He settled for blowing on a bite and muttering “It’s good,” into his spoon. 

“Cass used to make it,” Andrew said quietly, barely audible over the sound of the television. “For me.”

Neil stared openly for a solid thirty seconds, finding it difficult to tear his eyes away from the truth he’d been given. That was a thing mothers did, he assumed. People who got to be mothers...who  _ wanted _ to be. 

Neil was contemplating Andrew’s words and scraping the last dregs from his bowl when someone knocked at the door, startling him. Kevin wouldn’t have needed to knock and usually he was the first to return from practice, never one to linger around and socialize. 

Andrew set his bowl on the coffee table and moved to open it. Nicky stood outside, his hair wet and cheeks a little flushed. He still had his gym bag strapped across his torso.

“How’s my little plague rat doing?” he joked, poking his head around the corner to look at Neil. 

Andrew had the door halfway closed when Nicky put a hand up to stop him. “I’m kidding! I’m actually here for a reason.”

Waving a hand in annoyance, as if to tell Nicky to get on with it, he allowed his cousin to step inside. 

“Can I borrow your academic calendar? Matt lost ours and Aaron went to  Katelyn's after practice and I need to check something.”

Nicky closed the door quietly while Andrew disappeared into the kitchen, likely to retrieve the calendar from its place on the refrigerator door. He wandered a few feet closer, looking down at the cold medicine and soup on the table. 

“Well, it looks like you're actually making an effort to take care of yourself, so color me surprised,” Nicky laughed. “Who brought you soup?”

“Andrew made it,” he said mildly, glancing up towards Nicky in time to see his eyes widen and realize the mistake he’d just made.

The pamphlet in Andrew’s hand floated to the carpet as he tossed it at his cousin from a few feet away. Nicky scrambled to pick it up, at the same saying “Aweee....Andreeww...that’s so sweet!”

This was apparently the  _ wrong _ thing to say because a moment later, a knife lodged into the wall about seven inches from where Nicky was standing. 

“Shit!” Nicky squeaked in surprise, opening the door. 

Andrew took a step towards  him but he scrambled from the room. They still heard  Nickys “ _ Matt! Guess what Andrew did! _ ” loud and clear before he disappeared into his own dorm. And Neil doubted he was planning on telling him about the knife. That wouldn’t have surprised anyone.

The credits rolled on the movie but neither moved to change the channel. Andrew yanked the knife from the wall and slid it back into his left armband, lowering himself back onto the couch. 

“It wouldn’t kill you, you know,” Neil said after a few minutes, crinkling a bottle of water between his hands. His nose was still stuffy and he sounded ridiculous. “To let them think you’re a decent human being for once.” 

The twentieth century fox fanfare blared on the screen and Andrew flipped the lights out above them. 

“It might,” he admitted. 

Neil only smiled and sank further into the cushions, feeling more relaxed than he had all day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like it when the dates of the fic line up with real life dates so expect another chapter this week so I can do the thanksgiving chapter. ^_^


	22. Cold November Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron is an asshole, Nicky just wants everyone to have a nice, gay time, and Kevin just wants to watch his fucking stickball.
> 
> ~*~
> 
> All credit to Nora, I own nothing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This got kinda long, sorry. We're over 100k lads. 
> 
> ~*~
> 
> CHAPTER RATING: T (Underage drinking, 'gay' being used as a slur to intentionally piss people off)

** Wednesday, November 27 ** ** th **

Allison and Renee waved from the curb as the Maserati disappeared down Perimeter Road, leaving them in the rear view. The pair would be flying out in a few hours to spend the Thanksgiving holiday with Renee’s mother while Andrew's lot headed to Columbia. It was still  early, and the heavy fog didn’t clear until they reached their exit. Andrew let Neil drive so he could spend the journey sleeping against the window and ignoring Nicky, who was somehow wired even though the light was just beginning to peek over the tree line. 

By the time they arrived at the house the temperature was a comfortable sixty degrees. The five Foxes piled out of the car and unloaded their bags. They would only be staying a few days but somehow their belongings still took up the entirety of the trunk – primarily Nicky and Aaron’s doing since they had insisted on bringing the PS3 and a library of movies along to help pass the time. At first Neil had been annoyed about the excessive baggage but remembering the new court that should be finished by now, talked them into packing their racquets and spare gear so they could run drills. Andrew had promptly unpacked Neil’s gear and forced Nicky to take it back to the room. He’d hoped to sneak in a practice since Coach wouldn’t be there to stop him, but it seemed Andrew was reluctant to let him push himself. He felt better, his cold symptoms having abated for the most part. But he still hadn’t been cleared to pick up a racquet and would be relegated to watching the others from the sidelines if they decided to scrimmage on the community court. 

When they arrived, Andrew was sluggish and the last to exit the sedan, still yawning as he closed his door. He moved to grab his bag but realized Neil had already swung it over his shoulder along with his own. Instead, he pulled his cigarettes from his back pocket and shook one loose while the others pushed their way into the house. 

Once inside they discarded their belongings in their respective rooms, Kevin stowing his own duffle at the far end of the couch. Nicky deposited the turkey, a fifteen-pound monstrosity he’d been thawing for two days in his and Matt’s dorm, into the refrigerator. The reason they had come down a day early was to clean up the house and yard, something Nicky had been putting off for months. But by the time Neil and Andrew came back the other three men were collapsed on the couch and chairs in various states of half-sleep. Even Nicky’s coffee induced energy seemed to have run its course. Neil thought about rousing  them but it was perfect weather for the late fall. He was itching for a run and was already dressed for it, wearing thin joggers and a light hoodie. 

Andrew followed Neil onto the porch and collapsed in one of the deck chairs, arching an eyebrow at Neils cursory glance from him to the empty street leading out from the house. The blond pulled his phone from his pocket and held it up, giving it a little shake. Neil retrieved his own phone from his hoodie and checked to make sure it was charged. He held it up to show Andrew the light.

“Stay in the neighborhood,” Andrew said, flicking his wrist a few times towards the street.

Neil was sure Andrew had whispered ‘junkie’ under his breath as he took off down the steps but the cool air seeping into his skin was more inviting than antagonizing Andrew at the moment. 

An hour and a half (and three texts from Andrew asking him what was taking so long) later, Neil returned sweaty but invigorated, ready to start the day. His shoulder felt good and his legs were pleasantly loose. Andrew went to work waking the others, unsubtly vacuuming as loud as he possibly could and running the machine into their feet that dangled over the edge of the furniture. The group of five barely spoke but went to work around the house. They mopped, dusted, and wiped down every surface until it was spotless. After watching Neil struggle with the lawnmower for a solid fifteen minutes, Andrew finally took pity on him and showed him how to prime it so it would start. Neil scowled, throwing Andrew a rude insult that was quickly drowned out by the roar of the mower. By the time noon rolled around they were all exhausted and took turns in the two bathrooms to wash away the days exertions. 

Andrew was already unconscious by the time Neil crawled into the bed that night. He tried his best not to wake the sleeping goalkeeper, but Andrew cracked a hazel eye open to watch Neil get settled before shoving his face back in the pillow. Neil whispered a ‘night’’ and laid down next to the smaller man, watching the moonlight glint off blond hair until he couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore. 

* * *

** Thursday, November 28 ** ** th **

  
Thanksgiving morning brought cooler temperatures and a light rain in the early morning hours. Mist settled around the neighborhood giving it an eerie but calm façade. Neil finally woke with clear sinuses and by nine o’clock he headed to the supermarket with Andrew and Kevin while the others stayed behind in case Dan and Matt arrived before the they returned. 

To Neil’s surprise, the parking lot of the grocery store was full. He briefly wondered why so many people waited until the last minute to do their shopping but pushed the hypocritical thought away. He just wanted to get in and out as quickly as possible. Once inside, Kevin snagged the nearest cart and Andrew promptly jumped inside. He was small enough that he only had to bend his knees a little. Kevin heaved a sigh but otherwise didn’t say anything, as if this  definitely was not the first time Andrew had exhibited such childish behavior in public. They rolled the cart along the first aisle, Neil gripping the metal grid and pacing alongside them. 

“Andrew. We’re not going to be able to fit anything in the cart with you in it ,” said Neil.

Andrew had his phone out and didn’t bother looking up from the game he was playing. “Sounds like a whole lot of  _ your _ problem.”

Neil pressed his lips and his blue eyes narrowed just slightly. “If you’re not going to help why did you come?”

“ You idiots require supervision .”

Neil clicked his tongue but decided to let it go. 

As they perused the aisles Kevin stacked most of their choices into the top section of the cart that was usually meant to seat toddlers. Once they ran out of space Neil purposefully began stacking things on top of Andrew. Eventually the blond realized Neil was putting far more in the cart than they  actually planned on purchasing and met Neils amused smirk with a scowl. He supposed the seven cans of spam gave him  away . 

Andrew hopped out of the cart, spilling several items onto the floor and leaving Kevin to pick them up. Neil shoved the unwanted items onto random shelves as the older striker admonished him for making more work for the salesclerks, but still hurried to follow when Neil started to push the cart away and leave him behind. Andrew followed along for the rest of the trip and only took an interest when they reached the baking aisle. He threw a handful of items in the cart and they continued to the cashier. 

Next, they made a quick stop at the liquor store and Neil waited in the car until Kevin and Andrew returned with an obscene amount of booze. When they climbed in, Neil was unwrapping a startlingly large blueberry muffin from the grocery stores bakery. 

“That is full of sugar and useless carbs,” said Kevin, closing the back door. “I hope you don’t plan on eating like shit just because we have a few days off.”

Andrew revved the engine and peeled out of the parking lot, making Neil jolt a little in his seat as he turned halfway to meet Kevin’s gaze. 

“Kevin, your body is at least eighty percent vodka, so I don’t want to hear it,” Neil leveled him with an annoyed stare, waving the muffin in his face. 

Kevin started to argue but Andrew cranked up the volume on the radio to effectively drown them out. 

Neil took another huge bite before turning back around, grinning to himself while Kevin cursed under his breath in French. 

When they arrived at the house Matt’s truck was already parked out front. The three carried their haul into the kitchen to warm welcomes from the other two Foxes. Matt was already prepping the turkey while Dan and Nicky sipped mimosas and chatted away at the island. 

Kevin and Andrew heaved four bags of liquor onto the table and Matt paused from basting the turkey. 

“Jesus, did you buy the whole store?” asked Matt. 

Kevin glared but Nicky grinned, tapping a finger over his lips. “Now there’s an idea....Neil’s got the cash for it. Hey Neil...buy us a liquor store.”

“I think you guys get in enough trouble without unlimited access to alcohol , ” said Neil, moving around to stand beside Matt. 

“Pot, kettle,” muttered Andrew, unscrewing a bottle of whisky and upending a generous portion into an old-fashioned glass even though it wasn’t yet noon.

Aaron wandered into the kitchen at the sound of voices, or maybe sound of liquor being opened and poured. He slid his phone into his back pocket, undoubtedly having been texting Katelyn the entire morning. 

“What’s with the sour-pus?” asked Dan, noting the irritated look on Aaron’s face. 

His frown only deepened as the rest of the Foxes turned to look at him, except Andrew who was too busy leaning against the kitchen table and staring into his glass  acknowledge his twin. 

“He's just grumpy because he has to be away from Katelyn for more than  twenty - four hours,” supplied Nicky, winking at his cousin. 

“Fuck off,” Aaron ignored the rest of their stares and dug through the bags, his hand emerging around the neck of a beer bottle. 

“Oh, that’s right,” said Dan. “She’s with her parents in  Florida , right? Didn’t you get an invite?”

“He did,” offered Nicky, knowing Aaron was unlikely to answer. “But he  was  worried they w ould be too judgmental so soon after the trial.”

“What part of ‘ _ fuck off _ ’ do you not understand?” asked the backline r .

“Pre-game  will be starting in ten minutes, how  d o you work this fucking TV?” yelled Kevin, who had disappeared into the other room. 

Aaron seemed to take the other man ' s plea for help as an out and exited the kitchen without a nother word. Dan swung an arm around Nicky’s neck and pulled him into a ps eu do headlock before dragging him along. 

“C’mon, let’s go see if  tweedle -dumb and  tweedle -dumbass need help in there,” she said, turning to glance back at Matt and Neil. “You guys  gonna be alright? No t gonna destroy the kitchen  while we’re gone?” 

“I’m sorry, who managed to blow up an entire bowl of mac and cheese in the microwave last year?” teased Matt. 

Dan raised her arm from Nicky’s neck to flick him off before disappearing into the living room, leaving Matt and Neil to prep their dinner. 

Andrew shot the pair a skeptical gaze from his spot next to the table and Neil raised an eyebrow in question. 

“Problem?”

Andrew took a sip from his glass, face impassive. “Just don’t set anything on fire.”

And with that he exited the room. 

The turkey was in the oven a little after noon and Matt set to work on the sides with Neil. They managed to get most of the items prepped and into the second oven while others were stored in the fridge until after the bird came out. 

Neil could hear excited chatter from the living room. Every year there was a charity game played between the two top ranked pro-teams. This year it would be the Boulder Rattlesnakes against the Tampa Titans. The pre-game was a combination of a live show, with performances and interviews, and clips of past games, both pro and collegiate. Neil could hear Dan ‘Whoop’ with glee every time the Foxes were mentioned as part of the pay-per-view program. Neil eventually encouraged Matt to join them, after he called out to his teammates several times for updates. Neil assured the older Fox he could indeed finish the dishes on his own and watched Matt disappear through the kitchen archway. He was eager to watch the game, but the pre-show didn’t do anything for him.

Neil dug a sheet of folded paper from his pocket and smoothed it on the counter. He’d done a lot of research on what went into a ‘thanksgiving’ meal and had ambitiously decided he would try to make homemade rolls. By the time Andrew wandered back into the kitchen Neil seemed to be wearing more of the ingredients than were making it onto the pan. 

“I think the dough is winning,” he said mildly, propping his black clad forearms on the granite countertop. 

“I dunno....I think I did a pretty good job beating it into submission,” Neil placed the final ball of dough on the metal sheet and surveyed his work. 

Scar red hands fought with the cling wrap to cover the dough and then clapped together, expelling excess flour. 

Andrew pushed away from his seated position and rounded the counter, hazel eyes flicking over striker with dull interest. “You’re a mess. Go clean up.”

“It’s not that bad...” Neil glanced down at his soiled attire. 

“You look like you stop-drop-and-rolled in twenty kilos of cocaine...go shower. I’ll clean up.”

Andrew gave him a small shove towards the bedroom and Neil gave  the goalkeeper one last  glance before retreating to gather his clothes. 

When he returned to the kitchen half an hour later Andrew was alone and had somehow managed to make two entire pies. Even more impressively, he was completely devoid of flour or dough, his black clothes pristine. But the most notable change was the silence. The TV was still blaring but he couldn’t hear a single voice that didn’t belong to a sports announcer or shrieking fan. Neil paused and inclined his head towards the living room. 

“It’s suspiciously quiet ..... Kevin hasn’t gagged them all for talking during the  game, has he?” asked Neil. 

Andrew put the finishing touches on the second pie, which appeared to be chocolate. “I would not complain if he did.”

Neil sidled up next to the blond and leaned back, his fingertips curling under the countertop that had mostly been wiped clean. He raised both eyebrows.  _ That’s not an answer... _

“It’s intermission before the game starts. They went to check out the new court,” he said, finally, reaching for the paper towels. 

The new  Exy court had been built earlier in the fall but they hadn’t yet visited during their trips to Columbia. Kevin had been the only one to visit the new construction but had never been able to convince the rest of them to go on their days off. He briefly thought about trying to catch up to  them but Neil’s reverie was interrupted when Andrew swiped the back of his hand over his jaw and left behind a small smear of chocolate. Neil watched him cover the pies and set them aside. 

He dropped his head back, turning to look towards Andrew who must have felt his gaze. 

“So....we’re alone then ...” said Neil, his voice just above a whisper. 

Andrew’s expression gave no indication that he cared, or even heard Neil’s suggestive tone but he wiped his hands on a dish rag and moved closer. 

“N othing gets by you, does it?” Andrew drawled, taking another step so their hips were level and only inches apart. 

“I can be observant.. .. ” Neil shrugged lightly and his eyes tracked every movement, keenly aware of the body heat radiating between them. 

Andrew’s arms lifted to slide along the polished surface beside Neil's hands, caging him in place. His eyes dropped to Neil’s lips before flicking back upwards. 

“You can observe me kicking your ass,” he said, voice silky and an octave lower as he pressed his hips into Neils, earning a subtle gasp. 

“Sounds fun,” said Neil, sliding his own hips forward. 

“You would like that, wouldn’t you? Masochist.”

Neil bit his lip and blinked slowly, fighting to keep his hands in place. At length he dropped his  eyes to Andrew’s lips and then his neck before meeting his  stare , tilting his head in question.

Andrew rolled his hips a second time and nodded . 

Neil let go of the counter, his hands moving to curl gently around Andrews throat. He dipped his head down, tongue darting out in slow motion to lick the chocolate from Andrews jaw. Before Andrew could contest the gesture, Neil dragged his lips down and slotted against Andrews with hard pressure, his eyes flittering closed. Andrew returned the kiss with just as much fervor, his tongue snaking into Neil's mouth and licking the remaining chocolate away. Strong hands slipped from the counter and buried in the back of Neils pants pockets, squeezing. Neil made a low noise in his throat that Andrew eagerly swallowed, his own scarred hands gliding along smooth skin until they could tangle in blond hair. They kissed like air was optional and time was frozen. They were the only two people in the universe and nothing mattered except the feeling of their bodies pressed together and their mouths swallowing each desperate breath. Neil's fingers tightened in golden strands and one of Andrews hands left Neil’s pocket to push under his shirt, digging into scarred skin at his side. Soon they were gasping into each other, bodies pressed flush and skin heating in the already warm kitchen. Even so wrapped up in each other, and even though Neil’s head had gone fuzzy with unchecked emotion, he became acutely aware of three things. First the buzzing in his ears that grew louder than even the blaring television. Second was the tightness of his jeans as Andrews mouth and hands worked to turn his mind and body to mush. And third was an unfamiliar noise that sounded distant and foreign, and only after the fact would he realize it was the sound of hands slapping against skin as Nicky clapped his hands over his mouth. 

Neil and Andrew seemed to notice their returning friends at the same moment, standing in the archway to the kitchen. Their hair was  flattened and clothing dotted with dark spots of water and as the buzzing subsided Neil could hear rainfall outside. His first instinct was to shove away from Andrew. Not out of embarrassment but because he thought Andrew would be furious at having been caught. And the tension in his shoulders indicated that he was, but he didn’t pull away  immediately so Neil remained pinned to the island. He quickly dropped his hands away from Andrews hair and propped his elbows on the counter behind him, but Andrews hands gripped at his hips just under the hem of his shirt possessively. Only then did Neil turn his head to fully survey the group. 

Kevin was used to catching the two of them, a consequence of sharing the same living space. But the rest of them had never seen Andrew and Neil locked in such a compromising position. Nicky had covered his mouth with his hands, likely to prevent more of the excited noises he was struggling to hide. Dan and Matt both wore identical, slack-jawed expressions of surprise and seemed frozen on the spot. Kevin looked more annoyed than anything and Neil half expected him to roll into another diatribe about getting caught necking another guy and the trials and tribulations of being outted as a gay athlete. Aaron, however, made a disgusted sound and Neil was just able to glimpse the revolted look on his face before he turned back around, muttering swears in German. 

Nicky finally found his voice, muffled through his hands. “I...it started to rain...so we came ba....”

“No one paid admission to this show,” snarled Andrew, radiating quiet fury as he dug his fingers into Neils hips hard enough to bruise. He’d clearly done his best to try and sound bored but the low tone and clipped words gave him away.

Nicky  make an odd squeaking sound and turned with the others to scurry from the room. Neil didn’t miss their hushed whispers as they left. He looked back to Andrew who was still glaring over his shoulder towards the entryway.

“I’m sor...”

“Shut up,” Andrew pushed off him and turned on his heel, yanking the bottle of whisky from the table as he exited onto the back porch. 

He slammed the door so hard Neil flinched. 

Well....it could have gone worse. Neil knew it was just a matter of time. They were usually careful but the sheer frequency in which they came together in semi-public places stacked the odds in the favor of getting caught by their teammates. And honestly, since all of their friends remained breathing and unharmed, he thought it had gone rather well. While he knew Andrew was an atom bomb ready to explode at any given minute, Neil had long since learned not to take his moods personally. He just hoped Andrew was okay. It had been hard enough for him to come to terms with his ever-complicated feelings for Neil – it was still an uphill battle. But having a public display of their attraction out in the open was bound to cause friction. He just hoped the others were smart enough to keep their mouths shut about it in front of Andrew. 

Neil opened a second bottle of whisky and poured the amber liquid into a small glass. He drank several shots worth before he worked up the patience to face his friends. He knew Andrew was likely to be a while and probably didn’t want any company, but he couldn’t hide in the kitchen all day. With a heaving sigh, Neil snatched a can of soda and padded into the living room a few minutes after the charity game began. 

The Foxes visibly tensed when Neil appeared, other than Kevin, who was sitting a few feet away from the TV, elbows digging into his knees as he watched intently.  They seemed to relax when they realized he was alone.  Neil tried not to flinch but the second he crossed the threshold they all spoke at once, albeit in hushed voices. 

“Way to  _ get it _ , Josten,” grinned Dan. 

Matt clapped him on the back with a smug smile the second he came within arm's reach and muttered something that sounded like ‘atta-boy.’

Nicky leaned forward on the chair he was sitting in, practically vibrating with excitement. 

“Oh my god Neil...that was... _ wow _ . I had no idea. I mean don’t get weirded out by this but, who knew? _ Right _ ? I didn’t think Andrew had a passionate bone in his tiny little body but goddamn that was...”

“No one wants to hear that  gay shit , ” seethed Aaron, gripping his phone so hard Neil thought it might break. 

“I could stand to hear a little more,” Dan said, pursing her lips while glaring at the pissy Minyard. 

Nicky leaned forward to pick up his drink, gesturing wildly as he rolled his eyes at his cousin. “Just because Katelyn hasn’t texted you in the last half hour is no reason to rain on our very gay parade, Aaron.” 

“Shh! Shut up!” hissed Kevin, not looking away from the TV but groping for the remote across the floor to turn  up the volume . 

Neil rolled his eyes and dropped onto the end of the couch next to Matt and Dan. 

Nicky leaned forward and patted Neil's knee. “We’ll talk later...I want all the details...”

Neil sighed, glancing from Nicky to the others. “Not a chance. In fact, pretend like that never happened.”

“You mean so Andrew won’t  kill us in our sleep?” guessed Matt. 

Neil stiffened a little. The more time he spent with Andrew the more irritated he grew when others alluded to his lack of humanity – even when they were just joking. Even when they were sometimes right. He’d reprimanded them on several occasions but sometimes thought they didn’t realize the connotations their words brought. Neil huffed a little and sank into the couch, fingers curling around the soda can as if was the most interesting thing in the room. 

The teams lined up on the screen to flip for first serve so Dan leaned in, though her voice still carried across the small living space. “So, things seem to be going well for you two.”

It wasn’t really a  question so Neil kept quiet. Matt seemed to notice his discomfort and nudged his knee with his own. “We’re just happy for you man. We’re glad we were wrong when we assumed it was just...well, you know,” he didn’t really, but let Matt continue. “It obviously more than we thought. It looks good on you.”

“What does?” Neil asked, mentally scolding himself half a second later for engaging. 

“You know, being in love.”

Neil’s eyes snapped up to Matt’s and he nearly flinched at the openly warm expression on his  friends face. Nicky and Dan were staring at him with similar, soft smiles and he quickly looked back down at the soda.

Thankfully the game  started and Kevin’s loud ‘shushing’ forced everyone into silence. Neil let his mind be smoothed over by rough checks and impressive goals before he could spiral into the dark spaces of his consciousness that wondered if ‘ _ love’ _ was a thing he was even allowed to have.

* * *

The game ended – as did Neil’s only surefire distraction from his nagging thoughts. Andrew was still making himself scarce, migrating between the porch and his bedroom. He didn’t reappear until a spread of food appeared on the table. The blond popped his pies in the oven and moved to take his seat next to Neil, pulling turkey, mashed potatoes and mac and cheese onto his plate without waiting for anyone to finish getting settled. The others seemed to follow his lead, piling their dishes high without further consideration. Neil had to force down the few brussels sprouts on his plate, but everything else was to his liking – even if the canned cranberry sauce was a little too sweet. 

Predictably, Kevin tried to talk about the game they’d just watched but no one else seemed interested other than Neil. The others kept changing the topics whenever they would start to delve too deeply into the subject. Andrew remained silent and Aaron only interjected when someone brought up  schoolwork or debated what movie they would watch after dinner. He also kept shooting Neil furtive glances, looking up from his phone whenever he wasn’t texting Katelyn under the table. But otherwise, it was peaceful. Normal, even. 

When everyone was finished, Dan called  Wymack and put him on speaker so they could send their well wishes. He sounded exhausted and there were too many voices in the background to pick out what was going on. But he assured them that the house was still standing and that they all better return in one piece. He also barked orders at Dan to make sure to keep Neil from over-exerting himself. Neil scowled and carried his plate to the sink where the others joined him a moment later. 

The group did a half-ass job cleaning up the kitchen and packing away the leftovers. They were all full and feeling  lazy so they left the rest for the next day. Neil stayed behind and watched the countdown timer on the oven while the others migrated back to the living room to put on a movie. He drummed his nails on the metal surface of the cooktop and watched the word  _ ‘love’ _ bounce around in his  mind's eye like a runaway ping pong ball. 

The door opened, startling Neil from his reverie. Andrew walked inside, drawing up beside Neil to check the timer. He smelled like soap, and smoke and the rain still beating down on the roof in a steady shower. His hip bumped Neil’s so he could lean down and crack the oven open, peering inside. Neil shoved his hands in his pockets to keep from reaching out.  _ Love, love, love.... _

Shrill beeps signaled the end of the  countdown so Andrew pressed the ‘off’ button and opened the door to the oven again, retrieving both confections. They smelled like pie. They looked like pie. Twenty minutes later Neil found they  _ tasted  _ like pie as well. He had a small piece of the apple and it wasn’t bad despite its filling coming from a can.

The Foxes watched movies late until the evening, until most of them were falling asleep during the middle of whatever action film Matt chose for his turn. Andrew had gone to bed over an hour ago so when the bottle of water Kevin had been clutching fell from his hand to the floor because he’d nodded off, they all decided to pack it in. 

Nicky offered up his room to Matt and Dan and insisted on sleeping on the air mattress they brought – an effort to be a good host, Neil assumed. Kevin did little more than brush his teeth before settling onto the couch now that it had been vacated. Upstairs, Neil heard the shower cut  on so he didn’t bother with his own, instead he just cleaned off with a washcloth and brushed his teeth. The shower was still going when he moved to the kitchen, filling a glass of water to take to the bedroom. When he turned away from the sink Aaron was there, throwing out a few of the empty liquor bottles. Before Neil could escape, Aaron blocked his path to the bedroom. 

“He won’t keep this up forever. Eventually he’ll get tired of fucking you,” said Aaron, his voice low. 

Kevin was passed out in the living room and unlikely to wake and the others were upstairs, but Andrew was in the room behind the kitchen. The walls were solid but not impenetrable. This was definitely not a conversation Neil wanted to have right now. 

“Mind your business,” he muttered tiredly, hoping that would be the end of it.

It wasn’t. 

“You think he loves you? He doesn’t,” Aaron said, taking a jab at the conversation from earlier in the day, one Neil didn’t even realize he heard. 

Aaron’s voice was  flat but Neil could hear the rage simmering beneath his calm tone. And he didn’t know how to respond so he kept silent, debating how much of a stir it would cause to just throw Aaron out of his way and go to bed. 

“Andrew’s always  had an obsession with fixing broken things and that’s all it is. You’re his newest project.”

His flinch was small enough that he doubted Aaron noticed in the  dark so he fought to keep his breathing even and his body relaxed.

“Aaron...I really don’t care what you think,” he said in his most convincing apathetic voice. “I’m sticking around until Andrew tells me to go so you might as well learn to deal with it.”

“I think...you don’t know what love is either. And if you keep clinging to him then he’ll end up just as broken as you are,” Aaron countered. “You’re dangerous, Josten. You’re a hazard to everyone around you and you know it. You’ll drag everyone down with you and...”

“I...”  _ know _ , he almost said. He can’t say it’s too late. He can’t find the words to explain why he can’t leave Andrew. Why he won’t. “I’m not leaving.”

Aaron took a step closer and Neil could feel his fist clenching at his side, his fingers curl so tightly around his glass that he was surprised it didn’t shatter. 

“Why not?” Aaron tipped his head to his side, a sneer contorting his features. “Isn’t running your specialty?”

Why not? Because he loves Andrew even if Andrew doesn’t love him back. 

The realization hits him like a hard check against the court floor, like a racquet knocking him off his feet and expelling all the air from his lungs. The feeling is both freeing and suffocating at the same time. He  _ loves _ Andrew. And fuck Aaron for being the one to make him finally realize it. And even more for making him doubt whether or not Andrew felt the same. 

But then again, it didn’t matter. He had long ago accepted that he would only take what Andrew was willing to give. They didn’t need words or grand gestures or labels. 

Was this another test? Like how Aaron had accused him of taking advantage of Andrew back at the lake house just to see his  reaction? He counted to ten in English, then German and French. Then again in Spanish and Russian. The breath he released was shaky but he managed to relax enough that his voice was little more than a whisper. 

“Fuck you, Aaron.”

With that, he pushed past the blond towards the bedroom, resisting the urge to throttle Aaron when he muttered ‘ _ Sleep tight, Josten, _ ’ in the most  condescending voice possible. 

Neil didn’t bother turning the lights on and he moved as quietly as possible, forcing himself to shut the door with a soft ‘click’ rather than slam it. He set the glass down carefully and crawled into the bed, making himself as small as possible on the outside edge. He faced away from Andrew, knowing he would wake at the movement and unable to look at him just yet. 

He stewed in his anger for more than an hour, his body a tight, tense ball of irritation, his sighs heavy and annoyed. But he couldn’t tell who he was angrier with – Aaron or himself. Because maybe he was right. Maybe Neil  _ doesn’t _ know what love is. Maybe he’s too broken to comprehend such a fickle emotion. Maybe he was only clinging to Andrew because Andrew has become synonymous with safety. 

“Go to sleep, Neil,” Andrew’s voice rang out clear in the shadows. 

Neil’s eyes snapped open where he’d been squeezing them shut but his body tensed again a second later. After a few more minutes Neil rolled over,  still keeping a safe distance between them. He could see Andrew’s eyes in the dark – little glossy beacons staring back, searching. 

“How do you do it?” Neil whispered  despite himself. 

“Do what?” Andrew asked, reaching out to drag his thumb over Neil’s wrist. He squeezed once and then left the pad of his finger to press against Neil’s pulse. Neil turned his hand over between them for better access but didn’t move closer. 

It was several minutes before he responded, mostly because he wasn’t sure what he was asking.  Finally, he settled on “Shove it all down. Keep it from ....keep it from spilling out. Most of my enemies are dead now but it’s like the most dangerous one is in my head ....how do you do it...on your own?”

Andrew’s thumb pressed down again and then his fingers trailed up Neil’s palm, tracing his digits with feather-light touches. He was quiet for a long time and Neil thought he wouldn’t answer. 

“I talk to Bee,” Andrew sighed into the space between them. “And I have my very own idiot to distract me of the shit that rolls around in here...” 

Andrews other hand reached out to tap Neil’s temple and when he dropped it low enough, Neil turned his head to brush his lips along Andrew’s scarred wrist. He didn’t pull away, so Neil curled his hand around Andrews, who allowed them to weave their fingers together. 

“What do you need?” Andrew asked lowly, squeezing his hand. 

Not ‘ _ what’s wrong _ ?’ or ‘ _ what can I do _ ?’ 

At some point, Neil had scooted closer to the center of the bed and he could feel his knees pressing lightly against Andrew’s through the thin cotton of their pajamas. 

“I need....”  _ F _ _ uck _ . He didn’t know. “I just...I want to forget for a while.”

The kiss was both sudden and expected. Andrew moved slowly enough that Neil could have said no or pushed him away, but he sucked in a breath of surprise when they connected. One of Andrew’s hands slid beneath his cheek, carding through his hair while his other arm curled around Neil’s middle to pull him closer. Neil let himself be kissed until he couldn’t  breathe . Until he couldn’t think. Until he could only feel the warmth of Andrew’s body, the wet heat of his mouth against his own and the softness of his blond hair between his fingers. Until he was too exhausted remember a world that existed outside the comfort of Andrew’s arms. 

* * *

The next day Neil felt a little better. He’d woken up with Andrew still curled around him and neither had violently flinched or thrown a punch, waking slowly with the sun. He showered and joined Kevin, Nicky, Matt and Dan in their ‘black  Friday ’ trip to  Exites . He purchased a pair set of gloves and several new magazines to stick between his textbooks when class was particularly boring. When they returned to the  house, they ate leftovers and watched another movie. Neil accompanied the others to check out the new court since the rain finally stopped. It was nice. There were a few neighborhood kids playing on it, so they didn’t get too close, less Kevin be recognized and cajoled into autographs. 

Most importantly, Aaron was back to pretending Neil didn’t exist and Neil was happy to reciprocate. Andrew’s steady apathy meant the two hadn’t got into it while the rest were out shopping so the goalkeeper probably remained ignorant of the conversation his brother had with Neil the night before and Neil planned on keeping it that way. 

On Saturday they packed up their remaining food and loaded the cars. Nicky stood for a curiously long time, staring at the house from the recently manicured lawn. It took Kevin shouting his name four times before he finally joined them in the car, a strange look on his face – something akin to longing. He was also strangely quiet for the ride back and didn’t perk up again until Allison and Renee helped them carry their food back up to the dorms. By the time they were at practice that afternoon things seemed normal again. Or as normal as they got for the Foxes. Neil complained loudly about it being close enough to December that they should talk about when he could get back on the court. Andrew walked his laps with Renee and tolerated Allison's presence at her side, listening to them recount their holiday. The freshman picked at each other and Kevin shouted orders at them. They’d survived. For now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Imma give Aaron some redemption later because I love him. But for now he's still a little asshole.
> 
> Also THANK YOU for sticking with this story. It's become a monster but we're more than halfway now so we're getting there!


	23. Tradition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The holidays approach and the Foxes are finally in good cheer.
> 
> ~*~
> 
> All credit to Nora, I own nothing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One day I will write a detailed Exy game, but it is not this day.
> 
> ~*~
> 
> CHAPTER RATING: T

**Wednesday, December 18th**

On the 6 th of December the Foxes journeyed to Kentucky to play the Frankfort  Hillcats . After a lot of rather embarrassing begging on Neil’s part, Abby and  Wymack cleared him to play the last fifteen minutes of the game. The Foxes were up by four points and the  Hillcats were unlikely to catch up, so they probably figured everyone would be too exhausted to bother damaging him too much. Neil took one stick check to the thigh and his swings lacked the same power they normally did, having switched back to a lighter racquet for the time being. But he came off the court relatively unscathed and pleasantly sore from the brief exertion. Andrew still checked him over in the showers and made sure he stayed in bed until 11am the next day, not allowing him to get up for his run. Which wasn’t a huge feat, considering they didn’t arrive back at the dorms until almost 5am to begin with.

On the 13 th they played their last home game before the break and won by a decent margin. Andrew was permitted to play the first twenty minutes of the game and managed to block every goal sent his way despite his stiffer-than-usual movement. Neil could tell by the way he telegraphed hi blocks that he was still having difficulty stopping overhead shots, but the other team didn’t catch on in time to do them any favors. As for Neil, he played a full half hour with minimal discomfort, though he didn’t take as many risks as he might have otherwise. 

Winning two games  back to back brought some semblance of moral back to the Foxes and they ended their semester looking forward to the holiday break. Due to scheduling conflicts and venue availability, the winter banquet had been pushed to early January. So, they would at least roll into the holidays without having to parse any animosity from their fellow players. 

One week before Christmas Neil sat atop the counter in his old dorm, kicking his feet against the cabinets noisily while Matt told him about his plans. 

“I can’t wait to see Marcus...it’s been like...three years?” 

“I can’t believe you never told me you had a brother,” said Neil, crunching into an apple from his perch. 

Matt shrugged. “I mean...half brother. But yea. We saw each other growing up but we never lived together since he lived with his mom. He’s great though. I’m glad you’ll get to meet him.”

“And what does Aaron think about you having a house guest for the weekend?” asked Neil. 

The taller Fox turned back and placed a glass on the counter, pouring milk while he eyed Neil curiously. “He didn’t tell you?”

Neil huffed. “Because Aaron and I are best pals?”

“Fair...” laughed Matt. “Though I assumed maybe Andrew would have told you. I’m sure he knows. Aaron’s going to Columbia with Katelyn since you guys are staying here.”

“Oh...right,” he said, as if he knew all along. He didn’t. But it didn’t matter. He and Andrew would get the dorm to themselves since Kevin was going to visit Thea in Houston. 

“Bet you’re excited to have the dorm to yourselves,” said Matt, reading his mind. 

Hopping off the counter, Neil took the few strides to the trashcan to toss his apple core. He affected nonchalance but judging by Matt’s annoying grin he hadn’t been very successful. 

“Nicky volunteered to stay with you guys, you know. Before we knew Aaron and Kevin would be gone. He said he could just steal Andrew’s bunk since you guys have been sharing a bed most of the time.”

Whether he wanted to give Neil time to process what he’d said or because he didn’t want to get hit, Matt backed away to put the milk carton away and then leaned against the opposite counter with his glass. He arched an eyebrow and Neil’s mouth twitched. 

“Kevin told him I assume,” he said, not really a question. He knew Andrew hadn’t been talking about their sleeping arrangements. 

“Not on purpose I don’t think...” Matt clarified, trying to tame his smile. “He was drunk after the game last week and Nicky said he let it slip that you guys have been bunking together since....”

Matt trailed off as if he’d said something  wrong, but Neil just rolled his eyes. 

“Since I was kidnapped. Again,” he finished. 

“Yea. That. You  gotta stop doing that man.”

Neil grinned and stepped close enough to shove his arm. “Yea, because I just love getting stabbed of my own free well.”

“Sometimes I wonder.”

“Fuck off,” laughed Neil. 

For anyone else the trauma might have been too much to joke about so soon. It’s not as though he’d really processed everything yet. Not completely. But the fact that his friends were still there, talking to him like he wasn’t some wrecking ball of a person, made him feel normal. Before his conversation with Aaron could weasel its way from the trapped corners of his mind where he’d locked it away, Neil changed the subject back to the holidays. 

“So. ..what do you and Marcus plan to do while he’s in town?”

“Hang  out I guess? He’s never met Dan so she’s sticking around this year. I wish Allison and Renee were staying but Allison was insistent they go to her  family's house in Jamaica since she’s tagged along with Renee the last few breaks. I think Stephanie is meeting them there too.”

They talked a little  longer, but Aaron arrived back at the dorm and Neil took it as his cue to leave. It’s not like they were at each other's throats, it was just safer if neither of them could see or hear the other. He’d much rather track Andrew down and annoy him into a run.

* * *

** Tuesday, December 24th **

Neil whined at the loss of body heat as Andrew rolled away from him, back hitting the mattress and making him bounce a little on the other side. They’d been making out on and off for the better part of the afternoon, or at least trying to. It was difficult now that they could hear Nicky and Kevin bickering from the living room. 

“I am going to murder them,” Andrew sighed, bringing a hand up to scrape over swollen lips. 

“Get in line,” Neil huffed, pushing himself up. 

They were both semi- hard, but it would have to wait. The last thing they needed was one of the others bursting in on them. 

Four days. They’d had four blissful days where the dorm had been empty.  Wymack dropped Kevin at the airport on the 20th, Nicky had been entrenched with ogling the new piece of meat in the shape of Matt’s very attractive brother, and Aaron had gone to Columbia with Katelyn. The latter two still weren’t back but Marcus left that morning and Kevin had only been  retrieved hours earlier. 

He wasn’t sure what they were fighting about, but he could take a guess from the snippets of conversation. While in Texas, Kevin had been caught by a paparazzi kissing Thea in a restaurant. It was barely a kiss, a brush of lips. Nothing at all interesting ....except it was Kevin. With his former Raven’s teammate. So, of course it hit the headlines before he even returned to South Carolina. Nicky began teasing him about it the moment he climbed off the elevator and had followed them into the dorms. Andrew and Neil made a beeline for the bedroom, slamming the door. But  unfortunately, they could only sequester themselves away for so long. 

Climbing out of the bed, Neil put his shirt back on and made for the door. 

“Get rid of them before they ruin our plans,” Andrew said, shoving his hands behind his head. 

He watched Neil, making no move to get up. 

“Anything else, your highness?” Neil teased. 

“Mint chocolate chip.”

Rolling his eyes, Neil opened the door and headed into the maelstrom. Sure enough, they were arguing about the photos. Nicky was teasing Kevin and Kevin was insisting he drop the subject, clearly embarrassed. The striker told them months ago that he and Thea had decided they didn’t need to hide their relationship anymore, but that didn’t mean he enjoyed being stalked and having his photo taken against his will. 

“It is not a big deal, stop making it one,” chided Kevin, attempting to watching something on tv. 

Neil noticed he quickly flicked past any news channels. 

“I thought you were heading to  Wymacks at seven to watch the Bison’s game?” asked Neil, loudly, cutting through the others voices. 

He could practically feel Kevin bristle from the couch. But as he dug a bowl from the  cabinet and retrieved the ice cream, he heard the older man sigh and rise to his feet. 

Kevin grumbled something under his breath as he gathered his coat and his keys, heading out just as Neil crossed the living room. 

“Don’t you have somewhere else to be?” he asked Nicky, not unkindly. 

Nicky smirked at him. “Wow, rude. You guys were already locked in your love nest half the  afternoon, you still aren’t finished?”

Thankfully his cheeks didn’t  heat and he managed to keep his expression neutral. “It’s Christmas eve. You know Andrew wants to watch stuff.”

“Yea, yea,” Nicky said with a wave, picking up his messenger bag from the floor. “I’ll never understand why he used to argue with me about  _ my _ tastes in movies yet he has to watch the same shit every year. And he won’t even let us watch it with him!”

“You’re the one who wanted people to have ‘ _ traditions _ ’,” Neil said. 

With a little more prodding he finally got Nicky to leave. He apparently made plans with Matt and Dan to play board games with the few remaining freshman. 

Once the door closed a second time, the bedroom door opened, revealing a rumpled Andrew. He’d changed into sweatpants and one of Neil’s charcoal-colored hoodies. Neil turned to set the ice cream on the coffee table so he could hide his smile. Andrew borrowing his clothes was an  occurrence that was few and far between, but it never failed to make his heart stutter. 

Turning off the lights, Neil settled onto the couch next to Andrew. They keep a foot or so between them while Andrew  ate and Neil tried to pay attention to the movies. According to Nicky, he’d been doing this since he was a teenager, though usually holed up in his room alone. He would emerge the morning of Christmas eve, swipe a stack of  dvd’s from their massive collection, and barricade himself upstairs to watch them one after the other. Apparently, the habit continued over the years, but he’d never let anyone join him. When Matt asked them if they wanted to hang out on Christmas  eve he’d been rendered mute when Andrew cut in, telling the taller man they already  _ had _ plans. It took a few days to wrangle the actual plan out of Andrew and as boring as it might have seemed, he was excited to be included. He felt privileged that Andrew was allowing him to glimpse another piece of his life that he still refused to share with the others. And while he wished the blond would open up a little more, let the others see the parts of him that weren’t just violence or apathy, Neil was happy to keep this tiny piece to himself. 

Having never seen any of the movies before, Neil tried his best to pay attention. It was futile. With Andrew next to him, body heat radiating into the space between them and mouthing the infrequent line of the script, it was hard to keep his eyes on the film. 

Halfway through the animated Grinch, Neil sagged closer, pressing their shoulders together. After, they broke apart long enough to make hot chocolate before settling back down for the next one. Towards the end of Miracle on 34 th Street, a hand guided him down so he could pillow his head on Andrew’s thigh, the hand then carding through his hair. During It’s a Wonderful Life, Neil fell asleep. When he woke up, he was still laying in Andrew’s lap and Home Alone was playing. Neil stayed laying down, his arm curled behind Andrew’s knee, but turned to face the TV. He chuckled a few times at the ongoing shenanigans of the pre-teen trying to keep a couple of inept burglars out of his house but sort of lost the plot when Andrews hand slipped beneath his sweater. For a while his fingertips just ghosted along Neil’s side, over his abs and traced the scars there. When Neil glanced back, Andrew’s eyes were still fixed on the tv, as though his hand was moving of its own volition. But the thumb lightly gliding over his hipbone, causing Neil to squirm and Andrew’s hand to still momentarily, meant he knew exactly what he was doing. It was a hint, foreshadowing that told Neil the explorations they’d embarked on over the last week weren’t quite over just yet. 

The sound of a loud crash on the screen drowned out Neil’s little gasp when Andrew’s index finger tucked beneath the waistband of his shorts, sliding up and down the hem. Neil rolled over, the back of his head in Andrew’s lap and blue eyes finding hazel, even in the dark. Andrew pulled his hand away from Neil’s waist and brushed a few strands from his eyes, pushing the curls out of the way for an unobstructed view. His thumb lingered on the burn scars and he curled down just as Neil lifted himself slightly. Their lips met in a soft kiss, almost too soft to be real. It probably wouldn’t stay that way. It rarely did. But for now, Neil let himself be kissed like he was something fragile, something important. 

Somewhere down the hall he could hear the others cheering about something. Seconds later Kevin’s watch beeped from his desk, signaling midnight had arrived. It was Christmas. And this year he wasn’t locked away in some shithole motel, watching his mother look out the windows every few minutes in her paranoia. He wasn’t sitting against the cold walls of an empty house Millport, eating beans from a can. And he wasn’t at the nest, being cut and torn and defiled by Riko. He was with Andrew. His fingers tangled in golden hair, their kisses growing more desperate as he sat up and allowed Andrew to pull him over his lap. His knees pressed against the back cushions and he hovered over Andrew’s thighs, keeping a few inches between them. And as Andrew’s hands crawled down his back, grasping at his hips, he knew he was home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, school is kicking my ass. But I should have another holiday themed chapter up next week!


	24. Warmth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just some post-holiday vibing.
> 
> ~*~
> 
> All credit to Nora, I own nothing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO SORRY I got behind on updates. I still have about ten chapters left in this (most much longer than this one), but I'm at the point now where I'm working from an outline. Since I'm currently working on fics for several events, decided to be an idiot and take three classes this quarter instead of two, and then ended up with COVID and got knocked on my ass for a couple weeks, it's be difficult to write. But I'm going to try my best to get back to updating every two weeks! 
> 
> ~*~
> 
> CHAPTER RATING: T

**Thursday, December 26th**

The day after Christmas brought with it a frigid chill and quiet in the dorms. Marcus had left that morning and after encouragement from the upperclassman, Kevin had been dropped off with  Wymacks , a wrapped gift in hand and orders to not come back until he endured some quality bonding time with his father. They all knew the pair would probably sit around in silence until they turned on an  Exy game and yelled at the TV, ignoring the entire reason for them getting together. But it was still considered progress.

Matt and Dan dropped him off, Nicky tagging along so they could go to a movie afterwards. Neil decided to stay in the tower to make sure the freshman didn’t burn it down. Andrew left briefly to buy groceries, telling Neil not to leave the tower under any circumstances. He opted to do laundry to pass the time alone, listening for any signs of distress from the freshman’s rooms while he made trips up and down the stairs. 

By the time Andrew returned, Neil had finished a load but lost the motivation to fold anything. He was curled on one end of the couch, a full laundry basket packed with clean clothes on the other end, and flipping through the sports channels when the blond walked in. He discarded the groceries in the kitchen and returned a few minutes later, laying down with his back in Neil’s lap and his head on the headrest. He ignored the striker, snatching the remote to change it to the cartoon network. 

“There’s a whole couch here, you know,” he teased, looking down at his lap full of goalkeeper. 

“There would be if you folded your fucking laundry,” replied Andrew, prodding the basket with his toes without looking at Neil. 

Neil sighed and leaned back against the cushion, one hand idly moving to Andrew’s hair. He stroked along the man’s scalp and closed his eyes. 

“I hate laundry. It was so much easier when I only had eight outfits,” Neil said with another sigh. “Maybe when I go pro, I’ll hire a maid.”

Andrew huffed derisively. “No one would put up with you long enough to be in your employ.”

His hand stilled for a moment in thought before he resumed stroking Andrew’s hair and giving it a little tug. “Maybe I could bribe them. Seems to work for you.”

“Maybe I could bribe them to put arsenic in your cereal and let you die a slow, painful death,” Andrew said evenly, finally turning to look up at Neil. 

“You put it in the  cereal and you’ll die too, we share that cereal, you know,” smiled Neil. 

“Do you ever know when to stop talking?” 

“If that’s what you want, you could bribe me.”

“Fine,” said Andrew, reaching up to twist his fingers in the collar of Neil’s shirt, only slightly cutting off his  circulation . “Stop talking and I won’t kill you.”

He opened his mouth to argue but Andrew wouldn’t let him win. He pulled Neil down until their lips met and the only sound in the room was the quiet hum of the television and low pants between them. 

It didn’t take long for them to get lost in each other, so it was unsurprising (especially with the infuriatingly quiet new door locks) that they didn’t notice anyone walking in on them. 

Kevin swept past them without a  glance but Matt halted behind him, Nicky careening into his back and making them both  stumble . Josie let out a little squeak as the peeked around the taller men. They broke apart, but not soon enough. Andrew sat up to occupy the middle couch cushion and Neil turned to face the Foxes. Matt, Nicky and Josie all wore matching grins. Kevin was pink-cheeked, probably tipsy, but studiously ignoring the pair as he swept into the kitchen. After a few moments of awkward silence, Andrew moved to the window to smoke and Neil began folding his laundry so he wouldn’t have to look at the group of them. 

“What’s going on? Why are you guys just standing here?” asked Dan, striding in minutes later. 

“Nothing,” they all chorused, a little too quickly. 

When he chanced a glance at Andrew, the goalkeeper was silent but seemed calm, the tension not as pronounced as he thought it might be. Breathing a sigh of relief, Neil decided to ask them what they were up to as he continued folding. Apparently, they were just there raiding the liquor cabinet and planned to have a Die Hard marathon. Neil agreed to join them once he was done and when they left it was with several handles and partially empty bottles of booze. 

By the time he did make it across the hall, the calm of the day had stirred to a full-blown storm. Nicky was in the kitchen mixing acid green drinks and screaming tonelessly to the song on the radio. Matt leaned against the counter and belted out the chorus with him, holding up a drink and swaying. Neil remained in the doorway watching them cautiously until the song ended, at which time Nicky proclaimed that he missed Erik more than ‘life itself’ and at Neil’s questioning look, Matt explained that he was sympathy drunk, out of moral support for Nicky. Neil then pointed at Kevin, who was draped over the end of the couch, a drink sloshing around in his hand messily. Matt concluded that Kevin was drunk because ‘ _ that’s just his natural state of  _ _ being, _ _ man.’ ‘Fuck you, Boyd.’ ‘I’d let you, Day.’ _

“Ooookay,” said Neil, skirting around the kitchen towards the girls, who seemed to be at least mildly sober. 

Dan and Josie were making gingerbread houses on the newspaper covered coffee table, which was currently smeared with unappetizing looking frosting and glittering gems of candy. As if summoned by the presence of sugar, Andrew walked in and made a beeline for the table, sitting beside Dan without a word. He reached out and plucked a few gummies from the table, popping them in his mouth. Dan looked like she wanted to slap his hand away but thought better of it. 

“Do...do you know why they’re called Mariana’s Trench?” Matt slurred from the kitchen, a wide hand gesturing at the radio. “Because they’re so deep...ha...”

Nicky laughed but the rest of the room collectively groaned. Aaron, who Neil hadn’t noticed before, was curled up sideways in the armchair. He paused long enough to throw a handful of  pretzels at Matt, who snagged a few mid-air and tossed them in his mouth, crunching triumphantly. 

An hour or so later, Jack and Sheena arrived with a bottle of booze each and Matt drunkenly welcomed them. They let Nicky foist more of the ‘festive’ drink in their hands and found a corner to sit in, probably hoping they would be ignored. They were, since no one particularly liked them, even if Matt and Nicky were the friendliest when they’re drunk. Shortly after their arrival there was another knock at the door and Dan opened it to reveal a very frozen looking Katelyn. She was bundled up with a hat and gloves, her cheeks pink and lips a little chapped. Taking off her gloves, Katelyn passed Dan a tin of cookies and was shuffled father inside. Aaron pushed himself from his perch on the chair to greet her, hands going to her cheeks to rub away some of the cold. 

“It’s snowing outside!” she said excitedly, garnering the attention of all the Foxes. 

A few wandered to the window, opening the blinds to look out where, sure enough, it was snowing. A light flurry really, but more than they  were used to in the south. Before Neil knew what was happening, the others were grabbing jackets and gloves and Katelyn even managed to shove a hat over Aaron’s head as he scowled at them. Neil thought her excitement was overrated, though he guessed since she was from Florida, snow was a novelty. For Neil it was just a reminder of too many winters huddling in abandoned buildings with no heat or cheap motels with poorly working furnaces. He would much rather stay inside. 

Kevin, who was too drunk to do much of anything, glared at them as they zipped up their coats. “If you have time to...to snow frolic...then you have time to practice...”

“ Oh, give it a rest Day,” laughed Dan. “You couldn’t practice right now if we rolled you onto the court with a wagon.”

“Could to,” he hiccupped. 

Dan rolled her eyes and moved to ruffle his hair. She barely reached the tips of his perfectly gelled coif before he pushed her hand away. “Just drink some water and don’t throw up on Matt’s couch while we’re out.”

“Fuck off...”

By the window, Neil watched Aaron help Katelyn put her gloves back on. The way she smiled up at him and pressed a puffy, cloth-covered index finger to his nose. The way he smiled back. Even to the casual observer, Aaron was a totally different person in Katelyn's presence. It was a little disorienting to witness. After they all left Neil found himself wondering if they saw him any differently when he was around Andrew. He didn’t think so...after all, one of the reasons they worked was because Neil could be himself with Andrew. Though maybe he wasn’t truly himself around the others? 

He was so distracted that he didn’t realize Andrew had put a garish orange gummy in his palm and that he’d popped it in his mouth without a second thought. Neil scrunched up his face as he chewed, the raw sugar scratching his tongue and making his mouth water unpleasantly. When he looked to the side Andrew was smirking at him. Asshole. 

The sun began to  set, and the snow now fell in puffy white flakes beyond the window, illuminated by the streetlamps. He could hear their teammates below them shrieking and felt if he looked down, he’d see a snowball fight. 

Andrew continued to idly pluck candies from the poorly assembled gingerbread  houses and no one spoke until he chucked an M&M at Kevin’s face. It bounced off his forehead and he slowly turned his head, eyes glazed over and the cup in his hand seconds from falling to the floor. Neil reached out to take it the moment Andrew waved at him. 

“So....what the fuck is this?” he asked, glaring at the older striker. 

Kevin just blinked at him. But Neil knew what he meant. Kevin wasn’t this drunk just because he spent the morning with Wymack. Something else was bothering him. 

“What’s wrong, Kev?” asked Neil, spinning in place with his legs still crossed. 

Blinking again, Kevin’s features focused on Neil, though it took him minutes to answer. “Nothing.”

Neil lifted his brows in disbelief. 

“Everything.”

_ Getting warmer, _ he thought. 

Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, Neil got up, filled a glass of water and returned to sit beside Kevin, urging him up to a normal sitting position. Andrew shifted on the floor but his attention was still split between the candy and the TV, as if Kevin’s anxiety was only an afterthought even though he’d been the one to bring it up.

“Why everything?” asked Neil, knowing it would likely open a can of worms.

“Jeremy...” Kevin choked out, with a little more venom than he usually showed when saying the Trojans name. “Jeremy was signed to court this week. For Bejing. I just thought.....m’happy for him. But I thought...”

“You told me yourself they don’t finish notifying people until January. I’m sure they’ll come for you, Kev. We won the championship last year and you’ve only been improving...” said Neil. 

“But the freshman...”

“Fuck the freshman,” Neil added, knowing where he was going. “Just because they’re shit sometimes doesn’t mean court hasn’t noticed you. Just be patient. Not one of your virtues, I know.”

“Fu..”

“Yea, yea, fuck me. Drink your water,” he said, reaching for the remote. “We can talk about it when you’re sober.”

He wanted Kevin to make court. Knew he would again, before he graduated. But he didn’t really want to talk about it. Especially not with an emotionally charged, drunk Kevin. The jealous creature in his chest resented fact that the prospect of not making court while in college was something Kevin even had the luxury to worry about. When Neil was terrified he wouldn’t even be signed to a pro-team after graduation, thus ending the sad story of his short life. 

Before he could fall too deeply into his thoughts Andrew pinched his thigh, guiding his attention to the television. They got through one episode of the Great British Bake-off before Kevin began to lightly snore behind them. During the commercial break between shows, Neil also noticed it had gotten quiet again. He couldn’t hear their friends outside, which meant they were probably headed back in or had moved to another location. 

“We should go somewhere,” said Andrew, breaking the silence. 

Neil noticed he was holding a hand over his stomach, stretched out on the floor. He’d probably eaten too much candy. Neil smiled. 

“Yea? When?”

“Tomorrow. Pack a bag.”

“Yea, okay,” breathed Neil.

The door opened a second later and chaos ensued once more. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I guess in this timeline it's 2007-2008 because I need the Olympics to be that summer. Ignore it, Nora's timeline is fucked up anyways.
> 
> ALSO just an update - I'm probably not updating again until the end of february so I can switch my focus to my RBB fic since that's due in the beginning of march. Sorry for the delay but I will get back to this as soon as I can!

**Author's Note:**

> THANK YOU FOR READING. I apologize in advance for the ride this is gonna be and will try to update every two weeks!
> 
> Also I made up the dates and shit for the timeline so hopefully they're not too off.


End file.
